Back to SPANE

In 2020 Tadej Pogacar did something that has only been done once before by cycling’s biggest champion, Eddy Merckx, who captured 3 jerseys in one Tour de France in 1969: Green (sprint points), Red Polka Dot (King of the Mountain climber), and Yellow (general classification, least time). Pogacar won 3 as well: Polka Dot (KOM), White (young newcomer, in fact, second youngest to win at 21 years old) and Yellow. Through 19 of the 21 stages he trailed fellow Slovenian Primož Roglič, although Roglič’s team Jumbo-Visma had ushered him into solid lead after 2,000+ miles. Penultimate Stage 20 was a time trial. With a minute to make up and no team to help, Pogacar climbed so quickly he erased deficit and gained another whole minute. Pogacar keeps so trim and weighs so little climbing must be comparatively effortless. History was made on that Saturday, putting him in control of Sunday’s final procession into Paris.

With a half a million euros at stake, who knows what cheating, doping, or secret mechanical advantages go on? All have been disclosed repeatedly. Didn’t know it was possible to stick an electric motor inside seat tube adjacent to bottom bracket to aid in turning cranks, thereby conserve cyclist’s energy. Superior conditioning and weight control are all Union Cycliste Internationale allow, but winning means so much some are willing to defy health extremes and invent singular technologies. One might argue that such butting against boundaries advances state of the art and serves mankind’s interests. But only devoted training tied to innate skills make pioneering designs fly fast enough for victories. Detect what you can when postponed and shortened Vuelta a España begins next week, when superior climbers will have best chance of winning.

Watching a Grand Tour is like indulging in a reality television marathon every day for a month. You are sated and spoiled by spectacle of delicious triumph and devious debacle. Rather watch movies, which concisely detail narratives of people’s lives; in an hour or two all that need be spoken unfolds along with subliminal agenda and suggestive context. If you dive deep to find relevant scenes, you can review key points in a short paragraph, which might inspire unaware readers to further explore, intentionally ignore, or sleep some more. You can be sure that anyone who expends every last ounce of energy trying to implore you for anything only cites a truth to gain trust to spin self serving lies corrupt to the core. Weeks before a major election, have no clue what’s in store given candidates everyone should deplore.

Terri (Jamie Gertz) had to be saved by failed Wall Street trader Jack Casey (Kevin Bacon) in bike messenger flick Quicksilver (Tom Donnelly, dir., 1986), previously reviewed. Casey needed a time out to do something exhilarating and freeing on a fixie, but returned to commodity trading with a vengeance. Once saved by a bicyclist, billionaire philanthropist Gertz, richest actor in history, did okay for herself. Distaff office klatch in current Baroness von Sketch show ask themselves, “Why don’t we bike to work?” then note coworker guzzling water, heavily perspiring, and uncovering helmet hair, “That’s why.” Not the first time this show bashed bicycling. Another CBC sitcom Torontopia included hilarious sketch Cyclist Rage Counseling (Ryan Long, dir., 2018) in which therapy group held in local bike shop bemoan automotive oppression, “I can’t control the road, I can only control myself.” Google coughed up $340 million in free ads for small businesses in response to COVID, thus this emotional Small Unites spot which flashed an LBS promoting a child’s first ride. Lately find shops scheduling repairs or sales months hence with bike boom and COVID furloughs causing unrequited demands.

Vancouver drug dealer Art (Jay Baruchel) is panic-stricken when his hooker girlfriend Cody (Sarah Lind) falls into a coma. Street acquaintance Harvey (Jim Byrnes) offers Art use of his time travel recliner for Fetching Cody (David Ray, dir., 2005) in a past when she is not yet sick, but doesn’t yet know him. Viewers don’t suspect all these complications while couple happily ride together on a BMX throughout opening credits. Art says, “Sometimes on my bike I feel like I can fly if I just concentrate hard enough.” Turns out cure for them is to never have met.

