Obscene Sexteyn

Pedaling increases testosterone, which tempts scorchers into trysts for which they might need to atone. Among obese cyclists exploring trails, comely athenas might draw gaze of lonely clydesdales. For clergy, an acolyte or medieval sexteyn could sacrilegiously serve allegedly celibate pastors in sacristies. Bodies are driven by electrical synapses, endocrine hormones, and natural processes to procreate, produce, and seek releases regardless of moralities. Orgasms are a potent analgesic. Only a refined sense of consequence keeps reasonable people from drowning in regrettable pornographies, or endorsing sex trafficking criminalities. Though cracks in affection and fulfillment get filled with anger and resentment, nothing excuses interpersonal malfeasance. Expect to stew excessively in silence.

Johns, junkies, tweakers, and winos vainly volunteer their vulnerabilities to gangsters, murderers, pimps, and politicians, who wrap themselves in national flags and religious vestments. Half of illicit opioids are laced with China white, deadly fentanyl. Being impaired in public certainly doesn’t exonerate felonies but definitely encumbers legal docilities. In-car-cerated doesn’t mean stuck inside your comfy ride, rather you don’t get to pedal a conveyance where you’d like and must hide inside an imaginary shell among depraved predators in a prison hell. Convicts inside are given jobs, so, along with busy monsters hunting outside, get to celebrate Labor Day, which ought to exclude freeloaders and parasites, who make up an increasing portion of US populace. They don’t appreciate that sweat of exertion improves and purifies like nothing else.

However gross, messy, scary or smelly these realities sound, obscene instead describes arresting climate clarion Greta Thunberg and threatening her with a 6 month sentence for protesting Big Oil. So, it’s come down again to condemning youth for speaking truth, who were likewise honest and persecuted in the 1960’s, as history has proven. Conservatives since Nixon fatten upon fossil goo, gun sales, and tax breaks for wealthiest few at the expense of altruism, education, infrastructure improvements, job creation, social programs, and whatever else liberates those whom neocons crave to enslave. With elections looming, they’re condemning nonfiction blogs and books and hiking gasoline prices, economic terrorism they’ve relied upon time and time again.

While alternatives can be half-assed and standardization begets efficiencies, choices matter and deceits boomerang. Much more could be done to promote self propulsion, such as donating unused bicycles to charities, lobbying congress members and state legislators for code enforcement, setting good examples by riding responsibly, and welcoming newcomers of all ages. It’s no hardship dropping off hardware at local bike recyclers or forwarding tax deductible donations to such organizations as:

Bikes for the World - Rockville, MD, USA (99% rating)
Ships used bikes to economically challenged regions worldwide.

Bikes Not Bombs - Boston, MA, USA (82% rating)
Ships used bikes to economically challenged nations in Latin America.

International Bicycle Fund - Seattle, WA, USA
Promotes advocacy and awareness around the world.

Recycle-a-Bike - Providence, RI, USA
Teaches underprivileged teens to rebuild bicycles so they learn marketable skills and wind up with own transportation to work.

Salvation Army - Alexandria, VA (100% rating), plus 15,000 locations in 130 countries
Not only do they welcome drop offs, General Brian Peddle (not Pedal, but close enough), chief executive since 2018, wishes to sell used equipment at rock bottom prices with proceeds going to job therapy for addicts and indigents. What they don’t sell gets passed along periodically to other charities.

Two Wheeler Dealer - Wilmington, NC, USA
If you drop off a unit, they’ll refurbish and donate it for you.

World Bicycle Relief, Chicago, IL (84% rating)
Has donated half a million bicycles to developing countries in Africa and India, as well as taught mechanics how to maintain them. They’ve partnered with Trek and World Vision to support local government efforts.

 A slew of NGOs do nothing but extol bicycling, rather than take a proactive role, such as attend group rides and be seen riding bicycles themselves. Some suddenly close for lack of patronage or scandals over embezzlement. You can gain confidence that those you pick still do worthwhile work by visiting Charity Navigator, which provides contacts, ratings, and specifics.

