Cultures Betain

“I could walk this fine line between elation and success... You'll have to prove it to me... You’re wasting time, yeah, every time. Whoa, I can't do it by myself.” - Fall Out Boy, Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over [punk-pop], Take This to Your Grave, Fueled by Ramen, 2003

Among realms of intertwined relationships, bicycling culture lives where literary poiesis and sculptural kinesis intersect. Labann rides a rolling sculpture while making observations and recording revelations. Isn’t this what wordsmiths and wheelsmiths have in common? Two dichotomous gears may spin in opposite directions, but work effectively where they intersect.

Too often witness distressing signs that something’s gone awry: forgotten forests of fallen limbs, roadside vegetation smothered by manmade castoffs, and shuttered factories beside black streams swollen by soot-smeared snowmelt. Many say that aimlessly self propelling represents ineffective exercise and time wasted, but not to bicycle industry’s independent and myriad workers whose livelihoods depend upon it.

Croci don’t lie; once they bloom and die, temps soon equal age, a threshold to venture outdoors for many adult cyclists. On a dreary late winter spin suddenly realized that several streets en route were befittingly named - Armstrong, Columbia, Columbia again in a different town, Economy, Finance, Merida, and Wheeler, past Clement’s Marketplace, Continental Tire, Iron Horse Pub, Roadmasters Drivers School, and Singer Sewing Center of Coventry, not famous one in England where bicycle industry and international popularity began. Was reminded of alien hunting, bike sleuthing Wheeler family from Netflix series Stranger Things (Duffer Bros., dirs., 2016 to 2022) set in 1980’s Indiana, home to over 50 current or former bicycle builders. One may be strangely immersed in bicycling relevancy without noticing its legal pertinency. Cyborgs will never connect these dots.

Anyway, why do so many brands of bicycles, components, frames and tires exist? Talk about, “Reinventing the wheel.” Between 1878 to 1918 there were over 2,000 North American makers and tradenames, not to mention thousands of European counterparts and predecessors, each dabbling locally before distributing globally; neighborhood shops satisfied regional markets until a billion bicyclists emerged. Entrepreneurial barriers remain fewer than, say, automaking, farming, or mining. A bench, brazing rig, coffee pot, couple of jigs, garage out back, stock, tools, training, $25K in operating cash, website, and you’re in business. Gold mining (if you can find disappearing pay dirt or elusive mother lodes), opening a fast food franchise, and other such ventures start at $250K, 10x more than a framemaking startup, with just as little chance of success.

Frame weld grinding, image from a bank loan ad

“The bike market isn't such a golden opportunity that you can just dive in and get rich. It's a tough market for anybody, especially a small company. To even stand a chance, you have to stand for something... Diversity is a good thing... a sign of health... but I'm not sure how much ‘velodiversity’ there will be in the future. Big fish eat little fish.”—Grant Petersen, formerly of Bridgestone USA, founder of Rivendell Bicycle Works

Although brands appear and disappear at an alarming rate, can’t ever call a brand defunct, only discontinued; not only are riders rebuilding or still using vintage antiques, names sometimes get revived, whether by legal means on license or in violation of international trademark laws trying to cash in on someone’s else earned reputation. Makes it hard to condemn or validate when retail shops haphazardly slap own names on bikes manufactured by someone else. Hot blooded egotists are ever eager to claim credit, same reason a tall ugly building carries name of someone tangentially involved with its construction.

Marketshare dominators buy or crush competitors, but sometimes lose anyway. Disturbs how many brands today have automotive parents, though other automakers’ roots lie in bike building. Not so celebrated are origins among sewing machines and small arms, though controversial apparel always played a significant role. Starley figured laid-off workers who had been building sewing machines could easily knock off French bicycles, so saved Coventry from recession. Beset by pandemic disruption of supply chain, and   previously outcompeted by cheap oriental imports, local builders have rallied.

“There's a terrible delight in watching a rival sink without a trace.”—Bernard “The Badger” Hinault

First arguable depiction of a bicycle comes from Codex Atlanticus, a compilation of drawings by Leonardo da Vinci. Half a millennium later, bicycles are flourishing as one of humanity’s most persistent technologies. Bike&Chain emerged to study their broad impact. After a nudge by Baden’s democratic reformer Baron Von Drais in1818, discrediting Russian claims of Yefim Artamonov’s 1801 invention and spurious bicycle nationalisms, a burgeoning global workforce had produced 4 billion completed bicycles before their bicentennial, and, according to industry estimates, surviving manufacturers are currently pumping out 4 complete units per second.

Winslow Homer, The New Year - 1869, pen and ink drawing, 155 years ago, soon after American Civil War concluded, thus creating opportunities for gun makers to diversify into newfangled bicycles

Accuracy in tracking details that every self-styled historian quibbles over forever faces data blackouts and misinformation campaigns from geopolitical adversaries, who, unlike western democracies, don’t recognize any individual contribution or share methods of production. Low priced knockoffs slapped together by Asian slave labor buried many Western brands. Learning only comes from direct investigation and hands-on history; classes, lists, memoirs, news, and texts only point in that direction.

Actually, the best bike is one you get your budget and butt to like, because few can afford to own bespoke perfection, which you’d be too afraid to spring from a vault to take a spin. Cyclists can be real divas picking handmades to reflect own preferences and prejudices. But if box store models fulfilled every need, and one size did fit all, you wouldn’t have to order a custom frameset and precious gruppo to assemble one for yourself. No two bicyclists are the same. Slim jockeys want carbon or titanium throughout; substantial clydesdales want reliable steel. Choice is all about pain you’ve endured and hope to avoid. Bikes resemble boots that last a lifetime provided they fit properly, your feet don’t grow, and you take scrupulous care of them. If one must mull over analogies, diverse brands as they relate to engineering experiments mimic myriad recipes for same gourmet cuisine.

Alphanumeric soup of tradenames rivals plethora of marketing terms for what are, for the most part, bi-wheeled diamond framed contraptions. You might feel sure you can differentiate a city bike from a fixie, or a hardtail enduro from an MTB, or a randonneur (what Brits call audax) from a tourer, but anarchy rules and categories blur. Though they look like road bikes or ten-speeds, cyclocross (XC) and gravel bikes have fatter tires and wider crotches. Frame materials vary from aluminum, bamboo, carbon fiber, chromoly, composites, exotic alloys, hardwoods, monocoque, nonferrous metals, to plain steel. Most are completed with bits and cogs from different manufacturers, though designs and geometries have to mate to work. For example, high end road bikes come without pedals, another personal preference along with handlebars and saddles. Used to be English, French or Italian were only choices, but trends now include all sorts of proprietary and unique combinations that complicate repairs. Savvy cyclists squirrel away wear parts to sell, swap, or use decades later.

Labann says what once was, still is, but won’t state what will be, what world yearns to ascertain, future trends. Laufmaschine, ordinary, then safety: Missus still wears bracelet charms depicting a Michaudine, the original boneshaker. For Scots, a “shank’s nag’ means legging it on foot sans conveyance convenience; meanwhile, “bike” signifies a throng of creatures or persons en masse. Japanese use term “bicycle operation” (Jitensha sōgyō) for any business barely kept going, because when you don’t continuously pedal it falls. Names abound for bicycles around planet including amabhayisekili, audax, axe, baidhsagal, bakfiet, basikal, bayisikalaya, bécane, beic, bелосипед, bhasikoro, bici, biciletta, bicyclette, biciklo, bike, bixi, BMX, breezer, cạkryān, célérifere, charinko, ciclo, corsa, cruiser, cykel, daraaja, delta, digital bike, draisine, dviratis, e-bike, elektrofahrrad, enduro, EPAC, fahrrad, fatbike, fiet, fixed gear, fixie, freedom machine, fyts, gaali, handcycle, hardtail, hetsaniv, high wheeler, hobby-horse, HPV, hybrid, ibhayisikili, icugutu, igare, iron horse, jajeongeo, jalgratas, jitensha, jízdní, joker, keke, kerékpár, klunker, kolo, keirin, keke, lemon peeler, mama-chari, mixte, mountain bike, MTB, njinga, omafiet, opafiet, orange krate, paesekela, paikikala, paihikara, pedalcar, pedelec, pennyfarthing, pista, ποδήλατο (podílato), polkupyörä, pushbike, quadracycle, rad, randonneur, recumbent, reiðhjól, roadie, roadster, rower, rothar, roti, saikil, sakre, sapédah, scorcher, sepeda, silver steed, singlespeed, stadtrad, steelie, step-through, sykkel, tadpole, tandem, ten-speed, thirsakawr, tricycle, trike, twenty-niner, two-wheeler, uila vilivae, unadag dugui, VAE, velo, velocipede, velosiped, VTT, wheel, wisikilita, Xe đạp, xikanyakanya, xithuthuthu, zitensya, and zìxíngchē with numerous variations thereof. Labann lists thousands of tradenames, plus multiple models under each, a surplus of sobriquets.

