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Monday, July 20, 2020

“The Dozens” Crack-aine

If forecast is clear, think nothing of taking on a midsummer half century. Since the mid-90’s have been roadie riding between 50 and 100 miles/week year round in weather that varies from sweltering to snowbound. In early years pushed 10-speeds half as much, so covered 150,000 miles lifetime, duly recorded as a total from 4 spent odometers. They say avid bicyclists add 10 years to their lifespan; if true, it's an investment of time that pays back 10:1. Who wouldn't appreciate such an ROI? Let detractors and rappers dare crack wise and gibber inane, “Yo daddy such a tree hugger, his bike has more miles on it than your family car.” Well, true, actually.

In past few months described over 100 films not previously listed in either book or reader. Beginning to believe it’s too much of a breeze to be bothered obtaining boatloads. Yet the same happened with songs; built up a huge list then began to find ever fewer that were creative or newer, naturally, given law of approaching comprehension with diminishing returns. Had to await emergence of next batch. Can never cover all, but could, if so inclined, focus on other art forms: decorative and fine arts, illustrations or paintings, perhaps other literature. Did already compile a bibliography, bixicon, and multiple appendices, yet belittlers still believe bicycling culture doesn’t exist, troll you to prove otherwise while ignoring a preponderance of evidence, and will never share your viewpoint no matter what you do or say. Pearls tossed before swine are thrown away, lost forever, were better left in oysters in seas. Hateful fatties detest anything that threatens their ephemeral amenities. “Yo mama so fat, she sat on a steel bike and broke it.” Here as promised are “the dozens” of newly detected ditties, as if you can actually deem all of them musical melodies. Snap, you snooze, you lose.

Elmer Gantry's Velvet Opera, Reactions of a Young Man, Elmer Gantry's Velvet Opera, Epic, 1968
“Your husband knows that you've been keeping me. The bond you wish to make can never be. The age between us is illogical. Don’t ask for love that is impossible... Try as you might to stop my wandering the changing time makes my position clear. You thought you could give me everything I might need. Unlock this cage of gold, I'm leaving here. I’m going home, I'm going home. Gonna ride my bicycle there... If you destroy his life because of me, you’ll find you've won a hollow victory.” Speaking of the obscure, old, and psychedelic, a freedom machine can be used to escape all sorts of prisons, even drug addictions and gilded cages.

Miho Hatori, Ecdysis, Ecdysis, Speedstar, 2005
“My body feels some sourness. Start to see a sight I've never known. Finally gravity starts to fall in my mind. Every moment I see is changing... So I ride my bicycle. My clock is now letting time go.” Arachnid moult or Björk mimic?

Rasputina, Incapable Of Regret, Oh Perilous World, Filthy Bonnet Records, 2007
“If you take your hands off the bicycle seat, you’re unable to ride the bike. You ask yourself, ‘Is she serious?’ I say, yeah, you bet your life. My loathing obscures my pain, my arrogance and disdain.”
 
Spirit and Dust, Next To Me Never Be, single, self, c. 2007
“Next to me I don't think I wanna' see a man cringing from fear of a death far too late... a world chasing harmony... horrible fates... I won't believe I can't beat this disease. I can make every day free and at peace with it... I will wander along through a stunning world... Riding my bicycle, questioning the world I see... Next to me I don't think I wanna' see a world working so hard at a future for who?” Good question. Heard of any billionaires with COVID?

Craig Johnson (aka Hypno-Ring, aka Laserbeams of Boredom), Bicycle [Intentional Noise], Bicycle, self, 2008
Other evocative titles include Cemetery Ride, Off the Chain, Spokes [I and II], but not sure you can even call it music, more akin to emergency sirens, jackhammers, and street din, though no less relevant to a harried rider trying to revel in a spin.

Katie Grace Helow, Bike Eye View, single, self, 2009
“My skirt is scraping rubber spinning fast between our legs, and it's amazing just how beautiful this city looks from bicycle pegs. And I hope that you are smiling as I lean on the curve of your spine, because the corners of my lips have been curled as high as the stars in my eyes since I climbed onto this ride... I’d rather spend the night here with you and Neruda than alone... there’s nothing quite like, holding onto your shoulders through infinite night, taking flight on the back of your bike.”

Barolo, Tourmalet [British instr.], Tourmalet, self, 2010
Title track from 12 by this group of improvisational psychedelicists is about a bad trip to a distant Pyrenees mountaintop, the famous, frequent, hors catégorie Tour de France climb. Other relevant tracks are Coppi !!! (Fausto Coppi, rated second all time to Eddy Merckx), Fuzzcycle, Graeme’s Washing Machine (Graeme “The Flying Scotsman” Obree broke 1 hour record by using a bike of own design scavenged from titular appliance), Pave de Vlaeminck (Roger Vlaeminck holds record for wins on Paris-Roubaix cobblestone stages), and Poulidor (crowd’s favorite underdog Raymond Poulidor, who competed doggedly against all time great Merckx).