To be clear, not all people can successfully propel a bicycle, no more than operate a motor vehicle. Less than half of Americans have driver licenses. Both require minimal coordination, intelligence, reflexes, and stamina. To coax those who are deficient is to force failures irresponsibly, though you can’t forever shelter them since they are free to behave responsibly and exercise choices that positively impact self and society. Risks from bad habits, cumulative stress, poor diet, and substance abuse are all more deadly, while bicycling has proven to be a cure and deterrent for all of them. Builders make adaptive handcycles, recumbents, and tricycles for paraplegics and those otherwise challenged, while road users are 20 times safer going by bikes than cars.

E-bikes and pedelecs, essentially light motor vehicles, might not belong on bike paths where speed increase isn’t expected by dog walkers, pedestrians, and unwary users. Want to go faster? Be a faster; abstaining and dieting are world’s cheapest hobbies, whereas international food tourism is the most pricey. Bicycle touring fits budgets; bicycle commuting can cut costs of car ownership tenfold. Sadly ironic, bicycling facilitates motoring by freeing space on streets and postponing oil depletion by using no fuel other than meals.

Surely someone is rushing to set up a defense fund for Greta, as any woke cause is worth exploiting. Private fortunes and public appeals supposedly fund animal rescues, earthquake and hurricane relief, green space rallies, nature conservancies, and several dozen related nonprofits when what really happens is directors enlist volunteers to do dirty work and pocket every donation, while results so far are deforestation, devastation, mass extinction, no improvement or reversal of any condition, the opposite of what they purport. A gift of $1,000/year will save no polar bears or whales without policy changes among the worst national offenders, particularly China and USA. They immorally use your angst, guilt and rage as weapons against you, while you to seek zero carbon footprint on your own.

If majority avoids waste, identifies threats, opposes tyranny, recycles avidly, teaches progeny to do same, and uses only what’s necessary to thrive, nature heals and threats lessen. Don’t wait for God, who’s no fan of ecological suicide, to intervene. You can’t be absolved until you acknowledge trespasses, confess sins, forget debts, and forgive others. Yet you can’t ignore or tolerate audacious actors as they rise to mass murder.

When “Captain Obvious” speaks plainly it invites cancelation, censorship, character assassination, innuendo, rumors, and slander. Enlightenment author Denis Diderot observed, “Those who fear the facts will forever try to discredit the fact-finders,” or as folks escalate nowadays, “Kill the messenger.” Have you ever been subtly shushed by having a topic abruptly changed? Ever accused of “being lost in the weeds” when exploring a fuller picture? Maybe you intended all along to alienate, challenge, frustrate, and separate self from uncaring acquaintances. Even worse, have friends and loved ones had their minds poisoned against you when all you sought was cooperative friendships? You will be ostracized for introducing information beyond scope of current conversation even though everything is part of an interconnected fabric from which universe is made, so always holds relevance to some degree.

Though little good comes from sitting in group meetings, and many dismiss scientific tools as utter mendacity, pareto analysis focuses attention on which influences are the most potent, and what to ignore as butterfly flutter or white noise. One can savor privileges within a web of total delusion; in fact, those who do insulate themselves against public tumult, but someone always pays the price of ignorance. Halfwitted bloggers can make a decent living spouting misinformation and opinion that serve someone’s agenda through advertising, grants, or stipends. QAnon numerologist Michael Protzman attracted nearly one hundred thousand followers by claiming Donald Trump, Elvis Presley, and JFK Jr. were cousins descended from Jesus Christ, until killed this summer in a motorcycle accident.

While Bike&Chain appears articulate and informed, observing behaviors and effects accurately, Labann was never smart enough to rake in a blogger’s average of $38,000/year in revenues, rather incurred net losses and wasted 15 years. No individual can solve life’s issues, only act kindly, be useful, follow laws, pursue nonviolence, and serve needs lest be labeled ludicrous and lose liberties.

