Riding Indurain

Critics are aware of psychogeography in David Hockney’s landscape paintings but don't notice his preoccupation with bicycling. Some of this synaesthetic painter’s earliest memories were of dad painting actual bikes in bright colors. ”I worked on a farm. I cycled around here for two summers. I used to cycle up to Scarborough, Whitby, a long way actually. You get to know it, and you know it’s hilly if you’re cycling. I was always attracted to it. I always thought it had a space. One of the thrills of landscape is that it’s a spatial experience.” Any cyclist instantly relates. Escapist rural rides reveal a series of vignettes and vistas each with its unique array of internalized influences.

David Hockney, Going up Garrowby Hill, 2000... so like scenes on Grand Tour of France you wouldn’t know that its inspiration was day tripping around East Riding, Yorkshire, England, probably with a ciggie dangling from his lip.

Scenery goes unnoticed while riding in the rain or sweating through heat waves. Due to global warming and oppressive weather, Labann missed typical June and July outings. Sun finally broke through thick clouds to tempt a metric century, something better than sharing insights in solitude, but too out of shape to attempt. Should be used to being deprived after 17 months of preemptive pandemic. At least got to watch drama of Mark Cavendish first tying then nearly beating Eddie Merckx’s record of 34 stage wins, short only by a wheel’s radius on final sprint. Phil Liggett branded him a Scorcher, a term that harks way back to George Rosey’s 1897 piano march, which until recently was never recorded as written, though US Naval Academy Band did an orchestral version.

Originated in 1903 as a way to promote automotive periodical sales, Le Tour de France persists as world’s most popular sporting event attended by tens of millions and watched on television by maybe a billion, despite scandals over blood doping, mechanical cheating, and outdated pretext. One might argue that its prize is too fiercely coveted, rules too unforgiving, and stamina demands too brutal. Living general classification winners constitute the most exclusive club in global sports, fewer than even football franchise owners, especially after arbitrarily disqualifying certain winners.

To honor commitments of hundreds of TdF participants, Sophia Deboick published a timely article that studied related songs. Earliest she cites were Frédo Gardoni, The Yellow Jersey [Le maillot jaune, 1936, not even Gardoni’s first, P'tit gars du tour (Marche officielle du Tour de France 1932)], and Edward ‘Monty’ Montauby, Ah! Here They Are! also from 1936, which describes a sideline view as race leaders approach. Had she simply consulted Wikipedia, she would have found Labann’s list with Perchicot, Les Tours de France (Chanson roulante) from a decade before, 1927, and other fascinating precedents.

Before WWII jaunty accordion tunes, sometimes called bal-musettes especially when accompanied by bellows bagpipes and horse bells, captured festive air of residents and tourists on Bastille Day holiday and July vacations partying and picnicking in bucolic backwaters. Nowadays, insurrectionists storming institutions goes down badly, while xenophobes want to bury World Best competitions, particularly Olympics. Musette is also what cyclists call their feed bag; long straps enable them to snatch while riding extended stages. Before germophobia and reliability emerged, roadside groves provided fireplaces to grill lunch while making repairs or resting your flivver. By 1960 songs had become increasingly irreverent and sarcastic and tended to single out challengers and victors.

While Deboick delightfully dissected some already listed, she directly disclosed 5 new ones, a number that forever symbolized balance, congratulations, cycling, freedom, friendship, gratitude, love, luck, perfection, and rescue:
Luis Mariano, Notre tour de France [French], Chante Le Pays Basque, La Voix De Son Maître, 1957.
Marcel Amont, il a le maillot jaune [French], aka He has the yellow jersey, il a le maillot jaune  EP, Polydor, 1960, describes race’s GC leaders through 1940, well ahead of Greg Lemond, Lance Armstrong, Miguel Indurain, or 2021’s two-peat winner Tadej Pogačar.

Jean-Louis Murat, Le champion espagnol, aka The Spanish Champion [for ace climber Federico Bahamontes], Grand lièvre, V2, 2011.
Dick Annegarn, Vélo vole [Dutch in French], Vélo Va, Tôt Ou Tard (2014).
Litku Klemetti, Tour de France [Finnish], single, Luova Records (2021).

Due to this discussion of cycling heroes lyrically lionized, expanded own song search. Incredibly and indirectly, found a full score more. Thought official list was almost comprehensive, especially among titles from previous centuries. “Complete” is a term used only by isolated idiots who ignore linguistics and locales.

André Verchuren, Vive Poulidor [for France's favorite underdog Raymond Poulidor], single, label unknown, 1968.

Guido Belcanto, Vive le Tour de France [Belgian], Een Zanger Moet Trachten Pijn Te Verzachten [compiliation, song origin year not determined], Cluster-Park, 2019, names a bunch of recent peloton riders, including Chris Froome, Marc Cavendish, and Nairo Quintana.

Fluminera, Vai Pirata [Italian, for Marco Pantani], Schiavo del Tempo EP, (label unknown), 2011. Better still, Guido Belcanto directly sang a love ballad to Marco, and Pantani joined in singing.

Marc "The Manx Missile" Cavendish got props in one music video with irrelevant tune Avenged Sevenfold, Hail to the King, Hail to the King, WMG, 2013. Marc’s ready to join famous C’s - Fausto “Il Campionissimo” Coppi and Mario “The Lion King” Cipollini - and legendary M’s - Eddy “The Cannibal” Merckx, Freddy “The Dominator” Maertens, and Francesco “The Sheriff” Moser. However, for Cavendish to catch Merckx in terms of songs, he'll have to inspire 2 dozen more.

Philippe d'Annevoy, J’aime bien Eddy Merckx, single, Weekend, circa 1972, boasts “On the four walls of my room, you can see yellow everywhere. It’s the harvest of the Tours de France that Eddy brought home.”

Touting a fellow from Flanders was Ronnie En De Pilchards, Freddy Maertens, Wereldkampioen, 7” single, Paprika Records, circa 1975, available on compilation Vlaamse Troeven Volume 209, Scorpion, 2020. While not an original song, a music video also surfaced based on Noël Couëdel’s biography Maertens le dynamiteur, 1977.

