Baleful Wain

“I see you got your list out. Say your piece and get out. Yes, I get the gist of it, but it's alright. Sorry that you feel that way. The only thing there is to say, ‘Every silver lining's got a Touch of Grey.’ I will get by... I will survive.” - Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter, 1987

To stay authentic and topical today’s writers must surf ahead of a tsunami of social insanity within a tyrannical tube of factuality. They have to assess advertisements, arts, blogs, books, broadcasts, documentaries, edicts, interviews, manifestos, movies, music, newscasts, podcasts, poetry, posts, rap, speeches, TikTok, tweets, videos, vlogs, and what’s not even on this Sisyphean list while investigating in person both an artificial and natural world, specific spaces at times, either eager to commit murder and devour your corpse. No bubble or force field, only cloth, grey matter, leather, or lycra to protect, it’s hard for anyone to say for sure, if at all, what preserves one’s inner self from threats out there. While being absorbed, ingested and inhaled, world in turn swallows you whole, simultaneously bestowing and taking, crucifying and forgiving, furnishing and suffocating, punishing and rewarding.

Labann’s mission has always been to encompass all of bicycling culture, monitor sources as new examples emerge, and show how items interconnect. Too often lately that involves baleful reports of political smackdowns, such as a POTUS proclamation trying to reverse NYC’s smart and successful Congestion Tolls. For GOP, state sovereignty only applies when it suits their own hypocritical lies. Often here cited public datasets are disappearing; all hail fascist efficiency that funnels public treasures to billionaire parasites! Low class cowards and thugs attacked Palestinian Muslims during Ramadan, then extorted neighborly Canadians because they think they can. No Russian mobsters have been deported. Gitmo has no promised alien detainees. Government services are disappearing. Inflation worsens daily. Stock shares are tanking. Poles are doubling their army expecting a Russian incursion. Is WWIII on its way? News you can lose? All deter civilian bicycling.

Anyway, The Douche is in the White House, and Duffer’s on vacation, golfing again, while true men from founding fathers to honored patriots are rolling angrily in their graves. What FDR said echoes loudly, "Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds." Cruel and devious modus operandi define criminal sociopathy. Farm wains upon which they loaded Black Death casualties and fallen soldiers (“sold yer” out with huge cuts to veteran benefits and jobs) have been superseded by flat beds and trailer trucks for next inevitable Grey Death. Wailful days upon us warrant brown study and frown melancholy.

About time for a direction reversal: Hope of renewal springs eternal, thus perennial Easter festival. “Those trips a-wheel before the break of day, the pause to hear the morning songsters sing, the break of fast on berries by the way, the thirst assuaged by kneeling to the spring; The drill, the race, that memorable run, Quixotic like, in search of conquests fair - Each ‘joyed event returns like Summer sun, to warm the chillness of the Winter air.” - S. Conant Foster, A Midwinter Reverie, Wheel Songs, Poems of Bicycling, 1884

Not all bicycling memories melt into gratitude or warm your soul. How about brand new leather saddles before broken in or frozen fingertips throbbing as if seared by molten steel? Always attempted a last spin before weather set in for real, especially in winter when snowfall chases you home to stay until sun and wind strip streets of black ice and white depth, then watching out window day to day for another chance while trying to judge which bits of apparel will work under an ever varying conditional array. It’s an anniversary worth celebrating when single-ply short sleeve jersey and spandex shorts suffice. But paying the price panting between baking sun and grilling asphalt that waft watery mirages and wondering if you’ll complete course before wholly exhausted still haunt and menace, what Rachel Meltdown does to your typical MAGA clown. Self’s amuse abuse, or folly hobby, seems bombastic onanistic or depressive obsessive to someone else’s mentality.

