Blaine or Blane?

Likewise, Rene and Riley can be either female or male names, but blaine means lean and blane means curiously yellow, summoning a slew of references including para-cycling World Championship and World Record Holder Blaine Hunt and indomitable spirit of late Swedish bicycling actress Lena Nyman. Any individual can sexually identify as either or neither with pride and without your permission. All have a right to choice in lifestyle matters... effeminate adverbs, nuance of nouns, pit of gender pronouns be damned. Homosexuality was legalized in catholic majority cycling crazed France during 18th Century. Ancient cultures included and other creatures still behave bisexually. Major contributors to culture and science throughout history were gay. Bible Old Testament disapproved in passing, so it’s been around forever, not a recent liberal invention. 

Private crimes and public behaviors do warrant scrutiny, especially among those who falsify records to hoodwink voters about amoral acts while promising cult followers to rob opponents, queers, transgenders, and women of their basic rights. Ways laws are enforced, indictments processed, and sentences given are infrequent and random; GOP is not hiring police or prosecutors, instead increasing tax cuts that would pay for both. Their Plan 2025 would reduce LGBTQIA+ to a subhuman species by recognizing only hetero gender from birth, among a series of nazi mandates excluding and persecuting everyone except white Trump loyalists.

Rebellious beatnik counterculture? Don’t confuse mid-1960’s protesters with flower power hippies, though some did cross over. Hippies hated violence visited upon vulnerable individuals, so banded together as a bulwark against brutality. Being apolitical, they evaded authorities, whose main interest was and will always be seizing power, which those disaffected didn’t threaten, and loathed personal responsibilities by dropping out and suspending resistance. Valuing freedom, kindness and peace blinded them to consequences of empty promises and false prophets. Without 20 million drifting parasites (one quarter of voter turnout nationally at the time) begging for scraps, drowning in drugs, forgiving political corruption, and retreating from confrontation, minority rule by cruel plutocrats never would have emerged from the cesspool of nation’s worst depravity and horror, cavernous greed hidden behind evangelical conservatism. Can’t dominate, enslave, or oppress without both mind control and unimaginable wealth.

As previously cited, some say MAGA slogan was lifted from a 1929 Mussolini speech, “...fellow citizens who are working to make America great,” but that would require study into history, something cult would rather purge than read. Melania since let it slip that Don directly plagiarized a Michelle Obama speech. Nevertheless, it’s really a law firm acronym that stands for Mammon, Abaddon, Grimoire & Astaroth, the demons who represent respectively temptations, mischief, powers, and false accusations. Indeed, it’s among those spiritually minded that evil incarnate casts his vile net; deplorable and willing transgressors are already legion.

RINOs are all in for Trump, a sociopath convicted of fraud and rape, further accused of espionage, extortion, money laundering, racketeering, and tax evasion; he only got into office because enough independents bought this babbling celebrity and his biased bullpucky. Depending upon when and who you ask, only 25% of voters affiliate with GOP, 33% affiliate with Democrats, while 36% are independents, fools who stand aloof without any representation, then feel neglected and get angry through their own fault. You get the service you pay for, which, in their case, is none. If you didn’t thrive on whatever Washington delivered over last 20 years before Biden, blame Boehner, Bush, GOP, McConnell, and Trump, since they either controlled presidency or senate throughout, thus instigated all these discredited and disreputable policies, and Independents for their lack of organized opposition.

Liberals demand democracy now; lowbrow conservatives own the franchise on hypocrisy. Wow! Americans aren’t free to do whatever they want, only what’s legal and responsible. Majority wants to preserve constitutional rights and pursue happiness. Conservatives want freedoms to commit crimes with impunity, enslave or imprison everyone else accusing them of what they do themselves. MAGA describes itself as anti-fascist, anti-regulation, Christian righteous, constitution preserving, law abiding, national patriotic, pro-life, public inclusive, and radically progressive when it’s exactly the opposite: criminal, false, homophobic, misogynistic, noninclusive, racist, reactionary, selfish, unconstitutional, and xenophobic. Few immigrants are as purely rotten as home grown offenders. Fox and Newsmax went mental when Obama saluted with a coffee cup in same hand and wore a tan suit; now they are doing damage control over their candidate’s civil and criminal convictions acting as if that’s no scandal at all. Double standards this bizarre and blatant just can’t be borne, though much has already been discussed as a source of entertainment rather than extreme threat beyond reckoning, because nobody can stand considering so serious a topic.

Americans don’t need jingoism and populism, humping Old Glory and repeating hollow slogans, nor self styled patriots who rebel without cause based on false flags from seditionist media. Politicians who feed upon fear and pride and promise results that only congress can deliver are big liars and fat phonies unworthy of your vote, one of citizens’ few controls over government. Unhappy with how things are? Be heard through a ballot for candidates free of fraud convictions, not hucksters likely lying to you.

Labann learned a lot, but no one mind can encompass all facts; takes humankind as a whole and scientific consensus. However, majority lacks the necessary foresight and willpower to forge forward. After plenty of analysis yielded useful insight, next steps should have been planning ahead and taking action. But folks rather ask a family member or friend on how to decide instead of applying logic, laboriously remembering, studying anew, and thinking through.

Neither diligent study nor rote repetition leads to omniscience, only direct revelation. Prophecy comes from dreams and meditations that expose subliminal input from a cornucopia of connections and decades of experiences stewed in unconscious undercurrents. Why not read more nonfiction? But deep text dives into conflicting data will always be intolerably uncomfortable for vast majority. Anyone clever can access all sorts of amusing tidbits and audience reactions to late night comedy sketches. Rather than of staying up to watch them live, studying while sober makes more sense. Bicycling and thinking require a reasonable night’s sleep.

Pointed out transportation alternatives for decades. Now millions of newbies have discovered bicycling for themselves and repeated same discoveries. Once reposted bike authors and their titles when few were to be found; now there are just too many to recount. Commercial websites do a better job than a casual blog at recommending more. Quod Erat Demonstrandum (abbreviated as Q.E.D.) is a Latin phrase that means literally "that which was to be demonstrated.” In normal English, this means, "Thus it is proven.” Mike drop!

Recently passed NBA hall-of-famer Bill Walton and Bjarne Rostaing, Bill Walton’s Total Book of Bicycling (Bantam, 1985, 367 pp.) enthusiastically covers bicycle types, cycling apparel, equipment maintenance, long history, physical fitness, racing lore, safety precautions, and touring strategies.

Daniel Shea and Jeremy Withers, Culture on Two Wheels: The Bicycle in Literature and Film (University of Nebraska Press, 2016, 376 pp.) collects 16 relevant essays.

Frank Angelo Cavaluzzi, Standing Cyclist: Flirting with Wisdom, One Breath, One Mile at a Time (ThirtyThree45 Media Group; 2016, 296 pp.)

Gestalten [editors] and Martijn Doolaard, One Year on a Bike: From Amsterdam to Singapore (Gestalten, 2017, 368 pp.)

Gestalten [editors] and Martijn Doolaard, Two Years On A Bike: From Vancouver to Patagonia (Gestalten, 2021. 416 pp.)

Gestalten [editors], Velo City (Gestalten, 2016, 256 pp.)