A pair appeared for Moser, who like Labann rode a De Rosa: Forza Francesco, televised live circa 1975, and Francesco Moser, both from unknown artists and sources.

Miguel Indurain, only Tour de France champion with 5 consecutive wins, active from 1986 to 1997, has no less than 3 albums/bands that share his name, and inspired several previously unnoticed songs. Spring Versus Indurain, Be My Star EP, Elephant Records, 1995, was named for a collaboration with Marc Collin of band Indurain, whose album Indurain, Barclay, 1993 doesn’t at all appear to celebrate cycling. On the other hand, eponymous album of indie band Indurain from Toulouse, France in 2012 contains 8 titles apparently inspired by Big Mig.

When they were still dating, Sheryl Crow wrote the title track of her album Wildflower, A&M, 2005, for boyfriend Lance Armstrong. Lyrics never mention cycling, but suggest spectator scenarios: “I was free until I heard the song you sang to me pulling me away from everything I knew to be with you... Every time you go, it hurts me so. I don't know why, when I know we're free, free to fly. Here we are, burning faster than the cursed star, falling back down to the Earth. I love you so it sometimes hurts. Closer still, you will find me waiting on the hill, waiting for you with my arms stretched open wide.” Easy to imagine Crow’s embrace after a TdF mountain stage that year, though in 2010 she’d rat out her “cursed star” to FBI for an immunity deal.

Jimi Blue, The King is Back, Sick Like That, Polydor, 2008, refers to Armstrong, too, who thrived upon a playlist including Jeff Buckley, Led Zeppelin, Ryan Adams, Rolling Stones, Wallflowers, and Wilco.

Future User, Mountain Lion, #SteroidsOrHeroin, AWOLNation, 2015 was prompted by Armstrong’s bad example and even samples Lance’s personal phone call to band member Tim Commerford, former Audioslave bassist, who sees outrage over PEDs as hypocritical given today’s drug culture. Chris Cornell might have added, “Take one link from this Misery Chain. Keep it to remind you... If I should fall from the top of the world to the depths below.” Big Pharma just signed a multi-billion dollar deal to avoid multiple suits over the multitude of opioid addictions to which they contributed.

Newly released, Victor Zupanc, Bicycle, Welcome to My World, self, 2021. "Fly like an eagle, thorugh time and space... the sun in my eye, I'm king of the road."

Back on Bike, Narain?

"If we don't have the right to breath and walk freely then we cannot talk of city's development. Freedom from all pollution ought to be seen as a matter of right,” said Director General Sunita Narain of New Delhi’s Centre for Science and Environment (CSE), a position she has held for 4 decades from which she earned listing among Time’s 100 Most Influential People and numerous international awards. A year before, this advocate of commuter bicycling, ecology regeneration, poverty reduction, and sustainable practices was mowed down by a motorist while pedaling to work, sustaining severe injuries. Name of Narain derives from Sanskit term nārāyaṇá, literally "eternal man”. Inundated with hesitancy and negativity, some percentage of cyclists will always become disillusioned and give up.

Despite Narain’s courageous return to cycling and persistent environmental warning, air pollution in India’s cities has now reached crisis levels. Global warming has also caused record heats and resultant droughts throughout America’s West. Can forest fires be far behind? Republican senators still only support one congressional bill calling for improving roads to burn fossil fuels faster. Their reckless greed and rigid reliance on gun and oil lobbies will doom mankind. Don't look to heroes for redemption.

Your basic humanity is denied if you can’t safely bike or walk alongside motor vehicles. Motorists have no exclusive right to roads, merely a regulated privilege; they must operate within rules, remediate pollution, and share with all other users. Since society largely overlooks this for sake of convenience and ease, those who travel sustainably get called jaywalkers, have been marginalized, often sacrificed, and sometimes shot.

Ben Passmore, Once More, With Feeling [excerpt panel], April 15th, 2021

Hypocrites who belittle decent choices and family values run NGOs that cover all sorts of lesser issues. One billion innocents have been massacred by motor vehicles since introduced. Between Juneteenth and July 4th humanity should be inspired to seek freedom from nation’s 3 biggest scourges: Cancers, car crashes, and cardiovascular diseases, all resulting from automotive and petrochemical devotion. Pandemic binge watching begat bogus shame phrase “quarantine fifteen”, though 61% of Americans do admit recent weight gain with 45% now overweight amidst twin epidemics of diabetes and obesity. Fat people should bike shamelessly, since they’d benefit most.

Ameliorative alternatives and transportation interaction will always be legitimate topics for discussion and expletives. Evidence abounds in art forms: Books, movies, poems, and songs that Labann continues to discover and highlight, not just someone’s unexamined top 10. Thousands of media examples have contributed to one of the biggest bike booms in history. Who now can call Bicycling Culture a non sequitur or oxymoron? It’s a way to address most of what ails mankind. Vive le velorution! Need B&C go on boring and cajoling readers with big words and compelling statements?

Antisocial teen bicyclist Dinky Bossetti (Winona Ryder) anxiously prepares to Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael (Jim Abrahams, dir., 1990) along with majority of Clyde, Ohio residents, who have planned a gala event. Adopted as an infant, she believes her birth parents are Denton Webb (Jeff Daniels) and title demimondaine Roxy, who as a teen abandoned a baby and town for national celebrity. Perennial Oscar nominee Thomas Newman wrote film’s score including one minute instrumental G on a Bike about school crush Gerald Howells (Thomas Wilson Brown), who also rides. Stinky Dinky expects mom to take her away, thereby finally savor acceptance. Instead she grows up after learning a cruel life lesson.

Contestants in Blainsworth Bike-a-Thon pedal right into Night of the Twisters (Timothy Bond, dir., 1996). Teen protagonist Danny Hatch (Devon Sawa) tacos his front wheel on final sprint, so loses race, but wins raffle for a brand new bike. Later he’s riding to protect community against a rash of Nebraska tornados.

