Baleful Wain

“I see you got your list out. Say your piece and get out. Yes, I get the gist of it, but it's alright. Sorry that you feel that way. The only thing there is to say, ‘Every silver lining's got a Touch of Grey.’ I will get by... I will survive.” - Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter, 1987

To stay authentic and topical today’s writers must surf ahead of a tsunami of social insanity within a tyrannical tube of factuality. They have to assess advertisements, arts, blogs, books, broadcasts, documentaries, edicts, interviews, manifestos, movies, music, newscasts, podcasts, poetry, posts, rap, speeches, TikTok, tweets, videos, vlogs, and what’s not even on this Sisyphean list while investigating in person both an artificial and natural world, specific spaces at times, either eager to commit murder and devour your corpse. No bubble or force field, only cloth, grey matter, leather, or lycra to protect, it’s hard for anyone to say for sure, if at all, what preserves one’s inner self from threats out there. While being absorbed, ingested and inhaled, world in turn swallows you whole, simultaneously bestowing and taking, crucifying and forgiving, furnishing and suffocating, punishing and rewarding.

Labann’s mission has always been to encompass all of bicycling culture, monitor sources as new examples emerge, and show how items interconnect. Too often lately that involves baleful reports of political smackdowns, such as a POTUS proclamation trying to reverse NYC’s smart and successful Congestion Tolls. For GOP, state sovereignty only applies when it suits their own hypocritical lies. Often here cited public datasets are disappearing; all hail fascist efficiency that funnels public treasures to billionaire parasites! Low class cowards and thugs attacked Palestinian Muslims during Ramadan, then extorted neighborly Canadians because they think they can. No Russian mobsters have been deported. Gitmo has no promised alien detainees. Government services are disappearing. Inflation worsens daily. Stock shares are tanking. Poles are doubling their army expecting a Russian incursion. Is WWIII on its way? News you can lose? All deter civilian bicycling.

Anyway, The Douche is in the White House, and Duffer’s on vacation, golfing again, while true men from founding fathers to honored patriots are rolling angrily in their graves. What FDR said echoes loudly, "Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds." Cruel and devious modus operandi define criminal sociopathy. Farm wains upon which they loaded Black Death casualties and fallen soldiers (“sold yer” out with huge cuts to veteran benefits and jobs) have been superseded by flat beds and trailer trucks for next inevitable Grey Death. Wailful days upon us warrant brown study and frown melancholy.

About time for a direction reversal: Hope of renewal springs eternal, thus perennial Easter festival. “Those trips a-wheel before the break of day, the pause to hear the morning songsters sing, the break of fast on berries by the way, the thirst assuaged by kneeling to the spring; The drill, the race, that memorable run, Quixotic like, in search of conquests fair - Each ‘joyed event returns like Summer sun, to warm the chillness of the Winter air.” - S. Conant Foster, A Midwinter Reverie, Wheel Songs, Poems of Bicycling, 1884

Not all bicycling memories melt into gratitude or warm your soul. How about brand new leather saddles before broken in or frozen fingertips throbbing as if seared by molten steel? Always attempted a last spin before weather set in for real, especially in winter when snowfall chases you home to stay until sun and wind strip streets of black ice and white depth, then watching out window day to day for another chance while trying to judge which bits of apparel will work under an ever varying conditional array. It’s an anniversary worth celebrating when single-ply short sleeve jersey and spandex shorts suffice. But paying the price panting between baking sun and grilling asphalt that waft watery mirages and wondering if you’ll complete course before wholly exhausted still haunt and menace, what Rachel Meltdown does to your typical MAGA clown. Self’s amuse abuse, or folly hobby, seems bombastic onanistic or depressive obsessive to someone else’s mentality.

Mary Mensana (Amanda Seyfried) is pregnant widow of a would-be environmental terrorist and rueful parishioner at First Reformed (Paul Schrader, dir., 2018), on eve of rural church’s 250th anniversary, where Reverend Toller (Ethan Hawke) serves as pastor to whom she rides her bicycle for emotional support. As an aside, a man does say Fred in reference to stodgy cyclists devoted to riding classic but outdated steel models such as a Peugeot Super Competition or Schwinn Varsity. This grim drama about climate despair, doctrinaire politics, hollow ceremony, and reproductive rights won Critic’s Choice Male Lead award for Hawke; screenplay was nominated for an Oscar.

Not finding a lot of new bicycle songs from dispirited Americans, composing still on wane, as previously described. Do note Europeans compiling abridged Youtube playlists, such as one from Germany of which only some of those not previously mentioned are listed below chronologically by release date. Interesting how France and Germany now stand together backing Ukraine’s resistance to Russia’s aggression after USA’s betrayal of democracy despite interwoven diversity and widespread mutiny of its citizens.

John Manchester, French Bicycle Music [piano instrumental], Blue Sky, Omnimusic, 1985

Beppo Küster, Ich fahre Rad [German pop], Bitte nach Ihnen, Amiga, 1986

Wolle Kriwanek Band, Mike (Mit dem Mountain-Bike) [German rock], Hot Wollé, Bell Records, 1992

M. A. Numminen, Fahrradfahren ist Notwendig [German, “Riding Bicycle Is Necessary”], soundtrack from short film Polkupyörällä ajaminen on tarpeellista (Sökö Kaukoranta, dir., 2000); commemorates 450th anniversary of Helsinki, Finland. Depicts a grey day with Numminen singing song beside riding on back of a bicycle being pedaled along a slushy roadside.

Spieltrieb, Fahrrad fahrn [German pop], Ohrrangement, self, 2008
“How do I feel? Of course, it rhymes with free. Whatever comes and happens can't touch me, because I have my song... There are a thousand ways to ride a bike, whether endurance, fast, downhill, or on the track. One thing is certain: you'll burn calories, and next summer you'll shine with a dream figure. Only what you eat is your fuel, and you're gliding along.”

Pat C, Klapprad [German], single video, self, 2010
“I ride a folding bike around the area; no reason to get upset”

Pratterino, Bicycle Song, Old Bicycle, Pär Strandberg, 2011

Souljah, Was mein Fahrrad angeht [German], single video, self, 2011
Bikecentric remake of the autocentric MoTrip song similarly named; if you sold God’s benefices, ecclesiastical privileges, or pardons it was once condemned as heretical simony, but now it’s the sole jam of Christian Nationalists loyal only to opportunist oligarchy.