Mary Mensana (Amanda Seyfried) is pregnant widow of a would-be environmental terrorist and rueful parishioner at First Reformed (Paul Schrader, dir., 2018), on eve of rural church’s 250th anniversary, where Reverend Toller (Ethan Hawke) serves as pastor to whom she rides her bicycle for emotional support. As an aside, a man does say Fred in reference to stodgy cyclists devoted to riding classic but outdated steel models such as a Peugeot Super Competition or Schwinn Varsity. This grim drama about climate despair, doctrinaire politics, hollow ceremony, and reproductive rights won Critic’s Choice Male Lead award for Hawke; screenplay was nominated for an Oscar.

Not finding a lot of new bicycle songs from dispirited Americans, composing still on wane, as previously described. Do note Europeans compiling abridged Youtube playlists, such as one from Germany of which only some of those not previously mentioned are listed below chronologically by release date. Interesting how France and Germany now stand together backing Ukraine’s resistance to Russia’s aggression after USA’s betrayal of democracy despite interwoven diversity and widespread mutiny of its citizens.

John Manchester, French Bicycle Music [piano instrumental], Blue Sky, Omnimusic, 1985

Beppo Küster, Ich fahre Rad [German pop], Bitte nach Ihnen, Amiga, 1986

Wolle Kriwanek Band, Mike (Mit dem Mountain-Bike) [German rock], Hot Wollé, Bell Records, 1992

M. A. Numminen, Fahrradfahren ist Notwendig [German, “Riding Bicycle Is Necessary”], soundtrack from short film Polkupyörällä ajaminen on tarpeellista (Sökö Kaukoranta, dir., 2000); commemorates 450th anniversary of Helsinki, Finland. Depicts a grey day with Numminen singing song beside riding on back of a bicycle being pedaled along a slushy roadside.

Spieltrieb, Fahrrad fahrn [German pop], Ohrrangement, self, 2008
“How do I feel? Of course, it rhymes with free. Whatever comes and happens can't touch me, because I have my song... There are a thousand ways to ride a bike, whether endurance, fast, downhill, or on the track. One thing is certain: you'll burn calories, and next summer you'll shine with a dream figure. Only what you eat is your fuel, and you're gliding along.”

Pat C, Klapprad [German], single video, self, 2010
“I ride a folding bike around the area; no reason to get upset”

Pratterino, Bicycle Song, Old Bicycle, Pär Strandberg, 2011

Souljah, Was mein Fahrrad angeht [German], single video, self, 2011
Bikecentric remake of the autocentric MoTrip song similarly named; if you sold God’s benefices, ecclesiastical privileges, or pardons it was once condemned as heretical simony, but now it’s the sole jam of Christian Nationalists loyal only to opportunist oligarchy.

Kommando Zurueck, Velociped [German hip-hop], Back from Out of Space, self, 2012

KraftKlub, Mein Rad [German], In Schwarz, Universal Music Group, 2014
Americans can related to this angst of loss plentiful evidenced, “My bike is no longer here, it's gone, that's what happened. But why is it now with an idiot like you... who sees things and just takes them like a stupid child?” Answer: Kleptocrats addicted to greed.

Anthony’s Putsch, King of the World, single video, self, 2014
“Won’t you grab that bike, please take me for a ride, and see that I’m King of the world! There is nothing I'm afraid of, mama, only the howling of the wind.” Right! Citizens of a democracy are collectively king, not some orange shellacked combover thing.

Infallet, Cykelhjälm Cykelhjälm [Swedish in English; group name means a “Sudden Whim”], single video, self, 2014
A helmet is stylish, the ultimate swag, no? “No pain, no gain. It’s a place to put your brain.”

Binyo, Fahrrad [German], Der Steg ist das Ziel [“The jetty is the destination’], self, 2015

The Rotaries, Bicycle Girl, On the Outs, self, 2015

Dota Kehr, Rennrad [German pop], Keine Gefahr, Kleingeldprinzessin Records, 2016

Maybebop, Lust auf Fahrrad [German], single, BMG, 2016

Moop Mama, Die Erfindung des Rades, M.O.O.P.Topia, self, 2016
“You are a miracle of nature on a miracle of technology, your round body contour, carefree and casual. They talk, and shout, and gesticulate, hands off the steering wheel. Sirens and horns are only for you, because you roll like a gangster.”