Chad Vangaalen, Freedom for a Policeman [Canadian Folk], Diaper Island, self, 2011
“Freedom! Freedom and love... Flowers blowing in the wind for you, Policeman, who are you chasing now? Why won't you leave them be? Why won't you set yourself free. You’ve become such a drag. Why won't you be our friend? And drop your gun in hand?All your lights are beautiful, as you're bashing in my skull, and my stolen bicycle.”

The Heavenly States, Oui Camera Oui, Oui Camera Oui, Love Brand Music BMI, 2011
“George and Martha, sitting on a bicycle seat, they like to ride down the middle while they dangle their feet. He never holds her. She never holds on.”

Jerry Clarkson & The Ride Arounds, Bicycle, Bicycle, self, 2012
“He rode a bicycle, was only four, born in an alleyway behind a liquor store... no where to go, he just cruised along. “ Album named for track title, contains no other bicycling references.

Mark.Nine, Bicycles [Texan synth instr.], Bicycles, self, 2012
Only relevant title from a 13 track album.

Bicycle, The Auguste Banke Trophy Cup, single, self, 2013
“Mr Banke, from Seabeck Point, rode a 20 inch Preston Discovery.” Both artist’s name and mentioned single relate.

Emily McGuire, On a Bicycle Made for Two, Bird Inside a Cage, Shaktu Rec., 2013
“‘Cos I’ve been down and so dismayed. So many times I lost my way. But you could come to my rescue on a bicycle that’s made for two. ‘Cos I’m falling, I’m falling through your head. Oh, it’s love you said... And with love we’re gonna make our way.”

Tyler Cameron, Bicycle [Canadian folk], Prevailing Winds EP, self, 2013
"I rode my bike through my favourite park; it was a beautiful day with many reasons to celebrate... The park is so full of life today, and then I came upon parents soon-to-be. Well, the couple posed for a picture with the proud man’s arms wrapped around his proud partner’s big swollen belly. I saw the cycle of life from the bicycle I love to ride. I saw the cycle of life today.”

No Mothers, Bicycle, Bicycle, self, 2014
"I bought a bicycle but it treated me so mean. So I went searching for a kinder machine... In the corner was the bike of my dreams. It shone like lightening. It had twenty-three speeds! Bicycle, oh Bicycle... you’re shining so keen! Me and my bike, we're a fiercer shade of green... This bike's a racehorse. Oh my god can it fly! Thank you, sir, for setting me free! As for me and my bike, we will serve the road.”

Sean Farrell, The Quiet Moments of a Racing Mind [instr.], Bicycle Ride, self, 2014

Bomba Titkinka, Bicycle [Italian in English], Bicycle, self, 2015
“Had a brand new bicycle. He loved to ride night and day.”

Fomosurfer, Bicycle, Anybody Can Be Wrong, self , 2017
“I put on my helmet, and I grease the chain... check the tire pressure, and test the brakes. I’m in love with my bicycle. I’m never alone because I have you. I’ve been cross the country in all kinds of weather. Been out in a blizzard and a tornado... my only regret is not padding my knees.”

The Meep Initiative, Ride [Indian eam], Bicycle, self, 2017
“Each song [of 5] is part of a story about a cyclist who is training for a big race.”

John Sakars, I Pedal My Vegan Ass, John Sakars and Friends - Greatest Hits, self, 2018
“Ya wanna see how I get around town? Let me show you how I roll. How do I get to the grocery store? I pedal my vegan ass... How do I get to my place of work? I eat fruit, then I pedal. I eat veggies, then I pedal. I don't need no gasoline. I’m a lean, mean vegan pedaling machine."
 
Shook, Bicycle Ride [Dutch piano instr.], Bicycle Ride LP, self, 2018

Steve Kornicks/Produktor Music, Bici Cumbi, Umpteenth Rodeo, self, 2018

Going S (Hugh Yamada and Jay Mobley), Bicycle [American folk in Japanese], First Half EP, self, 2019
“Bicycle, how far will I go today? I will go wherever you are. Let’s ride the wind today... Let’s speed up and overtake him. 自転車!”

Mark Lesseraux and The Citizens, Bicycle, Not 12, self, 2020
“And it was physical, I could feel you there. It isn’t logical, but it was you I swear. And it was magical. I have got no words. It’s incontestable though it sure sounds absurd. Now every person that I meet is me. There’s no longer a we, just a you and a me that’s you... and the things I was thinking through. I got on my bicycle. Got on my bicycle!” Gives a Flann O’Brien, Professor De Selby vibe as explained by Third Policeman’s Sergeant Pluck, who introduced Atomic Theory of the Bicycle.


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