Petite Madeleine

Celebrated Bike-to-Work Day by parsing paving to revisit "scenes of the crimes", locations Labann once schooled or worked before pandemic decimated placements. What once seemed so important and sustained livelihood surprisingly appeared about as remembered, maybe less outstanding and worse for weather. One can go home and revel in past, but it just steals from present. Memorial Day promotes happy plans for summer and hollow ceremonies without dolor. Lifelong selfless service to society earns no honor.

Remarkable how in Remembrance of Things Past (aka In Search of Lost Time, 1913–1927, seven volumes celebrating center of its centenary) Marcel Proust found truth in a small tea soaked morsel of petite madeleine. Moreover, much has been made of how a galaxy exists in a grain, and Proust’s observations about what you consciously expect to recollect versus what you involuntarily picture again. Has to do with how incredible, indelible or ineffable an impression becomes. Bicyclist/painter/sculptor Marie Nordlinger (upon whom some argue character Albertine was based in part) became a warm light in Marcel’s luminous but truncated life (51 years, d. 1922) during which this asthmatic bisexual perfected the art of reflection, and wrote 20th Century’s most influential novel. “Marie delighted in riding a bicycle, and it was the image of ‘the girl with the bicycle’ that sparked Proust’s conception of Albertine, a character who dominates Remembrance of Things Past,” in particular volume La Fugitive, 1925.

There’s a book inside every doer/reader/thinker/traveler. Some skilled psychologist might decipher why an author focuses on certain facts, not others. Bias and prejudices blind the willfully delusional from seeing reality as it is. Only the most assiduous and perceptive bother to gather and weigh all sides of any argument, and who has any right to expect otherwise? Any miscreant in social media who sees world as losers or victors will kill you over a minor disagreement.

In court, whoever narrates convincingly and succinctly wins. Deep dives and empty filibusters only succeed in blocking congressional resolutions and maintaining status quo; on street, sincere blather scatters audiences. Fame follows decisive, divisive, feckless, and senseless who steal spotlight, ignores selfless servants or true talent. Journalists say they trust the inherent value of truth in an information age, but you can never tell if what they report is reliable. Not as if there are not hundreds of unsolved mysteries: alien invasion, cryptozoology, supernaturalism. Misfortune of suddenly learning the truth drives even normal men mad.

Seldom, if ever, endorse or rate books. In fact, you can find something interesting in every one even though otherwise a pedestrian waste of your time. Because humans are social animals, they’re best entertained by congregating en masse and selecting suitable individuals with whom to commune. While books expand potential for embracing many tribe members, multiple barriers and perfidious distribution limit readers. Every year dozens of new titles invoke bicycling, but they usually repeat old tropes. B&C, begun long before latest boom, likes to choose among them to review those with a new take on riding a bike.

Marc Augé, In praise of the bicycle (Reaktion Books, Limited, 2019, 96 pp.), translated from French Éloge de la bicyclette, Editions Payot & Rivages, 2008), is an anthropologist’s extrapolation of current trends into a dynamic tomorrow using bicycles to humanize “non-places”, a term Augé famously coined. “Riding a bike in a way gives us back our child's soul and restores both the ability to play and an awareness of the real. It is thus similar to a sort of refresher (like a booster vaccination), but also to continuing education for learning again about freedom and clarity, and as a result, perhaps, about something that resembles happiness... A return to utopia, a return to what is real — they are the same. Get on your bike to improve everyone's life! Cycling is a humanism.”

Paul Fournel, Need for the Bike, (Pursuit, 2019, 224 pp.), derived from Allan Stoekl’s English translation from French (Bison, 2012) of critically lauded Besoin de vélo (Seuil, 2002, 235 pp.), covers personal insights, joys and pains based on articles Fournel contributed to Rouler magazine from 2006 onward. Latest edition was made cheaper and shorter by deleting original illustrations and publishing as a paperback. Must admit that a daily 3 mile walk as an hour’s constitutional will always be improved if you bike 15 miles instead.

Jorge Zepeda Patterson, The black jersey: a novel (Random House, 2019, 312 pp.) portrays French-Colombian domestique Marc, who belongs to an elite Tour de France team led by American star and best friend Steve, favored to win. Then someone machinates a series of deadly accidents. Marc agrees to help gendarmes investigate, but as suspects disappear, main suspects become Marc and Steve. As the finish line approaches, Marc must decide what he's willing to risk for friendship, justice or podium position. With rampant doping, world’s most prestigious contest is rife with jealousies, mayhem, and sabotage, so why not murder?

