Vandyke Mane

A caricature of a revolutionary with a hair mane and vandyke beard derives from Lenin and Marx. Lately it better describes contemporary agitator and The Trews spokesman Russell Brand, who clearly sees through Fox News’ divisive dehumanization masking greedy motivation and wants the rich to pay their fair share. Media is dominated by giant conglomerates; panicked on-air celebrities with impassioned speeches mimic Hitler trying to twist opinion to fortify their untenable position. Worse, in this culture war, partisans on all sides use massacres as political capital. Must you buy into their tactics? Instead, blame boards of directors and Islamic dictators for incensed Jihad fought against bystanders, since protected instigators are unassailable. Since 1990s Labann has said the same thing as Brand but never so blatantly while trying to embrace equality, fraternity and liberty for all except those who’ve unduly taken advantage. Conservative, jihadi, libertine, nazi, rebel? All extremism is fundamentally misguided.

Unesco’s Joint Message of 3 May 2002 appeals to journalists on issues of media freedom and terrorism, “Neither be cowed by threats nor become a mere mouthpiece of patriotic sentiment or inflammatory opinion.” Like learning to ride a bicycle, you must find balance. Since 9-11, peace has been disrupted by an unresolved “war against terror” in a “pervasive atmosphere of paranoia in which press freedom and pluralism have suffered.” No uniform definition exists for the term terrorism, more describing an incurable effect than neglected root cause. Posturing and threatening hardly merit attention when majority is discontent. Hundreds of journalists have been slain by those who don’t want atrocities exposed. Promoting fear, ignorance and intolerance recruits more revolutionaries and reinforces media oppression. Seems rather deliberate, designed to garner gutless votes. “Let them kill each other,” scheme the rich, who hunker down as murder rates rise and make more guns and laws against restrictions.

Capitalism fails the majority, middle class and poor. Communism lacks personal incentives which produce competitive choices. Neither exists in pure form. All political theories have merged into a murky socialism full of personal entitlements without team commitments. Even social security, once supported by a 1:16 ratio of retiree to workers, will soon be down to 1:2, thus default and end. How long before youth reject paying into something they’ll never collect? Latest reports claim that only 1% of population holds 50% (if not more) of total wealth. You'd think 95% would be held by middle class, who grow food and make everything. Were that true, they’d be in a better position to assist the poor whom the wealthy ignore. But celebrity babblers and rabble rousers only make stinks over what majority already thinks. B&C throughout depicts how humans believe they behave well but fail. Ethics exists on a wide spectrum from justified homicide to self sacrifice.

Perhaps it is time to abandon any notion of intellectual or personal property. Basic information has lost all value with a free internet. Websites cover every aspect of life except information you can use to get ahead. No, that’s already locked down. With 135 million titles in the Library of Congress alone, and many times more articles, books and papers than that floating around, everything that can be said already has been. You’ll be put off literature after reading dozens of books saying the same thing, even quoting each other, more footnotes attributing sources than innovative content pursuing truth. While masses must be reminded repetitively to ignore empty threats, one must be woefully ignorant to believe he/she can say anything new, just what transpires. Opportunities to try are granted by a supportive society who clothes, educates, feeds, and shelters you without prejudice. Entire community owns all your ideas in return for services already rendered. You are neither obliged to serve without compensation nor supposed to hold them hostage in return.

Brand on a ride with now divorced wife, half time superstar Katy Perry.

As the epitome of capitalist spectacles, Superbowl 49 garnered television’s highest audience ever, 115 million viewers. The most despised ad shown during was a Nationwide Insurance spot that depicted a child on a tricycle, unable to catch up with boys on bicycles, who brought attention to accidental deaths among America’s youth. Car collisions account for most of them as the #1 cause of death among people under 25 years old. Distant genocide raises fewer hackles than neighbor fatalities, both of which audience causes. Nationwide wants not only to collect premiums but to reduce payouts by getting you to drive defensively and stay off streets. It's a manipulative, one-sided conversation. Those who raise important issues are seldom appreciated and usually reviled. Labann knows this better than anyone.