Since internet postings only ever offer subsets, Labann merged brand lists from all over, without prejudice for marketshare or origin. Only requirement for inclusion was independent corroboration; some once cited didn’t appear to exist after investigation, or turned out to be retail outlets only. Given bike forums, book barrages, life experiences, and Google searches, it’s disappointing no one bothered to capture this entirely, an affront to millions of craftspersons and factory workers who provided the cleanest form of transportation over last 2 centuries. No wonder it took 5 years to compile this homage, another long list, along with discography, filmography, and terminology. There would be no bicycling culture without buyers and makers.

Labann’s List augments Bike&Chain’s appendices, covers 6,800 brands but not models, describes histories and products sold, and summarizes extent of what, when, where, who, but not ineffable why, which even Jean-Paul Sartre, see below, struggled with. It’s a solid first pass. Despite every effort to be comprehensive, entries may have been limited by bad business practices of makers too coy, disreputable, or timid to disclose own information. At end of list a bibliography provides several links to more extensive resources, none that demand cookie installation or personal information just to find simple facts, because historical data and marketing details loose in public domain should be freely accessible.

Spreadsheet bolds brands with greatest influence, though every entry, however obscure or pusillanimous, affected acceptance to some degree and served its purpose. Such a survey feels like meeting thousands of likeminded individuals, or not, when makers, often Chinese, don’t want to acknowledge minion or reveal country of origin. Unlike a database, this list can simply be searched or scrolled to find what you’re looking for. For collectors, the most sought out units are legendary, oldest and rarest, though a painting depicting a bicycle can accrue value quicker than bike itself.

Boundaries are lame excuses, but even encyclopedias overlook minutia outside their scope, so only included complete assemblages, components, supplies, and tools, not beverages, food, random stuff you might carry, scooters, skateboards, or unicycles, which are not bicycles or tricycles. If you abbreviate or encapsulate something enormous, fools think that’s all there is, yet too much information ages a list faster. Complexity and extent induce fear and stress. Facts set in stone may make historians comfy, but who can rely on anything said? Some current industry lists may delve deeper. Brand names are seldom repeated, even intentionally. Rarely is any cyclist interested in all equally, often content to limit involvement to only a few. At least own consolidates scores of other lists, may expand consciousness or open investigations, and was disseminated for free.

“When it comes to bicycles, I often find that truth is more of a stranger than fiction.”—Mike Sweatman, Disraeli Gears

Does where a bike is made matter less than how it’s made, or what it consists of, or who built it? A purely monetary approach might mean dealing with distributors who source from slavers overseas, thereby not supporting local workers, who then get laid off, so steal your bicycle to trade for necessities. Custom builds require your presence as if having a suit tailored. Some builders became legendary by figuring out how to make bikes go faster, last longer, and work better. Others deserve to be called out as charlatans, incompetents, or thieves. Internet scams are rampant, tempting low prices for equipment never delivered despite hefty downpayment.

Disclaimer: Details are from best input and latest intel, not guaranteed accurate, complete, or current. To reiterate, “Complete is a term used only by isolated idiots who ignore linguistics and locales.” You must include Africa and Asia, think America to New Zealand, track from today to yesteryear. No disrespect is intended by errors or exclusions, though you can see how premier brands might not want to be linked with budget or hobby offerings. “Discontinued” doesn’t mean never to be revived, nor still desirable and widely sold, particularly frames, often easily restored. NOS (New Old Stock) is a viable business among resellers serving restorers. Supply chain shortfalls of COVID pandemic pushed businesses to the brink and over. World wars likewise ended a number of brands. Yet lately there’s been a rush to profit off latest electrical and material tech.

Issues over identifying brand names abound. A brand might imply a reputation for quality not necessarily preserved after business was acquired, divested, or merged. Some actually build, i. e., Bianchi, versus procure, i. e., Gucci. Some are strictly OEM, furnish components or entire bicycles, but have no brand presence in markets, i. e., United Bicycle. Many only distribute locally, have no sales network, rely on websites or word-of-mouth. Can you even call one-offs “brands” at all? Bespoke, custom, handmade fabricators individually match bicycles to needs, but can easily be confused with distributors and local bike shops, who assemble units, collect input, go between, but never personally manufacture, per se. Purists and those who pedal for exercise might exclude electric assisted bikes altogether as motored rather than self propelled, thereby generating controversies on bikeways.

Brand names come from many sources. Could be an acronym, distributor fancy, function of bike material, maker surname, marketing nonsense, mythical character, name of some champion who had nothing to do with manufacture, place of origin, person who built, shop that sourced then sold, stolen from another brand, or whatnot. Almost 2 dozen were tagged Royal, obviously not built by monarchy. Some manufacturers slap dozens of different names on same product to see which one competes best for marketshare. As if shorthand, bicyclists usually refer to components by models and skip brands, i.e., Chorus, not Campagnolo, or Dura Ace, not Shimano. Consumers alternately and indiscriminately call assembled units by attached badge/decal or name of distributor/manufacturer. Consider this a quest to sort it all out.

What do birds, cats, frogs, pigs, or stingrays have to do with cycling? Bees, bicyclists, bike builders, and birds either flock together or fly solo. Collectively, they unintentionally accompany one another so often it disturbs when they don’t. Anyway, bicycles you see leaning beside or rolling by roadside will never be a single brand, but an amalgam of many. Without benefits of mass production, bespoke makers must charge twice as much, not such a bad thing since it spreads wealth. Although frames might last a lifetime, every other component will likely need replacement, some several times, such as brake shoes, cables, cassettes, chains, spokes, tires, tubes, and wheels.

Makers made famous by champion endorsements contrast with nobodies whom they’ve encouraged, squeegee wretches desperate to clear windshields separating drivers from bicyclists. Successful old time makers were often directly tied to rubber tire and steel tubing suppliers; thereby one stimulated sales for the other. Distributors and retailers might have house brands they promote alongside others for which they are licensed to assemble. Descriptions get really murky with company acquisitions, incessant change, joint ventures, leveraged buyouts, and successive mergers. Consolidations and takeovers ended some diehards resting on laurels and swindling investors. Industry has always had a convoluted history with drudgery and sweat taken for granted by consumers, insurers, owners, public, regulators, and tax revenuers. Nevertheless, you’ve got to acknowledge millions of burns, broken bones, bruises, busts, cuts, and scrapes it took to put 4 billion bikes on the road to date.

"To possess a bicycle is to be able first to look at it, then to touch it. But touching is revealed as being insufficient; what is necessary is to be able to get on the bicycle and take a ride. But this gratuitous ride is likewise insufficient; it would be necessary to use the bicycle to go on some errands. And this refers us to longer uses ... But these trips themselves disintegrate into a thousand appropriative behavior patterns, each one of which refers to others. Finally, as one could foresee, handing over a bank note is enough to make the bicycle belong to me, but my entire life is needed to realize this possession. In acquiring the object, I perceive that possession is an enterprise which death always renders still unachieved... In making use of my bicycle, I use it up—wear it out; that is, continuous appropriative creation is marked by a partial destruction. This wear can cause distress for strictly practical reasons, but in the majority of cases it brings a secret joy, almost like the joy of possession; this is because it is coming from us—we are consuming. It should be noted that the word “consume” holds the double meaning... To consume is to annihilate and it is to eat; it is to destroy by incorporating into oneself. If I ride on my bicycle, I can be annoyed at wearing out its tires because it is difficult to find others to replace them; but the image of enjoyment which my body invokes is that of a destructive appropriation, of a ‘creation-destruction.’ The bicycle gliding alone, carrying me, by its very movement, is created and made mine; but this creation is deeply imprinted on the object by the light, continued wear which is impressed on it and which is like the brand on the slave. The object is mine because it is I who have used it; the using up of what is mine is the reverse side of my life.“—Jean-Paul Sartre, L'Être et le néant [Being and Nothingness], 1943