Seeing his bicyclist cheerleader crush Madison (Nicole Badaan) being sexually propositioned by adult redneck hunters in a pickup truck, Percy (Adam Raque) creates a diversion and ditches them on his BMX. Unfortunately, deep in woods he takes a wrong turn into an endo and winds up unconscious. When he comes to, he meets a new friend, Bigfoot (Kevin Tenney, dir., 2009). Lots of pedaling later, Percy’s bike posse saves Bigfoot from hunters. This Family Channel feature had cost only one-fiftieth of Harry and the Hendersons (William Dear, dir., 1987), which also runs counter to allegedly ferocious Sasquatch behavior and undermines any cryptozoological assessment.

Exists (Eduardo Sánchez, dir., 2014) mimics Blair Witch filmography to tell horror story of five East Texas campers. Arriving at Uncle Bob’s remote cabin, they encounter evidence they are being stalked. Besieged by Bigfoot, who destroys their car, group hunkers down while Matt (Samuel Davis) bikes to where there’s cell reception to call Bob for help. Bad mistake. Despite shelter, technology and weapons, nobody survives mayhem.

Hin und weg (aka Tour de Force, Christian Zübert, dir., 2014), has sun setting on Hannes (Florian David Fitz). At onset of his circle’s annual bike tour he reveals it will be his last. ALS diagnosis gives him 6 months of physical participation before succumbing to neuromuscular incapacity. Shocked and tearful, they embark as planned on a wild adventure in Belgium, celebrating life as never before, realizing how precious life is.

Classic narrative is replaced with hypnotic images and trance beats in Polish drama Jak calkowicie zniknac (aka How to Disappear Completely, Przemyslaw Wojcieszek, dir., 2014). Two ladies, Gerda (Agnieszka Podsiadlik) and Little Bandit (Pheline Roggan) meet in Berlin’s underground, then drift seductively by bike, on foot, and riding subway through its night-scape. As Radiohead, whence title, said, “Melody is dead; rhythm is king.” Substitute “story” and “exploits”, and you get gist of director's intention.

Musíme se sejít (aka We Need to Meet, David Král, dir., 2016), follows gross misadventures of hapless Czech cycling foursome (one with teen son in tow), played by amateur actors (standup comedians), as they tour landscape outside Prague en route to Bambus Camp that they nostalgically recall from youth, long since closed. Critics weren’t amused by this “Dumber and Dumberest” low budget road trip.

Au Nom de la Terre (aka In The Name of the Land, Edouard Bergeon, dir., 2019) is based upon director’s own upbringing. After roaming Rocky Mountain ranches and seeing world a bit, Pierre Jarjeau (Guillaume Canet) returns to buy out family business west of Paris from his cruel, unforgiving father. His young family bikes through the bucolic Mayenne landscape like so many recreational day trippers and Tour de France dreamers. But reality of living off the land today is shocking. This film exposes bank loans, conservative bullying, corporate pressures, and tax brutality for suicidal desperation they impose on agricultural lifestyles. Rural isolationists don’t realize how much they’re cherished by those who rely on their contributions. But it’s not why aging champion Mark Cavendish, having arrived at nearby Pontivy dismissed from former team but given a chance by another, sat crying after his 31st TdF stage win, second only to Eddie Merckx’s 34. On final sprint in Stage 21, he'd miss breaking record by a wheel radius.

Just out on Disney+, new Pixar animated feature Luca (Enrico Casarosa, dir., 2021), follows mermen buddies Alberto (Jack Dylan Grazer) and Luca (Jacob Tremblay) onto beach of Italian coastline (Cinque Terre), where they assume human form (as long as kept dry) and befriend Giulia (Emma Berman), who introduces them to terrestrial thrills and watches Luca race down hills on her single speed bike. Daredevil duo also rigs up an abandoned Vespa into a BMX ramp jumper. Their chance to fulfill dreams and gain acceptance comes from winning a triathlon with Luca riding bike leg. This family fare is rated G with plenty of pathos and pesto. 

Petite Madeleine

Celebrated Bike-to-Work Day by parsing paving to revisit "scenes of the crimes", locations Labann once schooled or worked before pandemic decimated placements. What once seemed so important and sustained livelihood surprisingly appeared about as remembered, maybe less outstanding and worse for weather. One can go home and revel in past, but it just steals from present. Memorial Day promotes happy plans for summer and hollow ceremonies without dolor. Lifelong selfless service to society earns no honor.

Remarkable how in Remembrance of Things Past (aka In Search of Lost Time, 1913–1927, seven volumes celebrating center of its centenary) Marcel Proust found truth in a small tea soaked morsel of petite madeleine. Moreover, much has been made of how a galaxy exists in a grain, and Proust’s observations about what you consciously expect to recollect versus what you involuntarily picture again. Has to do with how incredible, indelible or ineffable an impression becomes. Bicyclist/painter/sculptor Marie Nordlinger (upon whom some argue character Albertine was based in part) became a warm light in Marcel’s luminous but truncated life (51 years, d. 1922) during which this asthmatic bisexual perfected the art of reflection, and wrote 20th Century’s most influential novel. “Marie delighted in riding a bicycle, and it was the image of ‘the girl with the bicycle’ that sparked Proust’s conception of Albertine, a character who dominates Remembrance of Things Past,” in particular volume La Fugitive, 1925.

There’s a book inside every doer/reader/thinker/traveler. Some skilled psychologist might decipher why an author focuses on certain facts, not others. Bias and prejudices blind the willfully delusional from seeing reality as it is. Only the most assiduous and perceptive bother to gather and weigh all sides of any argument, and who has any right to expect otherwise? Any miscreant in social media who sees world as losers or victors will kill you over a minor disagreement.

In court, whoever narrates convincingly and succinctly wins. Deep dives and empty filibusters only succeed in blocking congressional resolutions and maintaining status quo; on street, sincere blather scatters audiences. Fame follows decisive, divisive, feckless, and senseless who steal spotlight, ignores selfless servants or true talent. Journalists say they trust the inherent value of truth in an information age, but you can never tell if what they report is reliable. Not as if there are not hundreds of unsolved mysteries: alien invasion, cryptozoology, supernaturalism. Misfortune of suddenly learning the truth drives even normal men mad.