Yona Zeldis McDonough, The Bicycle Spy (self, 2020) follows young villager Marcel, who delivers bread from his parents' bakery by bike and hopes one day to race in the Tour de France, suspended since 1940 when German occupation began. Checkpoints and interrogations teach Marcel there are worse things than a canceled race. Marcel wonders whether he can help his friend's family when they come under scrutiny, but it would involve passing along secrets through risky rides. Filthy fascists, Hoover's spies, McCarthy's witch hunters, Nixon's army, Reagan's union busters, and Trump's neocons: Hardly any distinction among these enemies of community.   

Biological researcher and outdoor naturalist Sara Dykman, Bicycling with Butterflies (Workman Publishing, 2020, 280 pp.) became world’s first to bike alongside and study monarch butterflies throughout a complete migration. She assembled a bike from used parts, attached panniers made from recycled buckets, packed bare essentials, and rode alone on a 3 country, 9-month, 10,000 mile roundtrip. Not just about mucking in fens for flutter-by eggs, she shares her passion with ardent stewards, citizen scientists, eager schoolchildren, high-rise tenants, interested farmers, skeptical loungers, and unimpressed officials.

Jools Walker, blogger and Brit bicyclist Lady Velo, mentioned before pandemic for Back in the Frame: How to get back on your bike, whatever life throws at you (Little Brown Book Group, 2019, 368 pp.), followed up with a reedited paperback sounding pleasanter Back in the Frame: Cycling belonging and finding joy on a bike (Sphere, 2021, 384 pp.), her personal memoire of an all-in-one child tricyclist, preteen BMXer, and renewed roadie who has come of age and still likes bikes. Happily, she now finds herself being interviewed by BBC about cycling culture and giving talks at women’s cycling events. Pedaling by wheel, even casually, is a near panacea and potent tonic for arthritis, cardiovascular ailments, depression, isolation and other maladies caused by a sedentary stay-at-home lifestyle. Bikes are also convenient for hanging your emotional baggage from and studying what's really going on.

In June of 2019 author and pastor Neil Tomba mounted a bike in Santa Monica, CA, and a month later arrived in Annapolis, MD. His goal was twice a day to initiate a conversation with strangers and instill hope among them in Jesus’s teachings. How could that go wrong? Due out next month as a result is The Listening Road: One Man's Ride Across America to Start Conversations About God (Thomas Nelson, 2021, 316 pp.). He’s convinced that people ought to spend time listening to one another, despite differences in creed, intelligence, race, or social status. Every troll says the same thing, only it's you paying attention to them along a one-way street.

Anti-doping activist and multiple medalist James Hibbard retired from road cycling, studied postgraduate philosophy, and wrote a meditation on the sport. Just out this June, The Art of Cycling (Quercus, 2021, 320pp.) shares his journey from racing ruthlessly to regaining passion for pedaling, and shows how cycling can shed new light on classic questions of purpose and selfhood. Cycling’s counterintuitive lessons can be applied to most areas of life and do undermine what’s typically thought of as intellectual in a society driven towards abstract, detached, and virtual dehumanization by an obsession with progress. But wasn’t it a slew of innovations with lowly bicycles (still ongoing) that inspired aerospace and automotive arrogance behind global problems? Without bicycles there would never have been a Nazi blitzkrieg. But you can’t blame invention of weapons with their misuse in mass murders.

Pays de Cocagne

Still from feature film trailer Crooklyn (Spike Lee, dir., 1994)

Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, Freedom... Sometimes I feel like a motherless child, a long way from my home. Sometimes I feel just like I’m almost gone. I got a telephone in my bosom, I can call them up from my heart... when I need my mother, Mother!” - Ritchie Havens

“I been Ayn Randed, nearly branded Communist, 'cause I'm left-handed... Well, I paid all the dues I want to pay. And I learned the truth from Lenny Bruce, and all my wealth won't buy me health, so I smoke a pint of tea a day... I knew a man; his brain was so small he couldn't think of nothing at all. Not the same as you and me, he doesn't dig poetry. He’s so unhip that when you say Dylan he thinks you're talking about Dylan Thomas, whoever he was. The man ain't got no culture... I been mother, father, aunt and uncled... I just discovered somebody's tapped my phone.” Paul Simon, A Simple Desultory Philippic, 1966