D.U.M. Enterprises, Fahrradtrack [German hip-hop], single video, self, 2018

Peelander-Z, Bike Bike Bike, Go PZ Go, Chicken Ranch Records, 2018

Günter Nüssle, Das Liegerad [German], single video, 2019

Nico Suave, Von Hamburg bis zum Meer [German pop], single video, Hamburg Marketing, 2019
“So many corners, so much to discover, on my bike... I’m never stuck in traffic. I pass you with a big smile.”

The Dirty Nil, To the Guy Who Stole My Bike, F*ck Art, Dine Alone Records, 2020
“I hope it serves you well. I hope the brakes don’t seize, when you’re riding down the hill to hell.”

Mr. Rose, Radfahren [German pop], single video, Problembär Records, 2020

Requisite, Bicycle, Rusty BBQ Demos EP, 1943896 Records DK, 2020
“Next time you offer me a ride, I might decline. I’d rather ride my bicycle.”

Severin Groebner, Rentner auf E-Bikes [German for “Retirees on E-bikes”], single video, self, 2020

Estéban Cortez, La-La-Lastenrad [German, “Cargo Bicycle”], single video, self, 2021
Going backwards by pedaling? Isn’t fuel too expensive?

Kadeja, feat. DieZelle, Bike, single video, PZK, 2021

Treptow, Nachts auf dem Fahrrad [German heavy metal], single video, self, 2021
“On the bike at night in Berlin... There’s room for you on my luggage rack; I'll gladly take you anywhere. Who needs a taxi?”

IFHT fea. Matt Dennison, New Bike Day, single video, self, 2022
“Got kicked out, got fired; wanna do stuff but I’m too tired. At least my mother’s proud of me (no, she’s not). But it’s new bike day, and I can’t be broken... I get to ride. I might be broke and alone, but there’s rubber and chrome... I feel alive... Can’t afford to fix my car, but I got shiny handlebars.”

Mike Ständer Band, Fahrradfahrn [German], Zweites, self, 2022

Blondie & Iris Wallaschek, Mein Rotes Fahrrad [German, "My Red Bicycle”], single video, Chromatics Entertainment Studios, 2023

Alex & Lukas (A. Diosegi and L. Brennecke), Radlerhymne [German hip-hop, “Cycling Anthem”], Schiffbruch, self, 2024
“Leather saddle padding and the pedal crank made of gold! The chrome rims measure an impressive twenty-six inches. Yes, then annoy a few passers-by with your exhaust. Hey, we'll pass you if you look out at us while you're filling up.”

E-Aldi, Fahrrad-Punks Not Dead, single, self, 2024

Vielleicht Emma, (Ich und mein) Fahrrad, (Ich und mein) Fahrrad, self, 2024

Hanker Sane

“They say that, ‘Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.’ Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king. There's only one step down from here, baby. It’s called the land of permanent bliss. What’s a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?” Bob Dylan, Sweetheart Like You, Infidels, 1983

None can predict what might occur with certainty, though irrational behaviors often bring harm and ought to be avoided if possible. Don’t expect genius decisions from brains afflicted with dementia, parasites or syphilis. Legally and politically, ignorance is no excuse, but insanity does provide a lame defense. Madmen can be entertaining, about the only reason anyone nowadays acquires a name, evades blame, gains fame, or stakes a claim. One ought to hanker defining reality over sane washing absurdity. But as a criminal regime dawns, exemplary service in society’s interests secures yawns.

Andrew Wyeth (1930 to 2006) watercolor on board; artist is known for painting scenes from native Maine to Pennsylvania brimming with intense surrealism and magic realism.