Seldom, if ever, endorse or rate books. In fact, you can find something interesting in every one even though otherwise a pedestrian waste of your time. Because humans are social animals, they’re best entertained by congregating en masse and selecting suitable individuals with whom to commune. While books expand potential for embracing many tribe members, multiple barriers and perfidious distribution limit readers. Every year dozens of new titles invoke bicycling, but they usually repeat old tropes. B&C, begun long before latest boom, likes to choose among them to review those with a new take on riding a bike.

Marc Augé, In praise of the bicycle (Reaktion Books, Limited, 2019, 96 pp.), translated from French Éloge de la bicyclette, Editions Payot & Rivages, 2008), is an anthropologist’s extrapolation of current trends into a dynamic tomorrow using bicycles to humanize “non-places”, a term Augé famously coined. “Riding a bike in a way gives us back our child's soul and restores both the ability to play and an awareness of the real. It is thus similar to a sort of refresher (like a booster vaccination), but also to continuing education for learning again about freedom and clarity, and as a result, perhaps, about something that resembles happiness... A return to utopia, a return to what is real — they are the same. Get on your bike to improve everyone's life! Cycling is a humanism.”

Paul Fournel, Need for the Bike, (Pursuit, 2019, 224 pp.), derived from Allan Stoekl’s English translation from French (Bison, 2012) of critically lauded Besoin de vélo (Seuil, 2002, 235 pp.), covers personal insights, joys and pains based on articles Fournel contributed to Rouler magazine from 2006 onward. Latest edition was made cheaper and shorter by deleting original illustrations and publishing as a paperback. Must admit that a daily 3 mile walk as an hour’s constitutional will always be improved if you bike 15 miles instead.

Jorge Zepeda Patterson, The black jersey: a novel (Random House, 2019, 312 pp.) portrays French-Colombian domestique Marc, who belongs to an elite Tour de France team led by American star and best friend Steve, favored to win. Then someone machinates a series of deadly accidents. Marc agrees to help gendarmes investigate, but as suspects disappear, main suspects become Marc and Steve. As the finish line approaches, Marc must decide what he's willing to risk for friendship, justice or podium position. With rampant doping, world’s most prestigious contest is rife with jealousies, mayhem, and sabotage, so why not murder?

Yona Zeldis McDonough, The Bicycle Spy (self, 2020) follows young villager Marcel, who delivers bread from his parents' bakery by bike and hopes one day to race in the Tour de France, suspended since 1940 when German occupation began. Checkpoints and interrogations teach Marcel there are worse things than a canceled race. Marcel wonders whether he can help his friend's family when they come under scrutiny, but it would involve passing along secrets through risky rides. Filthy fascists, Hoover's spies, McCarthy's witch hunters, Nixon's army, Reagan's union busters, and Trump's neocons: Hardly any distinction among these enemies of community.   

Biological researcher and outdoor naturalist Sara Dykman, Bicycling with Butterflies (Workman Publishing, 2020, 280 pp.) became world’s first to bike alongside and study monarch butterflies throughout a complete migration. She assembled a bike from used parts, attached panniers made from recycled buckets, packed bare essentials, and rode alone on a 3 country, 9-month, 10,000 mile roundtrip. Not just about mucking in fens for flutter-by eggs, she shares her passion with ardent stewards, citizen scientists, eager schoolchildren, high-rise tenants, interested farmers, skeptical loungers, and unimpressed officials.

Jools Walker, blogger and Brit bicyclist Lady Velo, mentioned before pandemic for Back in the Frame: How to get back on your bike, whatever life throws at you (Little Brown Book Group, 2019, 368 pp.), followed up with a reedited paperback sounding pleasanter Back in the Frame: Cycling belonging and finding joy on a bike (Sphere, 2021, 384 pp.), her personal memoire of an all-in-one child tricyclist, preteen BMXer, and renewed roadie who has come of age and still likes bikes. Happily, she now finds herself being interviewed by BBC about cycling culture and giving talks at women’s cycling events. Pedaling by wheel, even casually, is a near panacea and potent tonic for arthritis, cardiovascular ailments, depression, isolation and other maladies caused by a sedentary stay-at-home lifestyle. Bikes are also convenient for hanging your emotional baggage from and studying what's really going on.

In June of 2019 author and pastor Neil Tomba mounted a bike in Santa Monica, CA, and a month later arrived in Annapolis, MD. His goal was twice a day to initiate a conversation with strangers and instill hope among them in Jesus’s teachings. How could that go wrong? Due out next month as a result is The Listening Road: One Man's Ride Across America to Start Conversations About God (Thomas Nelson, 2021, 316 pp.). He’s convinced that people ought to spend time listening to one another, despite differences in creed, intelligence, race, or social status. Every troll says the same thing, only it's you paying attention to them along a one-way street.

Anti-doping activist and multiple medalist James Hibbard retired from road cycling, studied postgraduate philosophy, and wrote a meditation on the sport. Just out this June, The Art of Cycling (Quercus, 2021, 320pp.) shares his journey from racing ruthlessly to regaining passion for pedaling, and shows how cycling can shed new light on classic questions of purpose and selfhood. Cycling’s counterintuitive lessons can be applied to most areas of life and do undermine what’s typically thought of as intellectual in a society driven towards abstract, detached, and virtual dehumanization by an obsession with progress. But wasn’t it a slew of innovations with lowly bicycles (still ongoing) that inspired aerospace and automotive arrogance behind global problems? Without bicycles there would never have been a Nazi blitzkrieg. But you can’t blame invention of weapons with their misuse in mass murders.

Vélo Humain

With filing deadline postponed by pandemic, Tax Day arrived along with Bike-to-Work Week. Observed by viewing an energy alternative documentary, Planet of the Humans (Jeff Gibbs, dir., 2020), which stares down environmental issues and suggests Earth’s salvation rests in realigning lifestyles. “The path to change comes from awareness... Infinite growth on a finite planet is suicide... We must take control of our environmental movement and our future from billionaires and their permanent war on planet earth.” Good luck with that! If COVID taught anything, it’s that people aren’t easily cajoled to act on their own behalf, never mind community’s or planet’s. Following a year of furlough or work from home, drivers’ abilities and attention atrophied, bicycling risks were exacerbated, earnings diminished, and wealth inequality expanded.