Eighty years after D-Day, facts have emerged on the role of bicycling resistance preparing for an Allied Invasion to free Europe from Nazi tyranny, as covered by “vélosophe" Guillaume Martin’s books and podcast through Radiofrance.

Guillaume Martin, Socrates by bike (Grasset, 2020)
Guillaume Martin, The company of the peloton. Philosophy of the individual in the group (Grasset, 2021)

Martin’s source bibliography includes:
Bernard Chambaz, Little philosophy of cycling, Flammarion, coll (Flammarion, 2019, 130 pp.)
Bernard Andrieu, International Vocabulary of Sports Philosophy, 2 volumes (L’Harmattan, 2015)
Philippe Hassler, Louison (theatre, 2021, 1 hour)


Jody Rosen, Two Wheels Good: The History and Mystery of the Bicycle (Crown, 2022, 417 pp.): “The bicycle in the nineteenth century was a marvel; in today’s formulation, it is moral. It was enchanted; now it’s enlightened. Bicycles are great - but, more to the point, bicycles are good... the bicycle’s relationship to progressivism and radicalism is grounded in history... Hitler’s first acts upon assuming power, in 1933, was to smash Germany’s cycling union... confiscated bicycles from the local populations. To a repressive regime... the bicycle was a menace, a device that could be used by dissenters to sneak up and speed off, to organize and mobilize and elude.”

Ole Wagner and Shonquis Moreno, edited by Robert Klanten and Sven Ehmann, Velo: Bicycle Culture and Design (Gestalten, 2010, 235 pp.)

Paul Smethurst, The Bicycle: Towards a Global History (Palgrave Macmillan, 2015, 208 pp.)

Stephen Fabes, Signs of Life: A Doctor's Journey to the Ends Of The Earth (Pegasus Books, 2020, 408 pp.); physician Fabes gave up a practice to tour world by bicycle, then discovered how medical histories don’t exceed life stories.

Sven Ehmann, Velo - 2nd Gear and Velo - 3rd Gear, Bicycle Culture and Style (Gestalten, 2013 and 2016, 256 pp. each)

Tree Abraham, Cyclettes (The Unnamed Press, 2022, 224 pp.) offers a millennial’s first take on freedom and stillness in motion.

“The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets,” opined essayist, journalist, novelist and poet Christopher Morley (d. 1957), long before automotive paradigm and urban rap trampled such sentiments.

Obscene Sexteyn

Pedaling increases testosterone, which tempts scorchers into trysts for which they might need to atone. Among obese cyclists exploring trails, comely athenas might draw gaze of lonely clydesdales. For clergy, an acolyte or medieval sexteyn could sacrilegiously serve allegedly celibate pastors in sacristies. Bodies are driven by electrical synapses, endocrine hormones, and natural processes to procreate, produce, and seek releases regardless of moralities. Orgasms are a potent analgesic. Only a refined sense of consequence keeps reasonable people from drowning in regrettable pornographies, or endorsing sex trafficking criminalities. Though cracks in affection and fulfillment get filled with anger and resentment, nothing excuses interpersonal malfeasance. Expect to stew excessively in silence.

Johns, junkies, tweakers, and winos vainly volunteer their vulnerabilities to gangsters, murderers, pimps, and politicians, who wrap themselves in national flags and religious vestments. Half of illicit opioids are laced with China white, deadly fentanyl. Being impaired in public certainly doesn’t exonerate felonies but definitely encumbers legal docilities. In-car-cerated doesn’t mean stuck inside your comfy ride, rather you don’t get to pedal a conveyance where you’d like and must hide inside an imaginary shell among depraved predators in a prison hell. Convicts inside are given jobs, so, along with busy monsters hunting outside, get to celebrate Labor Day, which ought to exclude freeloaders and parasites, who make up an increasing portion of US populace. They don’t appreciate that sweat of exertion improves and purifies like nothing else.

However gross, messy, scary or smelly these realities sound, obscene instead describes arresting climate clarion Greta Thunberg and threatening her with a 6 month sentence for protesting Big Oil. So, it’s come down again to condemning youth for speaking truth, who were likewise honest and persecuted in the 1960’s, as history has proven. Conservatives since Nixon fatten upon fossil goo, gun sales, and tax breaks for wealthiest few at the expense of altruism, education, infrastructure improvements, job creation, social programs, and whatever else liberates those whom neocons crave to enslave. With elections looming, they’re condemning nonfiction blogs and books and hiking gasoline prices, economic terrorism they’ve relied upon time and time again.

While alternatives can be half-assed and standardization begets efficiencies, choices matter and deceits boomerang. Much more could be done to promote self propulsion, such as donating unused bicycles to charities, lobbying congress members and state legislators for code enforcement, setting good examples by riding responsibly, and welcoming newcomers of all ages. It’s no hardship dropping off hardware at local bike recyclers or forwarding tax deductible donations to such organizations as:

Bikes for the World - Rockville, MD, USA (99% rating)
Ships used bikes to economically challenged regions worldwide.

Bikes Not Bombs - Boston, MA, USA (82% rating)
Ships used bikes to economically challenged nations in Latin America.

International Bicycle Fund - Seattle, WA, USA
Promotes advocacy and awareness around the world.

Recycle-a-Bike - Providence, RI, USA
Teaches underprivileged teens to rebuild bicycles so they learn marketable skills and wind up with own transportation to work.

Salvation Army - Alexandria, VA (100% rating), plus 15,000 locations in 130 countries
Not only do they welcome drop offs, General Brian Peddle (not Pedal, but close enough), chief executive since 2018, wishes to sell used equipment at rock bottom prices with proceeds going to job therapy for addicts and indigents. What they don’t sell gets passed along periodically to other charities.

Two Wheeler Dealer - Wilmington, NC, USA
If you drop off a unit, they’ll refurbish and donate it for you.

World Bicycle Relief, Chicago, IL (84% rating)
Has donated half a million bicycles to developing countries in Africa and India, as well as taught mechanics how to maintain them. They’ve partnered with Trek and World Vision to support local government efforts.

 A slew of NGOs do nothing but extol bicycling, rather than take a proactive role, such as attend group rides and be seen riding bicycles themselves. Some suddenly close for lack of patronage or scandals over embezzlement. You can gain confidence that those you pick still do worthwhile work by visiting Charity Navigator, which provides contacts, ratings, and specifics.

To be clear, not all people can successfully propel a bicycle, no more than operate a motor vehicle. Less than half of Americans have driver licenses. Both require minimal coordination, intelligence, reflexes, and stamina. To coax those who are deficient is to force failures irresponsibly, though you can’t forever shelter them since they are free to behave responsibly and exercise choices that positively impact self and society. Risks from bad habits, cumulative stress, poor diet, and substance abuse are all more deadly, while bicycling has proven to be a cure and deterrent for all of them. Builders make adaptive handcycles, recumbents, and tricycles for paraplegics and those otherwise challenged, while road users are 20 times safer going by bikes than cars.

E-bikes and pedelecs, essentially light motor vehicles, might not belong on bike paths where speed increase isn’t expected by dog walkers, pedestrians, and unwary users. Want to go faster? Be a faster; abstaining and dieting are world’s cheapest hobbies, whereas international food tourism is the most pricey. Bicycle touring fits budgets; bicycle commuting can cut costs of car ownership tenfold. Sadly ironic, bicycling facilitates motoring by freeing space on streets and postponing oil depletion by using no fuel other than meals.