“The truth knocks on the door and you say, ‘Go away, I’m looking for the truth.’ and so it goes away. Puzzling.” “When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called Religion.” Quality maniac Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (HarperCollins, 1974, 448 pp.), 50th anniversary

Before 2024 election, couldn’t get enough of Strike Force Five and their hilarious criticisms of sick cultists in diametric contrast, and sparkling wits such as John Stewart and Tim Miller (shown below in parent’s basement flanked by bicycle posters). Now they are too sad and tragically targeted to merit same attention. Entertainers and journalists who champion truths and expose lawmakers will always be the enemies of tyrants.

Compulsions to create authentic content instead spread fallacy pollution. You can read lies daily in salacious headlines drawing audiences to another dull presentation meant to meet deadlines. Social media uses artificial intelligence to score influence, and, since purchased by privileged immigrants, sift out disloyal or dissident participants. All you can legitimately do is avoid trolls, boycott nonsense, buy nothing, ignore clickbait, and resist despots. Meanwhile, the exact opposite coexists, modest titles fronting indispensable testimony, intangible religiosity, and nontaxable charity.

Robert Isenberg, Mile Markers (Last Picked Books, 2024, 220 pp.), “A bicycle isn’t just a piece of sports equipment or a fun hobby. It is the purest innovation, a tool of liberation, the antidote for a million human woes.”

Complex phenomena come from random insufficiencies. Situations greatly vary. Seldom does one size fit all. Ice Road truckers don’t benefit as much from bicycle transportation as crosstown office commuters. Bicycles are labor saving devices compared to walking, but not while hauling tonnage. Who wants to be forced arbitrarily to do something more difficult than necessary? Jacques Derrida warned of torturing poets on a Procrustean Bed which sacrifices context for conformity. Old farts who plot violence and proceed unhinged against those they swore to serve will themselves, “Be hoisted with their own petard,”poetic justice of ironic outcomes, unintended suicides during terrorist bombings, not to be confused with pittards, leather gloves that protect well until outdoor winter trips trigger frozen fingertips.

After a year in America that saw historic investment in bicycling infrastructure and reciprocal equipment purchases, you’d naturally expect books, films, and songs to acknowledge and celebrate, and a dozen sparked recognition. Never underestimate the power of visual stimuli to shape perceptions and sway behaviors. Pick for yourself which one promotes prudent conduct. 

Alcoholic divorcee Michael (Brian Stillar), known locally as Bike (Terrance Odette, dir., 2024), resorts to collecting bottles, raiding dumpsters, running errands, scrounging beers, and stealing bicycles. One assignment has him arduously messengering a mystery envelope up a steep escarpment. His one hope, to jumpstart a relationship with his teenage daughter, runs into a detour when he witnesses a drive-by shooting.

Camera Corner (Josh Weinberg, dir., 2024) documents Wende Cragg’s archive of thousands of photos of early mountain bikes and Marin County’s MTB community circa 1974.

In uplifting fact-based feature film Hard Miles (Daniel Hannah, dir., 2024), social worker Matthew Modine ushers juvenile delinquents serving soft sentences on an epic bicycle tour to Grand Canyon, aided by sag driver Cynthia Kaye McWilliams and wrench tech Sean Astin (Samwise Gamgee in LOTR). Everyone tumbles at least once on first attempt at using cleats.

Heretic (Bryan Woods and Scott Beck, dirs., 2024) follows Mormon sisters Barnes (Sophie Thatcher) and Paxton (Chloe East) blithely biking about, imposing their beliefs door to door, while seeking converts, until they arrive at the home of atheist psychopath Mr. Reed (Hugh Grant), lock up bikes, and shuffle indoors. Resembles empty promises and fraught visits on political campaigns. This grim film received 2 dozen award nominations.