Those who profited from technology caused problems, yet they remain convinced there are technological solutions into which they’ve heavily invested. Trying to eliminate fossil fuels and look carbon guiltless, they’ve created industries with equivalent toxic or tragic aftermaths, for example, burning biomass, which clearcuts life-giving forests for fuel, or solar panels, which combine rare earth materials out of devastating strip mines and defy recycling once failed after only a few years of use, even before mine land has been reclaimed. Power companies install innovations to justify rate hikes that they force users to pay. You’d think burning or gasifying garbage might work, or fusion reactors with no radioactive waste, but where’s the profit in it? It’s a complex issue made intractable by greedy capitalists and needy do-nothings.

Funny that Gibbs never mentions bicycling; even student protestors shown had sense to ride to rallies. Average cost of car ownership has risen in 2021 to $9,282/year, thousands more in 1st year, then gradually decreasing to half by 10th as costs, except insurance and maintenance, decline. An average of 13,500 miles are driven annually. This estimates about 70 cents/mile, not taking into account related cancer/crash deaths, shared cleanup costs, what’s consumed to afford this luxury, wars waged, and world destruction. According to industry analysts and confirmed personally, bicycling cost only 4 cents/mile with practically no environmental or geopolitical detriment. Paved roads are not even necessary, if you own an MTB, though do improve pedaling efficiency. Too many Americans prefer death, debt, and Dukes of Hazzard, although once popular NASCAR attendance had already dwindled before personal distancing seemed prudent.

Woke tree-huggers gravitate to new electric and hybrid vehicles and lambaste gas guzzlers, gross polluters, and pub crawlers. An honest statement aligned with nature can be made by riding bicycles and thumbing nose at busses, cars and trains. Beyond just Bike Month and for months at a clip, performing bands including Shake Your Peace, The Ditty Bops, The Ginger Ninjas, and This Bike is a Pipe Bomb used to ride by bikes between gigs all over North America. Bodies congregating and cooperating can even form a human bicycle side show act.

“Focusing on an individual’s carbon footprint is a useful mechanism that diverts attention away from the worldwide impact of global warming. Anti-global-warming PR often means deflecting global warming by re-locating the issue onto side issues. It prefers to blame global warming on individuals rather than corporate behaviour... Such campaigns blame those who highlight the impact of global warming by focusing on the messenger... Forbes magazine once suggested that [climate activist who crossed North Atlantic on a sailboat in winter to speak before UN] Greta Thunberg’s lifestyle may be one reason for global warming.” Norman Simms & Thomas Klikauer, May 20, 2021

Convincing his NYC family, Colin Beavan vowed to be No Impact Man (Justin Schein, dir., 2008) for a year by personally not contributing carbon exhaust from flying or motoring, coffee imbibing, conditioned air, disposable diapers, elevator rides, excess consumption, imported or take out foods, new purchases, paper trash, plastic packaging, refrigeration, subway use, taxi hops, television watching, toilet paper, and water toxins from detergents. For anyone to follow, they’d have to live his at-home author vegetarian lifestyle. For actual zero impact, you must also avoid work that consumes electricity. fuel or materials; compost food and human wastes; only ingest medicines you grow on windowsills; plant trees to offset carbon you exhale; self propel to farms to shop (shipping each menu ingredient averages 1,500 miles); sit at home in the dark; and skip as many meals as possible. Would miss cooked food and hot water. If everyone did only one, world would indeed be better off. But it’s Al Gore hypocrisy all over, profit driven drivel that says, Do as I say, not as I do.” After his Thoreau inspired trial, sole thing that stuck with Beavan was bicycling, since it proved the most economical and effective urban choice.

For 1 minute and 11 seconds in magic realism film 2:22 (Paul Currie, dir., 2017), multimodal commuter Dylan Branson (Michiel Huisman) rides his bike from his business district apartment to Grand Central Station to board a subway to his job as a JFK air traffic controller. As a bicyclist dodging midtown traffic, patterns come naturally to him, a skill that makes him great at what he does. One day at 2:22 PM, he’s suddenly stunned by universe crushing down upon him, and nearly causes an airline crash, which results in his suspension. This gives him days to explore a bizarre relationship with Sarah (Teresa Palmer), a repeating pattern of things that go boom at 2:22 P.M., and series of events based on fates of residents 30 years ago superimposed upon their current lives.

When Katja Şekerci (Diane Kruger) leaves her Kurdish husband and son at his office, she cautions a woman who’s leaving a brand new bike out front in Hamburg’s Turkish quarter that she ought to lock it up. In the Fade, aka Aus dem Nichts (Out of Nowhere, Fatih Akin, dir., 2017, German with subtitles) tells Katja’s story in the aftermath of this Neo-Nazi bike bomb, loosely based on events of 2004 Cologne. When courts are unable to convict couple responsible despite her testimony, Katja hunts down these terrorists.

Blood Road (Nicholas Schrunk, dir., 2017) tracks endurance mountain biker Rebecca Rusch and native guide Huyen Nguyen who pedaled 1,200 miles of Ho Chi Minh Trail to reach crash site and resting place of Rebecca's dad, a U.S. Air Force F-4 pilot who was killed when shot down over Laos 5 decades earlier during Viet Nam War. This documentary was nominated for or won a slew of film festival awards, though critics groaned that her emotional closure mattered more than permanent damage Nixon’s carpet bombing did in locations she visited. To their credit, filmmakers teamed with Nobel Laureate NGO nonprofit Mines Advisory Group to help de-mine along border and save innocent lives. Sick conservative tactics during 1960's made a lifelong impression on Labann.

Return to Earth (Colin Jones, Darren McCullough, Darcy Wittenburg, dirs., 2019) presents a joint Shimano and Trek vision of big air over Moab single track and Oahu volcanic moguls featuring star MTB riders.

