Advise? Abstain?

Anxious to be adored? Never speak of money, politics, religion or sex. Cash calls signal anguish and distress. Many are born into divisive partisanship and/or exclusive dogma. Sex is all at once bothersome, coercive, compulsive, disappointing, ego triggering, regrettable, repulsive, uncomfortable, and worrisome, though almost everyone, even monks and nuns, would, risking life-ending STDs and "of all" their tomorrows, indulge in any instance. Divulge the least interest in this hormonal imperative and get labeled a disreputable deviant or media celebrity. Abstain from giving any advice? Why not let people fend for themselves and suffer consequences? Where's the love?

A shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to cry about: If only DOT engineers retained or restored 6 foot road shoulders, cities would be both bike and motor friendly. Roads with 2 travel lanes in either direction, undivided without shoulders, are where most accidents and fatalities occur. One can identify such facts, but readers won’t know what they entail until faced with same situations.

Frank Patterson (1871 - 1952), Good Luck! notices how in 1895 scorchers were ticketed and vilified, but by 1925, at time of this pen and ink illustration, police encouraged bicyclists, even racers pressing hard to win. Now, a century later, bicyclists are marginalized by transportation planners and mistreated by impatient motorists.

In nation’s most congested state staying home out of fear instead of bicycling, can spend hours binge viewing media and perusing splendid images and posters of bicycles and cyclists from yesteryear. Never do what they did. Instead apply meaningful improvements they helped innovate over time, such as cleated shoes and pedals, which avoid feet slipping off platforms and winding up with serous injuries, better than toe clips with straps that catch on shoes and don’t release timely.

Carbs and cars: Poor diets, sedentary habits, and substance abuses kill majority, hundreds of times more than gun violence, infectious diseases, and warfare combined. Began fighting back with a simple Burn and Count Program: Daily diet consisted of 5 vegetable, 4 fruit, 3 dairy, 2 protein (4 ounces max), and 1 whole grain servings, limitless water, but no chips, juices, processed foods, sugar, or sweetened beverages. Moreover, incorporated self propulsion into daily transportation; biked and strode instead of drove. Lost 5 pounds each week before reaching target weight. Starving? Body’s telling you program’s working; drank more water while stomach shrank back to normal size and withdrew fat deposits from waist bank. Didn’t give up a thing, rather traded for a better something.

How many gears does a rider need? Only 3 cassette gears - large, medium and small - but others in between make shifting more reliable and smoother. Peloton refers to front/rear gear combinations by tooth numbers - 52-16 is where Labann’s at on flat - neither high or low gears, nor shifting down or up. Can also get away with just crankset and a Davinci continuously variable transmission rear hub, so one actual gear, as does a fixie, front and rear. Derailleurs can only handle certain cassettes, and limit min-max sizes. While climbing mountains a triple crankset proves crucial, though cantankerous during day-to-day shifting and tough on chains. Clean, lubed chains last longer and may preserve chainrings and gears; wipe with a rag every hundred miles or once a week. Shift into big chain ring more during summer, when unimpeded by extra clothing and long tights. Fly by in single ply. "Gear" might also suggest apparel, helmets, multiple bikes, racks, spare wheels, or tools.

A floor pump stands ready right next to stored bicycle awaiting use. Soft tires lead to flats; thumb-check them before every ride, because they inevitably leak, and pump if they give like a ripe avocado. Over last several years chose lower pressure Kevlar belted tires that don't flat as often or require constant firm up. Pressure min/max figures embossed on sidewalls promise dangers if you exceed. Learn different types of flats (pinches and punctures) and how to avoid and repair them. Anything that interferes with tires gripping pavement - broken glass, cold wet, damp leaves, ice patches, loose gravel, sand shoals, slick tread - can be dangerous and disconcerting. Broken pavement itself can bite carcasses and cause flats.