World’s biggest current retailers, either through e-commerce websites or multiple stores (or both), include but are not limited to:
Amazon, number one retailer of everything, founded in 1994 to sell books, now a reliable conduit among consumers, importers, makers, and sellers
Bicycle Warehouse, since 1992, West Coast, USA
Bike Exchange, since 2007, 223 stores across USA
Chain Reaction Cycles, since 1984, Wiggle-CRC Group (subsidiary of Signa Sports), UK
Conte’s, since 1957, Baltimore, MD, USA
Decathlon, since 1976, Europe’s leading bicycle retailer
Dick’s Sporting Goods, since 1948, 850+ Stores, USA
Erik’s Bike Board, since 1980, Midwest, USA
Jenson USA, since 1996
Landry’s Bicycles, since 1922, Massachusetts, USA
Merlin Cycles, UK and USA, since 1993
Mike’s Bikes, since 1964, Marin, California, USA
Nashbar, since 1974; now owned by AMain Sports & Hobbies, Chico, CA, USA
Performance Bicycle, since 1981; once partnered with Nashbar, Chico, CA, USA
Planet Cyclery, Broomfield, CO, USA
REI Co-op, since 1938, 39 US states
Richardson Bike Mart, since 1962, several Texas locations, USA
Sigma Sports, since 1992, UK
Scheels, since 1902, 13 central US states
Trek Bicycle, since 1976, 100+ stores, USA
Wheel & Sprocket, since 1973, Midwest, USA


Lastly, must credit every author, blogger, correspondent, distributor, magazine editor, reporter, and whoever haphazardly and slowly doles out data, usually for a paycheck, sticks their smutty noses into this sweaty business, and summarizes with incomplete lists with some preposterous presumption of copyright ownership of information already in public domain. Bicycle culture and Tour de France was begun by sports magazine publisher Henri Desgrange way back in 1903. Participants tragicomically and transparently try to cement sales and create rivalries. Ignoring them altogether never ends well.

Hunger Campaign

“I eat to ride, I ride to eat... On the road, I can get about twelve miles to a quart of milk and a piece of baker's apple tart.” Daniel Behrman, The Man Who Loved Bicycles: The Memoirs of an Autophobe (Harper, 1973). Half a century later Danish chef Morten Kryger Wulff completes this picture by bringing kitchen to you on his Cykelkokken Tricycle.

Professional racers on grand tours do consume berries, carbs, fats, fruits, and meats, along with caffeine gels boosting performance without chancing disqualification. Less obsessed bicyclists count down weekdays as Mount-day, Too-Tired, Wield-Dream, Thigh-Burn, Fried Legs, Sat-Down-to-Stay, Sun-Dazed, all the while hungry and unsatisfied.

In a recent French film, Grenoble Criminal Squad’s Captaine Yohan Vivés (Bastien Bouillon) investigates a tragic murder that occurred on The Night of the 12th (Dominik Moll, dir., 2022). Despite 3 years of overturning stones and ruminating at a velodrome, he still can’t solve it. Suspects are numerous but have ironclad alibis. Police partner Marcel (Bouli Lanners) advises Yohan to escape his cycle training’s circular confines and take on real roads. In final scene he tackles Col de la Croix de Fer (Iron Cross Pass) in the Alps, which was featured 21 times in Tour de France. This deliberate yearning drama won César and Lumières Awards in several categories.

In 2018 United Nations General Assembly recognized historic and persistent benefits and sustainability of bicycling by naming June 3rd annual World Bicycle Day. International Year of the Bicycle occurred a decade and a half ago in 2009. US Congress issued Codes of Federal Regulations 35 years ago in 1990 mandating infrastructure improvements to accommodate bicyclists everywhere. Yet too little has been done in compliance.

America’s coverage of 111th Tour de France was underwhelming with broadcasts only accessible from costly streaming services. Had to get condensed summaries of each stage from official Le Tour site, hours later, not live. Wondering whether that was because automotive and oil interests don't want Americans noticing how hundreds of athletes racing over 2,100 miles in 3 weeks in slightly over 83 hours proved faster than motoring at nation’s de facto 25 mph speed limit, unless otherwise marked, on bubblegum paved, pothole pocked, speed bumped secondary streets resembling over-chomped licorice.

Grateful lately that bipartisan Build Back Better Bill provided so many statewide segments of newly resurfaced roads to enjoy, one way to dispose of refinery sludge after America ramped up oil drilling in 2020 while eliminating economic and environmental safeguards long held with historic consequences in devastating hurricanes. But smooth stretches mean motorists react with ever more impatience and menace toward cyclists, increasing paranoia and phobia while going nowhere in particular.

Mattie Lubchansky cartoon panel: Nonbinary? Seems more like standing alongside angels.

USDOE policy used to be to import oil for as long as possible, let other nations drain their own wells, only produce enough for a strategic reserve to ensure availability and lower prices, seek alternatives while subsidizing producers, then wean off imports altogether when time was right. Dwindling resources incite diplomatic and geopolitical disagreements, instigate wars, and invite destruction only reparable through more costly efforts than fuel conveniences were intended to avoid. Peace requires balanced and cooperative approaches. If you settle on only one, you write your own death scenario.

Beginning in 1960’s, in collusion with Big Oil, NRA, and other mega-donors, Republican minority applied economic terrorism and regressive propaganda to test how public would tolerate food shortages, rights infringements, school shootings, and social subjugation, thereby signaling advent of authoritarianism. They artificially and intentionally create unreal perceptions of crises and force fed them to gullible citizens.

Real consequences for everyone come from ill advised right wing policies designed to crush middle class wage earners, a zero sum game where losers and perps alike all die or suffer, even trillionaire beneficiaries of society’s largess. Appeals to outrage?

When pump prices rise through greedy schemes and refinery closings, all necessities being transported follow suit: food, goods, heat, and services. Americans bounced back from a pandemic better than most other industrial countries, where inflation remains worse. Nevertheless, premium markets including Whole Foods are crowded with folks spending whole paychecks on weekly groceries because Amazon owns them and gouges customers buying same food in different supermarket packaging.

Presidents don't directly affect pricing, but congressional policies do indirectly. Inflation began under Trump after he botched COVID response, disrupted supply chains, embezzled $8 trillion from treasury, and tanked stock markets. Despite fierce Republican opposition, Biden-Harris did as well as they could to deport a million illegal immigrants, mitigate migration issues, put people back to work, raise equity exchanges to historic highs, reduce deficit by half, and restore economy, so GOP can plan to steal more. Democrats clean up after Republican messes and recessions, indisputable under Reagan, Bush, Bush and Trump administrations. Each time GOP regains control of congress, courts, or executive branch, they accuse other party for disasters they routinely cause, then lie outright and rig situation to look as if they were saviors.

Boomers who aren’t already senile are the only generation of voters who notice this repeating pattern. Some voters seem convinced they were better off 5 years ago with body bag and toilet tissue shortages amidst chaos, consistent fears, frequent funerals, and self imposed isolation. Voters might recall best moments and suppress painful memories, but too often attribute both to wrong causes or timelines.

Don-Old Trump belongs to WWII generation, now running as the oldest presidential candidate in nation’s history, a fact that convinced Biden to drop his bid voluntarily, having already vowed he’d serve as a transition to future, younger leadership. It's not being ageist to expect The Leader of Free World to be healthy enough to fulfill demands of office, especially when his henchmen raided doctor's practice so his records could be hidden. With hundreds of psychiatrists warning of his dementia and physical decline, voters need to know who they are hiring to represent them.

Normal people give up trying to understand. Everyone has a hole in their swing, a blindspot they aren’t aware of, a certain vulnerability pitchers and predators exploit. Soloists don’t win team sport championships; takes entire group working collectively. Countries have to end executive contracts with old but popular players, put aside historic prejudices to move forward, and send worthless nags out to country club pastures to walk aimless and bored.

Has Labann ensured his voice is heard through written word? Being on internet and list servers for 3 decades, blogging for 2, capturing zeitgeist, demonstrating facts, and exposing deceits counts for naught. Peeps seem to read social feed to exclusion of blogs and other outdated media such as chapter books and newspapers. Truth has been under attack for decades. Vacuous podcasts do exist to stumble upon, but long messages have no chance against delicious soundbites and pithy slogans among average audiences. Too many leave in-depth analyses to infotainment liars paid handsomely to deceive voters.