As communist transportation, bicycle in Chinese, 腳踏車 (zixingche), literally translates as Foot Tread Car. Not only the top selling brand in anti-monarchy China, still nicknamed the Kingdom of Bicycle, the Flying Pigeon, 飞鸽 (Fei Ge), is the best selling mechanized conveyance in world history with a half billion units sold worldwide from 1950 through 2007, the last year for which figures were posted, though still in production of about 25 million per year. Lack of competition, only 3 models, and state mandate made them ubiquitous there. Its head tube badge with dove over FG rips off Raleigh’s heron over R&co that brands the utility model upon which it was directly based despite patents demanding otherwise. The first new bike Labann ever owned after learning on hand-me-downs, Raleigh built tens of thousands of bikes each year from 1888 until it closed in 2003. Dutch multinational Accell Group continues building that brand in Taiwan, though not if China had its way.

Caught between cultures, the dispossessed latch onto abandoned property and squat in anarchy. Circle A symbolizes cycling counterculture. The dole barely keeps anyone without subsistence enterprise alive, deters car ownership, and encourages rebellion, though society doesn’t owe common slobs anything and inadvertently subsidies crap art and devolution. Coke and meth stimulate purposeless subversion and supplant mutual advantages. Addicts and dealers prey upon whoever has slightly more. With whatever they can seize, snort, steal or swallow they’ve formed an entire ephemeral empire of crust, mosh, punk and rap in short vicious outbursts. The smugly comfortable care or hear little about these localized disturbances before they disappear and resurface elsewhere. Bicycle freedom inspires freedom of speech, a human right many have died to uphold. The cure is neither counseling nor medicating but gaining trust and guaranteeing justice, which everyone can support.

Given bicycling is considered outmoded and generally marginalized, it puzzles why there are so many directly related instances of art and witnesses in song. Austrian punk rockers Bicycle Terror feature their own Bicycle Terror Theme Song and recommend several bike songs from other underground groups, including:
Afternoon Gentlemen, Barthu and the Bike [grindcore], White Cider Chronicles, Bovine Rec.
Död Human, Bike Punks [Catalan crust], Död Human, Espasmo Discos, 2013
Grinch, Snow Bicycle [J-pop], Trash Break Vol. 003, Natural Hi-Tech Rec., c. 2012

A little digging beneath Död Human revealed an overlooked Eurocentric radio playlist of anarchic bike tunes, excluding ones already in blog or book, confirmed through secondary sources:

A.T.O. (Another Terrorist Organization), Bike Punx, Live at Sacarapa Lodge #86, 2004
A.T.O. (Another Terrorist Organization), Bike Punx Unite, For Terrorists in Training, 2004
Bici Hardcöre, Dis Bike Punk, [Spanish, single], 2012
Bici Hardcöre, Mi Bici H H H Letra [Murcian, single], self, 2011
Bici Hardcöre, Ni Carril Bici, Ni Òstias! [Spanish, single], self, 2011
Crucial Unit, Bikes Not Bush, Sea of Steel, Vol. 1, R.A.M.B.O. & Crucial Unit Split EP, Ed Walters Rec., 2001
Daston, Mother Bicycle With Dream [Japanese], Continuously Attack of Endless Shock EP split with Gouka, Forest Rec., 1996
Diskoiraa, Utzi Pakean Bizikleta [Spanish], nasi_goreng_adiktion, Disco Enfermos, 2012
Divide & Conquer, Bike Punx! [French in English], Split CD w/ Juggling Jugglars, Sanjam Records, 1997
Divide & Conquer, The Bike Militia, The Need To Amputate EP, Ginger Liberation/Maloka Records, 1998
Face Up To It! Stabbed In The Bike, [French, single], c. 2006
Fearless Vampire Killers, Bike [Japanese], Rally Round the F.V.K., MCR Co., 1989/1998
The Fight, Bike Song [English], Chained to Your Lies, Fat Wreck Rec., 2003
Heroes & Zeros, Bicycle [Norwegian], Wake Up Call, Mad Butcher Rec., 2011
Human Alert, Opoe Bike Part 2 [Dutch], Sex, Drugs & Anarchy, earGear, 2000
Idiot Talk, Fixie Bike, Idiot Talk EP, Build Me A Bomb Rec., 2011
In Defence, Bike Thieves Can Suck It! {Minneapolis punk], Don’t Know How to Breakdance, self, 2007
The Kl'emones, Bike Punks [Polish, single]
Mönster, (Next) Bike Song, Death Before Disorder, Sabotage, 2005
Oi's 'R' Us/Mihoen, De Fiets Van Wim [Dutch], RaAST Door, In the Wok Rec., 1998
R.A.M.B.O., Bike, Skate, Mosh, Wall of Death The System, 625 Thrashcore, 2001
Small Brown Bike, Red Light, Recollected, Old Point Light, 2013
SNFU, Drunk On A Bike, The One Voted Most Likely to Succeed, Epitaph, 1995
Tom & Boot Boys, Going By My Favorite Bicycle, Pogo 77 Record Compilation, Brutus Rec., 2004
Über, I Will Go By Bike [Spanish in English], Segon Senzill EP, Bowery Rec., 2015
Viktors Hofnarren, Vive Le Vélo [German crust], Jobbykrust, Maximum Voice Prod., 1996