Surely someone is rushing to set up a defense fund for Greta, as any woke cause is worth exploiting. Private fortunes and public appeals supposedly fund animal rescues, earthquake and hurricane relief, green space rallies, nature conservancies, and several dozen related nonprofits when what really happens is directors enlist volunteers to do dirty work and pocket every donation, while results so far are deforestation, devastation, mass extinction, no improvement or reversal of any condition, the opposite of what they purport. A gift of $1,000/year will save no polar bears or whales without policy changes among the worst national offenders, particularly China and USA. They immorally use your angst, guilt and rage as weapons against you, while you to seek zero carbon footprint on your own.

If majority avoids waste, identifies threats, opposes tyranny, recycles avidly, teaches progeny to do same, and uses only what’s necessary to thrive, nature heals and threats lessen. Don’t wait for God, who’s no fan of ecological suicide, to intervene. You can’t be absolved until you acknowledge trespasses, confess sins, forget debts, and forgive others. Yet you can’t ignore or tolerate audacious actors as they rise to mass murder.

When “Captain Obvious” speaks plainly it invites cancelation, censorship, character assassination, innuendo, rumors, and slander. Enlightenment author Denis Diderot observed, “Those who fear the facts will forever try to discredit the fact-finders,” or as folks escalate nowadays, “Kill the messenger.” Have you ever been subtly shushed by having a topic abruptly changed? Ever accused of “being lost in the weeds” when exploring a fuller picture? Maybe you intended all along to alienate, challenge, frustrate, and separate self from uncaring acquaintances. Even worse, have friends and loved ones had their minds poisoned against you when all you sought was cooperative friendships? You will be ostracized for introducing information beyond scope of current conversation even though everything is part of an interconnected fabric from which universe is made, so always holds relevance to some degree.

Though little good comes from sitting in group meetings, and many dismiss scientific tools as utter mendacity, pareto analysis focuses attention on which influences are the most potent, and what to ignore as butterfly flutter or white noise. One can savor privileges within a web of total delusion; in fact, those who do insulate themselves against public tumult, but someone always pays the price of ignorance. Halfwitted bloggers can make a decent living spouting misinformation and opinion that serve someone’s agenda through advertising, grants, or stipends. QAnon numerologist Michael Protzman attracted nearly one hundred thousand followers by claiming Donald Trump, Elvis Presley, and JFK Jr. were cousins descended from Jesus Christ, until killed this summer in a motorcycle accident.

While Bike&Chain appears articulate and informed, observing behaviors and effects accurately, Labann was never smart enough to rake in a blogger’s average of $38,000/year in revenues, rather incurred net losses and wasted 15 years. No individual can solve life’s issues, only act kindly, be useful, follow laws, pursue nonviolence, and serve needs lest be labeled ludicrous and lose liberties.

Vehentem Mane

This title would describe Dawn of Bicycling Culture if Latin wasn’t already a dead language centuries before its invention, whether from Leonardo da Vinci’s doodles, madcap draisiennes, or Michaudines. Morning rides on empty streets amidst misgiving and mystery mean swiftwalkers are reborn daily. Origins often blur and become obscure, while meanings intended by ancients and pioneers morph into whatever those who exploit them want.

From get-go, Bike&Chain weighed freedom of self expression against responsibilities to family, friends, lovers, and society. While bicycling, maintaining balance is essential, as in all aspects of living. Leaning into extremes, though increasingly popular, leads to toppling. So toned down rhetoric and touted authenticity of personal experiences and ethics of reporting sincerely from own memory.

Background earth tones (a Gerola multimedia panel) recall what outdoors used to look like: canopied side streets, cow paths across verdant fields, dark bowers among shrubs, home gardens exuding floral fragrances, and woods along neighborhood boundaries. Michaudine is a steel object d'art representing a distant cousin's invention that began first bike boom and paved way to safety bicycles. Pile of scruffy flipbooks from 1990’s full of compiled paragraphs and sentences written in black pen during stolen moments (before existence of smartphones, upon which you can now text yourself), validated evidence of an observational and revelatory process, were the origins of Bike&Chain. Organizing, typing, fact checking, establishing conventions for self consistency, and proofing were huge chores; then came embellishing text with further insights before laying out as a published 1,000 page millennium document eight years after Y2K.

In 1933, heyday of publishing books for profit, Enemies of Promise author Cyril Connolly concluded, “Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.” Surely there’s plenty of middle ground, such as being of service while meeting own needs in pursuit of facts to liberate self from delusions. Explains glut of self published books that gain no traction. Apathetic and lazy humans usually disregard jumble of influences over eons of existence that constitute any quote or slogan.

Mostly regret this thankless effort, though anything one does supposedly builds muscles. What else was there to do besides prostituting self for cash or submitting to slavery? Although chose a wildly expansive topic, felt bound to never oversimplify or even speak conventionally, so painted self into a panic corner. At best, spending thousands of days of one's life on a pointless quest is quixotic, if not totally deranged.

Earth Day, April 22, 2023, marks 53rd year of modern environmentalism urging you to take notice, how brown and gray have replaced blue and green. Every road now seems lined with cruddy litter, dead animals, and other organic debris; but manmade items most often seen are dead soldiers tossed indiscriminately: lager cans, libation containers, liquor nips, or the like. Biden versus bidon: One's an aged Peloton water carrier, other Italian for a beverage container. Can you do without either? Given sheer volume of drink debris, ever wonder just how drunk drivers are? Are you not what you swallow?

Peloton Pasta
Narrow Mostaccioli (tubes) and Rotelle (wheels) with Butternut Squash (chamois) Sauce: Mostaccioli mean mustaches, evoking vintage handlebars, though they’re angle cut resembling frame components, and you know what cyclists do with chamois cream. Serve with any green vegetable as a side dish (great outdoors). Totally vegetarian for Earth Day, this carte du jour feeds up to four.

Recipe Ingredients
1 cup dried Mostaccioli Pasta
1 cup dried Rotelle
1 fresh medium sized Butternut Squash
1 to 2 cups of Vegetable Broth, as needed
3 fresh Sage leaves or 1/2 tsp of dried
2 cloves of fresh Garlic
Grated vegetable cheese garnish (optional)

Directions

Wash, peel, and cube butternut squash. Peel and mince garlic with fresh sage leaves (or add dried sage). Boil both pastas as directed until al dente. Meanwhile, sauté squash until tender. Add garlic/sage; cook a few minutes more until soft, not browned. Stir in vegetable broth at half of the volume of squash; heat to a boil, reduce heat, and cook 5 minutes. Empty into a blender. Run until totally puréed. Combine cooked pastas with sauce in same pan to warm briefly before serving.

Suitable accompaniments representing Grand Tour racing venues could be asparagus (Spain), broccoli rabe (Italy), Brussel sprouts (Belgium), haricots verts (France), spinach (Netherlands), sweet peas (England), or Swiss chard (Switzerland). Pair with La Bicicletta, a cocktail of Pinot Grigio or Prosecco on ice with splashes of Campari or Grand Marnier and club soda with an orange wheel; or a rosé, sauvignon blanc, or white zinfandel wine. For a perfect desert, combine musette bag fruit rolls (fig/granola filling rolled in chopped nuts) and banana gelato with an espresso. Screams Grand Tour appurtenances.

