Whoever “they” are, likely some legacy group on fringe with pronoun cringe, they designated May as National Bike Month. Rode a routine 35 mile loop on Ride a Bike Day, the 3rd. Bike to Work Week will be the 11th to 17th with Bike to Work Day on 17th.
Having had too few winter outings and noting a delayed crocus bloom, went on first ride of Spring later than usual following a record 3 foot blizzard that made region’s streets too narrow and slick for a month. Anticipating first “century week” of the year, did manage several rides with miles in double digits, yet shy of the five 20 milers required. Not surprisingly, one gets seriously out of shape when unable to ride for so long. Meanwhile, SoCal has seen record heat, °F in triple digits, raising fears of dry heat causing another devastating out-of-control wildfire. Global warming hints of winter convenience, but instead manifests in catastrophic betrayals, severe conditions, strong winds, and weather swings which discourage jaunts outdoors.
Why “com”plain about routine exertion? Why “ex”plain how exploration and perspiration benefit body and mind? When you curiously dive into dreaded details you discover what brazen statements don’t disclose, informative connections that unpack how to exploit data for mutual fun and profit. Bias toward what topics one will address or cover does not in any way mean such reporting is unreliable, rather promises a narrow but precise take. However, ignoring major influences misinforms and oversimplifies. Parties and passivity swirl down foreclosure and forfeiture sewers. To approach enlightenment and reach utopian uplands you need “un”plain perspectives seen above upstanding crests, but is that wise?
Mike Magnuson, Bike Tribes: A Field Guide to North American Cyclists (Rhodale Press, 2012, 200 pp.) - Heft on Wheels author previously cited tries to sort through stereotypes, though fully aware that bicycling is egalitarian and inclusive of all individuals of every stripe except certain fascist overlords, petroleum pedophiles, and their sycophant toadies.
Era of awkward incompetents groping for acceptance is over. A narcissist apprentice host with cancelation level ratings now lords on a golden throne above cosmetic mutant minions. What does that tell you? Dug in like a tick in bosom of fascist society, you probably can get by knowing little as long as you fein contempt for knowledge and look attractive. Ugly people actually have to be skilled, smart, and useful, since they bear all the weight and do all the work. So, get dental or plastic surgery, go on a diet, and tone muscle at gym, then run for cabinet appointment or public office, instead of practice, read, study, then take a thankless position that doesn’t compensate you for what you’re worth.
Climate vagaries aren’t the only obstacles to bicycling potentialities. Edicts elicit excuses not to ride, as if you needed more among myriad others. Theorists pontificate rules expecting bicyclists to bow to their authority, such as scrutinizing road ahead for where you’ll be after 12 seconds elapse, or spinning as cadence during 75% of pedaling, versus sprinting for less than 25%, to build racing stamina. What's the hurry?
“There’s lots of value in riding a bicycle. But you cannot expect that bicycle travel is going to take the place of very much of the automotive travel being made.“ Damn you, John Forester. No “effective cycling” exists for anyone but weenie cultists. His book of 800 pp. based on listserv opinions dismisses average bicyclists going a grand average of a mere 12 mph. Exchanged harsh words with him on majority’s inability to compete with 25+ mph motorized traffic. His MAMIL manifesto capitulating to automotive paradigm set back bicycling’s acceptance on streets and surge of building dedicated accommodations by decades. Do agree about taking lanes, but shifting over to let passers by only makes safe sense when infrastructure allows. Thank you Not Just Bikes (Jason Slaughter) for again debunking his bullpucky, as has B&C for decades. Best described as stubborn obsession, once you make a case you feel you have to defend it.
Am also ambivalent over few new woonerven, traffic controlled streets, supposedly improving safety of cycling and walking. Bump-outs actually intermittently force bicyclists into travel lanes, whereas a continuous breakdown lane stretching completely through intersections avoids bike-car collisions and helps maintain predictable lines of travel for both. Recently installed Dynamic Speed Monitoring Displays, intended to deter motorists from going over posted limits, have been found to cause distractions and encourage violations. While operators tend to conform with feedback in short term, effectiveness wanes without active policing, and scofflaws seem triggered to see how fast they can go. They also shame bicyclists to push harder to hurry past at higher speeds.