You can’t demand to be seen, but why not always wear bright clothing? Could visibility be improved by wearing jockey silks? Maybe cyclists should choose giant red and white checks, or Mondrian rectilinear blue, white, and yellow patterns. Unfortunately, during an election year you might be mistaken for one of countless campaign signs posted alongside streets in so many homeowners' yards, and wind up just as ignored until under some vehicle's wheels.

Ethnologist and Technographist Dr. R Niranjchanadevi Nirvvi expertly collected over 50 classic Hindi and Tamil film clips and songs directly connected to bicycling never before cited here. Distance and time beget obliviousness. South Asian bicyclists of that era appear to have endured little pressure from motorists, and enjoyed tree lined lanes lightly trafficked on their romantic liaisons.

Here are 15 more likewise overlooked songs:
Bicycle, Love of the Wheel, Wheels, Ted M Clements, 2020

Bicycles, Beach Youth, Second, self, 2019

Buppa, Cycle Banditos Illegal [Hungarian hip-hop], Royal Fixi Club, self, 2011
Buppa, Royal Fixi Club Pt 1 [Hungarian hip-hop], Royal Fixi Club, self, 2011
Buppa, Royal Fixi Club Pt 2 [Hungarian hip-hop], Royal Fixi Club, self, 2011

Early B, Wheely Wheely [reggae], single, Tuff Gong Music, 1984

Elliot Park, Bicycle, Just Be, self, 2018

Janek Gwizdala, Bicycles [guitar jazz instrumental], Motion Picture, Second, self, 2014

Jared Minetola, Handlebars, single, self, 2023

Johnny and the Raindrops, Life Is Better on a Bicycle, Swinging in Harmony, Raindrops Rec., 2017

Nikki Forova, Bicycles, single, self, 2022: “There was a girl with the red bicycle... a boy with the yellow bicycle... Living in the now. Oooh! Adrenaline was pumping through their veins, all swept away, they were riding.”

Pense-Bete, Le Roi de la Bicyclette, Lune sans Nuit, self, 2015

Suspicious Jazz Roll-Ups, Bicycle Song (feat. Angela Chan), single, self, 2022

Thelma Plum, Baby Blue Bicycle, Meanjin EP, self, 2022: “I wish I had a baby blue bicycle and I’d ride it back to you.”

Tony Green Orchestra, The Bicycle Song, My Sweetheart, 3861577 Records DK, 2024

Advise? Abstain?

Anxious to be adored? Never speak of money, politics, religion or sex. Cash calls signal anguish and distress. Many are born into divisive partisanship and/or exclusive dogma. Sex is all at once bothersome, coercive, compulsive, disappointing, ego triggering, regrettable, repulsive, uncomfortable, and worrisome, though almost everyone, even monks and nuns, would, risking life-ending STDs and "of all" their tomorrows, indulge in any instance. Divulge the least interest in this hormonal imperative and get labeled a disreputable deviant or media celebrity. Abstain from giving any advice? Why not let people fend for themselves and suffer consequences? Where's the love?

A shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to cry about: If only DOT engineers retained or restored 6 foot road shoulders, cities would be both bike and motor friendly. Roads with 2 travel lanes in either direction, undivided without shoulders, are where most accidents and fatalities occur. One can identify such facts, but readers won’t know what they entail until faced with same situations.

Frank Patterson (1871 - 1952), Good Luck! notices how in 1895 scorchers were ticketed and vilified, but by 1925, at time of this pen and ink illustration, police encouraged bicyclists, even racers pressing hard to win. Now, a century later, bicyclists are marginalized by transportation planners and mistreated by impatient motorists.

In nation’s most congested state staying home out of fear instead of bicycling, can spend hours binge viewing media and perusing splendid images and posters of bicycles and cyclists from yesteryear. Never do what they did. Instead apply meaningful improvements they helped innovate over time, such as cleated shoes and pedals, which avoid feet slipping off platforms and winding up with serous injuries, better than toe clips with straps that catch on shoes and don’t release timely.

Carbs and cars: Poor diets, sedentary habits, and substance abuses kill majority, hundreds of times more than gun violence, infectious diseases, and warfare combined. Began fighting back with a simple Burn and Count Program: Daily diet consisted of 5 vegetable, 4 fruit, 3 dairy, 2 protein (4 ounces max), and 1 whole grain servings, limitless water, but no chips, juices, processed foods, sugar, or sweetened beverages. Moreover, incorporated self propulsion into daily transportation; biked and strode instead of drove. Lost 5 pounds each week before reaching target weight. Starving? Body’s telling you program’s working; drank more water while stomach shrank back to normal size and withdrew fat deposits from waist bank. Didn’t give up a thing, rather traded for a better something.

How many gears does a rider need? Only 3 cassette gears - large, medium and small - but others in between make shifting more reliable and smoother. Peloton refers to front/rear gear combinations by tooth numbers - 52-16 is where Labann’s at on flat - neither high or low gears, nor shifting down or up. Can also get away with just crankset and a Davinci continuously variable transmission rear hub, so one actual gear, as does a fixie, front and rear. Derailleurs can only handle certain cassettes, and limit min-max sizes. While climbing mountains a triple crankset proves crucial, though cantankerous during day-to-day shifting and tough on chains. Clean, lubed chains last longer and may preserve chainrings and gears; wipe with a rag every hundred miles or once a week. Shift into big chain ring more during summer, when unimpeded by extra clothing and long tights. Fly by in single ply. "Gear" might also suggest apparel, helmets, multiple bikes, racks, spare wheels, or tools.

A floor pump stands ready right next to stored bicycle awaiting use. Soft tires lead to flats; thumb-check them before every ride, because they inevitably leak, and pump if they give like a ripe avocado. Over last several years chose lower pressure Kevlar belted tires that don't flat as often or require constant firm up. Pressure min/max figures embossed on sidewalls promise dangers if you exceed. Learn different types of flats (pinches and punctures) and how to avoid and repair them. Anything that interferes with tires gripping pavement - broken glass, cold wet, damp leaves, ice patches, loose gravel, sand shoals, slick tread - can be dangerous and disconcerting. Broken pavement itself can bite carcasses and cause flats.

Which bags work best: frame, handlebar, or saddle? Not that you can't have all three, but why carry all that extra weight? A handlebar bag is practical for retrieving frequently used items, i.e., a smartphone, though some use a phone mount instead, yet a bag up front might impede laminar flow, let stuff rattle around annoyingly, and occupy precious space. Some bags are designed to mount either on handlebars or saddle. Ruled out panniers and rear rack bags/baskets, which are inconvenient, though necessary for touring. Rear racks interfere with throwing your leg over bikes with top tubes, not as much an issue with mixte and step-through frames. When fenders aren’t attached, saddle bags might divert some splashes, but don't protect contents. Stuff stored in frame bags must be fairly flat, or legs will rub. Bags attached to bikes afford better comfort and control than sacks strapped onto your body.

Ample stowage is an absolute must when touring extensively, although few ever do. Yet all members of theater troupe Handlebards travel exclusively by bicycle to perform Shakespeare’s plays across Britain living on road and pedaling between venues. Once shared a vegan burrito with Skip Kipchoge while interviewing his musical ensemble Ginger Ninjas, who likewise traveled by bike between performance venues from 2007 to 2019, supposedly now working on a band documentary. Led them by bike to next venue just to boost enthusiasm.

Depressive German drama I Was at Home, But... (Angela Schanelec, dir., 2019) shows widow Astrid (Maren Eggert) deal poorly with grief, even during her purchase of a used ten-speed, presumably for transportation she previously didn’t require. Interspersed throughout, school children are reciting lines from Shakespeare’s Hamlet alluding to Ophelia’s tragic demise.

In classic period film Jules et Jim (François Truffaut, dir., 1962) bicycles encouraged female emancipation in years surrounding WWI, with French heroine Catherine (Jeanne Moreau, left below) entertaining two lovers, inspired by 1895 Gladiator advertising posters.

Nina’s World (Kevin Micallef, dir., Season 1, Episode 23, November, 2015) animates Latino heroine teen Nina (Isabella Farrier), who’s shy about resuming riding her bicycle after an accident. But once Abuelita Yolie (Rita Moreno) and gang organize a bike school, Nina regains confidence then reengages in bike delivery from their pastry shop.

Award nominated sci-fi thriller No One Will Save You (Brian Duffield, dir., 2023) pits neurotic homebody Brynn (Kaitlyn Devers) against murderous space aliens invading her remote home sanctuary, forcing her to expose herself by pedaling into town.