Commemorations and holidays bring out the best and worst of behaviors. On Halloween, 2017, psycho jihadist Sayfullo Saipov drove his rented Home Depot truck down a Hudson River bike path near former World Trade Towers, injured eleven, killed eight, smashed into a school bus, and tried to escape while grunting, “Allahu akbar!” until gut shot by New York’s finest. In January of 2023 he was convicted of his cowardly and mistaken murder of innocents, mostly tourists from Argentina and Belgium, among 28 felonies, and could be sentenced to death, a sentence appropriate for anyone driving a truck on a bike path.

On last show before 2022’s Christmas break, Tonight Show’s Jimmy Fallon, having saved his best-to-last stocking stuffer, gave everyone in audience a Sondors Smart Step ReCycled e-bike. Jealous? 

Outspoken author and songwriter Jeff Tweedy of band Wilco argues, “Year-end lists are egotistic, simplistic, and too small to capture life’s bigness.“ Furthermore, “Rhyming rain and train is pretty much the end of your career.” How well does Labann already know? Exposed on a bike in the vast outdoors, where to go is truly a worry. 

Bicyclists pursue 4 kinds of routes: 1) Loops, all roads different, that add scenery to stave off boredom; 2) Out-In on identical roads for maximum efficiency, typical of commutes or shopping runs; 3) Helical or Intertwined, where some segments repeat in opposite directions, usually because alternatives aren’t available or safe; and 4) Tours from origin to destination, sometimes over course of days to months, often involving intermodal connections with motor vehicles, planes, ships, or trains. Sometimes only choices that appear safe are alleys, parking lots, or sidewalks. Choosing to propel by pedal means having to abide road planning neglect. 

Recently witnessed a road rage incident. On a 4-lane undivided road, 6 foot shoulder peters out to 6 inches just before a side street often used by bicyclists to least inconvenience motorists. Signaled a left turn, using arm outstretched. Motorists have forgotten what signaling means, never mind arm positions: Left (out), right (up), and stop (down), supposedly for everyone's safety. Driver of an overtaking GMC stake truck broke 3 laws in a row: 1) Didn’t stop to honor left turn signal, 2) sped up to pass within inches not leaving mandatory 3 feet, and 3) stopped suddenly blocking traffic. He then got out and thrice accused cyclist erroneously: 1) Idiot for cycling (Einstein rode a bike), 2) pussy for not driving (only fearless tackle traffic two wheeled), and 3) riding in middle of the road (was literally outside travel lane). He would have added felony assault to his misdemeanors but avoided him by completing intended cross, though can’t say whether he wasn’t run over returning to his own vehicle. You might recall reading here how drivers of Chevy and GMC SUVs and trucks account for bulk of observed bad road behaviors; this anecdote is no exception.

Brings up an interesting question. Can bicyclists ever be accused of causing an accident? If so, does insurance ever cover damages? Mere presence is no excuse. Why initiate incidents and risk injuries only bicyclists would suffer, not motorists?

About the only time bicyclists don’t get right-of-way priority is on prohibited highways. Otherwise, bikes belong, can ride on right side of travel lane without impeding traffic flow, if possible, must follow all applicable traffic code, which means crossing into left lane to turn, holding for oncoming vehicles to pass, so waiting in the middle of street. How can bicyclists not impede motorists when there’s no shoulder to retreat to? Lawyers use terms like “riding sidewalks”, “running red lights”, or “unexpectedly merging” to assess bicyclists liability, though motorists never expect them, they have to cross against lights or never get a chance, and usually there’s no alternative to unfriendly stretches. 

Petite Madeleine

Celebrated Bike-to-Work Day by parsing paving to revisit "scenes of the crimes", locations Labann once schooled or worked before pandemic decimated placements. What once seemed so important and sustained livelihood surprisingly appeared about as remembered, maybe less outstanding and worse for weather. One can go home and revel in past, but it just steals from present. Memorial Day promotes happy plans for summer and hollow ceremonies without dolor. Lifelong selfless service to society earns no honor.

Remarkable how in Remembrance of Things Past (aka In Search of Lost Time, 1913–1927, seven volumes celebrating center of its centenary) Marcel Proust found truth in a small tea soaked morsel of petite madeleine. Moreover, much has been made of how a galaxy exists in a grain, and Proust’s observations about what you consciously expect to recollect versus what you involuntarily picture again. Has to do with how incredible, indelible or ineffable an impression becomes. Bicyclist/painter/sculptor Marie Nordlinger (upon whom some argue character Albertine was based in part) became a warm light in Marcel’s luminous but truncated life (51 years, d. 1922) during which this asthmatic bisexual perfected the art of reflection, and wrote 20th Century’s most influential novel. “Marie delighted in riding a bicycle, and it was the image of ‘the girl with the bicycle’ that sparked Proust’s conception of Albertine, a character who dominates Remembrance of Things Past,” in particular volume La Fugitive, 1925.

There’s a book inside every doer/reader/thinker/traveler. Some skilled psychologist might decipher why an author focuses on certain facts, not others. Bias and prejudices blind the willfully delusional from seeing reality as it is. Only the most assiduous and perceptive bother to gather and weigh all sides of any argument, and who has any right to expect otherwise? Any miscreant in social media who sees world as losers or victors will kill you over a minor disagreement.

In court, whoever narrates convincingly and succinctly wins. Deep dives and empty filibusters only succeed in blocking congressional resolutions and maintaining status quo; on street, sincere blather scatters audiences. Fame follows decisive, divisive, feckless, and senseless who steal spotlight, ignores selfless servants or true talent. Journalists say they trust the inherent value of truth in an information age, but you can never tell if what they report is reliable. Not as if there are not hundreds of unsolved mysteries: alien invasion, cryptozoology, supernaturalism. Misfortune of suddenly learning the truth drives even normal men mad.

Seldom, if ever, endorse or rate books. In fact, you can find something interesting in every one even though otherwise a pedestrian waste of your time. Because humans are social animals, they’re best entertained by congregating en masse and selecting suitable individuals with whom to commune. While books expand potential for embracing many tribe members, multiple barriers and perfidious distribution limit readers. Every year dozens of new titles invoke bicycling, but they usually repeat old tropes. B&C, begun long before latest boom, likes to choose among them to review those with a new take on riding a bike.

Marc Augé, In praise of the bicycle (Reaktion Books, Limited, 2019, 96 pp.), translated from French Éloge de la bicyclette, Editions Payot & Rivages, 2008), is an anthropologist’s extrapolation of current trends into a dynamic tomorrow using bicycles to humanize “non-places”, a term Augé famously coined. “Riding a bike in a way gives us back our child's soul and restores both the ability to play and an awareness of the real. It is thus similar to a sort of refresher (like a booster vaccination), but also to continuing education for learning again about freedom and clarity, and as a result, perhaps, about something that resembles happiness... A return to utopia, a return to what is real — they are the same. Get on your bike to improve everyone's life! Cycling is a humanism.”