Kommando Zurueck, Velociped [German hip-hop], Back from Out of Space, self, 2012

KraftKlub, Mein Rad [German], In Schwarz, Universal Music Group, 2014
Americans can related to this angst of loss plentiful evidenced, “My bike is no longer here, it's gone, that's what happened. But why is it now with an idiot like you... who sees things and just takes them like a stupid child?” Answer: Kleptocrats addicted to greed.

Anthony’s Putsch, King of the World, single video, self, 2014
“Won’t you grab that bike, please take me for a ride, and see that I’m King of the world! There is nothing I'm afraid of, mama, only the howling of the wind.” Right! Citizens of a democracy are collectively king, not some orange shellacked combover thing.

Infallet, Cykelhjälm Cykelhjälm [Swedish in English; group name means a “Sudden Whim”], single video, self, 2014
A helmet is stylish, the ultimate swag, no? “No pain, no gain. It’s a place to put your brain.”

Binyo, Fahrrad [German], Der Steg ist das Ziel [“The jetty is the destination’], self, 2015

The Rotaries, Bicycle Girl, On the Outs, self, 2015

Dota Kehr, Rennrad [German pop], Keine Gefahr, Kleingeldprinzessin Records, 2016

Maybebop, Lust auf Fahrrad [German], single, BMG, 2016

Moop Mama, Die Erfindung des Rades, M.O.O.P.Topia, self, 2016
“You are a miracle of nature on a miracle of technology, your round body contour, carefree and casual. They talk, and shout, and gesticulate, hands off the steering wheel. Sirens and horns are only for you, because you roll like a gangster.”

D.U.M. Enterprises, Fahrradtrack [German hip-hop], single video, self, 2018

Peelander-Z, Bike Bike Bike, Go PZ Go, Chicken Ranch Records, 2018

Günter Nüssle, Das Liegerad [German], single video, 2019

Nico Suave, Von Hamburg bis zum Meer [German pop], single video, Hamburg Marketing, 2019
“So many corners, so much to discover, on my bike... I’m never stuck in traffic. I pass you with a big smile.”

The Dirty Nil, To the Guy Who Stole My Bike, F*ck Art, Dine Alone Records, 2020
“I hope it serves you well. I hope the brakes don’t seize, when you’re riding down the hill to hell.”

Mr. Rose, Radfahren [German pop], single video, Problembär Records, 2020

Requisite, Bicycle, Rusty BBQ Demos EP, 1943896 Records DK, 2020
“Next time you offer me a ride, I might decline. I’d rather ride my bicycle.”

Severin Groebner, Rentner auf E-Bikes [German for “Retirees on E-bikes”], single video, self, 2020

Estéban Cortez, La-La-Lastenrad [German, “Cargo Bicycle”], single video, self, 2021
Going backwards by pedaling? Isn’t fuel too expensive?

Kadeja, feat. DieZelle, Bike, single video, PZK, 2021

Treptow, Nachts auf dem Fahrrad [German heavy metal], single video, self, 2021
“On the bike at night in Berlin... There’s room for you on my luggage rack; I'll gladly take you anywhere. Who needs a taxi?”

IFHT fea. Matt Dennison, New Bike Day, single video, self, 2022
“Got kicked out, got fired; wanna do stuff but I’m too tired. At least my mother’s proud of me (no, she’s not). But it’s new bike day, and I can’t be broken... I get to ride. I might be broke and alone, but there’s rubber and chrome... I feel alive... Can’t afford to fix my car, but I got shiny handlebars.”

Mike Ständer Band, Fahrradfahrn [German], Zweites, self, 2022

Blondie & Iris Wallaschek, Mein Rotes Fahrrad [German, "My Red Bicycle”], single video, Chromatics Entertainment Studios, 2023

Alex & Lukas (A. Diosegi and L. Brennecke), Radlerhymne [German hip-hop, “Cycling Anthem”], Schiffbruch, self, 2024
“Leather saddle padding and the pedal crank made of gold! The chrome rims measure an impressive twenty-six inches. Yes, then annoy a few passers-by with your exhaust. Hey, we'll pass you if you look out at us while you're filling up.”

E-Aldi, Fahrrad-Punks Not Dead, single, self, 2024

Vielleicht Emma, (Ich und mein) Fahrrad, (Ich und mein) Fahrrad, self, 2024

Hanker Sane

“They say that, ‘Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.’ Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king. There's only one step down from here, baby. It’s called the land of permanent bliss. What’s a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?” Bob Dylan, Sweetheart Like You, Infidels, 1983

None can predict what might occur with certainty, though irrational behaviors often bring harm and ought to be avoided if possible. Don’t expect genius decisions from brains afflicted with dementia, parasites or syphilis. Legally and politically, ignorance is no excuse, but insanity does provide a lame defense. Madmen can be entertaining, about the only reason anyone nowadays acquires a name, evades blame, gains fame, or stakes a claim. One ought to hanker defining reality over sane washing absurdity. But as a criminal regime dawns, exemplary service in society’s interests secures yawns.

Andrew Wyeth (1930 to 2006) watercolor on board; artist is known for painting scenes from native Maine to Pennsylvania brimming with intense surrealism and magic realism.

“The truth knocks on the door and you say, ‘Go away, I’m looking for the truth.’ and so it goes away. Puzzling.” “When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called Religion.” Quality maniac Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (HarperCollins, 1974, 448 pp.), 50th anniversary

Before 2024 election, couldn’t get enough of Strike Force Five and their hilarious criticisms of sick cultists in diametric contrast, and sparkling wits such as John Stewart and Tim Miller (shown below in parent’s basement flanked by bicycle posters). Now they are too sad and tragically targeted to merit same attention. Entertainers and journalists who champion truths and expose lawmakers will always be the enemies of tyrants.

Compulsions to create authentic content instead spread fallacy pollution. You can read lies daily in salacious headlines drawing audiences to another dull presentation meant to meet deadlines. Social media uses artificial intelligence to score influence, and, since purchased by privileged immigrants, sift out disloyal or dissident participants. All you can legitimately do is avoid trolls, boycott nonsense, buy nothing, ignore clickbait, and resist despots. Meanwhile, the exact opposite coexists, modest titles fronting indispensable testimony, intangible religiosity, and nontaxable charity.