Tarek (Shredi Jabarin), a Palestinian soccer player living in Tel Aviv barred from traveling freely to matches, discovers dad has acquired checkpoint passes to further his sports career by conspiring with authorities in For My Father (Dror Zahavi, dir., 2008). His paternal resentment results a situation where he’s forced into being a suicide bomber. After trigger fails, he gets 48 more hours, during which he meets Israeli shop owner Keren (Hili Yalon), who likewise resents her parents for their domineering orthodoxy. Though they share self exile in common and take a long ride together on her bicycle, their brief romance is doomed. But due to her kindness, he removes nails, which would’ve become death dealing shrapnel once bomb explodes in marketplace. so only he dies.

A Birder’s Guide to Everything (Rob Myer, dir., 2014) has sensitive bicyclist David (Kodi Smit-McPhee) recently bereaved of his bird watcher mom, after whom he takes, overcome grief when he meets bicyclist Ellen (Katie Chang), who tags along on a teen quest to rediscover a supposedly extinct duck. So, his response is bittersweet, with varying positive and negative emotions, whose frequency his therapist might measure using the Scale of Positive and Negative Experience (SPANE), something of which acutely beset but mood boosted bicyclists are keenly aware and kind of beware.

Jason Bateman directed and starred in Bad Words (2014) about malcontent adult technical editor Guy who qualifies for the national spelling bee after feeling abandoned by sperm donor dad, who walked out on his mother before he was born. Turns out, dad is president of Golden Quill, bee’s organizer. Meanwhile, he reluctantly makes a friend of juvenile competitor Chopra (Rohan Chand) who he tricks into winning to further embarrass dad. Bikes show up in final scene at boy’s school; when bullies pick on him and ride away laughing, Guy suddenly arrives in a decommissioned police squad car, and takes Chopra on a revenge chase. Talk about corrupting a minor...

After graduating high school class of 1969 on Keweenaw Peninsula in far north Wisconsin, penniless buddies Charlie (Thatcher Robinson) and Derek (Paul Stanko) find Schwinn bikes dad left in garage, then set out to explore shore of the greatest lake. Superior (Edd Benda, dir., 2015) looks across and takes on 1,300 miles of summer finding out before knuckling under harsh adult realities. Based on true story of director’s Vietnam era dad in 1971, primarily produced in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, traffic was no hindrance in a deserted landscape.

Dutch short Day in the Life of a Bicycle (Mateo Perez Vega, dir., 2016), depicted from bike’s viewpoint, has girl shown ripped off, hoodlum selling her bike on black market, recipient in a crash and repaying her, and wreck recovered and restored by original seller.

Mike (Michael Angelo Covino, who directs and stars) waits until The Climb (2019) to tell best buddy and fellow bicyclist Kyle (Kyle Marvin) he slept with his fiancé. Mike then engages in road rage with a motorist, and winds up in a hospital. After stealing away Kyle’s fiancé and marrying her, she dies untimely, and buddies reunite at her funeral. Later Mike works at a bike shop/cafe, while Kyle still clings to their friendship despite his transgressions.

Bicycle (Michael B. Clifford, dir., 2019) documents previous century of British bicycling history with particular emphasis on Coventry works and short inventive life of John Kemp Starley and his Rover Bicycle, which some might call the first “modern” bike, although it added a chain driven rear wheel to Michaux’s first to be mass produced model, which had ball bearings, foot pedals, leather saddle, rubber tires, and wrought iron frame. Props to both together with Da Vinci, who conceived of pedaled transport over 500 year ago. Don’t forget US innovators of BMX, graphite and titanium forks and frames, MTB, ten-speeds, and whole lot of improvements. Notion laid dormant until other technologies emerged: better materials, ergonomic design, paved streets, pneumatic tires, tubular steel, twisted cables. Wooden Draisienne derived little popularity, but furthered interest in something better than feeding and keeping horses as sole means of getting around. International collaboration was one reason for success of mankind’s greatest invention.

Paroled murderess Miri (Daisy Haggard) after 19 years in jail is finding it hard to return to society in critically acclaimed dark sitcom Back to Life (Christopher Sweeney, dir., 2020) set in Hythe, Kent, England. In Season 1, Episode 2 she wheedles a job from fish&chips shop owner Nathan (Liam Williams) to distribute food and wait counter. Her first delivery is by tricycle to local school, where she confronts her past coconspirator Mandy (Christine Bottomley), who not only beat rap for which Miri served but became head mistress and happily married.