Paul Fournel, Need for the Bike, (Pursuit, 2019, 224 pp.), derived from Allan Stoekl’s English translation from French (Bison, 2012) of critically lauded Besoin de vélo (Seuil, 2002, 235 pp.), covers personal insights, joys and pains based on articles Fournel contributed to Rouler magazine from 2006 onward. Latest edition was made cheaper and shorter by deleting original illustrations and publishing as a paperback. Must admit that a daily 3 mile walk as an hour’s constitutional will always be improved if you bike 15 miles instead.

Jorge Zepeda Patterson, The black jersey: a novel (Random House, 2019, 312 pp.) portrays French-Colombian domestique Marc, who belongs to an elite Tour de France team led by American star and best friend Steve, favored to win. Then someone machinates a series of deadly accidents. Marc agrees to help gendarmes investigate, but as suspects disappear, main suspects become Marc and Steve. As the finish line approaches, Marc must decide what he's willing to risk for friendship, justice or podium position. With rampant doping, world’s most prestigious contest is rife with jealousies, mayhem, and sabotage, so why not murder?

Yona Zeldis McDonough, The Bicycle Spy (self, 2020) follows young villager Marcel, who delivers bread from his parents' bakery by bike and hopes one day to race in the Tour de France, suspended since 1940 when German occupation began. Checkpoints and interrogations teach Marcel there are worse things than a canceled race. Marcel wonders whether he can help his friend's family when they come under scrutiny, but it would involve passing along secrets through risky rides. Filthy fascists, Hoover's spies, McCarthy's witch hunters, Nixon's army, Reagan's union busters, and Trump's neocons: Hardly any distinction among these enemies of community.   

Biological researcher and outdoor naturalist Sara Dykman, Bicycling with Butterflies (Workman Publishing, 2020, 280 pp.) became world’s first to bike alongside and study monarch butterflies throughout a complete migration. She assembled a bike from used parts, attached panniers made from recycled buckets, packed bare essentials, and rode alone on a 3 country, 9-month, 10,000 mile roundtrip. Not just about mucking in fens for flutter-by eggs, she shares her passion with ardent stewards, citizen scientists, eager schoolchildren, high-rise tenants, interested farmers, skeptical loungers, and unimpressed officials.

Jools Walker, blogger and Brit bicyclist Lady Velo, mentioned before pandemic for Back in the Frame: How to get back on your bike, whatever life throws at you (Little Brown Book Group, 2019, 368 pp.), followed up with a reedited paperback sounding pleasanter Back in the Frame: Cycling belonging and finding joy on a bike (Sphere, 2021, 384 pp.), her personal memoire of an all-in-one child tricyclist, preteen BMXer, and renewed roadie who has come of age and still likes bikes. Happily, she now finds herself being interviewed by BBC about cycling culture and giving talks at women’s cycling events. Pedaling by wheel, even casually, is a near panacea and potent tonic for arthritis, cardiovascular ailments, depression, isolation and other maladies caused by a sedentary stay-at-home lifestyle. Bikes are also convenient for hanging your emotional baggage from and studying what's really going on.

In June of 2019 author and pastor Neil Tomba mounted a bike in Santa Monica, CA, and a month later arrived in Annapolis, MD. His goal was twice a day to initiate a conversation with strangers and instill hope among them in Jesus’s teachings. How could that go wrong? Due out next month as a result is The Listening Road: One Man's Ride Across America to Start Conversations About God (Thomas Nelson, 2021, 316 pp.). He’s convinced that people ought to spend time listening to one another, despite differences in creed, intelligence, race, or social status. Every troll says the same thing, only it's you paying attention to them along a one-way street.

Anti-doping activist and multiple medalist James Hibbard retired from road cycling, studied postgraduate philosophy, and wrote a meditation on the sport. Just out this June, The Art of Cycling (Quercus, 2021, 320pp.) shares his journey from racing ruthlessly to regaining passion for pedaling, and shows how cycling can shed new light on classic questions of purpose and selfhood. Cycling’s counterintuitive lessons can be applied to most areas of life and do undermine what’s typically thought of as intellectual in a society driven towards abstract, detached, and virtual dehumanization by an obsession with progress. But wasn’t it a slew of innovations with lowly bicycles (still ongoing) that inspired aerospace and automotive arrogance behind global problems? Without bicycles there would never have been a Nazi blitzkrieg. But you can’t blame invention of weapons with their misuse in mass murders.

Vélo Humain

With filing deadline postponed by pandemic, Tax Day arrived along with Bike-to-Work Week. Observed by viewing an energy alternative documentary, Planet of the Humans (Jeff Gibbs, dir., 2020), which stares down environmental issues and suggests Earth’s salvation rests in realigning lifestyles. “The path to change comes from awareness... Infinite growth on a finite planet is suicide... We must take control of our environmental movement and our future from billionaires and their permanent war on planet earth.” Good luck with that! If COVID taught anything, it’s that people aren’t easily cajoled to act on their own behalf, never mind community’s or planet’s. Following a year of furlough or work from home, drivers’ abilities and attention atrophied, bicycling risks were exacerbated, earnings diminished, and wealth inequality expanded.

Those who profited from technology caused problems, yet they remain convinced there are technological solutions into which they’ve heavily invested. Trying to eliminate fossil fuels and look carbon guiltless, they’ve created industries with equivalent toxic or tragic aftermaths, for example, burning biomass, which clearcuts life-giving forests for fuel, or solar panels, which combine rare earth materials out of devastating strip mines and defy recycling once failed after only a few years of use, even before mine land has been reclaimed. Power companies install innovations to justify rate hikes that they force users to pay. You’d think burning or gasifying garbage might work, or fusion reactors with no radioactive waste, but where’s the profit in it? It’s a complex issue made intractable by greedy capitalists and needy do-nothings.

Funny that Gibbs never mentions bicycling; even student protestors shown had sense to ride to rallies. Average cost of car ownership has risen in 2021 to $9,282/year, thousands more in 1st year, then gradually decreasing to half by 10th as costs, except insurance and maintenance, decline. An average of 13,500 miles are driven annually. This estimates about 70 cents/mile, not taking into account related cancer/crash deaths, shared cleanup costs, what’s consumed to afford this luxury, wars waged, and world destruction. According to industry analysts and confirmed personally, bicycling cost only 4 cents/mile with practically no environmental or geopolitical detriment. Paved roads are not even necessary, if you own an MTB, though do improve pedaling efficiency. Too many Americans prefer death, debt, and Dukes of Hazzard, although once popular NASCAR attendance had already dwindled before personal distancing seemed prudent.

Woke tree-huggers gravitate to new electric and hybrid vehicles and lambaste gas guzzlers, gross polluters, and pub crawlers. An honest statement aligned with nature can be made by riding bicycles and thumbing nose at busses, cars and trains. Beyond just Bike Month and for months at a clip, performing bands including Shake Your Peace, The Ditty Bops, The Ginger Ninjas, and This Bike is a Pipe Bomb used to ride by bikes between gigs all over North America. Bodies congregating and cooperating can even form a human bicycle side show act.