Spike Ectodomain

“More laundry, muddy pants: study weathercasts, maps, thumb catalogs, take naps. Window another chance.” - Labann, Winter Cadence, 2008

Sounds simple: Acquire and apply skills, collect pay, save for retirement, settle bills, and stay within means. When your life is made too complicated, depressing or difficult to bear, you look for someone to blame, though many assume it’s their own fault after years of brainwashing, browbeating and brutal upbringing. Doesn’t mean that corporate protocols, criminal schemes, and government policies don’t prevent you from thriving. Laws don’t care and life isn’t fair. The bimbo in a Mercedes who parks in a restricted zone won’t get ticketed, but you would. Conspiracy theorists spend excess energy concocting senseless arguments denying contagion threat and justifying own stupidity, never forget.

Coronavirus gets its name from its crownlike protein spikes, an ectodomain finger that helps them impale and infect host cells. Cretins ignore need to vaccinate themselves, infect others, yet somehow deflect high death rate. They’re so full of poison even a deadly disease wants out and won’t linger. Scrotus and entire staff allegedly had it, though none seemed unduly impacted, though they misrepresented threat to bolster hardline Republicans, particularly Rubio, who heads Small Business subcommittee. More Americans died from COVID, half a million, than US soldiers in all 20th Century wars. COVID singlehandedly reduced average life expectancy by a full year, the deepest plunge in a century, not to mention causing its worst economic recession. Poverty kills more people than infection, and reduces survivors to slaves.

Siddhartha Mukherjee’s New Yorker article wonders why pandemic death rates were counterintuitively and disproportionately higher among wealthy Caucasian elderly and lower among poor Asian youth. “It was an epidemiological whodunnit... After the age of thirty, your chance of dying if you get covid-19 doubles roughly every eight years.” No studies to date factored in race, but suspect it was a bio-engineered racial weapon. Even those not so convinced have begun to boycott Chinese products based on Beijing’s lying about COVID’s high communicability thereby delaying what would have saved millions of lives. No one knows how long vaccines boost immunity or whether those vaccinated can still infect others. Yet China’s Xi Jinping remains The Chump’s “very, very good friend,” whose totalitarian crackdown in Hong Kong forced self censorship and squashed democratic protests.

Whose friends were Fala, Feller, Edgar, Charlie & Gaulie, Heidi, Edgar & Freckles, Checkers, Liberty, Rex, Millie, Socks, Spot, Bo, and Champ? They were presidential pets of FDR, Truman, JFK, Johnson, Bush I, Clinton, Bush II, Obama and Biden, respectively. Teddie Roosevelt, Cal Coolige, and JFK had entire menageries. Not surprisingly, noticeably missing from this list is Dolt 45, who said outright he had no love or time for animal companions, although he surrounded himself with ass kissers, bootlickers, bottom feeders, opportunists, sycophants, thieves, and yes men, who served his will alone and suffered consequences. He cowered Birx and Fauci into violating Hippocratic Oath to save face, while 10% of Americans contracted and 1% died. Now he’s collecting donations for his own PAC instead of relying on RNC for another run, provided DOJ investigations don't result in indictments and convictions.

Cold and COVID set cycling priorities. Biggest difference between indoor spinning and outdoor riding is commitment. Once you venture forth, you must defy odds and endure whatever yet somehow return. On an indoor sprinter or stationary rig, you meet no one, never shiver to stay warm or steer clear of potential carriers, see same old floors and walls, and step off as soon as you sweat. While better than nothing and more efficient, there’s no glory, regret, risks, scars, tears, or toxic clouds of wind whipped road salt, at least in most northern states. Filthy piles of snow glower where sun doesn’t shine.

Rather ride paved roads than sloppy single tracks: Not so likely to run into fauna and flora, plus, should one drop dead being overtaken by an impatient motorist, someone might find intact corpse sooner. Hold little interest in gravel and mountain bikes, though wildly popular among fitness freaks afraid of motorists. Justify so many pedaled miles by supplanting driven miles for free vitamin D, gym visits, health appointments, low impact exercise, shopping trips, and work commutes that meant necessary motility.