America, land of honey, milk, and plenty, as if from medieval myth, once acted as an amusement park, liberty beacon, motherly bosom, preferred destination, residential station, and welcome wagon. For a short while that also included people of all ages, colors, creeds, orientations, and races before conservatives beat civil rights back to antebellum biases and gave citizens the royal shaft. Through personal computing, almost entire planet has become virtual; mobsters and monsters can exploit anyone from elsewhere without costs, rules, taxes or toil. Now that data is more valuable than even crude oil, writers worry that producing content, especially gratis, only gets used against them and for what they never meant it to be. Einstein's abstract insights multiplied mankind's existential plights. AI will kill anyone it views as a threat. Prophets of doom live short lives of misery. Who needs panic porn they spout? But that's what bad leadership brings about.

Publishing bitter attacks, casual observations, fervent emotions, pertinent facts, or radical notions seems foolish, possibly ruinous, when you don’t own a single item you’ve created and shared. You become a marketing target and unit of profitability, or contribute to social dilemma of immersive media. Saying the truth and speaking one's mind should be smart but are not. Fox Network has nothing but programs with dysfunctional families, incompetent coworkers, and interpersonal violence. Within a society that glorifies idiocy, anything that separates you from the herd makes you vulnerable to predators. Bicyclists know this all too well, rather gather with friends or strangers than go solo amidst dangers, though you need no motivation other than your own to take a spin, a slo-mo adventure outdoors. Got to wonder whether staying home is safer given household accident statistics and risks of not visibly standing with others against social injustice.

Data warehouse RIPON secretly stole profiles from Facebook and Twitter for Republicans to spy on potential voters and swing those undecided. Rates right below QAnon agitators who conflate every case of child abuse or sex trafficking to promote reprehensible leaders blustering about it with no intention of interdicting. Cambridge Analytica whistleblower Britanny Kaiser adds that your credit purchases and local movements are used for personality modeling. Current laws totally permit this privacy invasion. Pandemic furloughs and quarantines further provoke cyber crimes, internet scams, and savings hacks. Worse, situation is being used to preach against freedoms, promote conformity, suppress rights, and wrest control. Easy to blame hapless victims for lack of compliance; impossible to hold real culprits culpable and prosecute for justice and reparations.

Psyops represents the latest iteration of illegal behavioral modification used to brainwash American public for conservative domestication. That you don’t believe in how psychology can be used to get you to act against your own interests is just part of their successful programming of you. Motorists pay plenty for convenience and promise of speed, but they get repeatedly cheated by construction, gridlock, and rudeness. Immersion in movies once seemed less nefarious and nobler than indulgence in politics, but both shamelessly use sociological tactics to twist facts and wrest trends to their own advantage.

You’d think with all these surveillance cameras on every pole they could make streets safer for bicycling by noting where motorists buzz or cut off cyclists, form uncrossable queues, refuse to follow traffic controls, stick nose into intersections ignoring boulevard stops, and turn or weave without warning, which, by the way, are all seldom enforced traffic violations. No, these days you are instead advised to isolate yourself from humanity. How does that help you? Social animals only survive through interpersonal contact, what people do for each other, services rendered. After paying dearly to drive motorists are being deprived everything of fascination that might be experienced between origin and pulling in to destination. Distancing has been gaining ground by privileged design since Reagan era. Haves only suffer have-nots to extent they create wealth and do chores. You’re only allowed to survive so they can take what’s yours.

Misery loves company so much those who suffer will infect, injure, maneuver, or otherwise drag down whomever they can, particularly a gullible samaritan. Lately cross to other side of street to avoid contact and maintain distance. Saw man with an intimidating dog, who seemed ready to cross. Rolling closer, realized it was a service dog unwilling to chase a tennis ball and thereby lead blind master into traffic. So deviated to middle and kicked ball to happy pooch. Situations are often not what they appear to be without in-depth study. Tennis ball put all proximate at risk, but what can you do?