Robert Isenberg, Mile Markers (Last Picked Books, 2024, 220 pp.), “A bicycle isn’t just a piece of sports equipment or a fun hobby. It is the purest innovation, a tool of liberation, the antidote for a million human woes.”

Complex phenomena come from random insufficiencies. Situations greatly vary. Seldom does one size fit all. Ice Road truckers don’t benefit as much from bicycle transportation as crosstown office commuters. Bicycles are labor saving devices compared to walking, but not while hauling tonnage. Who wants to be forced arbitrarily to do something more difficult than necessary? Jacques Derrida warned of torturing poets on a Procrustean Bed which sacrifices context for conformity. Old farts who plot violence and proceed unhinged against those they swore to serve will themselves, “Be hoisted with their own petard,”poetic justice of ironic outcomes, unintended suicides during terrorist bombings, not to be confused with pittards, leather gloves that protect well until outdoor winter trips trigger frozen fingertips.

After a year in America that saw historic investment in bicycling infrastructure and reciprocal equipment purchases, you’d naturally expect books, films, and songs to acknowledge and celebrate, and a dozen sparked recognition. Never underestimate the power of visual stimuli to shape perceptions and sway behaviors. Pick for yourself which one promotes prudent conduct. 

Alcoholic divorcee Michael (Brian Stillar), known locally as Bike (Terrance Odette, dir., 2024), resorts to collecting bottles, raiding dumpsters, running errands, scrounging beers, and stealing bicycles. One assignment has him arduously messengering a mystery envelope up a steep escarpment. His one hope, to jumpstart a relationship with his teenage daughter, runs into a detour when he witnesses a drive-by shooting.

Camera Corner (Josh Weinberg, dir., 2024) documents Wende Cragg’s archive of thousands of photos of early mountain bikes and Marin County’s MTB community circa 1974.

In uplifting fact-based feature film Hard Miles (Daniel Hannah, dir., 2024), social worker Matthew Modine ushers juvenile delinquents serving soft sentences on an epic bicycle tour to Grand Canyon, aided by sag driver Cynthia Kaye McWilliams and wrench tech Sean Astin (Samwise Gamgee in LOTR). Everyone tumbles at least once on first attempt at using cleats.

Heretic (Bryan Woods and Scott Beck, dirs., 2024) follows Mormon sisters Barnes (Sophie Thatcher) and Paxton (Chloe East) blithely biking about, imposing their beliefs door to door, while seeking converts, until they arrive at the home of atheist psychopath Mr. Reed (Hugh Grant), lock up bikes, and shuffle indoors. Resembles empty promises and fraught visits on political campaigns. This grim film received 2 dozen award nominations.

Rebel Ridge (Jeremy Saulnier, dir., 2024) shows ex-special forces marine Terry Richmond (Aaron Pierre) run afoul of corrupt police in rural South. After they knock him off his mountain bicycle and confiscate cash with which he was planning to bail out his cousin, random Rambo mayhem commences.

Souleymane’s Story (Boris Lojkine, dir., 2024, in French) is portrayed by Abou Sangare, who delivers food in Paris by bicycle. To qualify for asylum, he must prepare an autobiography prior to a state inquiry. Was nominated for 10 awards and won 7.

Tess Parks - Some Days: The Bike Song From Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (Warner Bros. Pictures, Tim Burton, dir., 2024), “I don't like anything, but I love everyone some days... when the sun is out and good people are about it restores my faith.” Lydia Deetz’s psychic heir Astrid (Jenna Ortega) avoids colliding her bike with carelessly driven trucks but crashes through fence into the yard of Jeremy Frazier (Arthur Conti), who secretly designs her unsolicited destiny for his own expediency. Despicables dupe innocents, especially during elections. Living free is wondrous, withstanding afterlife monstrous. 

We Are Rock n Roll (Justin Balog, dir., 2024) is a documentary of the American Criterium Cup, a series of up to 10 races for points for purses totaling $500,000.

Bicycle Film Festival is currently and virtually presenting BFF Classics, short films previously introduced during its 25 year history, through 31 March 2025. There will also be physical exhibitions of new works at various global locations including Copenhagen.

Pandemic doctor Daniela Schwendener gets revitalized by gravel bicycling on her Days Off (Liam Higgins, dir., 2022), an overlooked short from a few years ago promoting Cotic Bikes shot on location in England’s Peak District National Park.

Project A (Jackie Chan, dir.,1983) casts himself as Sergeant Dragon Ma Yue Lung and performs in martial arts battles including a frenetic bicycle scene set in Hong Kong alleys. What’s the goal of that silly slapstick sound at every kick?

Patricia Taxxon, Big Wheel, Bicycle, self, 2024 - Rambling aural experiment eventually gets around to lyrics: "The big wheel in the sky, he arcs o’er miles and miles... We can see the whole town from up here, feel the wind sail past our ears, the whistling noise it makes, so frigid and so fierce.”

Obscene Sexteyn

Pedaling increases testosterone, which tempts scorchers into trysts for which they might need to atone. Among obese cyclists exploring trails, comely athenas might draw gaze of lonely clydesdales. For clergy, an acolyte or medieval sexteyn could sacrilegiously serve allegedly celibate pastors in sacristies. Bodies are driven by electrical synapses, endocrine hormones, and natural processes to procreate, produce, and seek releases regardless of moralities. Orgasms are a potent analgesic. Only a refined sense of consequence keeps reasonable people from drowning in regrettable pornographies, or endorsing sex trafficking criminalities. Though cracks in affection and fulfillment get filled with anger and resentment, nothing excuses interpersonal malfeasance. Expect to stew excessively in silence.

Johns, junkies, tweakers, and winos vainly volunteer their vulnerabilities to gangsters, murderers, pimps, and politicians, who wrap themselves in national flags and religious vestments. Half of illicit opioids are laced with China white, deadly fentanyl. Being impaired in public certainly doesn’t exonerate felonies but definitely encumbers legal docilities. In-car-cerated doesn’t mean stuck inside your comfy ride, rather you don’t get to pedal a conveyance where you’d like and must hide inside an imaginary shell among depraved predators in a prison hell. Convicts inside are given jobs, so, along with busy monsters hunting outside, get to celebrate Labor Day, which ought to exclude freeloaders and parasites, who make up an increasing portion of US populace. They don’t appreciate that sweat of exertion improves and purifies like nothing else.