A bright light might blur blemishes or expose blight. Shouldn’t you shine yours and stand in the sun? You buy little with silence, but risk shame and worse for speaking up. Duty of any citizen is to participate in democracy, but political opinionated people are subject to cancel culture, a new term for ostracism. Prepare to be dismissed as bitter, ignorant and vile by those in denial. Labann does read news but isn’t on Clubhouse, Facebook, 4chan, forums, Gab, Instagram, LinkedIn, Listserv, Parler, Patriots.win, Reddit, Telegram or Twitter yakking with dolts and trolls by the busloads. Blind mute service stands you in good stead until world implodes. Participation in life can be active or passive, which translates into having some small say or reacting to policies against you decided by blowhards, loudmouths, and tightwads. Live by a stone cudgel, sword, gun, pen, computer, smartphone on worldwide web, each mightier by degrees, but, according to debatable old saying, you’ll die by which one you seize.

Life is not defined by scientific hypotheticals that contrast Erwin Schrödinger’s feline fodder against Max Planck’s predatory Manx: All in on sin, or believe in afterlife inevitability, higher purpose, ineffable karma, influential spirituality, probable retribution, or simply you’ll do better when everyone does well. Apathetic or oblivious enablement equal tacit approval. Office of POTUS is a wet dream for an opportunistic con man: Power to promise anything, renege anytime, screw over whomever, take without consequences or limits because world’s biggest army and treasury backs you. Someone, usually those seeking knowledge and truth, have to pay the price.

What young adults don’t need is another bad example to emulate. What they do need more than anything are bicycles, since they get zero exercise with their noses stuck in smartphones all day until onset of diabetes, heart disease and obesity. Internet is loaded with serious content if you’re willing to “sign up’ to some service for loss of anonymity or some small fee. With Alexa or Siri you don’t even have to surf browsers to find bad advice or biased suggestions. Life isn’t buried behind digital barriers but right outside your door, which you should be cautioned to keep closed with home invasions, misery-loves-company contagion spreaders, and utility scams on rise due to pandemic and recession.

Instead of diligently pedaling, doing interesting research. Movies or tunes can be just as infectious as viruses; though fewer die as a result, ear-worms or plots might exasperate enough to distract from meaningful tasks or safe practices. As promised, got back to Grace Papy’s Vélo Bicyclette Remix, reviewed more movies she cited along with others newly discovered for a dozen new, ruled out several as insufficient reference or previous mention, and wrapped up. French film titles seldom match original English titles already covered, which creates confusion. Always try to provide instances where bicycling figures into plot lines, not just naturally appears, or lists would be even longer.

Maria (Marlene Dietrich) meets Count Dino (Vittorio De Sica) while gambling in The Monte Carlo Story (Samuel A. Taylor, dir., 1957). Thus begins an affair, both penniless imposters believing other might ensure her/his future, but it’s short lived. Once Maria learns Dino is chronically broke and compulsively gambles like her, she instead hooks up with a wealthy American and plans to marry him. But Maria can’t shake her fondness for Dino. A vintage poster portrays them in Monaco bicycling together as if sophisticated fun. Period photos also show Dietrich pushing pedals, possibly contributing to America’s bike boom between 1965 and 1975.

Anime miniseries Golden Boy: Sasurai no o-benkyô yarô, aka The Wandering Student (Hiroyuki Kitakubo, dir., 1995-96) stars voice of Doug Smith as Kintaro Oe, a 25-year-old law student who dropped out of Tokyo University, because he had already mastered entire curriculum, to pursue a simpler life of traveling on his bicycle between diverse part-time jobs. Humor comes from his lust for babes who he thinks want his attention.

Mom drags Lola (Lindsay Lohan) away from her beloved Manhattan to suburban New Jersey, where she’s adapting to stifling provinciality, biking to high school, and exploring gated communities in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, aka Le Journal Intime d’une Futur Star (Sara Sugarman, dir., 2004). She runs afoul of popular bully Carla (Megan Fox) but shows her up in final reel.