“Focusing on an individual’s carbon footprint is a useful mechanism that diverts attention away from the worldwide impact of global warming. Anti-global-warming PR often means deflecting global warming by re-locating the issue onto side issues. It prefers to blame global warming on individuals rather than corporate behaviour... Such campaigns blame those who highlight the impact of global warming by focusing on the messenger... Forbes magazine once suggested that [climate activist who crossed North Atlantic on a sailboat in winter to speak before UN] Greta Thunberg’s lifestyle may be one reason for global warming.” Norman Simms & Thomas Klikauer, May 20, 2021

Convincing his NYC family, Colin Beavan vowed to be No Impact Man (Justin Schein, dir., 2008) for a year by personally not contributing carbon exhaust from flying or motoring, coffee imbibing, conditioned air, disposable diapers, elevator rides, excess consumption, imported or take out foods, new purchases, paper trash, plastic packaging, refrigeration, subway use, taxi hops, television watching, toilet paper, and water toxins from detergents. For anyone to follow, they’d have to live his at-home author vegetarian lifestyle. For actual zero impact, you must also avoid work that consumes electricity. fuel or materials; compost food and human wastes; only ingest medicines you grow on windowsills; plant trees to offset carbon you exhale; self propel to farms to shop (shipping each menu ingredient averages 1,500 miles); sit at home in the dark; and skip as many meals as possible. Would miss cooked food and hot water. If everyone did only one, world would indeed be better off. But it’s Al Gore hypocrisy all over, profit driven drivel that says, Do as I say, not as I do.” After his Thoreau inspired trial, sole thing that stuck with Beavan was bicycling, since it proved the most economical and effective urban choice.

For 1 minute and 11 seconds in magic realism film 2:22 (Paul Currie, dir., 2017), multimodal commuter Dylan Branson (Michiel Huisman) rides his bike from his business district apartment to Grand Central Station to board a subway to his job as a JFK air traffic controller. As a bicyclist dodging midtown traffic, patterns come naturally to him, a skill that makes him great at what he does. One day at 2:22 PM, he’s suddenly stunned by universe crushing down upon him, and nearly causes an airline crash, which results in his suspension. This gives him days to explore a bizarre relationship with Sarah (Teresa Palmer), a repeating pattern of things that go boom at 2:22 P.M., and series of events based on fates of residents 30 years ago superimposed upon their current lives.

When Katja Şekerci (Diane Kruger) leaves her Kurdish husband and son at his office, she cautions a woman who’s leaving a brand new bike out front in Hamburg’s Turkish quarter that she ought to lock it up. In the Fade, aka Aus dem Nichts (Out of Nowhere, Fatih Akin, dir., 2017, German with subtitles) tells Katja’s story in the aftermath of this Neo-Nazi bike bomb, loosely based on events of 2004 Cologne. When courts are unable to convict couple responsible despite her testimony, Katja hunts down these terrorists.

Blood Road (Nicholas Schrunk, dir., 2017) tracks endurance mountain biker Rebecca Rusch and native guide Huyen Nguyen who pedaled 1,200 miles of Ho Chi Minh Trail to reach crash site and resting place of Rebecca's dad, a U.S. Air Force F-4 pilot who was killed when shot down over Laos 5 decades earlier during Viet Nam War. This documentary was nominated for or won a slew of film festival awards, though critics groaned that her emotional closure mattered more than permanent damage Nixon’s carpet bombing did in locations she visited. To their credit, filmmakers teamed with Nobel Laureate NGO nonprofit Mines Advisory Group to help de-mine along border and save innocent lives. Sick conservative tactics during 1960's made a lifelong impression on Labann.

Return to Earth (Colin Jones, Darren McCullough, Darcy Wittenburg, dirs., 2019) presents a joint Shimano and Trek vision of big air over Moab single track and Oahu volcanic moguls featuring star MTB riders.

In Brit rom-com Finding Your Feet (Richard Loncraine, dir., 2018), Lady Sandra Abbott (Imelda Staunton, known as draconian Hogwarts headmistress Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) takes umbrage at husband’s secret sex affair. She decamps to sister Bif’s (Celia Imrie) housing project flat. Bif admonishes her, “It’s one thing being scared of dying, Sondra. It’s a whole different matter being scared of living.” She begins to drop her defenses and open herself to new experiences, like riding a London Boris Bike.

Ami-Ami, aka (Girl)Friend (Victor Saint Macary, dir., 2018) has Vincent (William Lebghil) move in with best friend Nefeli (Margot Bancilhon) and swear off romantic love. Then Vincent meets Julie, which he fears will complicate his open lifestyle with Nefeli riding Vélib' bikes daily around Paris along with ninety-thousand other residents and visitors.

While getting fresh air and sunshine in great outdoors at Rim of the World (Joseph McGinty Nichol, dir., 2019) camp, four awkward kids band together against an invasion of dinosaur space aliens. They’re getting around fine by BMX, but when they receive a key that could save world, they trade bikes for a GTO to traverse last 70 miles to JPL in Pasadena.

Entrepreneur stooge pair Manu (Grégoire Ludig) and Jean-Gab (David Marsais), previously mentioned as stars of La folle histoire de Max et Léon, team again to pull a heist in sun drenched South of France. After stealing a car, they discover a fly the size of a dog in its trunk. Instead of releasing it sensibly, they insanely decide to forego heist and train “Dominique” to rob banks, like a drone with Mandibles (Quentin Dupieux, dir., 2020), thereby hoping to become comparatively rich. Mayhem and mistaken identity find them shacking up with zany villainess Agnes (Adèle Exarchopoulos), where Manu races off on a unicorn lemon squeezer.

The Half of It (Alice Wu, dir., 2020) portrays enterprising teen cyclist Ellie Chu (Leah Lewis), who writes essays for other high school students. Lovestruck jock Paul Munsky (Daniel Diemer) approaches her to write a letter from him to lovely Aster Flores (Alexxis Lemire). Ellie doesn't expect to become his friend, or to fall for Aster. Sure, the girl geek rides a bike; maybe she knows more than all her peers.

PBS documentary Blood Sugar Rising (David Alvarado, dir., 2020) asks, “Why isn’t there a war on diabetes?” Nearly 450 million humans, including 35 million Americans (10%), diagnosed with either Type I (5% of total) and Type II diabetes (95%) face crippling strokes, extremity amputations, fatal seizures, heart attacks, and organ transplants at a collective cost of $350 billion per year. Alvarado covers blood monitoring, dietary changes, and expensive operations, but neglects root causes in sedentary lifestyles enabled by automotive convenience and other seated activities supplanting self propulsion. Ask yourself, “Why aren’t more people going everywhere by bike?”

Hallmark whodunit A Beautiful Place to Die: A Martha's Vineyard Mystery (Mark Jean, dir., 2020) depicts detective Jeff Jackson (Jesse Metcalfe), who was forced into early retirement after taking a bullet in his spine, returned to bike infested island life, that is, until a body washes up and his crime solving creed is challenged. MVPD neglects to compensate him after risking paralysis by battling suspects and solving case. 

Aprés la Quarantaine

Score more credibility for scientists for introducing almost overnight a vaccine against a fatal global virus, because a few individuals, lone pharma insiders and maverick university researchers in Europe and US, against advice and without support, foresaw some rogue nation (China or Russia) would attack rest of world with another influenza variant after several others became pandemics. American small business and workforce, not billionaires who don't pay taxes, fund Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which keep scary samples on hand to draw from despite recent Cult 45's budget cuts, a situation analogous to world trade after the towers collapsed; commerce endured despite efforts to disrupt. Enemies can be domestic and foreign incited by lying leaders. Pandemic mismanagement spawned an ongoing trend of mass shootings, sixty-thousand slain in US over last 5 years. Exactly when will house arrest turn Mar-a-Lago into Mar-a-Gaol? High time to interminably incarcerate perps of highest crime.