Rhapsody Apophenian

People have a tendency to superimpose patterns on random phenomena, what psychologists call apophenia. Epiphany can be creative, finding faces and forms in clouds, though its opposite, apophany, forcing everything to fit into your mania, is delusional and, depending upon degree, schizophrenic. This patternicity or randommania also ties to belief in the paranormal and other Type 1 Errors: Divination, gambler’s fallacy, numerology, unscientific conclusions. Every bump in the night isn’t caused by a ghost; world is noisier during day, so routine rattlings may not be noticed until quiet intervenes. Likewise, bicycling, though prevalent for last 150 years, wasn’t always such a profound influence on culture. Last year’s April Fools post stated, “Bicycles didn’t mobilize legions of Imperium Romanum.” Then odd ideas intersect your vector and warrant reassessment.

Though its name derived from Latin means “to run again”, a palindrome bears no resemblance to a velodrome, a track where cyclists race around. Why is it not called a palinilap? Can you guess who* is referenced by, "A man, a plan, a canal, Panama"? As a sentence or word that reads the same backward and forward, must palindromes also provide radar into someone’s identity? Clearly, no. There’s nothing to them other than humanity’s proclivity for play.

Shown in facsimile, the Sator Square, made before 79 AD, is considered among the oldest known examples. Cleverly constructed, it’s in Latin, readable from 4 directions. It has been analyzed for ages and ascribed with superstitious portent. Has it any connection to bicycles? Bicycles were realized millennia later, but aren’t these anachronistic terms suggestive?

SATOR could mean author, founder, god, originator, or sower of seeds. Scholars speculate that AREPO must be a proper name, though it could describe someone who creeps along or slowly measures, reminiscent of cyclists with cyclometers, especially those riding hesitantly forth as suitors to someone other than cousins or siblings to improve the gene pool. TENET holds or masters, OPERA works, and ROTAS are wheels, though as a verb it could mean spin. Wheels to modern ears would signify bikes or cars, though chariots or wagons to ancient Romans. Auriga, the charioteer, a diamond frame constellation balanced on celestial equator, was indeed the prototypical 2-wheeler.

Commonly translated, "The sower Arepo holds wheels with effort,” makes little sense. Context long lost, could be about charioteers, as “The wheelwright purveys wheels,” or ploughmen, “Whoever plants must attend plough’s wheels,” but what would be the point? As an amulet, probably symbolizes the perpetual rotation of day and night that sows new troubles with which to deal. Or may just be foolish graffiti no more meaningful than aibohphobia (fear of palindromes) or, "I’m a lasagna hog, go hang a salami." Rather imagine it as some prescient statement, “The author, a careful measurer of everything coming, has a book for you about bicycles,” thus making it personal and relevant.

This final translation is just a fantasy one shouldn't take seriously instigated by recently announced route of 2015’s Giro d’Italia; Stage 9 will swing near where Sator Square was found, in the shadow of Vesuvius, the volcano that erupted flowing ash, land and lava over Herculaneum, thus preserving this enigma to vex modernity.

* Rough Rider President Teddy Roosevelt.

“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see. I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy, because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low. Anyway the wind blows doesn't really matter to me.”—Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, 1975, "A" Side to "I'm in Love with My Car"

Venir Demain

When you mention songs, you ought to note books and videos, too. Many are coming tomorrow, arrived already without fanfare, have difficulty raising any interest, and rely on blog and social media buzz.