Joseph Trapanese, Bike Into Town, No One Will Save You [soundtrack], Hollywood Records, 2023  

British comedy-drama Scrapper (Charlotte Regan, dir., 2023) named Georgie (Lola Campbell) is a pint sized thief collecting metal, other people’s bicycles in particular, to build a tower and visit her recently deceased mom in heaven. Won European Film Award and Sundance Grand Prize in its categories.

Consumer Cellular has Ted Danson cheerily riding a cruiser bike while selling service to Marcus, a recent retiree, who believes he knows how to be free.

Allan Holdsworth, Tullio [jazz guitar instrumental], Hard Hat Area, CREAM Records, 1993
Late jazz fusion artist’s 6 minute homage to Gentullio “Tullio” Campagnolo (1901 to 1983), who founded the premier bicycle component brand 60 years earlier (1933)

Apple iPhone Swoop Spot has a bicyclist and her ceramic smartphone surviving an attack by an angry bird causing a minor crash.

Donovan Leitch, Cosmic Wheels, Cosmic Wheels, Epic, 1973
“Just when I'll find my course again with these boulders in my way, I should be rolling down the skyway on my cosmic wheels, instead of stumbling down this highway on my boots of steel.” Before Beyonce or Madonna were known on a first name basis was this innovative Scot singer-songwriter. Can also imagine lyrics, “Caterpillar sheds his skin to find a butterfly within. First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is,” describes peloton’s struggles and triumphs on grand tours facing and overcoming doubts, hills, obstacles, and problems, as Tour de France 2024 campaign begins.

Walkings, Bicycle [J-pop], Tomodachi, Maruzen Rec., 2018

Marcescent Soutane

Anselm Kiefer, “I want to fly my bicycle”, neo-expressionist lead, steel, and wire sculpture; artist is best known for exposing authoritarian atrocities for decades and never more timely.

Christian clerics wear cassocks to show they live to serve. These garments were inspired by padded riding tunics of nomadic Persian adventurers who performed good deeds at the bidding of those who deserved kind boons. Slowly soutanes withered to nothing more than ceremonial vestments bereft of importance, possibly because nobody anymore quite knows adornment type, button number, fringe material, sash selection, or such regalia and rules befitting a false sense of majesty and traditions to which they cling. Bicyclists’ bib tights more closely resemble original outfit, but churches frown upon congregants who don lycra or dress down.

Good deeds for community’s sake supposedly satisfy self and serve others, but none go unpunished. You can hardly help anyone without interference from their questions and resentments. No number of arguments or explanations overcome distrusts and misgivings. Letting down one’s guard when all goes well for a while can be such an extravagant luxury after signing over one’s rights unnecessarily at insistence of bankers, bill collectors, or insurers. People only accept assistance on their own terms, even when they don’t understand what’s going on, thus adding to chaos and blocking their prepotence. Blame assessing and finger pointing immediately ensue. To paraphrase Jean-Paul Satre, “Condemned to your freedom machine, Hell is other people interfering with your scene.”

Church times, city planning, and cycling politics haunt Dave Walker’s cartoons.

Another rainy day? Early New England Springs extend into interludes of misery and mud as ground heats, permafrost melts, and sequestered carbon emerges into atmosphere. No wonder climate tracers warn of eroding glaciers and skies are gray every day. Drizzle keeps many riders out of saddle, while black mold and tree pollen makes for allergic bike rides and potential asthma attacks. Consequently, new insights and reveals elude. Aged, belligerent, cantankerous, damaged dowagers, and indeed Labann, indiscriminately shower angry, burnt, cautionary factoids upon apathetic readers who don’t heed because they can. Why bother preaching?

Never roll through a shiny spot or standing water masking a pothole, which can trap entire wheel causing an endo. A helmet with a brim helps keep drips out of eyes. Goggles fog and obscure outlook. Gloves improve grip and protect hands in a fall. Beware of hypothermia; dress in warm, wicking clothes, windbreaker, and winter shoe covers. Cash, cell and keys belong in a zip-lock baggie to deter getting soaked by gutter juices. “Acqua e sapone,” they actually say. Clean and dry bacteria laden apparel, bike, and equipment; re-lube drivetrain to avoid chain wear and rust. Slow down. Take extra care; motorists with steamed windshields might not see you. Anything that interferes with tires gripping pavement - broken glass, cold wet, damp leaves, ice patches, loose gravel, sand shoals - can be dangerous and disconcerting. Broken pavement also causes flats.

Flats fit 3 categories: pinch, puncture, or sidewall. Pinches are caused by improperly installing tube twisted or under tire bead, hitting sharp edges of curbs or potholes, or running at too low pressure. Punctures come from rolling over glass, metal, sand, thorns, or wire. Sidewall blowouts can be avoided by never entering into linear cracks that scar sides and renewing setup at regular intervals: new rim tape, tires, and tubes. Inspect rim beads and entire rims for damage, too. Carry a "boot", which is a plastic self adhesive patch to bridge gap in sidewall allowing you to limp to home or safety. Don't try to patch tubes; abrasion thins, valves go; carry two or more because being prepared for failure means it occurs less often. Don't tighten the knurled nut on valve; it's only there to stabilize the pump head, not hold air in; some remove altogether because they can freeze and prevent repairs. Prevention is perfection, avoiding anything by parsing paving.

Ironic how flats with skinny racing slicks are so much easier to repair than with stiff beaded twice as wide gravel and mountain specifics. Using butyl tubes, Kevlar belted tires, and plastic liners, almost never get flats, so ultimately save time. Need two tire levers and a new tube, never patched used ones. Deflate old tire, dismount wheel (assume quick release skewers or you'll need a hub wrench), lay bike down with drivetrain side up, remove knurled nut from valve, and use levers to pry off tire entirely from rim bead. Importantly, inspect beads, rim tape, and sidewalls, remove punctured tube, and rub entire inside of tire with fingers and thumbs to find and pluck anything piercing through before reusing tire; use needlenose pliers to remove embedded bits of wire unless you want another instant flat. Remount tire halfway (note if one directional, some are), slightly inflate new tube, thread inside rim so valve sticks through evenly, then carefully install other bead of tire in rim careful to avoid pinching tube. Inflate a bit more, squeeze sidewalls all around to encourage proper seating. Pump (or CO2 inflate) to spec, reinstall wheel onto bike, and ride on. Some brake calipers have small ratchets that spread pads off rims for removal. People might forget to swivel ratchet back into position after reinstalling tire, which affects braking tension.

Global Cycling Network (est. 2013) is some sort of advocacy group apparently living off advertising clicks for last decade. Content impoverished, they recently concocted this list of “Bike Terrors: 6 things that cyclists are scared of” [random and unrated]: Animals/pets prowling roads, black Ice, being doored, destination cafés closed, slippery white lines, and wet drains. Lame and unimaginative? Or is it AI generated claptrap?

If Labann were asked to list and rank: 6. Losing car keys or catalytic converter while parked for a ride; 5. Loose debris, gravel or sand while cornering; 4. Breakdowns/flats during extreme weather or when riding through bad neighborhoods, 3. Hitting a deep pothole or linear crack while descending at speed; 2. Attacked by apex predators on back roads; 1. Being overtaken by a motorist whose license to operate already has or should have been revoked years ago. All such arguments grossly impeach cycling as dangerous, ignore deadly scourges of motoring, and never examine root causes. How about calling out self serving conservatives who want to kill bicyclists to continue profiting off environmental ruin?

When asked to rank their anxieties, Gen Z respondents named fatal car crashes as number one. Young adults aren’t yet concerned about top general population killers: cardiovascular diseases, cancers, and existential threats, rather their main threat. Fascist candidate facing imprisonment offered Big Oil cuts in environmental controls if they donated a billion dollars to his campaign, from which he’s already demonstrated a felonious propensity to pay personal legal expenses and state levied fines. If reelected, he’ll avenge any opposition and suspend state support for bicycling, which he already stated he adamantly hates.

Skells, sluts, and studs are beyond your control, attacking fragile victims, extorting cowering minion, slapping kissers of crooked suckers, stealing coveted stuff, unworried they might murder some and spend rest of their lives in prison, because repeat felons running for office seem to have gotten away with worse offenses forever. Not even angels can fly away from vile examples. Sustainability derives from battling daily. 