Rebel Ridge (Jeremy Saulnier, dir., 2024) shows ex-special forces marine Terry Richmond (Aaron Pierre) run afoul of corrupt police in rural South. After they knock him off his mountain bicycle and confiscate cash with which he was planning to bail out his cousin, random Rambo mayhem commences.

Souleymane’s Story (Boris Lojkine, dir., 2024, in French) is portrayed by Abou Sangare, who delivers food in Paris by bicycle. To qualify for asylum, he must prepare an autobiography prior to a state inquiry. Was nominated for 10 awards and won 7.

Tess Parks - Some Days: The Bike Song From Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (Warner Bros. Pictures, Tim Burton, dir., 2024), “I don't like anything, but I love everyone some days... when the sun is out and good people are about it restores my faith.” Lydia Deetz’s psychic heir Astrid (Jenna Ortega) avoids colliding her bike with carelessly driven trucks but crashes through fence into the yard of Jeremy Frazier (Arthur Conti), who secretly designs her unsolicited destiny for his own expediency. Despicables dupe innocents, especially during elections. Living free is wondrous, withstanding afterlife monstrous. 

We Are Rock n Roll (Justin Balog, dir., 2024) is a documentary of the American Criterium Cup, a series of up to 10 races for points for purses totaling $500,000.

Bicycle Film Festival is currently and virtually presenting BFF Classics, short films previously introduced during its 25 year history, through 31 March 2025. There will also be physical exhibitions of new works at various global locations including Copenhagen.

Pandemic doctor Daniela Schwendener gets revitalized by gravel bicycling on her Days Off (Liam Higgins, dir., 2022), an overlooked short from a few years ago promoting Cotic Bikes shot on location in England’s Peak District National Park.

Project A (Jackie Chan, dir.,1983) casts himself as Sergeant Dragon Ma Yue Lung and performs in martial arts battles including a frenetic bicycle scene set in Hong Kong alleys. What’s the goal of that silly slapstick sound at every kick?

Patricia Taxxon, Big Wheel, Bicycle, self, 2024 - Rambling aural experiment eventually gets around to lyrics: "The big wheel in the sky, he arcs o’er miles and miles... We can see the whole town from up here, feel the wind sail past our ears, the whistling noise it makes, so frigid and so fierce.”

Blaine or Blane?

Likewise, Rene and Riley can be either female or male names, but blaine means lean and blane means curiously yellow, summoning a slew of references including para-cycling World Championship and World Record Holder Blaine Hunt and indomitable spirit of late Swedish bicycling actress Lena Nyman. Any individual can sexually identify as either or neither with pride and without your permission. All have a right to choice in lifestyle matters... effeminate adverbs, nuance of nouns, pit of gender pronouns be damned. Homosexuality was legalized in catholic majority cycling crazed France during 18th Century. Ancient cultures included and other creatures still behave bisexually. Major contributors to culture and science throughout history were gay. Bible Old Testament disapproved in passing, so it’s been around forever, not a recent liberal invention. 

Private crimes and public behaviors do warrant scrutiny, especially among those who falsify records to hoodwink voters about amoral acts while promising cult followers to rob opponents, queers, transgenders, and women of their basic rights. Ways laws are enforced, indictments processed, and sentences given are infrequent and random; GOP is not hiring police or prosecutors, instead increasing tax cuts that would pay for both. Their Plan 2025 would reduce LGBTQIA+ to a subhuman species by recognizing only hetero gender from birth, among a series of nazi mandates excluding and persecuting everyone except white Trump loyalists.

Rebellious beatnik counterculture? Don’t confuse mid-1960’s protesters with flower power hippies, though some did cross over. Hippies hated violence visited upon vulnerable individuals, so banded together as a bulwark against brutality. Being apolitical, they evaded authorities, whose main interest was and will always be seizing power, which those disaffected didn’t threaten, and loathed personal responsibilities by dropping out and suspending resistance. Valuing freedom, kindness and peace blinded them to consequences of empty promises and false prophets. Without 20 million drifting parasites (one quarter of voter turnout nationally at the time) begging for scraps, drowning in drugs, forgiving political corruption, and retreating from confrontation, minority rule by cruel plutocrats never would have emerged from the cesspool of nation’s worst depravity and horror, cavernous greed hidden behind evangelical conservatism. Can’t dominate, enslave, or oppress without both mind control and unimaginable wealth.