However gross, messy, scary or smelly these realities sound, obscene instead describes arresting climate clarion Greta Thunberg and threatening her with a 6 month sentence for protesting Big Oil. So, it’s come down again to condemning youth for speaking truth, who were likewise honest and persecuted in the 1960’s, as history has proven. Conservatives since Nixon fatten upon fossil goo, gun sales, and tax breaks for wealthiest few at the expense of altruism, education, infrastructure improvements, job creation, social programs, and whatever else liberates those whom neocons crave to enslave. With elections looming, they’re condemning nonfiction blogs and books and hiking gasoline prices, economic terrorism they’ve relied upon time and time again.

While alternatives can be half-assed and standardization begets efficiencies, choices matter and deceits boomerang. Much more could be done to promote self propulsion, such as donating unused bicycles to charities, lobbying congress members and state legislators for code enforcement, setting good examples by riding responsibly, and welcoming newcomers of all ages. It’s no hardship dropping off hardware at local bike recyclers or forwarding tax deductible donations to such organizations as:

Bikes for the World - Rockville, MD, USA (99% rating)
Ships used bikes to economically challenged regions worldwide.

Bikes Not Bombs - Boston, MA, USA (82% rating)
Ships used bikes to economically challenged nations in Latin America.

International Bicycle Fund - Seattle, WA, USA
Promotes advocacy and awareness around the world.

Recycle-a-Bike - Providence, RI, USA
Teaches underprivileged teens to rebuild bicycles so they learn marketable skills and wind up with own transportation to work.

Salvation Army - Alexandria, VA (100% rating), plus 15,000 locations in 130 countries
Not only do they welcome drop offs, General Brian Peddle (not Pedal, but close enough), chief executive since 2018, wishes to sell used equipment at rock bottom prices with proceeds going to job therapy for addicts and indigents. What they don’t sell gets passed along periodically to other charities.

Two Wheeler Dealer - Wilmington, NC, USA
If you drop off a unit, they’ll refurbish and donate it for you.

World Bicycle Relief, Chicago, IL (84% rating)
Has donated half a million bicycles to developing countries in Africa and India, as well as taught mechanics how to maintain them. They’ve partnered with Trek and World Vision to support local government efforts.

 A slew of NGOs do nothing but extol bicycling, rather than take a proactive role, such as attend group rides and be seen riding bicycles themselves. Some suddenly close for lack of patronage or scandals over embezzlement. You can gain confidence that those you pick still do worthwhile work by visiting Charity Navigator, which provides contacts, ratings, and specifics.

To be clear, not all people can successfully propel a bicycle, no more than operate a motor vehicle. Less than half of Americans have driver licenses. Both require minimal coordination, intelligence, reflexes, and stamina. To coax those who are deficient is to force failures irresponsibly, though you can’t forever shelter them since they are free to behave responsibly and exercise choices that positively impact self and society. Risks from bad habits, cumulative stress, poor diet, and substance abuse are all more deadly, while bicycling has proven to be a cure and deterrent for all of them. Builders make adaptive handcycles, recumbents, and tricycles for paraplegics and those otherwise challenged, while road users are 20 times safer going by bikes than cars.

E-bikes and pedelecs, essentially light motor vehicles, might not belong on bike paths where speed increase isn’t expected by dog walkers, pedestrians, and unwary users. Want to go faster? Be a faster; abstaining and dieting are world’s cheapest hobbies, whereas international food tourism is the most pricey. Bicycle touring fits budgets; bicycle commuting can cut costs of car ownership tenfold. Sadly ironic, bicycling facilitates motoring by freeing space on streets and postponing oil depletion by using no fuel other than meals.

Surely someone is rushing to set up a defense fund for Greta, as any woke cause is worth exploiting. Private fortunes and public appeals supposedly fund animal rescues, earthquake and hurricane relief, green space rallies, nature conservancies, and several dozen related nonprofits when what really happens is directors enlist volunteers to do dirty work and pocket every donation, while results so far are deforestation, devastation, mass extinction, no improvement or reversal of any condition, the opposite of what they purport. A gift of $1,000/year will save no polar bears or whales without policy changes among the worst national offenders, particularly China and USA. They immorally use your angst, guilt and rage as weapons against you, while you to seek zero carbon footprint on your own.

If majority avoids waste, identifies threats, opposes tyranny, recycles avidly, teaches progeny to do same, and uses only what’s necessary to thrive, nature heals and threats lessen. Don’t wait for God, who’s no fan of ecological suicide, to intervene. You can’t be absolved until you acknowledge trespasses, confess sins, forget debts, and forgive others. Yet you can’t ignore or tolerate audacious actors as they rise to mass murder.

When “Captain Obvious” speaks plainly it invites cancelation, censorship, character assassination, innuendo, rumors, and slander. Enlightenment author Denis Diderot observed, “Those who fear the facts will forever try to discredit the fact-finders,” or as folks escalate nowadays, “Kill the messenger.” Have you ever been subtly shushed by having a topic abruptly changed? Ever accused of “being lost in the weeds” when exploring a fuller picture? Maybe you intended all along to alienate, challenge, frustrate, and separate self from uncaring acquaintances. Even worse, have friends and loved ones had their minds poisoned against you when all you sought was cooperative friendships? You will be ostracized for introducing information beyond scope of current conversation even though everything is part of an interconnected fabric from which universe is made, so always holds relevance to some degree.

Though little good comes from sitting in group meetings, and many dismiss scientific tools as utter mendacity, pareto analysis focuses attention on which influences are the most potent, and what to ignore as butterfly flutter or white noise. One can savor privileges within a web of total delusion; in fact, those who do insulate themselves against public tumult, but someone always pays the price of ignorance. Halfwitted bloggers can make a decent living spouting misinformation and opinion that serve someone’s agenda through advertising, grants, or stipends. QAnon numerologist Michael Protzman attracted nearly one hundred thousand followers by claiming Donald Trump, Elvis Presley, and JFK Jr. were cousins descended from Jesus Christ, until killed this summer in a motorcycle accident.