Anthropology student Annie Braddock (Scarlet Johansson, Avenger Black Widow) takes a summer domestic role in The Nanny Diaries, aka Le Journal d’une Baby Sitter (Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini, dirs., 2008) to study the strange marital customs of Manhattan’s Upper East Side. Rent’s free, but she’d rather have a corporate internship. She does learn a lot about how husbands and wives shirk commitments. When family vacations on Nantucket, she gets desperate to reconnect with handsome Harvard neighbor back in city, so bikes to a pay phone, which precipitates her being fired.

L.O.L (Lisa Azuelos, dir., 2009) has hormonal school teens emoting uncontrollably. Lots of honesty about post pubescent behaviors, Lola (Christa Theret) dumps Arthur (Felix Moati) to date folk singer Maël (Jérémy Kapone) and follow him down a dark tunnel on her bike.

In 2008, family of Sami Ben Boudaoud (Samy Seghir) settled into ritzy Paris locale Neuilly-sur-Seine. For 10 years he rides his tandem bike alone and with friends and studies political science aspiring to conservative office, until his idol loses presidential election, parents forfeit fortune, and they have to leave their beloved neighborhood. Neuilly Sa Mere, aka Neuilly Yo Mama (Gabriel Julien-Laferrière, dir., 2009) sees Sami’s embarrassing downfall and moving in with country cousin Charles de Chazelle (Jérémy Denisty).

Best friends Grace (Selena Gomez) and Emma (Katie Cassidy) quit their waitress jobs in rural Texas for an adventure in Paris, accompanied by Grace's stepsister. While there, Grace is mistaken for a philanthropist socialite, which leads trio to Monte Carlo, aka Bienvenue a Monte Carlo (Thomas Bezucha, dir., 2011). Farces, fights and flirts later, heart throb Theo (Pierre Boulanger) sees Grace riding a bike and whistles to stop her so they can reunite.

Noémie Lvovsky directs and stars in charming French magic realist flick Camille Rewinds (2012) as a middle aged wife whose husband (Samir Guesmi) leaves her. This triggers her alcoholic binge that leaves her in an ethylic coma. When she awakes in a hospital bed, she’s back in 1980’s, and society sees her as a 15 year old girl pedaling jejunely to school on a pink Peugeot, though she still appears 40 to herself and moviegoers and remembers everything that occurred. Determined to relive her life without repeating choices she regrets, she tries to avoid future husband altogether and to protect mom (Judith Chemla) from a fatal stroke, but fails on both accounts. After a bike crash and a t-bone collision, she’s back to present with a renewed attitude.

Montreal short The Man Who Lived on His Bike (Guillaume Blanchet, dir., 2012), best film in its category at a slew of film festivals, shows what one can do while living for an entire year on a bicycle... everything, including eating, phoning, Rubik's cubing, shaving, showering, sleeping, and suggesting even dating.

This is 40, aka 40 ans mode d’emploi (Judd Apatow, dir., 2012), shows how unhappily married couple Debbie (Leslie Mann) and Pete (Paul Rudd) confront midlife. After overhearing that Debbie’s pregnancy is being kept from him, Pete goes for an angry fast 40th birthday spin on his Trek roadie, where he encounters just about every obnoxious Los Angeles motorist behavior and gets doored by a thoughtless SUV driver, while wearing his Giro helmet, fortunately. Driver punches him in the stomach when Debbie catches up to find him. Nominated for a dozen industry awards, it won two.

In chick flick Endless Love, aka Un Amour Sans Fin (Shana Feste, dir., 2014) sheltered debutante Jade (Gabriella Wilde) falls hard for troubled car valet David (Alex Pettyfer) enflamed by parental disapproval. He knows how to drive but rides her seductively on his handlebars.