As previously cited, some say MAGA slogan was lifted from a 1929 Mussolini speech, “...fellow citizens who are working to make America great,” but that would require study into history, something cult would rather purge than read. Melania since let it slip that Don directly plagiarized a Michelle Obama speech. Nevertheless, it’s really a law firm acronym that stands for Mammon, Abaddon, Grimoire & Astaroth, the demons who represent respectively temptations, mischief, powers, and false accusations. Indeed, it’s among those spiritually minded that evil incarnate casts his vile net; deplorable and willing transgressors are already legion.

RINOs are all in for Trump, a sociopath convicted of fraud and rape, further accused of espionage, extortion, money laundering, racketeering, and tax evasion; he only got into office because enough independents bought this babbling celebrity and his biased bullpucky. Depending upon when and who you ask, only 25% of voters affiliate with GOP, 33% affiliate with Democrats, while 36% are independents, fools who stand aloof without any representation, then feel neglected and get angry through their own fault. You get the service you pay for, which, in their case, is none. If you didn’t thrive on whatever Washington delivered over last 20 years before Biden, blame Boehner, Bush, GOP, McConnell, and Trump, since they either controlled presidency or senate throughout, thus instigated all these discredited and disreputable policies, and Independents for their lack of organized opposition.

Liberals demand democracy now; lowbrow conservatives own the franchise on hypocrisy. Wow! Americans aren’t free to do whatever they want, only what’s legal and responsible. Majority wants to preserve constitutional rights and pursue happiness. Conservatives want freedoms to commit crimes with impunity, enslave or imprison everyone else accusing them of what they do themselves. MAGA describes itself as anti-fascist, anti-regulation, Christian righteous, constitution preserving, law abiding, national patriotic, pro-life, public inclusive, and radically progressive when it’s exactly the opposite: criminal, false, homophobic, misogynistic, noninclusive, racist, reactionary, selfish, unconstitutional, and xenophobic. Few immigrants are as purely rotten as home grown offenders. Fox and Newsmax went mental when Obama saluted with a coffee cup in same hand and wore a tan suit; now they are doing damage control over their candidate’s civil and criminal convictions acting as if that’s no scandal at all. Double standards this bizarre and blatant just can’t be borne, though much has already been discussed as a source of entertainment rather than extreme threat beyond reckoning, because nobody can stand considering so serious a topic.

Americans don’t need jingoism and populism, humping Old Glory and repeating hollow slogans, nor self styled patriots who rebel without cause based on false flags from seditionist media. Politicians who feed upon fear and pride and promise results that only congress can deliver are big liars and fat phonies unworthy of your vote, one of citizens’ few controls over government. Unhappy with how things are? Be heard through a ballot for candidates free of fraud convictions, not hucksters likely lying to you.

Labann learned a lot, but no one mind can encompass all facts; takes humankind as a whole and scientific consensus. However, majority lacks the necessary foresight and willpower to forge forward. After plenty of analysis yielded useful insight, next steps should have been planning ahead and taking action. But folks rather ask a family member or friend on how to decide instead of applying logic, laboriously remembering, studying anew, and thinking through.

Neither diligent study nor rote repetition leads to omniscience, only direct revelation. Prophecy comes from dreams and meditations that expose subliminal input from a cornucopia of connections and decades of experiences stewed in unconscious undercurrents. Why not read more nonfiction? But deep text dives into conflicting data will always be intolerably uncomfortable for vast majority. Anyone clever can access all sorts of amusing tidbits and audience reactions to late night comedy sketches. Rather than of staying up to watch them live, studying while sober makes more sense. Bicycling and thinking require a reasonable night’s sleep.