While Bike&Chain appears articulate and informed, observing behaviors and effects accurately, Labann was never smart enough to rake in a blogger’s average of $38,000/year in revenues, rather incurred net losses and wasted 15 years. No individual can solve life’s issues, only act kindly, be useful, follow laws, pursue nonviolence, and serve needs lest be labeled ludicrous and lose liberties.

Strike Soudain

Despite Writer Guild of America’s strike, just resolved, and supporting actions by screen actors and such professionals, some feature films and television programs continue to be released, and there are many existing amusements for just about every taste.

British Pathé filmed daily life a century ago leaving relevant clips as these:
Cycle Town, Copenhagen, Denmark (1923)
National Bicycle Week, Hyde Park, London, England (1923)
The Postman (1940)

Misfit teen heroine Moondance Alexander (Michael Damian, dir., 2007), played by Kay Panabaker, rides her pink stepthrough bike for local transportation and on part time store deliveries, which as advertised expands her horizons. She comes upon a pinto horse loose from its paddock. Upon returning it to owner Dante (Don Johnson), he teaches her to jump Checkers in competition, thus getting one over her snotty school nemesis.

The Year Dolly Parton Was My Mom (Tara Johns, dir., 2011) depicts confused preteen Elizabeth Gray (Julia Sarah Stone), who believes the barren Country Western singer is her mother. She tries to ride her banana bike 500 miles from Winnipeg, Manitoba to Minneapolis, Minnesota, where Dolly was scheduled to perform. Her adoptive mom Marion (Macha Grenon) intercepts her at the US border and tosses her bike off a cliff. Bittersweet but contrived, closest Dolly ever came to appearing near there was Madison, Wisconsin in 1976.

In feature film Barbie (Greta Gerwig, dir., 2023), Beach Ken (Ryan Gosling) dotes on Stereotypical Barbie (Margot Robbie) admidst an idealized matriarchal society, content to play stoker on her tandem. Eventually, Ken dolls rebel and seek patriarchal power until female dolls get them to fight among themselves.

No Hard Feelings (Gene Stupnitsky, dir., 2023) has desperate escort Maddie (Jennifer Lawrence) hired by anxious parents to seduce their reluctant son Percy (Andrew Barth Feldman). She tempts him every way she knows how, including stuffing his bicycle in the back of a van while kidnapping him.

Florence Pugh plays A Good Person (Zach Braff, dir., 2023) cursed with bad luck. Fiddling with smartphone navigator, she crashes into a roadside excavator injuring self and killing her finacé. After a long recovery. she's hooked on opioids and rides a BMX instead of driving.

Grim documentary Amber (Elizabeth Fisher, dir., 2023) delves into unsolved mystery of Amber Rene Hagerman’s disappearance. This 9 year old left home in Arlington Texas on her bicycle only to be found dead 4 days later. Outcry resulted in the so-named Amber Alert System that since has saved lives of over a thousand children.

Because majority views television for events reporting and serial entertainment, effect of WGA strike has been to afford fascist news a free pass to spread lies with too little to counter and expose. Most networks don't incite violence and issue hate speech with relentless enthusiasm. Unbalanced agitation leads to division, terrorism, and treason among disturbed individuals and splinter groups they target. Rupert’s daily assault upon the democracy he loathes doesn’t need guild writers, isn’t scripted, and solicits few advertisers, since they can sustain attack through corporate agendas and private patronage.

How can you stop their 24/7 barrage validated by resultant hate and murder they themselves provoked like some self fulfilling prophecy? You'll never assess degree of damage done to democracy over 146 days of unchallenged opinions. Once late night commentators begin to return next week will anyone notice balance restored?

Is there any point in complaining when narcissists revel in your anguish? Every appeal to fairness just feeds their twisted needs and fortifies their sociopathies. For them schadenfreude is a favored sport. Publishing articles and speaking up publicly confines your arguments to a past that nobody wants to relive, while perpetrators commit new conspiracies nobody wants to admit to being so gullible to allow themselves to be hoodwinked and victimized by.

Fuel-ish Fusain

Wild cycling image from Purity Ring, Stardew, Official Video (2020) - “A storm is coming. I feel it in my scars. And in the morning we'll wonder where we are... The world turns over and I'll be lost in you. Hide in the static, go push me through and through. And I will fall from your sweet height to prove that all I am is meant to bleed and bloom. How you move. How you knew. Hold me down. Hold me true.”

Fusain is a fossilized chunk from a spindle tree with which you can magically draw a fine charcoal sketch of Punxsutawney Phil prognosticating 6 more weary weeks of winter, exactly what’s left. Never face April without flurries or worse anyway. NOAA climate specialists proved Phil has been wrong 5 out of last 10 years, which included hottest on record. Gives slight hope to Northeast cyclists stuck indoors on trainers trying to restore their “hypomanic state”, what TV psychiatrist F. Murray Abraham cited as a bicycling outcome on Law & Order: Criminal Intent (“Three-in-One”, Season 9, Episode 16, July, 2010). Snowy side streets sent Saturday’s derivé along a deserted service highway pass derrières of commercial and industrial sites. Too drab and icy to bother seeking hilly and spicy scenery. Then Sunday’s storm raged here during sultry Tampa's Superbowl for happy home team, yet deterred another day of riding and potential mood boost. Lack of aerobic reps while daylong video streaming makes for health worries.

Riders who appear in a pharma ad get honored on Ozempic mural. Cheer to hear companies responding to latest viral crisis, but only because Uncle Sam made grants too big to ignore. Medicines that actually cure serious ailments are prone to ruinous lawsuits, unlike placebos that tease remedies to minor complaints. Two-thirds of Americans take on average 4 prescriptions daily, particularly those over 50 years old, who might die if supplies suddenly ceased. FDA regulations stipulate that pharma houses agree never to discontinue an approved product without first arranging for an effective substitute. Yet bottom line profiteers want to do away with such regulations, putting patients at needless risk. Neocons never care whether people die, thus their staunch support of auto, coal and oil industries, who kill as many people as pandemics.