On their farm in Aries, everyone in La Famille Bélier (Éric Lartigau, dir., 2014) is deaf except 16-year-old Paula (Anne Peichert, aka popular singer Louane Emera). Paula, who acts as interpreter for her parents, bikes everywhere, and is vitally important to farmstead operations, though they can’t appreciate her vocal talents. Movie earned 7-fold and won César Awards for Best Actor, Actress and Film despite some criticism by deaf activists, who complained affliction was insensitively played for laughs.

Frame's Teyne

Children bicycling or tricycling by Monster House (Gil Kenan, dir., 2006) better beware. In this Dreamworks animated feature the soul of a carnival freak fuses with a spooky mansion. Any kids, occasionally adults, pets or toys who get too close are swallowed whole. Paperboy who tosses a roll onto lawn is knocked off his bike by roll slung back at him. Neighbor D.J. (Mitchell Musso), pal Chowder (Sam Lerner), and schoolmate Jenny (Spencer Locke), who Chowder and D.J. try to save when she tries to sell Halloween candy there, team to solve mystery. Although characters are a rip-off of Harry Potter cast, box office doubled budget, and film got nominated for an Academy Award.

Penicillin: The Magic Bullet (Gorden Glenn, dir., 2006) describes how Alexander Fleming took credit for the discovery of antibiotics after deeming this cheese mold spore unfit for use on humans. Oxford scientist Howard Florey teamed with biochemist refugee Ernst Chain and lab technician Norman Heatley to extract the first thimbleful of powder, which they injected into first human test subject, and transported urine samples back to lab by a relay race of bicyclists to produce more. Though injured bobby they treated died for lack of sufficient quantity, it proved penicillin wasn’t magical whimsy but medical cure. Took American war machine to ramp up production, which saved an estimated three hundred thousand troops after D-Day. Hitler also took credit out of petty jealousy and pure malice. Fleming has a crater named after him on the moon. Few remember Oxford pioneers whose dedicated efforts have alleviated suffering and extended millions of lives since. Isn’t that usually the case?

Adam (Michael Stasko) discovers Things To Do (Ted Bezaire, dir., 2006) whether or not he wants to after he leaves a big city job and retreats to small time family’s home. Mom insists he do some grocery shopping, so he breaks out his ten speed. There he runs into Mac (Daniel Wilson), who provokes all sorts of adventures.

Bicycling artist Piper (Elizabeth Harnois) begins a job at Beach City Grill making Ten Inch Hero (David Mackay, dir., 2007) sub sandwiches for hippie boss Trucker (John Doe). Her move to Santa Cruz has to do with stalking her presumed daughter Julia (Adair Tishler), who she gave up for adoption after becoming pregnant at 15 years old. Both dad Noah (Sean Patrick Flannery) and daughter ride their bikes to a nearby beach, where she secretly imposes on their lives. Northern California suits her better than western Pennsylvania. 

The Soloist (Joe Wright, dir. 2009) describes schizophrenic Nathaniel Ayers (Jamie Foxx, Academy Award for Best Actor) before his slide into homelessness. After a bicycling accident, LA Times reporter Steve Lopez (Robert Downey, Jr., Iron Man) befriends Nate, and tries to improve his life. Downey does another bike dive in The Judge (David Dobkin dir., 2014), previously reviewed.

Another animated feature, Aardman big budget Arthur Christmas (Sarah Smith, dir., 2011) stars James McAvoy in title voiceover role. Arthur Claus, Father Christmas’ awkward grandson, answers letters to Santa. He takes his background role seriously, since Santa has a reputation to uphold: Coming through for kids and delivering to all who deserve gifts. He personally assures English girl Gwen she’ll get her heart’s desire: A shiny pink bicycle. His brother Steven (Hugh Laurie) manages vast corporate facility buried beneath North Pole that employs countless elves and manufactures a billion gifts distributed before daylight on Christmas Day. Steven hopes to inherit Santa’s role from his father Malcolm Claus, who is showing signs of slipping in his advanced years. Malcolm almost gets seen by children, which alerts an elven rescue and diverts bike’s dispatch. Wrapping elf Bryony Shelfley (Ashley Jensen) notices error. Arthur, Bryony, and Grandsanta set off to save Christmas but run into one disaster after the next. Arthur unwraps gift bike to race to final destination before sunup, while Bryony rewraps it on route. All four Clauses convene on scene to watch Gwen get her wish, which she immediately puts to use outdoors and surprisingly gets a glimpse of the new Santa, Arthur, just as he escapes. Film earned $50 million and won scores of minor awards.