To enjoy being in the vicinity of great people you’d have to have fought a good fight yourself, lived in peril, wandered through same battlegrounds. Personally met decorated soldiers, famous authors, a goddess, a Nobel laureate, rock legends, a saint, and several presidents and statesmen. Labann behind handlebars, prisoner to pedals, slave to saddle so far has served over a half century of a life sentence, though somewhat rewarded for good behavior, while Satan took Sin for a spin causing crisis planet's in. Many people would prefer quieter lives, but there’s no perks without risks. Have been beaten, betrayed, crashed into, shot, stabbed, and stressed but survived. Must assume everyone has character flaws, yet insulate oneself against harm they will cause. Brothers in blood can be worst of frauds.

Made mistake of taking a bike path shortcut on a midday weekend. Knots of families with dogs and kids blocked way, so just stopped on left, where cyclists supposed to pass, and waited. Fast trailing cyclist yelled, "On you left," repeatedly. Didn't respond. Once crowd dispersed, spun up quick to 25 mph, caught, and blew by impatient passer, who, despite trying to chase, faded quickly behind to invisible. Peeled off to seal deal. Sometimes you have to send a message that dispels delusions of self superiority. You are not king of all you survey and, at only 16 mph, lord over any bikeway. Real bicyclists don't rely on dedicated paths as race tracks for contests against unsuspecting opponents. Ego isn't served by edging out someone who may be at end of a long tour, just getting back into pedaling, or new to cycling as recreation or sport. Among bicyclists and pedestrians an automotive mentality doesn’t belong. Peloton racing is an exclusive club involving young idiots exploited in a spectacle for advertising. Excluding these few thousand individuals, a billion riders are commuting and recreating, not racing.

Handshakes, once a business mainstay, are taboo. Socially responsible greeting gestures now include a bow, a hand over heart, hello in international sign language (a right handed salute), namaste prayer, a nod, a peace sign, a shrug, or a wave. Bicyclists respect each other with a passing nod or thumb’s up. World Health Organization doesn’t include no touch chest thump, elbow bump, fist pump, or slap rump because all infringe upon personal distance. WHO does give advice on wearing masks over both mouth and nose, not stuck below chin, in hand, off ear, turned inside out for a second wearing, or wherever it does no good. Exterior of mask is contaminated and unfit to be fiddled with on face or touched without immersion wash.

In other words, you are only free to do what is responsible; otherwise you could die from negligence, not much of a choice. Every hour spent bicycling affords another whole day alive if you don't inadvertently die in traffic. Although you might get away with wayward ways, benefits don’t outweigh delays, yet majority don’t appear to care. Stooges united on a bicycle built for three parties rolling downhill into certain chaos, massive stupidity seems to predict an election win for incumbent boob who runs things for billionaire bosses, so they don’t have to reveal their influence. “Fear no disease,” he dares to declare after only he receives cutting edge treatment after denying millions affordable care and two million pandemic deaths. Consider source and take every precaution.

If you take time to think about content before you publish it, you often derive new insights or reconsider accuracy of what you wrote. Debatable and disreputable statements contain adverbs and hyperboles of “always”, “only”, and “we”. Yet there's an overwhelming drive to get ahead, glide with tide, go with flow, let go of control, and make a retraction only if compelled to do so. Blatant lies, bold emphasis, and fake news enrage readers who are already on edge. Behooves a writer to clarify and condense, even when it’s all been said before. Labann excels at annoying. Nothing is so unloved as honest advice on best practices explored over volumes with the exception of simple truths, which nobody can tolerate and likely does wrong if they try to apply. Before and during outings so often remind self about a dozen sensible things to do, feel a reckless urge to delineate them for you:

1. Clean bike frequently; note cracks and dings. Never ride on a cracked frame. Touch up bare paint on steel to avoid rust. Dry, then oil, chain and pedals; wipe off excess. Oil derailleurs and shifters once in a month. Sanitize saddle.

2. Disassemble bike every few years because bottom bracket, calipers and derailleurs can fail, gum up, or stick; reassemble to specified torque ratings. While zooming down hills at 60 mph, you’ll consider it as packing your own parachute and feel more confident.

3. Consult take/wear checklist, since forgetting a cell phone, helmet, house keys, or tools can progress past just annoying into life threatening.