While millennials rethink merits of purchases, automakers scramble to increase perception of convenience and safety. Bicyclists are especially wary of computer assisted, driverless, and silent electric SUVs, which don't take anything but parked vehicles into account but do take up too much space in narrow lanes. Incompetent motorists who need all such safety gadgets should have their privilege to operate revoked. With pavement in shambles, only halftracks, hovercraft, hum-vees, or hybrid MTBs should be considered.

Our Hospitality (Buster Keaton, dir., 1920) was set in 1830 to portray Willie McKay (stuntman Buster Keaton himself) at play riding an obsolete draisienne, widely outlawed by 1820, to modest estate he inherited. Having recently arrived in area, Willie accepts a dinner invitation, but didn’t know Canfield boys are bitter enemies to McKays and want to murder him. Patriarch won’t allow as long as he’s protected by rules of hospitality. So, this dated example is a veritable two wheeler from a century ago, set a century earlier. Functional dandy horse built as a prop for film was later donated to Smithsonian Institution.

Resisting group therapy, private detective Monk (Tony Shalhoub, Season 8, Episode 8, 2009) tries to coax a insurance denied solo session from his psychologist Dr. Neven Bell (Héctor Elizondo) by having his assistant Natalie Teeger (Traylor Howard) captain a Schwinn tandem with him on back, catch up, and ride alongside. When Bell refuses and speeds up an incline, they fall behind and topple over.

Grace Papy compiled clips from 2-1/2 dozen films (many already reviewed) and several videos (not listed) into Vélo Bicyclette Remix, 2017. Will review remainder over subsequent posts. Too bad its dance songs - both album title tracks, Galantis, No Money, 2016, and Syn Cole, It’s You, 2015 - don’t directly refer to bicycling, though Cole’s does slightly suggest: “Law of attraction feels like chemistry. Yeah, it's a jungle out in the street. You gotta fight for the things you need.”

In family musical Lemonade Mouth (Patricia Riggen, dir., 2011) Disney kids bike to compete in an Albuquerque High School rock competition. Wouldn’t mention except for its inclusion in Vélo Bicyclette video.

Two films, Nerve and Paranormal Activity 4 (Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost, dirs. on both, 2016 and 2012, respectively), merely flash bicycling unrelated to plot.

Total Black Out, aka Walk of Shame (Steven Brill, dir., 2014) in which aspiring news anchor Elizabeth Banks, after bombing interview then partying hard to forget fiasco, gets offered job as long as she can be at studio before 5:00 PM. Enormous LA isn’t so easy to cross at rush hour; just ask Izzy. At one point, she’s bargaining with a school boy for his bike, which she instead steals and straddles in a tight skirt.

Psychological thriller The Shining (Stanley Kubrick, dir., 1980), previously listed, has telepathic youngster Danny Lloyd chanting REDRUM and pedaling his tricycle around snowbound Overlook Hotel. Horror revisit Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, dir., 2020) covers same motif.

Bedevil Antifain

Personal distancing requires continual judgements and heightened vigilance, neither of which occur when noses are stuck in smartphones. Besides obvious derelicts, panhandlers, slobs dressed in rags with stains, stumbling drunks, and those without masks fully covering mouths and noses, you'd be right to shun pet owners who play all day with feces and smokers swinging hand to face on a sneeze trapeze. At least you’re already avoiding coworkers who value paychecks over your wellbeing, family members, and other people’s kids. Do you even have to mention sick patients in doctors' offices? Together they probably account for most episodes of contagion. Virus may even exceed 2 meter perimeter by floating on smoke particles, but morons hanging a lit cigarette out a window in a crowded parking lot are not likely to be arrested for a hate crime or terrorist act. Most crime goes unchecked, unreported even. An informal count tallied half of people not wearing masks or taking them off unless right next to those infected, by then too late. You don't know when some careless "covidiot" is going to come around a corner or overtake you from behind. On Labann’s favorite holiday, those in total pandemic denial will gather for Independence Day festivities and line parade routes. Watch next week for the post holiday spike.

Meanwhile, it's well known that human bodies consist of a surprisingly sizable portion, cell count up to 57%, of extra-human microorganisms, including gut biota, outnumbering human cells 10:1, though, since microscopic, only 1 to 4% of body mass. This fact becomes the point of departure for short All These Creatures (Charles Williams, dir., 2018). Award winning actor Yared Scott narrates fictional story of his dad’s bedevilment by them and subsequent suicide. Teen peers and Yared invade empty houses and speculate how these squirming bugs will displace their identities and leave empty husks devoid of selves, their bikes without riders. Where do bugs begin and you end? Most folks can handle germs as long as their brains aren’t affected and immune systems still function. But repeated use of antibacterial cleansers and antibiotic medicines is bound to backlash, expose you to even more lethal disease, such as pneumonia and tuberculosis, and make novel influenza seem a minor inconvenience by comparison.

Human interest stories abound among billions of viewpoints upon which tens of thousands of films are based. Few are as poignant as what history’s quintessential sociopath, Adolph Hitler, did to Christians, Jews and Russians before defeated by global decency in 1945. The list of atrocities is too heartbreaking to enumerate, but his malignant tyranny extended to the smallest details of one’s life. “Our freedom was severely restricted by a series of anti-Jewish decrees: Jews were required to wear a yellow star... to turn in their bicycles... forbidden to use streetcars [and] ride in cars, even their own... I long to ride a bike, dance, whistle, look at the world, feel young and know that I’m free, and yet I can’t let it show.” Such simple pleasures were dreams for hopeful teen Anne Frank in 1943, before being interned in a concentration camp then dying in a typhus epidemic just a month before allied liberation at end of WWII. Toronto artist Jenn Woodall’s ANTIFAin image from zine Girls suggests that the freedom machine is today’s weapon to fight fascists and whoever else is intolerably mean.

Before starring in blockbuster hits like Jurassic Park, Sam Neill was the protagonist in New Zealand drama Sleeping Dogs (Roger Donaldson, dir.,1977). Nestled into a peaceful life on a small Maori island, he’s falsely accused and detained by fascist regime when local tensions flare up. After he escapes and finds a love interest, who he rides around on his bicycle, relentless monsters catch up with him. What else is new? Why all these repressions unless to preserve possessions and properties of those who already own too much? “It is a sin to be rich. You know that it's a low down shame to be poor. You know a rich man ain't got a chance to go to heaven, and a poor man got a hard way to go.” Samuel Lightnin’ Hopkins, written 50 years ago, recorded in 1972, tells it straight how it’s an endless struggle balancing on a tightrope, fulfilling moderate need without succumbing to greed.