From Vimeo are an Adam Nestadter and Chris McCoy narrative of loss and redemption from a bicycle’s viewpoint, and Tim Pierce’s Ode to the Bicycle with numerous shots of mountain biking in scenic New Zealand.

Compliments of the season, this wheelwright cranks out the Carol of the Bells. Talk about tuning your spokes for the New Year.

Dave Walker presents a video of his indie ditty Bicycle to Montreal. Seems a wistful dream on a cold Quebecois afternoon. You don't have to go to Canada to find constant deterrents. U2’s frontman Bono wonders whether he’ll ever play guitar again after a bad bicycle accident. Public takes place on the road and this role of troubadour for granted, since so many will step up to fill it. You can't live sitting still.

Additional, less interesting or recent shorts can be viewed on Vimeo through this link.

After cyclist Jamie Bianchini hit rock bottom, he decided to take a tandem tour around the world and invite strangers to be stokers. Upcoming autobiography A Bicycle Built for Two Billion chronicles his adventures.

Due for debut, a new film For the Love of Mud wallows in international cyclocross scene.

Peloton e-zine lists 10 must-read cycling book of 2014, but all concern the exclusive community of competitive racing much maligned as of late for cheating and doping. Bike&Chain completely skipped this extremist position, content to address issues encountered daily by billions of bicyclists, the vast majority.

Amazon.com lists nearly 50 new books, many not yet released. Seems most repeat previous articles and books. Award winning author Roy Wallack’s book How to Ride to 100 and Beyond (Da Capo Lifelong Books, 384 pp.), is the only title among them that promises a unique take on issues relevant to all bicyclists, particularly baby boomers. You can be assured (spoiler alert) that “how” means “never stop pedaling”. Distances may decrease with age, so frequency must be increased. If you want to be around tomorrow, ditch automobile and plan lots of short rides.

Featuring Jane

Not discovering new but noticing for the first time, this slim list of bicycling tunes must ring in New Year. Can’t say it was an exhaustive search, since blog and book already catalog so many almost any source offers only covers and duplicates. First 2 were listed in appendix, included only to link videos. For once they feature a realistic mix of boys and girls.

5ive, Bicycle Rider (instr. rock), Tortuga Rec., 2001 - similar to Mogwai
1 Speed Bike, Nixon-Reagan Circle Fighting Machine [techno], 2000
Adam Dayton Gibson (Adamsday), Bicycle Girl Theme (from The Walking Dead) [techno], Hits and Misses, self, 2010
ak47, Bi-Cycle [techno], AK47, self, 2011 - Kraftwerk mimic
Animal Nation & Sly Business, Girls on Bicycles [hip-hop], Don’t Grow Up to Be Like Us, Urbnet, 2013 - resembles Lyte Funky Ones' Summer Girls
A2J, Bicycle Ride [Christian, Asian Indian], Prove It, Go Media, 2013
Big Bang Boom, Bicycle, Because I Said So! self, 2012
Cliff Martinez, Falling Off a Bicycle Plus [idm], The Knick [sndtrk] HBO, Milan Entertainment, 2014
Frances England, Bicycle, Mind of My Own, self, 2010
Kevin Macleod, Bicycle [eam], Reunited, self, 2012
Laura Doherty, Bicycle [juvenile], In a Heartbeat, self, 2014
Liane Smith, Bicycle, Two Sides of a River, self, 2012
Jay Chou, Terdsak Janpan, "腳踏車" Bicycle [instr., Taiwanese], Secret [sndtrk], JVR Music Int’l, 2007
Joe Hertler & the Rainbow Seekers, Devil Don’t You Steal My Bicycle [neo-bluegrass], On Being, self, 2011
Major Parkinson, Bicycle! Major Parkinson, self, 2008
Red Light Cameras, Bicycle [New Mexico Indie], Red Light Cameras, self, 2011 - front woman Amanda Machon (shown above) does a concluding pedal dance during Youtube concert.