Ciclovida Lifecycle (Loren & Matt Feinstein, dirs., 2011) follows Brazilian farmers Inacio and Ivania, who collect and distribute heirloom seeds and spread potent ideas throughout South America, without cash support or motor vehicles, by pedaling 6,000 miles by bicycle in a year. They expose monocultures of alcohol producing plants used in unsustainable motor fuels. Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman comes to mind as an inverse inspiration by hiking on foot and planting nonnative seeds around America’s mid-1800’s frontier.

Chinese dramas Drifters and 11 Flowers (Wang Xiaoshuai, dir., 2003 and 2011, respectively) cover what ordinary life was really like over the course of a lifetime during cultural revolution and in a contemporary small town. A drifter fathers a son while working illegally in America, is repatriated to China, then sorrowfully receives visiting son he’s not allowed to keep after riding him on his handlebars to meet grandfather.

When school boy of later film is selected to lead daily gymnastics, he must wear a new white shirt, which puts a strain on his struggling family's finances in a remote Guizhou village. He loses shirt in an encounter with a desperado, who keeps his promise to replace it from prison. Bike commuter dad and homemaker mom don’t approve.

Small town New Jersey brothers Eric (Nathan Varnson) and Tommy (Ryan Jones) are well advised to Hide Your Smiling Faces (Daniel Patrick Carbone, dir., 2013). Tommy rolls through a fast food takeout on his BMX, pays for a meal, then pal runs by and snatches it; Tommy smiles after food service girl replaces order, and they eat together as planned. But after finding Eric’s younger friend Ian dead at the base of an abandoned train bridge, summer no longer seems a school vacation to while away days casually exploring woods, painting graffitis, scamming townsfolk, and vandalizing vacancies. Audience is left to wonder: Homicide or suicide? Brothers go for a solemn BMX ride to muddle through in their varying stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At 2020’s summer's end, millions of American families face the same and look for whom to blame.

The Hundred Foot Journey (Lasse Hallström, dir., 2014) lies between Madam Mallory’s (Helen Mirren) Michelin 5 star haute cuisine fixture favored by celebrities and heads of state and Papa Kadam (Om Puri) family’s Indian eatery just opened in an abandoned provincial building across the road. His chef son Hassan gradually grows interested in what Mallory offers as well as her head chef Marguerite (Charlotte Le Bon), with whom he takes bike spins into gorgeous Pyrennes hills. Cultures collide in this village gridrion. No wonder Tour de France always passes that way.

Sister of 34-year-old triathlete Nancy (Lake Bell) urges her to Man Up (Ben Palmer, dir., 2015) 4 years after her divorce. Mistaken identity has her on a blind date with 40 year old Jack (Simon Pegg), who thinks she is twentysomething Jessica (Ophelia Lovibond), which goes well until she runs into an acquaintance who calls her by her real name. After Jack's actual date with Jessica, he begins to pine for shapely cyclist Nancy. In recently cancelled sitcom Bless This Mess, Season 1, episode 5, one scene has Lake's character ride her bike into a lake after being sent on a goose chase by a jealous frenemy. Bell, automotive contributing editor for The Hollywood Reporter, used to write car column Test Drive, so wonder why she has become linked with cycling, as is Pegg. Bad influence?

The Book of Henry (Colin Trevorrow, dir., 2017) contains instructions from a son (Jaeden Martell) to his single mother Susan (Naomi Watts) on how to save girl next door, Christina (Maddie Ziegler), who is the abused stepdaughter of police commissioner. After gathering evidence by bicycle, Henry convinces mom to take covert action. Police generally get a bad rap, as do politicians, priests, and whoever is placed above civilians for everyone’s benefit, because a few betray trust bestowed, overstep bounds, or take personal advantage of power.