“Do you have the time?” asks Jennifer Love Hewitt in If Only (Gil Junger, dir., 2004). It’s never how much time you’re given, but what you do with it. Magically given a second chance to cherish and relive his remaining day with her, Paul Nicholls makes them count. Motor accidents claim millions of lives. Both characters would have been better off riding one of the newly introduced mountain bikes they see on London streets two decades ago. Any Google search will show doe-eyed Client List star Hewitt on a pink lady bike with a basket. Wikipedia, however, lists less than 4 dozen bicycling related films, most of which B&C previously catalogued, but none of which are among 6 dozen Labann described in last several posts. As always with superficial research, can’t just count titles that refer, because you’ll miss other connections a hundredfold. B&C is all about bicycling’s ubiquity, proven through thousands of pages, yet 30 years later, still wondering where’s the love and why bicyclists still aren’t accommodated on streets.

Beto (César Troncoso) builds The Pope’s Toilet (Enrique Fernandez, dir., 2007) on cash stolen from his daughter’s college fund, because he’s anticipating charging use fees for tens of thousands of visitors expected for John Paul II’s stop in Melo, Uruguay, a poverty stricken northeast border town. Plot focuses on several transporters who subsist by arduously bringing goods from Brazil by bike with hopes of avoiding duties levied by corrupt customs officer Meleyo (Nelson Lence). Despite crossing frontier off road and wading though swamps, they frequently get caught and suffer losses. Meleyo later confiscates Beto’s bike, but that barely has any impact on this financial fiasco. Many townsfolk had same idea and invested in market booths, but few visitors show up and none buy anything, which leaves entire region worse off. Dramatized upon actual event, results demonstrate downside of proactive planning around power wielded capriciously.

Vivian Bang plays a naturalized Korean performance artist in White Rabbit (Daryl Wein, dir., 2018). She bicycles throughout contemporary Los Angeles, plants herself in parks and supermarkets, and spouts amplified monologues on Asian-Black tensions during 1992 riots, which had resulted in massive losses stoked by exaggerated news. Her sister asks, “Is it self indulgent to be, like, ‘Okay, I can be an artist today,’ when world’s, like, going crazy?” She replies, “I have to make stuff. If I don’t find a way to express myself, like, I’ll go insane.” Art expression becomes life experience when black fashion model Nana Ghana locks her bike to Vivian’s and messes up important business. They later meet under better circumstances and spend several days together. Vivian lets her lesbian lust for Nana get the better of her before learning to let go.

Judith Davis, who directs and stars in this 2018 French comedy, asks Whatever Happened to My Revolution? Her radical character fights for space to ride a socialist Vélib’ on busy Paris cobblestones to work, but goes by bus after being sacked by her merely liberal bosses. “We have no right to judge people. It’s uninteresting and counterproductive...” Storyline addresses millennial angst and moral judo, but she settles, like everyone these days, for a love interest that fulfills basic needs. Revolution begins and ends as an inner quest. 

Set in 1985 Columbia, Rolling Elvis (Gustavo Torres Gil, dir., 2020), pudgy preteen Julián Andres Salcedo Rodriguez, awakes hoping to skip school and view Tour de France on television, dreams of becoming a professional racer like countryman Luis “El jardinerito” Herrera, sneaks into video room instead of attending assigned class, but suffers embarrassment of combative paternal chastisements and punitive maternal inducements to participate in a talent show. Parents fighting over his fate, he dashes off on his BMX, gets Elvis costume caught, and goes head over heels, winding up a paraplegic. In hospital at least he can watch Tour coverage. Mom (Maria Dalmazzo), a big fan of The King, has entertainer aspirations for son, and hots for a handyman installing a handicap ramp. Portrayal of dad’s homophobia and hypocrisy seem to be handled ham-handedly for a PG-rated after school special. Helped by local kids, who build him an ad hoc hand-cycle, he rides until he can again use his legs a year later.

Tykes Unslain?

Reading synopses and skipping through film after film have uncovered fewer instances of bicycling culture than one might figure given ubiquity of bikes. You’d think but would be wrong that they’d appear more in Chinese or Indian movies. Costume dramas set earlier than two centuries ago shouldn’t show any. Action heroes increasingly rely on advanced technologies and jet propulsion. Pricey transportation choices don’t sell themselves, only occur as a result of conditioned delusions. Directors will never guarantee expressive quality since criteria are steeped in subjectivity. Face it, most scripts feature juvenile ideas, nightmarish fears, product placements, or silly plots. Filmmakers compile scenes about anything, just roll dice in hopes investment pays off. Big budget don’t necessarily produce blockbusters. Jewels are rare by definition. Movie time resembles what bicyclists mentally do while they ply every byway: Pay attention to approaching pavement, plan next ride segment, use quiet between meditating, noticing scenery, and reflecting on whatever one encounters directly or vicariously in any given moment.

Wide eyed Suzy Bannion (Jessica Harper) dances through cult horror classic Suspiria (Dario Argento, dir., 1977). If only that girl’s bike parked out front wasn’t removed, she could ride into town to escape witch coven that poses as a ballet school. As Professor Milius (Rudolf Schündler) explains, “[Witches] are malefic, negative and destructive... They can change the course of events, and people’s lives, but only to do harm... Their goal is to accumulate great personal wealth, but that can only be achieved by injury to others. They can cause suffering, sickness, and even the death of those who, for whatever reason, have offended them.“ Sounds like what poses as government these days. Greedy and needy, you waste treasures at your own jeopardy. Oddly, in recent remake Suzy walks past a group of liberating bicycles with no thought to ride away and save herself. Jump on and just go, girl!

Television series Pacific Blue (1996 - 2000) was yet another law and order drama. It covered daily dealings of Santa Monica’s elite bicycle squad. Season 1, Episode 3 stunt riders tackled nazi aggressors, nudist protestors, and wall desecrators. Likely it was canceled because it there’s only so much mileage you can get from a bikini clad bimbo and Muscle Beach bravado, although popular competing show Baywatch flexed and jiggled for 12 seasons. Monkees drummer Micky Dolenz who played city’s mayor was the only well known cast member.