In Brit rom-com Finding Your Feet (Richard Loncraine, dir., 2018), Lady Sandra Abbott (Imelda Staunton, known as draconian Hogwarts headmistress Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) takes umbrage at husband’s secret sex affair. She decamps to sister Bif’s (Celia Imrie) housing project flat. Bif admonishes her, “It’s one thing being scared of dying, Sondra. It’s a whole different matter being scared of living.” She begins to drop her defenses and open herself to new experiences, like riding a London Boris Bike.

Ami-Ami, aka (Girl)Friend (Victor Saint Macary, dir., 2018) has Vincent (William Lebghil) move in with best friend Nefeli (Margot Bancilhon) and swear off romantic love. Then Vincent meets Julie, which he fears will complicate his open lifestyle with Nefeli riding Vélib' bikes daily around Paris along with ninety-thousand other residents and visitors.

While getting fresh air and sunshine in great outdoors at Rim of the World (Joseph McGinty Nichol, dir., 2019) camp, four awkward kids band together against an invasion of dinosaur space aliens. They’re getting around fine by BMX, but when they receive a key that could save world, they trade bikes for a GTO to traverse last 70 miles to JPL in Pasadena.

Entrepreneur stooge pair Manu (Grégoire Ludig) and Jean-Gab (David Marsais), previously mentioned as stars of La folle histoire de Max et Léon, team again to pull a heist in sun drenched South of France. After stealing a car, they discover a fly the size of a dog in its trunk. Instead of releasing it sensibly, they insanely decide to forego heist and train “Dominique” to rob banks, like a drone with Mandibles (Quentin Dupieux, dir., 2020), thereby hoping to become comparatively rich. Mayhem and mistaken identity find them shacking up with zany villainess Agnes (Adèle Exarchopoulos), where Manu races off on a unicorn lemon squeezer.

The Half of It (Alice Wu, dir., 2020) portrays enterprising teen cyclist Ellie Chu (Leah Lewis), who writes essays for other high school students. Lovestruck jock Paul Munsky (Daniel Diemer) approaches her to write a letter from him to lovely Aster Flores (Alexxis Lemire). Ellie doesn't expect to become his friend, or to fall for Aster. Sure, the girl geek rides a bike; maybe she knows more than all her peers.

PBS documentary Blood Sugar Rising (David Alvarado, dir., 2020) asks, “Why isn’t there a war on diabetes?” Nearly 450 million humans, including 35 million Americans (10%), diagnosed with either Type I (5% of total) and Type II diabetes (95%) face crippling strokes, extremity amputations, fatal seizures, heart attacks, and organ transplants at a collective cost of $350 billion per year. Alvarado covers blood monitoring, dietary changes, and expensive operations, but neglects root causes in sedentary lifestyles enabled by automotive convenience and other seated activities supplanting self propulsion. Ask yourself, “Why aren’t more people going everywhere by bike?”

Hallmark whodunit A Beautiful Place to Die: A Martha's Vineyard Mystery (Mark Jean, dir., 2020) depicts detective Jeff Jackson (Jesse Metcalfe), who was forced into early retirement after taking a bullet in his spine, returned to bike infested island life, that is, until a body washes up and his crime solving creed is challenged. MVPD neglects to compensate him after risking paralysis by battling suspects and solving case. 

Aprés la Quarantaine

Score more credibility for scientists for introducing almost overnight a vaccine against a fatal global virus, because a few individuals, lone pharma insiders and maverick university researchers in Europe and US, against advice and without support, foresaw some rogue nation (China or Russia) would attack rest of world with another influenza variant after several others became pandemics. American small business and workforce, not billionaires who don't pay taxes, fund Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which keep scary samples on hand to draw from despite recent Cult 45's budget cuts, a situation analogous to world trade after the towers collapsed; commerce endured despite efforts to disrupt. Enemies can be domestic and foreign incited by lying leaders. Pandemic mismanagement spawned an ongoing trend of mass shootings, sixty-thousand slain in US over last 5 years. Exactly when will house arrest turn Mar-a-Lago into Mar-a-Gaol? High time to interminably incarcerate perps of highest crime.

Waiting for COVID to disappear is not a sensible strategy. As a child you’ve already been vaccinated against DPaT, MMR, PCV, Polio, and probably HepA&B, Hib, RV, and Varicella; grown up, HPV, quadrivalent influenza, Td and Zoster (shingles). Why wouldn’t you likewise protect yourself against COVID, which has lingered for a year and a half? ADA supports your refusal on rare medical or religious grounds, but lawmakers have already been inoculated, so don’t care if you contract and die. Once vaccinated, you’ll be safer pedaling by bike than pushing a motorized cage, sitting indoors watching media, or walking alongside traffic.

Polarized people will debate anything, from best bikes, to government systems, to mobility methods, to what to eat or wear, to where to live, when to return to “normalcy” (if any such thing will ever exist), whether to get vaccinated at all, yes, rightly so, since these represent core needs, personal risks, and shared experiences. Science isn’t always right; mistrust has been instilled by climate denialists, clumsy consultants, and countless zombie apocalypse cautions. Many arguments aren’t worth joining, but some are if you want to leave languish and find flourish. Maybe a life awaits after a year in this quarantine holding pattern.

With new evidence of turning the COVID corner stateside, everyone ought to have a resolution once it subsides to get out and look around. Other existential threats demand attention, though worst offenders will deflect criticism with irrational personal attacks. Beijing's air isn’t fit to breathe. Soon global warming dismissal, which only preserves profits for a few, will start to displace millions and kill tens of thousands. Resultant flooding of flat land and severe heat and winds will become major deterrents to bicycling, plus increase diseases, such as cholera and malaria. Doing nothing could be much worse than predicted by actual experts, who only look forward into own field, for examples, economics or weather.