Waiting for COVID to disappear is not a sensible strategy. As a child you’ve already been vaccinated against DPaT, MMR, PCV, Polio, and probably HepA&B, Hib, RV, and Varicella; grown up, HPV, quadrivalent influenza, Td and Zoster (shingles). Why wouldn’t you likewise protect yourself against COVID, which has lingered for a year and a half? ADA supports your refusal on rare medical or religious grounds, but lawmakers have already been inoculated, so don’t care if you contract and die. Once vaccinated, you’ll be safer pedaling by bike than pushing a motorized cage, sitting indoors watching media, or walking alongside traffic.

Polarized people will debate anything, from best bikes, to government systems, to mobility methods, to what to eat or wear, to where to live, when to return to “normalcy” (if any such thing will ever exist), whether to get vaccinated at all, yes, rightly so, since these represent core needs, personal risks, and shared experiences. Science isn’t always right; mistrust has been instilled by climate denialists, clumsy consultants, and countless zombie apocalypse cautions. Many arguments aren’t worth joining, but some are if you want to leave languish and find flourish. Maybe a life awaits after a year in this quarantine holding pattern.

With new evidence of turning the COVID corner stateside, everyone ought to have a resolution once it subsides to get out and look around. Other existential threats demand attention, though worst offenders will deflect criticism with irrational personal attacks. Beijing's air isn’t fit to breathe. Soon global warming dismissal, which only preserves profits for a few, will start to displace millions and kill tens of thousands. Resultant flooding of flat land and severe heat and winds will become major deterrents to bicycling, plus increase diseases, such as cholera and malaria. Doing nothing could be much worse than predicted by actual experts, who only look forward into own field, for examples, economics or weather.

It’s not human nature to believe cranks or quacks, except when mainstream customs or medicines only offers a death sentence. Pretty powerful, the placebo effect did alleviate all sorts of illnesses for millennia. Who's to say acupuncture, herbal remedies, or osteopathic "hair of the dog" doesn’t work in some cases. Many FDA approved medicines are grossly misused and wrongly prescribed, a major factor in death and illnesses lately, 70,000 in 2019, about 70% opioid related, some undoubtedly due to pandemic snake oil, in fact, suddenly exceeding motor vehicle accidents, hitherto #3 among ways to die. Despite reservations, science still deserves more trust than shamanism. Nazis sought an occult edge. Necons, their predecessors, make deals with demons to deliver despair and ruin in exchange for immunity and power.

Same applies to news. For decades Labann discounted most media opinions; they got it wrong so often you’d be foolish to trust whatever they say. Real reporters narrate events, not offer advice. Fox News or Newsmax commentators are not trained journalists, some not even college graduates. They are merely biased buskers, meme mouthers, regurgitaters of sound bites, and shills for ultra-conservative power mongers, whose darwinian predation and malthusian logic put personal aggrandizement above community betterment. Delete upon arrival and don’t ever read aggressive and relentless conservative email propaganda. Barely have time to read imaginative and informative copy. Lengths to which they go to dominate opinions proves their manipulative intentions.

But public policy does affect lives, so knowing what’s at stake is important, which is why you might pay closer attention to bona fide journalists. Public ought to be outraged they aren’t getting vital information from official sources that might define live or lose decisions. Conversely, death dealing alcohol, fossil fuels, motor vehicles, opioids, tobacco, and weapons are minimally regulated and widely available, while dangerous and illegal drugs are barely interdicted. Sex trafficking, slavery, and smuggling remain billion dollar enterprises with daily casualties.

Is America in trouble? Because of regressive Republican administrations since Nixon, citizens owe $100 TRILLION, individually $290,000, not counting local, municipal and state debts that double figure. Pandemic not only bled and displaced millions of workers, it exacerbated what everyone has to repay. US GDP, world’s highest for a single nation, hovers around $21 trillion, but IRS collects less than $5 trillion/year. To get debt free at that rate without other obligations would take 20 years, but debt maintenance (interest and principle) alone eats most of revenue while underground economy siphons community’s cash into offshore accounts.

At any point in near future America could go bankrupt with nearly unimaginable consequences including homelessness, hunger, joblessness, poverty and want; seizures of businesses, farms and properties; suspension of entitlements, social security, welfare; total domestic and international dystopia. Congress just goes on printing money rushing along collapse, while a select few profit. Wealth disparity has never been worse in world history; it’s to the point that money can no longer buy power and loses its value. What could save the American Dream is for citizens to recall anyone in office who thinks they can steal revenue, then tax billionaires out of existence. Since wealth is a finite resource, every billionaire means 55,000 families stay below the poverty line. More people worldwide die from poverty than any other reason, one every 3 seconds.

With so many dire issues, why shouldn’t films reflect bicycling? As Bruce Bennett’s Cycling and Cinema (Goldsmiths Press, 2019, 299 pp.) explains, they arrived together over a century ago and ever since have been intertwined. Bennett explores, “The cinematic history of the bicycle... brings a variety of fascinating, unfamiliar or largely forgotten films into focus alongside some more well-known titles. Cyclists introduced nineteenth-century viewers to three-dimensional cinematic space... the first [commercial] film, La Sortie de L’Usine Lumiére à Lyon, is a cycling film.” It does depict three bicyclists wriggling their way through a throng of exiting studio workers.

Your Show of Shows (Dec. 23, 1950) did a skit with Imogene Coca and Sid Caesar as an Italian couple who steal La Bicycletta from a reunited childhood friend, then try to return for a reward. Caesar was a master of dialect, but only fluent in English and Yiddish; though dialogue was pigeon Italian, audience got gist through his vaudevillian face and hand gestures.

60 Cycles (Jean-Claude Labrecque, dir., 1965) documents 11th penultimate pro-am Tour du St. Laurent (run from 1954-65) between-Montreal-and Quebec on a 12 day, 1500 km course that exceeded distance of grand tours Giro d’Italia and Vuelta a España and rivaled Tour de France. Low budget long shots of curving countryside and open road covered by 60 riders from 13 countries through Gaspé Peninsula were nevertheless thrilling. This National Film Boards of Canada short allegedly inspired camera work of George Lucas, later famous for Star Wars.

A Day Out (Stephen Frears, dir., 1972) is a film treatment of Alan Bennett’s play about Halifax Cycling Club’s ride to the ruins of Fountains Abbey during summer of 1911, which spins an idyllic vision of Edwardian England.

Based upon year of their release, one might confuse experimental 7 minute Bicycle (Chuck Hudina, dir., 1975), Venezuelan 25 minute La Bicicleta (Oscar Molinari, dir., 1975), and made for British television Wilbur and the Bicycle (Neville Green, dir., 1975). Someone should have told Hudina you never look down while riding. Molinari tracks a high wheeler rider, who disrespects a funeral cortege by riding though, and then gets chased by a murderous foot posse, who can’t keep up but still shoot him in the back from a distance. A teen steals his boneshaker, so its ability to enthrall and impact village continues. Couldn’t find Green’s series, but suspect it has to do with Wright Brothers, who first achieved human flight based on their background in bike building.