A gang of tykes on bikes get embroiled in A Christmas Tale (Paco Plaza, dir., 2005), more like a low budget Spanish Goonies adventure. Hanging at and zooming around an amusement park that’s closed and for sale, they find a woman in a Santa suit, who fell down a well. For foolish reasons they decide to feed her but refuse to help her escape, later suspect she stole $2 million pesetas (less than $14,000 before Euros took over) according to news broadcasts. Once out, she tries to kill them all, only they pull Home Alone tactics, which result in her being decisively impaled but still a deadly threat.

Delusional author Mike O'Connell, when informed by his doctor he'll die of a grave, vague disease before end of next day, immediately implements The Living Wake (Sol Tryon, dir., 2007), so he can enjoy every minute of living, including grief of those bereaved. Considering himself on par with literary great Samuel Johnson, he has his own Boswell in manservant Jesse Eisenberg, who records every moment. Means limited by lack of cash, they embark on a full day itinerary with Eisenberg pedaling O'Connell throughout on a cycle rickshaw.

Protektor (Marek Najbrt, dir., 2009) set in 1942 Prague has Marek Daniel as a respected reporter who collaborates with Nazi invaders in order to defend Jewish movie star wife Jana Plodkova. Antisemitic enemies get the movie his wife bikes and stars in banned. Secretly he’s with antifascist resistance; when he attempts to assassinate Reich’s Deputy Protektor, photo evidence of a bicycle emerges to implicate him. Though couple go to lengths to hide it, bike proves to be their undoing.

Hesher (Spencer Susser, dir., 2011) opens with school kid TJ (Devin Brochu) on a BMX with a duct-taped seat chasing a tow truck and t-boning a car. Accident prone, his arm is already in a cast. Nicole (Academy Best Actress Natalie Portman) protects TJ when bully Dustin, who thinks TJ tagged his sports car, chases, doors, and smacks TJ down. Foul mouthed, mentally unstable, metal head squatter Hesher (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who really vandalized car to punish TJ, witnesses further bullying, won’t interfere on boy’s behalf, but would later incinerate Dustin’s car and let TJ take blame. Police are unable to make charges against the boy stick without evidence. Hesher brings Nicole and TJ to a vacant home for sale, goes on a destructive rampage, hurls patio furniture and rides another bike into pool, then sets diving board on fire. Adults repeatedly disappoint this traumatized kid, who has lost in rapid succession his mother, grandmother, and innocence.

Daydream Nation (Mike Goldbach, dir., 2011) describes hopes youth have during systemic decline. Some just find cheap ways to dull ire and get high. Residents of a small town worry over smog from a continual industrial fire, so wear masks whenever they ride bikes, and a serial murderer killing cheerleaders, so pair up whenever outside. Wiseacre teen Kat Dennings (Two Broke Girls) safely bikes solo, but occasionally drives a Volvo, whereupon she collides with killer, so does town a favor pro bono.

She sums up society’s turmoil, “People will tell you that nothing matters, the whole world is about to end soon, but... Things don’t need to last forever to be perfect.” This pandemic too will pass, later if not sooner. And, as the late Gill Scott Heron warned, “The revolution will not be televised... reruns... will be live,” gestures supplanted by active changes.

World class geneticist William Blakely (Conal Byrne) takes home his research and sets into motion The Reconstruction of William Zero (Dan Bush, dir., 2014). He’s haunted by a fatal accident when motoring home and mowing down his own 6 year old son just after he taught him to ride a bike and told him to pedal on street outside. He consequently separates from bereaved wife Amy Seimetz, then, in order to disappear and escape grief, creates a clone of himself into whom he dumps all his memories. William Two hatches an evil plot to further clone himself and kill anyone who opposes plans, including nosy neighbor Scott Poythress, shown. William Three, aware he won’t live long, kills William Two, reconciles with unsuspecting wife, then transfers renewed relationship to William Zero. Although complete and complex fiction where nobody really died, every day motorists slay tykes, tyros and vets. By now, practically everyone has been inured against feeling complicit.

The Strongest Man (Kenny Riches, dir., 2015), Cuban immigrant Beef (Robert Lorie) and his Korean buddy Conan (Paul Chamberlain, l to r) are construction laborers in Miami. Beef doesn’t drive, loves his gold plated BMX bicycle upon which he can do impressive tricks, but it gets stolen. Conan feels responsible so helps him look for it downtown, which turns dicey after dark. Meanwhile, an existential Beauty and the Beef affair evolves with neighbor’s niece. Plagued with insecurities, Beef wisely testifies, “Sometimes I get anxious... Then I worry about feeling sick. I start worrying about germs, and doorknobs and hands... and humans, and filth, and public restrooms... about getting old... and going to die soon. There’s nothing you can do. Then you die,” prophetically given current events. Labann figures that biking 10 miles a day, or covering full or half century rides weekly, and still being able to lift bike onto its storage hooks provides evidence of one’s vitality and validates clean living and superficial scars through decade seven.

To the Moon (Emma Thatcher, dir., 2015) sent eighteen bicycling activists from San Francisco, CA to Amherst, MA through 15 northerly states, and took its title from an H.D. Thoreau quote about fresh-faced optimism. CoCycle hoped to raise awareness for United Nations’ 2011 International Year of the Cooperative, a socially just, sustainable business model. Such cross continental treks have held appeal for restless youth ever since Kerouac’s On The Road, and nation’s highways that facilitate roadie riding with sag support. Nice not having to pitch own tent and ride with panniers. Nicer sponging snacks off coops they visited along the way. All could hardly believe completing fourscore successive metric centuries to finish in less than 3 months.

2020: Fallen Earth (Joshua Land, dir., 2019) predicts a post Peak Oil shortage that decimates humanity. Ten years later, teenage lead Mitch Holson, who bikes across opening titles, hikes across a barren landscape in search of his estranged uncle’s farm to escape brutality of scavenger mentality. As a species, mankind doesn’t need a zombie uprising to witness apocalypse; desperation to preserve comforts and distribution inefficiency through loss of easy fossil fuels would drive anyone to savagery. Motorists are already impatient savages squabbling over lane space and right-of-way rules in place.