It’s not human nature to believe cranks or quacks, except when mainstream customs or medicines only offers a death sentence. Pretty powerful, the placebo effect did alleviate all sorts of illnesses for millennia. Who's to say acupuncture, herbal remedies, or osteopathic "hair of the dog" doesn’t work in some cases. Many FDA approved medicines are grossly misused and wrongly prescribed, a major factor in death and illnesses lately, 70,000 in 2019, about 70% opioid related, some undoubtedly due to pandemic snake oil, in fact, suddenly exceeding motor vehicle accidents, hitherto #3 among ways to die. Despite reservations, science still deserves more trust than shamanism. Nazis sought an occult edge. Necons, their predecessors, make deals with demons to deliver despair and ruin in exchange for immunity and power.

Same applies to news. For decades Labann discounted most media opinions; they got it wrong so often you’d be foolish to trust whatever they say. Real reporters narrate events, not offer advice. Fox News or Newsmax commentators are not trained journalists, some not even college graduates. They are merely biased buskers, meme mouthers, regurgitaters of sound bites, and shills for ultra-conservative power mongers, whose darwinian predation and malthusian logic put personal aggrandizement above community betterment. Delete upon arrival and don’t ever read aggressive and relentless conservative email propaganda. Barely have time to read imaginative and informative copy. Lengths to which they go to dominate opinions proves their manipulative intentions.

But public policy does affect lives, so knowing what’s at stake is important, which is why you might pay closer attention to bona fide journalists. Public ought to be outraged they aren’t getting vital information from official sources that might define live or lose decisions. Conversely, death dealing alcohol, fossil fuels, motor vehicles, opioids, tobacco, and weapons are minimally regulated and widely available, while dangerous and illegal drugs are barely interdicted. Sex trafficking, slavery, and smuggling remain billion dollar enterprises with daily casualties.

Is America in trouble? Because of regressive Republican administrations since Nixon, citizens owe $100 TRILLION, individually $290,000, not counting local, municipal and state debts that double figure. Pandemic not only bled and displaced millions of workers, it exacerbated what everyone has to repay. US GDP, world’s highest for a single nation, hovers around $21 trillion, but IRS collects less than $5 trillion/year. To get debt free at that rate without other obligations would take 20 years, but debt maintenance (interest and principle) alone eats most of revenue while underground economy siphons community’s cash into offshore accounts.

At any point in near future America could go bankrupt with nearly unimaginable consequences including homelessness, hunger, joblessness, poverty and want; seizures of businesses, farms and properties; suspension of entitlements, social security, welfare; total domestic and international dystopia. Congress just goes on printing money rushing along collapse, while a select few profit. Wealth disparity has never been worse in world history; it’s to the point that money can no longer buy power and loses its value. What could save the American Dream is for citizens to recall anyone in office who thinks they can steal revenue, then tax billionaires out of existence. Since wealth is a finite resource, every billionaire means 55,000 families stay below the poverty line. More people worldwide die from poverty than any other reason, one every 3 seconds.

With so many dire issues, why shouldn’t films reflect bicycling? As Bruce Bennett’s Cycling and Cinema (Goldsmiths Press, 2019, 299 pp.) explains, they arrived together over a century ago and ever since have been intertwined. Bennett explores, “The cinematic history of the bicycle... brings a variety of fascinating, unfamiliar or largely forgotten films into focus alongside some more well-known titles. Cyclists introduced nineteenth-century viewers to three-dimensional cinematic space... the first [commercial] film, La Sortie de L’Usine Lumiére à Lyon, is a cycling film.” It does depict three bicyclists wriggling their way through a throng of exiting studio workers.

Your Show of Shows (Dec. 23, 1950) did a skit with Imogene Coca and Sid Caesar as an Italian couple who steal La Bicycletta from a reunited childhood friend, then try to return for a reward. Caesar was a master of dialect, but only fluent in English and Yiddish; though dialogue was pigeon Italian, audience got gist through his vaudevillian face and hand gestures.

60 Cycles (Jean-Claude Labrecque, dir., 1965) documents 11th penultimate pro-am Tour du St. Laurent (run from 1954-65) between-Montreal-and Quebec on a 12 day, 1500 km course that exceeded distance of grand tours Giro d’Italia and Vuelta a España and rivaled Tour de France. Low budget long shots of curving countryside and open road covered by 60 riders from 13 countries through Gaspé Peninsula were nevertheless thrilling. This National Film Boards of Canada short allegedly inspired camera work of George Lucas, later famous for Star Wars.

A Day Out (Stephen Frears, dir., 1972) is a film treatment of Alan Bennett’s play about Halifax Cycling Club’s ride to the ruins of Fountains Abbey during summer of 1911, which spins an idyllic vision of Edwardian England.

Based upon year of their release, one might confuse experimental 7 minute Bicycle (Chuck Hudina, dir., 1975), Venezuelan 25 minute La Bicicleta (Oscar Molinari, dir., 1975), and made for British television Wilbur and the Bicycle (Neville Green, dir., 1975). Someone should have told Hudina you never look down while riding. Molinari tracks a high wheeler rider, who disrespects a funeral cortege by riding though, and then gets chased by a murderous foot posse, who can’t keep up but still shoot him in the back from a distance. A teen steals his boneshaker, so its ability to enthrall and impact village continues. Couldn’t find Green’s series, but suspect it has to do with Wright Brothers, who first achieved human flight based on their background in bike building.

Five virgin chicks from Cherry Hill High (Alex E. Goitein, dir., 1977) compete to have the most original sexual encounter during a 2-week chaperoned bike tour. Bare legs and double entendres compete with lame acting and lousy production values.


Le Tour de France The Official History 1903 - 2005 (Sean Kelly, dir., 2005) contends that French were the first to race bikes and Tour de France is the greatest physical challenge in sports as well as sport’s most attended spectator event. Might question whether you’ll gain more from 2 hours of bad color and blurry b/w clips and chaotic throngs surrounding struggling cyclists, or 3 hours actually riding on your own.

Joe Kid on a Stingray (John Swarr & Mark Eaton,dirs., 2005) chronicles 30 year evolution of BMX races and stunts through archival footage and contemporary interviews. Bicyclists still regard BMX as an aberration, but they remain ghetto currency and popular transportation despite obvious limitation.