Five virgin chicks from Cherry Hill High (Alex E. Goitein, dir., 1977) compete to have the most original sexual encounter during a 2-week chaperoned bike tour. Bare legs and double entendres compete with lame acting and lousy production values.


Le Tour de France The Official History 1903 - 2005 (Sean Kelly, dir., 2005) contends that French were the first to race bikes and Tour de France is the greatest physical challenge in sports as well as sport’s most attended spectator event. Might question whether you’ll gain more from 2 hours of bad color and blurry b/w clips and chaotic throngs surrounding struggling cyclists, or 3 hours actually riding on your own.

Joe Kid on a Stingray (John Swarr & Mark Eaton,dirs., 2005) chronicles 30 year evolution of BMX races and stunts through archival footage and contemporary interviews. Bicyclists still regard BMX as an aberration, but they remain ghetto currency and popular transportation despite obvious limitation.

Gulong [Filipino word for Tires], aka The Bicycle (Sockie Fernandez, dir., 2007) depicts Apao (Steven Fermo) and best buddy Momoy (Jopet Concordia), their desires to spend vacation at an uncle’s fishpond, too far away to walk, and desperate attempts to raise funds to buy and old bicycle from a cantankerous woman.

Bicycle Dreams (Stephen Auerbach, dir., 2009) documents disastrous challenge to Race Across America in less than 10 days, as previously mentioned and not to be confused with family film Bicycle Dreams (Raju Gurung, dir., 2014), where two boys come of age in Kathmandu, Nepal. Their dream is an electric blue, 18 gear mountain bike they can’t afford, but a possibility arises in a poster that offers a reward for finding a lost dog. Adventure, obstacles and treachery teach them that enjoying friendship is more important than possessing an object.

Peloton star biopic A Ride With George Hincapie (Anthony Haney-Jardine, dir., 2009) follows Big George over 35 years having pedaled 667,000 miles from Queens, New York during 1980’s, training in NYC’s Central Park, to Paris Roubaix in 2009. Ultimate domestique who started more Tours de France than anyone, Hincapie now hosts an annual Gran Fondo (Big Ride) based on Italian model among US cities enjoyed by recreational and semi-pro cyclists, next in Greenville, SC, on October, 23rd, 2021.

Seattle siblings masseuse Abby (Rosemarie Dewitt) and dentist Paul (Josh Pals) live together in the house they inherited, along with Paul’s daughter and dental assistant Jenny (Ellen Page). Abby’s boyfriend Jesse (Scoot McNairy) grew from bike messenger to local bike shop owner. Entire cast of Touchy Feely. (Lynn Shelton, dir., 2013) live in frustrated funks. Abby can’t seem to move from baffled ennui into her boyfriend’s bungalow. Paul’s emotionless demeanor cost him dental clients. Jenny delivers a loving calzone to bike shop and longs for Jesse’s unrequited touch.

The Dirty Sniff (Dean Dickinson, dir., 2016) highlights more death-defying debauched Bone Deth BMX mayhem and semi-nude nonsense in Portland, Oregon. After all the property damage they portray you can understand why signs sometimes ban bikes. Featured rider Sean Burns later broke his spine in yet another big stunt.

Danny MacAskill quaffs Red Bull and takes a Wee Day Out (Stu Thompson, dir., 2016) on his Santa Cruz MTB amidst countryside near Edinburgh, Scotland in this 6 minute action short.

Historical docudrama My Italian Secret (Oren Jacoby, dir., 2014), narrated by Isabella Rossellini, reveals how during WWII bicycling star Gino Bartali, Catholic priests, doctor Giovanni Borromeo, and other compassionate Italians risked their lives to save refugees and strangers, particularly Jews desperately fleeing extermination by Nazis. Bartali (voiced by Robert Loggia) used training trips to hide secret efforts from family and fascists. Some subjects of Mussolini would never complacently agree to totalitarian rule, just as majority of Americans aren’t Trumpkins whom they oppose vehemently.

Louisa Clark (Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones) finally tells self absorbed beau Patrick (Matthew Lewis), “I hate cycling; you know I do,” and won’t be tagging along on his Viking Triathlon trip in lieu of a romantic vacation, because he puts Me Before You (Thea Sharrock, dir., 2016). Meanwhile, she’s falling for her wealthy boss Will Traynor (Sam Claflin), a paraplegiac confined to a wheel chair. She visits cycling infested Paris upon his dying wish.

Bicyclist David (Aaron Paul) accepts girlfriend Claire’s (Annabelle Wallis) invitation to Come and Find Me (Zack Whedon, dir., 2016), then she abruptly disappears. Using photographs she left behind, he crosses LA on his beater ten-speed into serious trouble.

Icarus (Bryan Fogel, dir., 2017) began as a quest to expose doping in sports, but turned into a geopolitical thriller involving Dr. Grigory Rodchenkov, supposedly a pillar of Russia’s anti-doping initiative but really its facilitator, an Olympic scandal, and uniform cheating to win at any cost. Seems the only thing banned under Putin is truth itself.

Sports melodrama The Little Queen, aka La Petite Reine, (Alexis Durand-Brault, dir., 2014) portrays Quebecois cyclist Julie Arseneau (Laurence Leboeuf), who gets caught hematocrit doping on the eve of World championship under her abusive coach Patrice Robitaille. It was based on the true story of cyclist Geneviève Jeanson, whose career as a professional cyclist was derailed by a 10 year ban, reduced from lifetime by testifying against coach.

Prepubescent protagonist Stevie (Sunny Suljic) of Mid90s (Jonah Hill, dir., 2018) rides his stingray away from abusive brother Ian (Lucas Hedges) and negligent mother (Katherine Waterston) down to local skateboard shop and into all sorts of adult temptations: alcohol, drugs, sex. Doesn’t end well, of course, but could be worse. Does demonstrate what inevitably comes from providing Los Angeleno teens barely adequate sustenance but insufficient motivation during jobless recovery of Reagan-Bush recession. With no domestic policy, consecutive GOP administrations of Bush and Trump caused the Great Recession, and pandemic mismanagement nation’s largest job loss in history. With plenty of time for bicycling, more people than ever now roam aimlessly looking for trouble.

Brad Pitt narrates PBS series e2 Transport (Tad Fettig, dir., 2020). Episode 2 Paris: Velo Liberte explores cultural and economic outcomes of renting bicycles in the City of Light.

CoroNation (Ai Weiwei, dir., 2020, in Mandarin) documents lockdown of Wuhan, China in January of 2020, after 2 months had passed with government misinformation about human-to-human spread. Camera people filmed at check points, hospital wards, and places state built extra rooms to house victims. Mourners burn offerings for their dead family members, then bike or walk off into the night in grief. Cyclists on Flying Pigeons can be spotted throughout on otherwise deserted streets. Not taken into account, China’s tanking economy might lead to further squabbles over Taiwan and world war.

Wendy’s Bag Alert commercial spot tastelessly shows an Asian woman stealing a bicycle to race compulsively for discount fast food. Why has there been no public outcry over racism or theft?