MAGA RINOs stampede under a banner of better living through Christian Nationalism, neither of which previous administration and its führer espoused, merely self serving plays for domination bringing economic recession and human desperation. This power mad sociopath dreams of becoming America's and world's dictator;  menace of poverty makes public cower. What did you think? After years of being conditioned by advertising bullshit anyone couldn’t be convinced to vote against conscience for a cartoon villain crime lord? Some believe whatever they are told, can’t apply basic logic, have no tools for comparative analysis, lack common sense, and won’t ever change their minds. Are there enough normal voters who value what independence America still affords?

Unless district attorneys, DOJ, FBI, journalists, and police act in concert and do their unenviable jobs, “conduct becoming” hardly applies to military officers, never mind civilians and politicians. Censure and scandals currently surround Congress supposedly serving us, conservative SCOTUS, and previous POTUS. Accused stalling proceedings for literally years betrays guilt. Infamy only lasts for next few news cycles. To become an indelible household name means to own ubiquitous blame. Seems more time is spent on producing feature films and taping TV series about crime than actually collaring and prosecuting criminals. Why so encourage wrongdoers? Recognized experts are disregarded; mob obeys social media influencers whose messages were recorded drunk or stoned behind pickup truck wheels while wearing flannel and red felt ball caps.

Among automakers, bicycle builders, and gunsmiths, who do you think has been repeatedly and successfully prosecuted for deaths and injuries? Both cars and guns kill more Americans with complete impunity than infectious diseases, yet due to less than lethal design flaws bicycle factories have been closed and workers laid off. How has this happened? Mom and pop businesses get steamrolled by multinational corporations. But for altruistic activists, evil typically eclipses marcescent virtue hanging on by a hopeful thread.

“Language is my knife, my weapon.” Sir Salman Rushdie, 2023, Booker Prize recipient and hate crime stabbing victim

Accept No Succédané

“Comes a redeemer, and he slowly too fades away. There follows his wagon... loaded with clay... seeds that were silent all burst into bloom, and decay. Night comes so quiet, it's close on the heels of the day. Wake up to find out that you are the Eyes of the World... Discover that you are the song that the morning brings... Sometimes songs that we hear are just songs of our own.” Jerome Garcia and Robert Hunter, half a century ago

Labann may be old school, but wonders whether he’s a tribal elder or village fool. Age doesn't ensure wisdom. Truth sets you free, but won't save anyone. Have been both delighted and disappointed by fruit, bitter shriveled rather than juicy sweet. Doesn’t mean one should give up picking and trying, just make better choices, not be persuaded by outward appearance, rather use logic and weigh all evidence.

Pitiful and powerless people might be tempted to subrogate personal responsibilities to a popular demigogue. Accepting substitutes never turns out well. Governance demands care and understanding. Entertainers, rock stars, and sports champions garner praise and rationalize immunity for diverting masses from productive endeavors. Anonymous workers who provide comforts, necessities, nourishment, and shelter are mostly taken for granted when not prosecuted for unintentional mistakes. This is wrong on so many levels, society should be ashamed. Yet those forgotten only fancy acknowledgement and fulfillment, often lost to jealousy or redundancy.

An authentic beau idéal prophet needs a bevy of beloveds and bounty of believers. For any bike book author this list must consist of anciennes, athenas, clydesdales, domestiques, freds, gutter bunnies, half-wheelers, hammerheads, mamils, pedalists, puncheurs, randonneurs, rouleurs, sag wagoneers, salmon, shredders, scorchers, sprinters, sportifs, squids, tifosi, weenies, wombats, and wordsmith wheelemen. Americans reward theirs with martyrdom or scorn, while white supremacists want to rescind any holiday named for a preacher of justice. Bastards rather beat dissenters, exploit subordinates, or groom goons for indentured loyalty than share scraps of remembrance. Those with own agendas try to deny history to undermine any memes of great deeds that endanger their schemes. MAGA pretenders can never admit Civil War was fought over privilege and slavery. Same Civil War still smolders upon fake news and unfounded opinion with storm clouds ominously rolling over horizon. 

Some may ask, “Why bother reading anything not written by an expert?” then deal away precious hours perusing MetaX comments or viewing some trendy Teddy Tik Tac reel by avowed idiots who can’t capitalize correctly, choose vocabulary, diagram sentences, express cogently, match spellings, punctuate appropriately, or write understandably. Professional wordsmiths know all this but not necessarily about topics in which you’d be interested, plus they sell stories to highest bidders or work for secretive patrons who only provide to public if profitable to them. Official sources can be as puzzling as redacted palimpsests. Certain amateurs who experienced events firsthand have often been the best reporters, plus they tell you what they know gratis should you express slightest interest.

Do you deserve access to eyewitness testimony? Why should hands-on presence go the distance to inform you through persistence? Readers have no idea how much data must be gathered and skills attained just to write one accurate sentence, while volumes of hip hop vacuity and vicious agitprop corrode convention and erode education. Blameless innocents who warrant salvation get sacrificed.

While all bad grammar and misspellings rankle after producing 150,000 pages as a career writer, the worst of all is when "that" is used instead of “who" to describe people. Anyone "who" does that dehumanizes, because "that" is reserved for inanimate concepts, institutions, or things. Seems they see others as subhuman objects because of misogyny, racism, schadenfreude, xenophobia, or zombie horror, but such an attitude discloses zero empathy.

“I'm a substitute for another guy... The simple things you see are all complicated. Look pretty young, but I'm just back dated... Substitute your lies for fact... Now you dare to look me in the eye... It's a genuine problem, you won't try to work it out at all; you just pass it by...” Pete Townshend, The Who

Axe grinding anarchists, disgusting novelists, drug addled goofballs, sanctimonious clerics, shameless politicians, and vicious televangelists lie with a glint in their eye right to your face and reckon it a victory if they hoodwink you successfully into doing something self destructive or stupid in totality. Gullible youth buy ugly metaphors and whatever rings false. Though scripted spectacle, reality television is popular, particularly sports rigged for allegiance leverage.

Every video documentary picks soundbites from a small percentage of otherwise boring, normal, ordinary segments to create drama, discredit interviewee, relay some biased fiction, or work agendas. Acts of self preservation include assessing urgency and ignoring hype. Sure, every day you have to make decisions and take risks, but television will forever be a battleground for your soul.

Andrew Wyeth, "Young America (with a feather)", watercolor on board, 1950

Enlightened, literate 15% of society often categorize sports as a sector that broadens economy though a silly pastime to mollify fools, but do not speak for masses or underestimate their effects on productivity and waste. Imagine having jetliners carting athletes around like royalty and using valuable resources to produce an ephemeral competition that does nothing to feed or house people or provide durable goods? It's an environmental tragedy underscored by commercials encouraging more of the same in ads for ATVs, SUVs, trucks, and unnecessary choices of transportation.

Meanwhile, loathsome owners of media outlets increasingly use Artificial Intelligence (AI) for cold-blooded content instead of emotional poetry and experiential synthesis readers don’t know they desperately need since so long denied because of greed. AI will soon replace white collar workers and world’s wordsmiths. B&C tried to be comprehensive infotainment and ethics inquiry, but soulless outputs by Alexis, Jarvis, Robin and Siri dovetail with Labann’s dour prose because all avoid fanciful metaphors, hysterical laments, and radical passions that computers can’t comprehend.

On other hand, advertisers, journalists and politicians are masters at manipulating emotions giving them power over all who don’t just wisely ignore. Orange personality snagged a cult win to begin presidential election cycle on half of 15% of registered Iowa Republicans to show in snow, probably 2% of state’s voters. Meanwhile, self professed pollsters concoct phony estimates for whoever pays them. What did you expect when amoral, drug addled, hard partying boomers finally seized power in America? Leary’s dropouts and Nixon’s lackeys destined nation for death, debt, deceit, disease, disrespect, duplicity, and skullduggery. Democratic policies and social justice will surely slip away if all citizens don’t fight for rights wholeheartedly. But when superior minds point out lunacy of tolerating tyranny, it incenses idiots all the more and invites a deplorable dictator though nation's front door.

When you care nothing about what others are doing, and contentedly spectate from sideline, eventually you’ll fall prey to own apathy and their treachery. On other hand, unless behaviors of others break actual laws, their business isn’t yours. What makes you think you know better than they about what affects them? You have no control over chaos, only yourself. Felons claim society is to blame, excuse self, justify atrocity, and when caught scream they’re victims of a witch hunt, none of which is legitimate.