4. Expect - bad motorists; broken, bumpy, crumbled, potholed, sandy, trash strewn pavement; linear cracks that will impede balance; road furniture; sewer caps, slotted grates, and sunken pipe covers. Much of what constitutes bicycling entails avoiding idiot motorists, constantly watching where you’re going, and wending around hazards and obstacles.

5. Flip crank around before leaning into a turn so pedal doesn’t hit curb or scrape pavement. Level pedals over speed bumps. Never lay bike down on derailleur side.

6. Give tires a pressure check before every ride; keep between max and min. Inspect hubs, nipples, rims and spokes. Tires and wheels take the most abuse. Protect spokes from damage while riding, storing, and transporting.

7. Stick to a straight line rather than weave except when avoiding items in #4.

8. Take the lane. Within their rights, bicyclists are entitled to use entire street, squeeze aside only to let faster traffic pass. Drivers must avoid crossing edge lines or gore areas, so, refuges for cyclists. Riding close to curbs, in gutters full of trash, or on sidewalks will result in flats or you might crash; plus motorists might not expect or see you there.

9. Tuck in before a bend in road, so trailing motorists, who momentarily lose sight of you, don’t edge around corner into you. Friendly roads have lanes wide enough for trucks and shoulders wide enough for biking and parking, but it’s up to you to evaluate sight lines.

10. Understanding how #8 and #9 apply, when descending a hill faster than other traffic, use best pavement across lane’s width. Drivers trying to pass can suck it; enabling scofflaws is not the same as impeding law abiders. Likewise, while climbing slowly, pick an unobtrusive line and let them overtake without fuss so they pass sooner.

11. Whenever you see a crooked crucifix or God Makes Cretins logo, anticipate bonehead maneuvers and random aggression. Bus, pickup, SUV and van drivers take up more than their share of travel lane and resent your presence even when off road edge. Despite all advice, do whatever’s necessary for your own safety.

12. Bicycling is supposed to be fun, commune with nature, reduce stress, and take time while pedaling and recuperating, repaid in longer life expectancy. Gives pause for thought about hidden truths, source for over 2,000 pages of Bike&Chain before disappearing into ignominy again.

Who’s Jermaine?

Mr. Jackbunny, who claims it’s his fixation, put together this Youtube video with 24 cycling snippets from feature films, 18 not previously listed in B&C. A cordial kudos is in order. His inspiration was slow moving drama Barbara (Christian Petzold, dir., 2012). East German doctor (Nina Hoss), who in 1980 asks for an exit visa to be allowed to emigrate West, gets punished by assignment to a small village hospital, where she is both seduced and spied upon by a fellow pediatrician (Ronald Zehrfeld). Tensions mount as she is monitored, restricted, strip searched, and tormented as a persistent suspect, though she indeed plans to flee and meet her fiancé, who has given her enough cash to pay a coyote. She fixes up a bicycle to commute alone, elude totalitarian oversight, and make dash to extraction point. But freedoms demand sacrifices from someone.

For Labann, collecting references is more an avenue to awareness and entry to myriad ideas and new perspectives. Any handle is better than none in an input maelstrom. Deceptive or honest notwithstanding, motion pictures are marvelous mirrors of contemporary culture. Merely citing a movie is never enough; goal is to explain its relevance without spoiler alerts. Critics must decide how much bicycling a movie includes to merit mention. Although some might complain that Labann has few filters, do often skip when bikes aren’t germane to story, just passers-by riding or school kids locking onto a rack. Always try to find peak or unique recommendations, pass up films that don’t hint bicycling will be portrayed, and review any that do, though that often leads to dead ends and disappointments. Lists can be interim wasters or multiverse portals. Therefore, feel exceptionally compelled with no excuses to add explanations to Jackbunny’s extraordinary list of new examples along with others recently exhumed.

In teen feature The Karate Kid (John Avildsen, 1984), Ralph Macchio gets knocked off his Mongoose 24 by dirt bike bullies and swears to learn martial arts and protect himself after tossing crumpled bike into a dumpster. He’s overheard by aged sensei Noriyuki Morita, who offers to teach him. First lesson: Wax on, wax off. A black belt requires muscle memory, skill, and strength as would be gained through basic chores and cycling tours.