Gulong [Filipino word for Tires], aka The Bicycle (Sockie Fernandez, dir., 2007) depicts Apao (Steven Fermo) and best buddy Momoy (Jopet Concordia), their desires to spend vacation at an uncle’s fishpond, too far away to walk, and desperate attempts to raise funds to buy and old bicycle from a cantankerous woman.

Bicycle Dreams (Stephen Auerbach, dir., 2009) documents disastrous challenge to Race Across America in less than 10 days, as previously mentioned and not to be confused with family film Bicycle Dreams (Raju Gurung, dir., 2014), where two boys come of age in Kathmandu, Nepal. Their dream is an electric blue, 18 gear mountain bike they can’t afford, but a possibility arises in a poster that offers a reward for finding a lost dog. Adventure, obstacles and treachery teach them that enjoying friendship is more important than possessing an object.

Peloton star biopic A Ride With George Hincapie (Anthony Haney-Jardine, dir., 2009) follows Big George over 35 years having pedaled 667,000 miles from Queens, New York during 1980’s, training in NYC’s Central Park, to Paris Roubaix in 2009. Ultimate domestique who started more Tours de France than anyone, Hincapie now hosts an annual Gran Fondo (Big Ride) based on Italian model among US cities enjoyed by recreational and semi-pro cyclists, next in Greenville, SC, on October, 23rd, 2021.

Seattle siblings masseuse Abby (Rosemarie Dewitt) and dentist Paul (Josh Pals) live together in the house they inherited, along with Paul’s daughter and dental assistant Jenny (Ellen Page). Abby’s boyfriend Jesse (Scoot McNairy) grew from bike messenger to local bike shop owner. Entire cast of Touchy Feely. (Lynn Shelton, dir., 2013) live in frustrated funks. Abby can’t seem to move from baffled ennui into her boyfriend’s bungalow. Paul’s emotionless demeanor cost him dental clients. Jenny delivers a loving calzone to bike shop and longs for Jesse’s unrequited touch.

The Dirty Sniff (Dean Dickinson, dir., 2016) highlights more death-defying debauched Bone Deth BMX mayhem and semi-nude nonsense in Portland, Oregon. After all the property damage they portray you can understand why signs sometimes ban bikes. Featured rider Sean Burns later broke his spine in yet another big stunt.

Danny MacAskill quaffs Red Bull and takes a Wee Day Out (Stu Thompson, dir., 2016) on his Santa Cruz MTB amidst countryside near Edinburgh, Scotland in this 6 minute action short.

Historical docudrama My Italian Secret (Oren Jacoby, dir., 2014), narrated by Isabella Rossellini, reveals how during WWII bicycling star Gino Bartali, Catholic priests, doctor Giovanni Borromeo, and other compassionate Italians risked their lives to save refugees and strangers, particularly Jews desperately fleeing extermination by Nazis. Bartali (voiced by Robert Loggia) used training trips to hide secret efforts from family and fascists. Some subjects of Mussolini would never complacently agree to totalitarian rule, just as majority of Americans aren’t Trumpkins whom they oppose vehemently.

Louisa Clark (Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones) finally tells self absorbed beau Patrick (Matthew Lewis), “I hate cycling; you know I do,” and won’t be tagging along on his Viking Triathlon trip in lieu of a romantic vacation, because he puts Me Before You (Thea Sharrock, dir., 2016). Meanwhile, she’s falling for her wealthy boss Will Traynor (Sam Claflin), a paraplegiac confined to a wheel chair. She visits cycling infested Paris upon his dying wish.

Bicyclist David (Aaron Paul) accepts girlfriend Claire’s (Annabelle Wallis) invitation to Come and Find Me (Zack Whedon, dir., 2016), then she abruptly disappears. Using photographs she left behind, he crosses LA on his beater ten-speed into serious trouble.

Icarus (Bryan Fogel, dir., 2017) began as a quest to expose doping in sports, but turned into a geopolitical thriller involving Dr. Grigory Rodchenkov, supposedly a pillar of Russia’s anti-doping initiative but really its facilitator, an Olympic scandal, and uniform cheating to win at any cost. Seems the only thing banned under Putin is truth itself.

Sports melodrama The Little Queen, aka La Petite Reine, (Alexis Durand-Brault, dir., 2014) portrays Quebecois cyclist Julie Arseneau (Laurence Leboeuf), who gets caught hematocrit doping on the eve of World championship under her abusive coach Patrice Robitaille. It was based on the true story of cyclist Geneviève Jeanson, whose career as a professional cyclist was derailed by a 10 year ban, reduced from lifetime by testifying against coach.

Prepubescent protagonist Stevie (Sunny Suljic) of Mid90s (Jonah Hill, dir., 2018) rides his stingray away from abusive brother Ian (Lucas Hedges) and negligent mother (Katherine Waterston) down to local skateboard shop and into all sorts of adult temptations: alcohol, drugs, sex. Doesn’t end well, of course, but could be worse. Does demonstrate what inevitably comes from providing Los Angeleno teens barely adequate sustenance but insufficient motivation during jobless recovery of Reagan-Bush recession. With no domestic policy, consecutive GOP administrations of Bush and Trump caused the Great Recession, and pandemic mismanagement nation’s largest job loss in history. With plenty of time for bicycling, more people than ever now roam aimlessly looking for trouble.

Brad Pitt narrates PBS series e2 Transport (Tad Fettig, dir., 2020). Episode 2 Paris: Velo Liberte explores cultural and economic outcomes of renting bicycles in the City of Light.

CoroNation (Ai Weiwei, dir., 2020, in Mandarin) documents lockdown of Wuhan, China in January of 2020, after 2 months had passed with government misinformation about human-to-human spread. Camera people filmed at check points, hospital wards, and places state built extra rooms to house victims. Mourners burn offerings for their dead family members, then bike or walk off into the night in grief. Cyclists on Flying Pigeons can be spotted throughout on otherwise deserted streets. Not taken into account, China’s tanking economy might lead to further squabbles over Taiwan and world war.

Wendy’s Bag Alert commercial spot tastelessly shows an Asian woman stealing a bicycle to race compulsively for discount fast food. Why has there been no public outcry over racism or theft?