Exposing deceit, delusion, and hypocrisy becomes a snipe hunt. Compulsive liars, con men, and lax slackers never relinquish their long winded swindles. Words are their weapons; they evade blame, extort victims to commit crimes for them, so hide their involvement from law enforcement. If you too want to apply mind control over masses, merely compile an indelible book of itinerant peasants and declare its meandering metaphors divinely inspired. Wars based on ill begotten ideology and the vanity of sociopaths sacrifice millions and threaten all life on earth.

Gone are days when a cathedral or cross on a hill dominated city skylines; skyscraping pinnacles to pride long since dwarfed and shadowed religious influence. Churches used to anchor neighborhoods, now overrun with drug dealers and sex peddlers. Periodic police busts don’t slow illicit commerce in the least. Overfull prisons have revolving doors. No use bemaoning loss of what once was. Must be busy in present to bring forth a better future. Punishment ought to match level of harm and number of victims. Mass murderers, public enemies, and treasonous traitors, like previous American president, deserve severest penalties. You'd think bad actors might beware of a comtemporary Curia of Pompey where Romans ended Julius Caesar on Ides of March. But duty to humanity is no longer valued as much as service to self. Evil examples are praised and showered well with wealth, while demons develop a befitting place for them in hell where they're headed.

Danke Schoen

Carol Mulvihill, Awesome Shadow (detail), acrylic on canvas, 16x24” 

Corn cob cassettes and pie plate gears summon more memories of cycling wheels than giving thanks over holiday meals. Then moody Black Friday rolls around from a gloom and greed background. Bicyclists better embrace joy and pain, light and shade, because opposites are probable when you propel by pedal again. Daily duality is inevitable. Irritations eclipse satisfactions, yet fear and entropy fight fitness and force flab. Everything once generously bestowed nature gradually repossesses. Generally thankful for Grateful Dead canon in which Jerry Garcia says grace by channeling universal wavelengths, and as a septuagenarian still being able to propel through own strengths.

Almost everything bad that can happen to bicyclists has already to Labann: Assaults by crews, beaten by bats, bee stings, blisters, brake fade, broken spokes, bug bites, cables snapped, chased into crashes, component failures, crumpled helmet, cut offs, dog attacks, doored, endo face plants, frame deformation, handlebar breaks, hits by motorists, hooked at intersections, intentionally pelted by beer cans and cantankerous detritus, intractable and multiple flats, saddle splits, sidewall explosions, sideswiped, soaked by downpours, stiffed by LBS, stolen bike, strafed by hail, taxi home, taco-ed wheels, and whatever else you can imagine short of dire or fatal nicely survived with no regrets. Can’t estimate incidents of being menaced during 20,000 hours of cycling over 6 decades, but they tend of recur more often during conservative administrations, which precipitate recessions and spark disrespect.

Cowardice and drugs steal souls of bangers and junkies. Bad examples? Gang initiations? Hopped up? Irrational jealousies? Poverty desperation? Self hate? Whatever the cause, assaults against the vulnerable will never be acceptable, why courts and police must enforce laws. Fear and inconvenience can be deterrents for both bicycling and motoring, and irrational excuses for impatience and recklessness. Cars only purport risk avoidance, as if drivers were turtles carrying protective shells; statistically, bicycles used responsibly are 20 times safer. All who knows facts agree that impaired (sleep deprived and substance altered) and impatient (selfish and stupid) motorists cause 90% of traffic mishaps. They’d rather pay fortunes unashamed for what they perceive as instant transportation gratification despite neither managing 25 mph in travel snarl, nor remaining unmaimed. Many who live in major cities abnegate such luxury, bike instead, perambulate, or take plentiful public transportation.

Mathematicians contrast bicycling with driving. Some say in same amount of time cars average 4 times as many miles as bicycles. Like cars, bicycles range from 0 to 250+ mph, but typically occupy bands centered on 9 (beginners), 12 (average of all riders collectively), 15 (intermediate), 18 (sportif), 21 (race contestants), and 25+ (world class peak performance). Infrastructure and statutes sort motorists into bands surrounding 25 (de facto limit unless signed otherwise), 35 (average of all traffic), 50 (intercity highways), 65 (interstates), and 100 (where unlimited by law but as fast as equipment allows and most want to go). With increasing urban road congestion, bicycling might actually be faster. Bicycling above 13 mph and driving over 39 mph cross safety thresholds, in practice a factor of 3, not the 5 times often argued. According to accident statistics and conditions stated, bicyclists could go a bit faster while motorists should reduce speed by 25%. Begs the question, if you can avoid it, why drive at all?

Loathe to repeat doubts, others, rumors, or self. Love to distill original ideas from comprehensive input, multiple sources, and personal experiences. Only anarchists and morons think absurdities are amusing, except when applied in clever Black Friday or Superbowl commercials. Don’t often quote notables, though prior content can be an explanatory key. Some warnings bear repetition. Some arguments must be hammered, though have always varied angles and deliveries. Many deem any rant on a single point a manifesto they can’t accept with gusto or afterward recant. Any statement without precise modifiers and qualifiers deceives. Facts from one’s life may be contradicted by details from another’s. Truths will always be brutal, few, simple, and universal. Insights and intuitions come instantly to some, slowly over years for others. One can speculate based on an anecdote, but authenticities extrapolate from having frequently taken risks and repeatedly lived through adversities. If you sense confusion, welcome to the human condition.

Every minute one spends gorging upon social media bolsters bias, deepens dementia, hurries hallucinations, increases incapacitation, and spreads mass hysteria. Daily mayhem reported on news “gossip-tainment” with transparent appeals to fears, nationalism, and self interest instill crippling anxieties. Phony narratives begin and end, not how life actually unfolds, as thousands of incidents intertwined from diapers to dirt nap. Threads unravel, thoughts demand closure, and torture consists of being tantalized by empty promises. Takes a true sadist to speak of happiness when all seems hopeless.

People may deny influence of a century of psychological tactics being used to exploit and manipulate them, but part of behavioral conditioning is to make recipients forget what’s logical or sensible. Except for appliances, beers, cars, computers, cell phones, and certain foods, have never purchased anything advertised in television commercials, and then only coincidently for lack of alternatives, not because bogus ads convinced. Do slogans simply life? Humans require incessant chatter to avoid crippling isolation and to figure out survival under technological upheavals and variable conditions. Every creature from bees to whales communicate. Words aren’t so terrible, but totally liable of being taken wrongly. Whatever you spew society will misconstrue. Those once in charge blamed loose lips for sinking ships. Misinformation surely motivates mistakes, but errors teach and silence kills.

Disgusted by neocon propagandists who cherrypick facts to swing focus away from what ought to be discussed and examined, for example, offshore windmills instead of political fraud mills. Infrasound does upset fisheries and rotors do kill 350,000 birds each year, though scientists know whales aren’t dying from them; in fact, whale populations have now expanded to highest levels in modern times; myriad causes such as fishery depletion, shipping collision, and toxic pollution are to blame. What they aren’t saying is that ONE MILLION vertebrates die EVERY DAY in automotive accidents. Eco-friendly options are under siege, while Petrine See blesses and presidential sedition sanctions rape of nature.

Freelance stringer Sam Weiler describes risk of lithium batteries carelessly disposed, no doubt stating a fact as a typical setup, then goes on to slam EV’s (Electric Vehicles) for potential explosions. Who buys this propaganda tactic? Sure, a few may have, but during collisions gasoline vehicles have caught fire and killed a thousand times more occupants. Purists object to e-bike use on bike paths, since faster than pedaled bikes and somewhat a threat to walkers, though only Class 3 rival motor vehicle speeds. Fossil fuels can never be renewed only sacrificed, whereas lithium can be recovered by direct and hydrometallurgical recycling. Lithium mining threatens environment exponentially less than what oil drilling and processing does with cancerous and toxic aftermath, not to mention warfare over this dwindling resource. Bicycling and walking are twentyfold safer, but leaving home dives into chaos and embraces uncertainties, yet sitting on your couch can be just as fatal.

“Many youth choose conservatism,” boasts Republican campaign ads, not because it’s wishful truth but because no statistics compare it to other qualifiers, such as anarchist, centrist, communist, democratic, liberal, nationalist, radical, or socialist positions. Conservatives seem to max out at about 20% of voters, 1 in 5, forming a desperate, relentless, small minority willing to segregate themselves as public enemies to invite criminals, domestic terrorists, and worst society has to offer into their ranks. Patriot John Adams said, “If a person is not a liberal when he is twenty, he has no heart; if he is not a conservative when he is forty, he has no head.” Individuals of any age who resort to radical terrorism have no soul.

