Le Pétomane

Went forth early on roads presumed empty and safe, but found several crowded and dicey, full of pedestrians convening without masks, now required by law locally. So, later looked for bits of bicycling culture never before noticed, and found plenty with little difficulty, stuff to occupy mind and time instead of rumors of contagion casualties surpassing those of Viet Nam War. No point crying crocodile tears over decline of journalism, which you killed by enabling conservatives, Nixon, Reagan, The Bushes, and Trump, who did everything possible to destroy and discredit labor unions and the press, sole opposition to their power mad constituency: religious establishment and rich oligarchs. Fake news or fascist resurgence? Do you get to pick? They only succeeded in exiling journalists to blogs, dark web, social media. Doesn't matter how much dirt you bury truth under, it sprouts. But you'll never get back $50 trillion they stole from US treasury, or witness speedy recovery from latest pandemic's enormous hit on economy.

Since contagion is aided by air pollution. Brussels, London and Paris now encourage cycling as a way to fight COVID-19, while Italy and Spain still prohibit outdoor activities. French esteem liberated individuals, from peloton champions to previous century fartomaniacs who put tush upon a bike saddle to push into town and perform. And you thought no more rhymes with Bike&Chain were possible as titles. Might as well read and ride virtually, though in a mad rush to be marketable or topical many writers will betray truth and say anything that comes to mind, however unremarkable, when one should be rethinking what bad leadership did to land you in this pickle, such as cut funding to disease watchdogs. Their zero sum game nears its conclusion. Among amusements, visceral and vulgar repeatedly beat virtuous and zealous. Time to clear the air of poisons. Can’t confine bodies to armchairs and indoors forever, since they break bonds and bust out of prisons.

Crazy, Stupid, Love (Glen Ficarra & John Requa, dirs., 2011) stars Steve Carell (bicycling nerd in The 40 Year Old Virgin) and Julianne Moore as his soon to be ex-wife. Despite differences in ages, babysitter Analeigh Tipton badly wants him, while son Jonah Bobo wants and woos her with flowers he delivers by bike. Carell’s coach for dating scene reentry Ryan Gosling falls for Emma Stone, later revealed as Carell’s adult daughter. Complicated intertwined plot lines didn’t interfere with award nominations/wins and box office success.

In northern Serbia, young adult pharmacy intern Hana Selimović catches up with childhood boyfriend and deadbeat globetrotter Mladen Sovilj in Neposlušni (The Disobedient, Mina Djukic, dir., 2014). Sparks fly amidst contagion that has people fleeing village and wearing masks. Despite risks, couple embark spontaneously on a bicycling trek across sun baked countryside, she draws a bucolic scene including a bike on his bare back, then they return to crash a wedding. She wonders if they can build a life together given their shared disrespect for authority and convention.

Communist statesman and Nobel Laureate Pablo Neruda wrote a famous poem about bicycles, as already noted in appendix to B&C. So, flashes of them naturally belong in post-WWII Chile in biopic Neruda (Pablo Larrain, dir., 2016). So many people today pit conservatives against liberals you wonder what thorough brainwashing took place that lies could ever displace what history does already trace. Deprived of civil freedoms, communists on several fronts overthrew fascists, who forever mistreat and oppress in favor of ruthless totalitarianism and tightfisted domination, whatever dictators call their regimes. Must extol poets past and present who fearlessly face persecution to serve mankind and strengthen civilization.

Rose Clear/McNulty (Rooney Mara - young, Vanessa Redgrave - elderly) is much too attractive for 1940’s small minded Irish townsfolk of Secret Scripture (Jim Sheridan, dir., 2017), who conspire to commit her to a mental institution for life and deprive her of her newborn boy. Rose hides her diary in margins of a bible, but says, “There’s a sickness in people that stops them seeing the truth. Anything you see with love is the truth. The rest is smog.” While hamlets traversed by bicycles had little atmospheric disturbance, villagers dearly needed to be seeded with christian tolerance and logical sense.

Feel honored to point out this extensive list of Hindi and Tamil bicycling songs. Shows how different cultures can be. For a Malayalam film, Nonsense (M.C. Jithin, dir., 2018) has BMX obsessed Rinosh George aiming for bike stunt stardom, while those around him dismiss his dream as what title says. This thriller breaks ground as India’s first film about BMX sports.

Isn’t It Romantic (Todd Strauss-Schulson, dir., 2019) stars audacious Aussie actress Rebel Wilson as a no nonsense assistant architect who dismisses love depicted in chick flicks. When a subway mugger tries to snatch her handbag, she fights him off only to knock herself out by running into a post. When she wakes up in a hospital, suddenly everything resembles those romantic comedies she so despised, replete with girlie loaner bikes with baskets conveniently stationed around New York City, a place suddenly astir with savvy cyclists.

Youtube members post indices of bicycling songs, some of which are only related by the fact they show artists riding their bikes, though all such lists only ever just scratch the surface of the 3,000 that exist out there, nearly 2,000 listed here.

Robin Thicke, When I Get You Alone, A Beautiful World, Interscope Records, 2002 - has recording artist posing as a New York City bicycle messenger dodging traffic with impressive moves.

Anna Ternheim, To Be Gone (Swedish in English), single, self, 2004 - "Let me leave the body, leave the mind, every promise, every place behind. I just happen to feel so alone, for today for all days to come. I just wanna be wanna be gone, leave the city, leave the cold. Young people far too old. Let me cross a very fine line for today, for a lifetime." Epidemics breed despair, but why not liven days you're given, not moan over betrayals?

Nada Surf, Whose Authority, Lucky, Barsuk, 2008 - “The picture is gone. Put a contract out on things that go on and on. How do you stay where you most want to be? Where'd you get the patience? Did it come easily? On whose authority? I have none over me.”

One of The Bazillions, Super Sonic Rocket Bike, single, self, 2010 - “Countdown from 10 to 1, as we blast off towards the sun, we’ll be having some fun on my super sonic rocket bike. You won't believe how far we'll go on a super sonic rocket bike, all the planets we will know.”

Puding Pani Elvisovej - Ďobkanie (Slovak techno), π (album), self (PPE), 2010... group parks motor vehicles, rents bikes, and spins out to serene countryside, but shown in reverse, so what are they trying to say?

Alec Benjamin, My old Bicycle, single, self, 2016 - “My old bicycle was a Ferrari. It rusted in the yard and now I’m sorry. I crashed my car, so when I pull up to parties I tell the girls my bike is a Ferrari. And are you grown up enough to outgrow the things you love and leave an old friend in the dust? Yeah, I remember this one time when I picked up the phone line and I heard you on the other side, and you said, 'Come on, let’s ride.'”