Back to the Future trilogy (Roger Zemeckis, 1984 - 1990) has several scenes that show bicyclists including peeping tom dad in Part I, and in Part II crazy inventor Christopher Lloyd trying to catch up with Michael J. Fox to whom he lent his car. Time travel films can spotlight just about anything, so squeals on wheels should be expected. Easy to offer a thrilling sensation by tracking cranking action from offscreen vehicles.

The Lost Boys (Joel Schumacher, dir.,1987) reveals a Santa Clara victimized by a gang of vampires. Won’t see any riding bicycles, but they do race around on motorcycles. It’s their teen hunter-slayers who ride in a BMX pack.

Cinema of Unease (Neill & Rymer, 1995) is the oddly named memoir of noted screen actor Sam Neill (Jurassic Park), who every week in boring Christchurch, New Zealand would pedal with zeal to local cinema, thus wheel to reel, fall lifelong in love with movie field for real.

Father and daughter John and Michelle Porter (Michael Gross and Hillary Swank, Academy Award Best Actress) return to his home town to settle affairs of his late mother. Collecting boxes at recycling center he see a kid’s bike and recalls when in childhood when he and his friend followed sister to a cave on their bikes, where demons killed her in a satanic ceremony. He electrocuted them, but Sometimes They Come Back... Again (Adam Grossman, dir., 1996). So he’s forced to finish task or lose lives of both daughter and self to their ongoing treachery. Grieving survivors have emotional issues to process. Britney Spears has been using a bicycle to find “me time” and reduce stress over her dad’s nearly fatal illness.

Teen son Drew (Tim Redwine) of Augmentor 1000’s inventor (Randy Quaid) and his posse enlist car thief Samantha (Jessica Alba, Dark Angel, Fantastic Four) and form P.U.N.K.S. (Sean McNamara, dir., 1999) to Protect the Underdog with Nerve, Knowledge and Strength and save his dad, who’s being exploited and literally worked to death by a corporate villain (Henry Winkler). Once Samantha helps them get suit that multiplies human strengths, Drew on his BMX activates device and outruns henchmen in an SUV on expressway. Target audience of teens probably don’t know that BMX’s can’t reach such speeds no matter who pedals them, though road bikes properly geared might, yet seldom outrun swag wagons driven dangerously behind.

Cocaine distributor Daniel Craig (James Bond) sorts through the Layer Cake (Matthew Vaughn, dir., 2004) of London underworld hierarchy rife with double dealing criminals. While setting up for a hit, his hired assassin homes in on an innocent bicyclist to decide best location to shoot from when time comes.

Turtles Can Fly (Bahman Ghobadi, dir., 2005) in war torn Iraq during Dubya’s Desert Shield. A smart teen bicyclist nicknamed Satellite (Soran Ebrahim) commands a ragtag army of starving Kurdish children to do whatever they must to subsist, including dodging land mines, rearranging television antennae, searching for a satellite dish to receive vital news, and unloading spent munitions from trucks. When his teenage girlfriend’s rape baby wanders into a minefield, he sacrifices area's only bike in an attempt to save him. Camp is thick with despair, especially after US forces pass through ignoring refugees on their way to debatable victory and wrong side of history.

Back in spoiled America, dimpled towhead Carol Lee (Ireland Rose Maddox) points to her holiday heart’s desire, a shiny new bike from Sears&Roebuck Catalog. Depression era want, WWII’s Day of Infamy, and worries over metal shortages conspire against it. Dad (Jace McLean) gives up trying to find one among downtown stores. Disappointment on her cherubic face is tear jerking, “Do letters to Santa get lost?” Then Santa’s little helper, lost mutt Mr. Christmas (Beth Brickell, dir., 2005), wanders off street into their lives. Will cost more than the $23.95 bicycle, only $3.00 down, but kids are content for the moment.

Director’s memoir of growing up on mean Queens streets purports to be A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints (Dito Monteil, dir., 2006). Dito (Shia LaBeouf, Transformers), his dad (Chazz Palminteri), mom (Dianne Wiest, numerous major awards), and friends all lamely follow Antonio (Channing Tatum), an abused kid who grows up into a charismatic monster. Dito, who plans to go to California for a better life, finally splits after Antonio kills a couple of people, including, unintentionally, his own brother. Adult author Dito (Robert Downey Jr.) returns home to regret such influences and tend to family he left behind. Apart from a few incidental bicycles, can’t say why this bore inclusion.