Why did GOP rabidly promote job-offshoring for decades since Reagan? 1) Break leverage of US unions. 2) Deter immigration with no housing or jobs available, especially for nonwhites. 3) Dodge employee benefits, honest wages, local/federal/state taxes, wage copays to Social Security, and workman's compensation. 4) Exploit cheap/slave labor in countries where all they have to do to maximize profits was bribe officials. 5) Render public more compliant, and 6) Weaken voter resolve. Trump awarded blatant huckster and Trickle Down architect Art Laffer a Presidential Medal of Freedom, ironically; his Laffer Curve tragically impoverished millions of families through tax cuts that resulted in hundreds of billionaires. Their blatant lack of concern for outcomes, and cold compulsion to amass wealth by sacrificing lives, can only be called despicably heinous, on par with treason and war crimes.

Capitalists, conservatives, dictators, and fascists alike favor slave labor. Hitler defeated then forced hostages to stoke his death engine; if you didn’t comply you’d die; you should never have to fry as a consequence for reticence. Notions such as, “Trickle down creates jobs,” only justify greed. Not being able to share prosperity equitably equals slavery.

Henry David Thoreau begins Civil Disobedience by saying that he agrees with Thomas Jefferson’s redundancy, "That government is best which governs least,” and men will someday be able to have a government that does not govern at all [though likely will still occupy offices and stuff faces and pockets]. What Americans now have can’t be called representative governance, rather corruption, oppression, tax enslavement, and tyranny. If conservatives had their way, it would be a racist oligarchy run by a white dictator. Marx wouldn’t have had to write the Communist Manifesto if kings, oligarchs, scumbags, and warlords weren’t vile sociopaths. If Nazis didn’t commit genocide, Anne Frank wouldn’t have had to chronicle her family’s hiding in mortal fear. If not for society’s repeated cruelty, Nobel Laureate Bob Dylan wouldn’t have had to write a thousand songs of betrayal, protest, regret, and shame. Anti-woke conservatives wouldn’t denigrate press, denounce institutions, and deny history if they didn’t want to dominate and subjugate. For every evil there will be acute blowback with collateral damage.

If not wary, you waste your vote. Never vote for fascists, only worthy public servants. Party whose only agenda is to funnel treasury into hands of oligarchs, who promise to oppress opponents by stripping liberties, whose policies serve the few over the masses, who unanimously voted against every relief bill, doesn't merit any allegiance, not even from those who think they'll benefit. "All boats rise on the tide," they'll tell you, but they've punched holes in everyone else’s, and risk own ruin consequently. Humanity only succeeds when everyone gets by. 

Citizens who are eligible don’t vote for many reasons: apathy, inconvenience, long lines, too busy working multiple shifts. Some are led to believe opposing candidates are corrupt, something neocons lie about daily, even get bad ones elected on purpose to prove their point. Why support such corruption? Every year you spend 30 hours urinating and 3000 hours sleeping. Voting takes less than one hour every couple of years; you ought to add vetting candidate on merits and promises to your routine, and recalling public servants who prove false. Unless you want to organize majority to overthrow existing government and military, you have to make what little power you do have, vocally dispelling lies, voting for the best representatives, and working toward social justice. 

Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, in tandem for 77 years, volunteers for human dignity

Liberals aren’t so legit, make deals with corporate lobbyists, suck up to seated senators for endorsements. Who would even seek nomination for public office other than grifters, morons, narcissists and scoundrels? At least Democrats have a candidate with a half century of public service, though attacked as feeble and old after a stellar term of bicycling fitness and policy successes. Republicans support a failed self server who’s an anti-American, anti-semite, casino boss, cash offshorer, coke head, commie collaborator, convicted fraud, democracy threat, division exploiter, drug money launderer, election loser (lost every state where he once resided), history quasher, hypocrite, malignant narcissist, misogynist (hates women), mass murderer, multiple divorcee, panderer (to addicts of gambling and sex), pathological liar (30,450 documented lies while in office alone), planet’s #1 tax cheat (3,500 mentions in Panama Papers), racist, rapist, science denier, sex trafficker, sociopath, slum lord, spy, traitor, twice impeached by peers, wall builder, wannabe dictator, white supremacist, xenophobe (loathes Blacks, foreigners, Gold Star families, Jews, Latinos, people with disabilities except himself, and whoever won't commit crimes on his behalf). He has quite a resume to be devoid of any positive traits, pure poison to everything he touches. He is not being prosecuted by Democratic elected officials, but the 75% of Americans who realize he’s victimized them.

Curious how this century has seen so many POTUS firsts: Black man elected, repeatedly impeached and indicted sociopath attempting a coup after losing, woman nominated as candidate and winning popular vote, and world's oldest seated, though people do live longer through medical advances.

America might be the most cosmopolitan nation on planet definitely allowing more room for heredity variations and personal preferences than any other. Why do some minorities scream racism? Caucasians make up 65% of population; Aryans, Birchers, Klansmen and 600 race bias organizations among them make up only 1%. Homeland Security testified, “White supremacists were responsible for more than three-quarters of all domestic extremist murders in 2018.” The remaining 99% of every race interact nicely, except when presumption and stupidity enters. All hate is evil, potentially criminal, and punishing felons deters crime. Bad behaviors aren’t limited to maiming and murder, but also exclusion, exploitation, extortion, intimidation, menace, and theft. All exploitation amounts to slavery, from domestic servants compensated by food and lodging, to indentured farm and sex laborers, to stay-at-home moms taken for granted, to unpaid corporate interns.

By shifting focus, costly resources pursue wrong approaches to minor issues, while those who pay millions for false flags and phony messages continue to profit so much that millions for misinformation becomes a minor expense. Conservatives condemn PED realm of cheating peloton because it exposes their own temptation to steal trillions from treasury secretly.

Administrations that care about middle class jobs also care about social justice. Dreaded quartet of horse’s asses Nixon, two Bushes and Trump denied job creation as government's role, did nothing to encourage private sector, engendered recessions as a way to browbeat voters. What!? Federal government is nation's biggest employer, almost 3 million, more than Walmart’s 2.3 million. Combined workforce of top ten corporations (below 8 million) doesn't even come close to state governments (over 18 million). GOP groan about government being too big, but have almost no idea how it works (quietly without much redundancy), or what it does (programs essential to life). Just to curry a few extra votes and thereby legitimize elections they cheated in to win, they’d cut Social Security, throw 20% of population who earned this benefit to the wolves, and use such scare tactics to cause panic, spread suffering, and weaponize supporters.

Local gas prices are lower than they were a year ago, driven down by reduced global demand and regulatory threats, not anything current president did. Immediate predecessor has called Russians and Saudis to jack prices up to create discontent that might help his campaign. Bicyclists are bemused by asphalt black jack, chewed goo, crude splooge, hard pack, and tarmac ooze that they peruse and use, not spinning in a gym. Zero carbon footprint can become an excuse used to justify cheapness, easy ways, and efforts procrastinated.

Factory renewal of durable products definitely saves raw materials, but fails to deliver good value in some cases. It has never worked well with private passenger vehicles, though classic and vintage demands of nostalgic collectors keeps aftermarket restorers busy charging outlandish prices. You’d think that seasoned engine blocks could be rebored and rebuilt for cheaper than newly forged steel, which they have to expose to weather to age anyway. However, rest of vehicle only yields brittle aluminum, sunbaked plastic, and tired iron. Should designers choose stainless steel for body shell, that would increase incentive to recycle vehicles, but obsolescence is intentional. Automakers barely make enough spare parts to keep vehicles going for 7 years.

How anything is handled and managed matters. Durable goods benefit from quality control, but metals sourced might be brittle or impure, so fail prematurely, while precise sizes require careful measurements that take time so impede production. In reality, parts can’t be made better than approximate, so get culled during assembly. Hope yours isn’t a lemon made up of rejects. Refrigeration retards spoilage, but food might be frozen or overheated during shipping or storage. Food born bacteria is one of the main causes for infectious diseases and toxin poisoning.

So, appreciate being heard, because families and friends one invites for traditional spreads never want to hear a crazy uncle’s opinions dismantling those they hold dear despite no logical sense or supporting evidence. Ridiculous GOP grandpa running for POTUS constantly confabulates, outright lies, and randomly rambles, yet gets more support. Is critical thinking a blessing or a curse?