Which bags work best: frame, handlebar, or saddle? Not that you can't have all three, but why carry all that extra weight? A handlebar bag is practical for retrieving frequently used items, i.e., a smartphone, though some use a phone mount instead, yet a bag up front might impede laminar flow, let stuff rattle around annoyingly, and occupy precious space. Some bags are designed to mount either on handlebars or saddle. Ruled out panniers and rear rack bags/baskets, which are inconvenient, though necessary for touring. Rear racks interfere with throwing your leg over bikes with top tubes, not as much an issue with mixte and step-through frames. When fenders aren’t attached, saddle bags might divert some splashes, but don't protect contents. Stuff stored in frame bags must be fairly flat, or legs will rub. Bags attached to bikes afford better comfort and control than sacks strapped onto your body.

Ample stowage is an absolute must when touring extensively, although few ever do. Yet all members of theater troupe Handlebards travel exclusively by bicycle to perform Shakespeare’s plays across Britain living on road and pedaling between venues. Once shared a vegan burrito with Skip Kipchoge while interviewing his musical ensemble Ginger Ninjas, who likewise traveled by bike between performance venues from 2007 to 2019, supposedly now working on a band documentary. Led them by bike to next venue just to boost enthusiasm.

Depressive German drama I Was at Home, But... (Angela Schanelec, dir., 2019) shows widow Astrid (Maren Eggert) deal poorly with grief, even during her purchase of a used ten-speed, presumably for transportation she previously didn’t require. Interspersed throughout, school children are reciting lines from Shakespeare’s Hamlet alluding to Ophelia’s tragic demise.

In classic period film Jules et Jim (François Truffaut, dir., 1962) bicycles encouraged female emancipation in years surrounding WWI, with French heroine Catherine (Jeanne Moreau, left below) entertaining two lovers, inspired by 1895 Gladiator advertising posters.

Nina’s World (Kevin Micallef, dir., Season 1, Episode 23, November, 2015) animates Latino heroine teen Nina (Isabella Farrier), who’s shy about resuming riding her bicycle after an accident. But once Abuelita Yolie (Rita Moreno) and gang organize a bike school, Nina regains confidence then reengages in bike delivery from their pastry shop.

Award nominated sci-fi thriller No One Will Save You (Brian Duffield, dir., 2023) pits neurotic homebody Brynn (Kaitlyn Devers) against murderous space aliens invading her remote home sanctuary, forcing her to expose herself by pedaling into town.

Joseph Trapanese, Bike Into Town, No One Will Save You [soundtrack], Hollywood Records, 2023  

British comedy-drama Scrapper (Charlotte Regan, dir., 2023) named Georgie (Lola Campbell) is a pint sized thief collecting metal, other people’s bicycles in particular, to build a tower and visit her recently deceased mom in heaven. Won European Film Award and Sundance Grand Prize in its categories.

Consumer Cellular has Ted Danson cheerily riding a cruiser bike while selling service to Marcus, a recent retiree, who believes he knows how to be free.

Allan Holdsworth, Tullio [jazz guitar instrumental], Hard Hat Area, CREAM Records, 1993
Late jazz fusion artist’s 6 minute homage to Gentullio “Tullio” Campagnolo (1901 to 1983), who founded the premier bicycle component brand 60 years earlier (1933)

Apple iPhone Swoop Spot has a bicyclist and her ceramic smartphone surviving an attack by an angry bird causing a minor crash.

Donovan Leitch, Cosmic Wheels, Cosmic Wheels, Epic, 1973
“Just when I'll find my course again with these boulders in my way, I should be rolling down the skyway on my cosmic wheels, instead of stumbling down this highway on my boots of steel.” Before Beyonce or Madonna were known on a first name basis was this innovative Scot singer-songwriter. Can also imagine lyrics, “Caterpillar sheds his skin to find a butterfly within. First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is,” describes peloton’s struggles and triumphs on grand tours facing and overcoming doubts, hills, obstacles, and problems, as Tour de France 2024 campaign begins.

Walkings, Bicycle [J-pop], Tomodachi, Maruzen Rec., 2018