Hot Fuzz (Edgar Wright, 2007) describes police constable Simon Pegg, who takes two fisted pistol fire from an angry schoolmarm on a bicycle. His partner Nick Frost doors her to squelch threat. Film allegedly introduces phrase, “OK, boomer,” but can’t be faulted for thousands of mindless repeats. According to this Outside article, 185,000 bicycles are stolen every year in USA alone. Makes you wonder who wants to defund police forces while such heinous criminality abounds.

Confusing, low budget, but luridly entertaining science fiction Timecrimes (Nacho Vigalondo, dir., 2007) has Héctor (Karra Elejalde) witnessing an odd occurrence across a field behind his isolated country home. Bicyclist Barbara Goenaga lures him into forest, where he gets stabbed trying to help her. Scientist Vigalondo had already sent Héctor back a few hours, which creates a paradox that he must resolve, so becomes his own assailant.

Con artists The Brother Bloom (Rian Johnson, dir., 2009) - Bloom Bloom (Adrien Brody) and Stephen Bloom (Mark Ruffalo) - target eccentric heiress Penelope (Rachel Weisz) for one last score by sending Bloom down a slope on a banana bike to fake an accident with Penelope’s sports car. Plan goes awry when he falls for her.

Spy spoof advises that you to Burn After Reading (Ethan & Joel Coen, 2008) memoirs of former CIA analyst John Malkovich. When disc falls into the hands of Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand, these two gym employees see a chance to make enough money for her to have life-changing cosmetic surgery. Yeah, good luck with that.

An Education (Lone Scherfig, dir., 2009) has a young woman seduced by a sophisticated man twice her age while they bike about Paris together. Rather than being repulsed and feeling used, she’s grateful for lessons she learns. Doesn’t sit well, more middle age fantasy, phony and wrong, unlike Nabokov’s Lolita.

For a span of 127 Hours (Danny Boyle, dir., 2010), adventurer, hiker, and mountain biker Aron Ralston (James Franco, Oscar Best Actor nominee) is literally caught between a rock and a hard place after falling into a crevice in Utah’s Canyonlands National Park. Having to drink own urine and extricate self by amputating arm seem cruel and unusual punishments for not letting anyone know where you’re going and testing your mettle against remote locations. Based on actual events, Aron learns to value every moment alive.

Teens ride bikes around Detriot contemplating The Myth of the American Sleepover (David Robert Mitchell, dir., 2010) and who to hook up with for a summer fling before going back to school. Girls including Claire Sloma just want to have fun. Or they could star in a feature film.

In romantic comedy Your Sister’s Sister (Lynn Shelton, dir., 2011), Mark Duplass abuses a ten speed, then sleeps with his deceased brother’s ex-girlfriend and her lesbian sister.

Only the Young (Elizabeth Mins & Jason Tippet, dirs., 2012), a mockumentary filmed in Santa Clarita, CA, a smalltime backwater without much to do, covers coming of age aspirations of bicycling and skateboarding buddies Garrison Saenz and Kevin Conway, and love interest Skye Elmore, as they drift into unproductive adulthood denied the American Dream. Didn’t Flobots sing, “I can ride my bike with no handlebars... it's good to be alive in such a small world.”

Superior Donuts comedian Jermaine Fowler (aka crossdressing Miss Mimi Teapot of Ru Paul’s Drag Race), Bike Between My Thighs (single, self, 2013): “I love my ride, good for exercise, cardiovascular, and my thighs. Plus it kills a lot of time. While you’re waiting for trains, I’m running through stop signs... I got robbed.” Is this a short sitcom or new musical entry?

A remarkable 2015 tourism ad for Destination Gstaad focuses solely on road cycling at this Swiss Alps ski resort town. What else is there to do when there’s no snow half of each year?