Any traffic enforcement that doesn’t suspend licenses of repeat offenders fails to protect compliant majority. Acts of avenging violators shouldn’t involve punishing law abiders. Slime slips through your fingers despite state’s desire to control carnage through passive deterrents. It’s a lesson about squeezing so hard that entire population becomes infuriated and go rogue.
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If you’re going to wage a war that closes shipping lanes for a flotilla of oil tankers, at least give a sensible explanation, not try to evade prosecution for this War Powers Act violation by bobbing and dodging. Also pinpoint targets that will neutralize retaliatory infrastructure, e.g., airports, diesel and nuclear refineries, missile bases, or military camps, not civilian bridges, electric plants, reservoirs, and school full of teen girls. One ought to strategize based on careful consideration, central intelligence, and constituent interests, not drunken whims, sinister agendas, or swaggering bloodlust. Perhaps it’s less stressful to find gentle expressions of bicycling culture.
Will Trent “You’re Not That Person Anymore”(Daniel T. Thomsen and Liz Heldens dirs., Season 4, Episode 6, 2025) sees supporting characters Angela Polaski (Erika Christensen) and Seth McDale (Scott Foley) recalling how they met by crashing into each other on bicycles. She’s now pregnant with his child, and they are getting married on same spot witnessed by random randonneur Marvin. Having exchanged vows, a posse of fellow bicyclists with elaborate night lights send them off on a honeymoon. Was one of this quirky crime drama’s more popular episodes.
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Burglar Jeffrey Manchester (Channing Tatum) enters four dozen fast food franchises by breaking through ceilings in criminal biopic Roofman (Derek Cianfrance, dir., 2025). Sentenced practically for life, this divorced dad and ex-vet escapes prison and holes up in a nearby North Carolina Toys”R” Us. Hidden by day behind bike display, he spends his time eating store’s candy, exercising after hours among aisles, and expertly observing store employees per his military recon experience. Under alias John Zorn he even dates one, single mom Leigh Wainscott (Kirsten Dunst), visiting her at church and home by riding a juvenile store bike. No stranger to bicycling, Tatum later shared a sentimental photo from film’s set, explaining it was a scene where his character gives his daughter the bike she always wanted after pawning stolen video games.
In post production, Project Hail Mary (dirs. Christopher Miller and Phil Lord, 2026) is, like football term it evokes, a desperate last ditch effort to save game. In this case, it means an environmentally conscious bicyclist and former science professor Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) being shanghaied to save totality of humankind from a dying sun. He awakes alone, crew’s sole survivor, on an interstellar flight to Tau Ceti system on a mission to study what’s also killing that sun. Audience are conditioned to think of space adventures as heroic venues, but someone must step up to save planet’s few remaining democracies if you expect opportunities to tackle other existential threats.
Rom-com feature film Solo Mio (Charles and Daniel Kinnane, dirs., 2026) depicts jilted fiancé Matt (Kevin James, Hitch, Mall Cop, Pixels) left at the altar. He continues his prepaid honeymoon in Italy wifeless, While riding alone on an Ecosmo 20F07W fold-up tandem bicycle, he instead finds adventure and love when coffee barista Gia (Nicole Grimaudo) joins him on rides.
Law & Order “Never Say Goodbye” (Fred Berner, dir., Season 25, Episode 12, 2026), follows bike commuter Mark Turner (Chamblee Ferguson), an FAA inspector, who’s gunned down on Hudson Bikeway heading home on his last day of a 37-year career keeping those plying skies safe. It’s up to Maroun (Odelya Halevi) and Price (Hugh Dancy) to ferret out a vengeful bride who converses with her dead husband via artificial intelligence, another reason to suspect awful intent of unlawful AI.
Lardi B, Bicycle (parody hip-hop w/ explicit lyrics), single, self, 2024 - plus size and tattoo positive performer declares, “You can look, but you can’t touch... I want to ride my bicycle right now... wherever the f*ck I like.”