Aboard Blame Train

In B&C, “blame” gets 80 mentions, too many. Through commission, omission, or tacit permission of evil transgression, humans are plainly blameworthy, including, though unintentionally, Jesus, in whose name crusaders murdered legions and religious bigots rationalize wrongs. Prefer to remember innocent baby, sole survivor of a genocide aimed at killing him specifically. Today, police shoot unarmed civilians. Soldiers in your behalf resort to sleep depriving and water boarding prisoners. Spent too much time trying to identify who's guilty for today's rage when the real enemies are fear, greed, ignorance, lack of concern for others, and lust for power, as if anyone can really be controlled. Lives are consumed in attempts to establish rules and rectify wrongs, blood feud necklaces strung from one generation to the next, or digging dual graves for vengeance's sake. Why bother recapitulating? Resent feeling fear, so say whatever comes to mind, even if it invites trouble.

Terrorists Labann fears most drive erratically and rudely in huge surrounding vehicles. Filthy, scummy trucks carrying milk or produce turn your stomach. They beg a pair of questions, 1. “How safe is our food and water supplies?” and 2. “Why am I buying these popular brands?” Motoring accidents are the nation’s 3rd worst cause of death, 3 times gun violence or infectious diseases. Plus driving contributes to petroleum carcinogens, sedentary ways, and substance abuse, which are responsible for the top 2: cardiovascular diseases and cancers. Sad state of the roads further leads to erratic behavior by disappointed users. Countless collisions occur from swerving to avoid gaping holes; DOTs don't want to know, because that makes them culpable. Everyone wants to be downtown simultaneously. Work days are already staggered: 5:00 to 9:00 AM starts and 3:00 to 7:00 PM closes. Yet highways range from busy to bumper-to-bumper at all hours, defying logic. With alternative bike commuting up 64% nationwide, bicycling fatalities have risen 16%, though still few compared to motoring, also up 1%, almost as many as bicycling in total. Sobering input deters riding during dangerous December, when revelers and shoppers race around distractedly and drunkenly. Rode 20 miles in drizzle to mail holidays cards that brought hope to honored recipients. Nature dies every Winter Solstice after planting seeds for renewal in Spring. Acutely aware, didn’t need signs in gutter to contemplate mortality.

While facts aggravate, befuddle, and corrupt, truth drives humans straight over the edge. Writing will always be an irrational random activity that only the hopelessly deluded believe can be moderated. Epistemologists and scientists with 200+ IQs struggle with the inherent flaws in all communication and literature. The closer you study something, the further away you find yourself from it. You must become the creature or object to comprehend what influences and moves it. Only then can you comment with authority or evaluate such expressions, but often not so anyone else appreciates.

The Library of Congress holds 135 million titles. No group, nation or people will ever read them all. If writers were further funded and motivated, there might be billions. Injustice silences and turns lives into a march of getting, going, spending and sleeping. Surely no such story holds the least interest; only heroes living through extraordinary trials ever present tales one wants retold. Had an interesting eavesdrop at Zurich airport behind a bunch of reporters returning from war ravaged Middle East. Yet writers are usually bystanders who repeat false accounts of what happened, not participants in events readers need to know about. What makes any author think he/she is contributing anything that hasn't already been said? Unless you're creating a future, you’re merely repeating, spinning wheels. Amusing how hacks mimic any book that gains traction. Pulp trash makes good starters for wood burning stoves. Seinfeld quipped, "Why do people keep books like trophies after they read them?" Surely they can be passed around afterwards, so how can publishers anticipate significant sales? Society has gotten so splintered, printing on demand has become popular.


To get a book deal an author needs to gain notoriety and settle into some niche. Publishers dangle carrots for all sorts of donkeys with the hope one plods along in the direction they're headed and therefore shoulders their load. That thousands fail doesn't concern them, only that some succeed who they can exploit. You can't ever be sure how readers will react. A book may take years to produce; nobody has any idea what will sell in 5 or 10 years hence. Can't base a story on what's now popular and carve out a following among those who are looking to be taken somewhere they've never gone before. Can only hope yours resonates with readers at the end of your journey.

Being left on wayside to die when no longer contributing to society makes you acutely aware of pensions and reserves. You'll claw your way to stay ahead. It’s why so few buy art unless convinced it'll increase in value, or freely share their good fortune. Most will never be happy in their chosen career, living through decades in quiet desperation while looking for something they’ll never find. Cannot blame how things are; without taking risks, rewards won't come. Do not regret a stolen decade to pen and publish a book and companion blog nobody reads. What else was there to do? Redouble household projects or take on extra jobs? Sleep or watch more television? Did enough of all to secure some balance, start a train of thought, and stay above board. Can you forgive yourself?