Super salesman Tom Hanks temporarily relocates to Saudi Arabia to demo A Hologram for the King (Tom Tykwer, dir., 2016), the next step beyond video conferencing. Efforts are hamstrung with broken promises and official postponements, so frustrations arise as well as opportunities to take in local culture. He’s reminded of being on the board of directors of USA based Schwinn, and having to tell 900 employees that all operations would be transferred to China, so they were all being laid off. Chinese went on to copy bike build technologies and manufacture several brands so cheaply they eliminated competitors. Unchecked greed will never be a good thing. He loses hologram contract to Chinese competitors. After Americans sold China biological techniques and viruses, they were saddled with a bioengineered pandemic and more joblessness. Offshoring to capitalize on slave labor invites unforeseen consequences. And bicycling culture must include brands and workers whose livelihoods depend upon policy makers, promoters and purchasers. 

Economic decline in Bavarian town of Wackersdorf (Oliver Haffner, dir., 2019) in 1980 threatens re-election bid for socialist county commissioner Hans Schuierer (Johannes Zeiler). Plans to build a nuclear plant amidst its played out mines sound like a mutual godsend. Buoyed by news, he leads his cigarette smoking, old Master+ Red cycling team through pristine countryside. But he begins to notice how forcibly state mutes criticism and suppresses dissent, likens it to Gestapo tactics. Expressing doubt and supporting resistance, he’s threatened further and winds up cycling alone as former friends forsake him. Being isolated and ostracized are what men of conscience should expect. Doesn’t take a genius to do what’s right, then Chernobyl occurs and makes you look like one. Based on actual events, won’t be the first or last time liberal partisans had to fight neocon nazis and their greedy tactics. But Wackersdorfers who bowed to intimidation warn world how easy it is to shut up and simply let the wealthiest few steal your future.

Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, dir., 2019) couldn’t help but recreate tricycling scene from The Shining (Stanley Kubrick, dir., 1980), where young Dave, rolling manically along halls of haunted Overlook Hotel, runs across ghastly twins girls who aren’t supposed to be there. Indoor cycling isn’t new, considering enclosed velodromes and fin de siécle venues, but you seldom hear much of it lately other than spin classes awaiting reopening as new COVID cases set record daily numbers and smart cyclists hit roads and wear masks.

Once Strong

Was a bad week for those named Armstrong. The first human ever to step foot on extraterrestrial soil dies, and Texas Johnny gives up fight to retain claim to another unprecedented accomplishment, winning 7 Tour de Frances.

Americans paid respect to quintessential spaceman Neil Armstrong. During the Summer of Love, 1969, recall listening alone but attentively to staticky radio halfway through night shift as this historic event remarkably unfolded. Must have been among the few who didn't catch the television broadcast witnessed live by hundreds of millions. You lose so much of life at work; without you important stuff occurs, kids grow up, and what good world has to offer goes to someone else. Every once in a while, though, an indelible memory is made on the job. Neil's was special beyond measure, what reporters dubbed "the right stuff", where fabulous preparedness seizes golden opportunity. All work should be so rewarding, but most resembles mind numbing drudgery or soul strangling slavery. These days budget conscious congressmen question billions spent exploring space, without which there'd be no personal computers (shrunk to fit aboard spacecraft) or thousands of other innovations that needed an extraordinary problem to solve. Explorations provide answers but raise more questions. Once Americans had hubris and stamina to tackle extreme challenges, but lately seem incapable of sensible enthusiasm or simple logic. Due to effective propaganda everyone became your enemy except billionaire exploiters who really do suck life from rest of world.

What can you say about Lance Armstrong? Arrogant? Duplicitous? Incredible? Unlike trickle down conservatives who pretend, he singlehandedly created thousands of jobs among bicycle component manufacturers serving wannabe racers. By giving up his fight against USADA's witch hunt, he finally showed real class. These governing bodies who suddenly get scruples shouldn't be allowed to retrospectively enforce rules. Everyone competing years ago took something to get an edge. From alcohol to anabolic steroids, substance abuse has been rampant in cycling since its inception. So Lance is banned from racing forever. Why should he care? Now he's just like anyone who rides to ride. He can still wear yellow, just like Labann. Memories and scars mean more than medals and trophies to those who've been there and done that. Any notion you are better because you pedal faster than others can only be described as delusional and ridiculous. Just as car racers' best seems a snail's pace compared to orbiting space debris, bicyclists will always be outdone by own contempt for cooperation or someone else who's faster or jealous.

Labor and leisure are intertwined in cycling, as much a form of transportation as a holiday recreation. If motoring weakens resolve, maybe pedaling restores strength lost to luxury.