Veronica (Olivia Holt) gets the shock of her privileged Louisiana life when her high school Class Rank (Eric Stoltz, dir., 2017) comes out as only #2. Not taking it lying down, she masterminds a plan to get a bicycling classmate, bright but clumsy Bernard (Skyler Gisondo), to run for a seat on Livingston School Board and reverse any academic impediment to her getting into Yale. Critics liked this romantic comedy with scenes stolen by Bruce Dern and Kathleen Chalfant, but it got lost at box office and went quickly to DVD.

When Flemish cycling champion Thierry (Vincent Rottiers) takes a trip to Senegal to recoup after a crash, he meets prostitute Fae (Fatou N’Diaye), a fallen angel, Un Ange (Koen Mortier, dir., 2018). It’s love at first sight, but troubles over racial prejudice they face with dignity and hope. Based on a novella by Dimitri Verhulst that delves into suspicious death in 2009 of real life cycling star Frank Vandenbroucke, who won many European races and World Championship in 1990s, it reveals how famous athletes suffer under withering expectations of public fans and team leaders. Selling your body has multiple meanings, such as doping and pushing beyond all reason to perform and win. Family issues overwhelmed and knee surgery sidelined, following a 2004 suicide attempt Frank explained, “I put on my world champion's jersey, I injected myself [with 10 cc of Actrapid insulin]... then I went to lie on my bed and I waited to die. I was so happy.”

Flandrien hopeful Felix Vereecke (Niels Willaerts) grew up in an insular realm of professional racing surrounded by alcohol, cheats, drugs, egos, fisticuffs, obsessions, rivalry, and tunnel vision. But his own bid to become a Coureur (aka, The Racer, Kenneth Mercken, dir., 2018) doesn’t pan out. His body rejects EPO experiments, so his dad gives blood transfusions. Nothing, not even cancer, can stop him from competing in this dark and dirty world. In Dutch and Italian, it’s based on Mercken’s own life in the peloton.

Still from racial drama Blindspotting (Carlos López Estrada, dir., 2018) shows a fat tire BMX wheelie.

A fan maintains a page on IMDB.com  lists feature films, not documentaries, that depict cycling competitions. Some of its entries outdate Labann himself, who mentioned most of them already. You may find others among Krigogstoffer’s 3 dozen to consider viewing while knocking back a Fat Tire Belgian Ale or Samuel Adams Porch Rocker Radler, which was inspired by German cyclists who make something analogous to a British shandy when they mix 1 part lemonade and/or limeade with 2 parts lager, even better when served by bixi-babe wearing a Karen Scott designer bicycle tee. Why not? 

One title that stands out, psychological thriller Sombre (Philippe Grandrieux, dir., 1998), divulges an even darker current to Tour de France: Serial killer Jean (Marc Barbé) cruises route and dispatches prostitutes. He meets unstable virgin Claire (Elina Löwensohn) and her sister, whose car has broken down. Instead of murdering these new recruits too, he lets Claire escape their crepuscular rendezous, though he returns to his predatory prowl of spectators, disturbingly suggested by final scene [shown]. Critics found film’s blurry solemnity and remorseless menace offensive, but Labann seeks such bicycling culture examples within a nexus comprehensive.

Renewed Intuition (Thibaut Grevet, dir., 2020) is a short (or should it be called a brevet?) about Michelle Le Gaffric riding a bicyclette in Paris, while Yann Bean reads a poem by Dylan Cox. It is oh so French describing a vélo experiences and sensations while serving as product placement for Brooks Saddles of England. It begs, “Give us television and time; free us from freedom.” Bicycles, after all, exist as a response to city residence and modernity sufferance, so not exactly a freedom machines but navigational mechanism and pluralism redeemer among civilized society. Frame's teyne, i.e., surface plating, has little impact on intended purpose; bright or dull, all's well as long as you can propel.