Pointed out transportation alternatives for decades. Now millions of newbies have discovered bicycling for themselves and repeated same discoveries. Once reposted bike authors and their titles when few were to be found; now there are just too many to recount. Commercial websites do a better job than a casual blog at recommending more. Quod Erat Demonstrandum (abbreviated as Q.E.D.) is a Latin phrase that means literally "that which was to be demonstrated.” In normal English, this means, "Thus it is proven.” Mike drop!

Recently passed NBA hall-of-famer Bill Walton and Bjarne Rostaing, Bill Walton’s Total Book of Bicycling (Bantam, 1985, 367 pp.) enthusiastically covers bicycle types, cycling apparel, equipment maintenance, long history, physical fitness, racing lore, safety precautions, and touring strategies.

Daniel Shea and Jeremy Withers, Culture on Two Wheels: The Bicycle in Literature and Film (University of Nebraska Press, 2016, 376 pp.) collects 16 relevant essays.

Frank Angelo Cavaluzzi, Standing Cyclist: Flirting with Wisdom, One Breath, One Mile at a Time (ThirtyThree45 Media Group; 2016, 296 pp.)

Gestalten [editors] and Martijn Doolaard, One Year on a Bike: From Amsterdam to Singapore (Gestalten, 2017, 368 pp.)

Gestalten [editors] and Martijn Doolaard, Two Years On A Bike: From Vancouver to Patagonia (Gestalten, 2021. 416 pp.)

Gestalten [editors], Velo City (Gestalten, 2016, 256 pp.)

Eighty years after D-Day, facts have emerged on the role of bicycling resistance preparing for an Allied Invasion to free Europe from Nazi tyranny, as covered by “vélosophe" Guillaume Martin’s books and podcast through Radiofrance.

Guillaume Martin, Socrates by bike (Grasset, 2020)
Guillaume Martin, The company of the peloton. Philosophy of the individual in the group (Grasset, 2021)

Martin’s source bibliography includes:
Bernard Chambaz, Little philosophy of cycling, Flammarion, coll (Flammarion, 2019, 130 pp.)
Bernard Andrieu, International Vocabulary of Sports Philosophy, 2 volumes (L’Harmattan, 2015)
Philippe Hassler, Louison (theatre, 2021, 1 hour)


Jody Rosen, Two Wheels Good: The History and Mystery of the Bicycle (Crown, 2022, 417 pp.): “The bicycle in the nineteenth century was a marvel; in today’s formulation, it is moral. It was enchanted; now it’s enlightened. Bicycles are great - but, more to the point, bicycles are good... the bicycle’s relationship to progressivism and radicalism is grounded in history... Hitler’s first acts upon assuming power, in 1933, was to smash Germany’s cycling union... confiscated bicycles from the local populations. To a repressive regime... the bicycle was a menace, a device that could be used by dissenters to sneak up and speed off, to organize and mobilize and elude.”

Ole Wagner and Shonquis Moreno, edited by Robert Klanten and Sven Ehmann, Velo: Bicycle Culture and Design (Gestalten, 2010, 235 pp.)

Paul Smethurst, The Bicycle: Towards a Global History (Palgrave Macmillan, 2015, 208 pp.)

Stephen Fabes, Signs of Life: A Doctor's Journey to the Ends Of The Earth (Pegasus Books, 2020, 408 pp.); physician Fabes gave up a practice to tour world by bicycle, then discovered how medical histories don’t exceed life stories.

Sven Ehmann, Velo - 2nd Gear and Velo - 3rd Gear, Bicycle Culture and Style (Gestalten, 2013 and 2016, 256 pp. each)

Tree Abraham, Cyclettes (The Unnamed Press, 2022, 224 pp.) offers a millennial’s first take on freedom and stillness in motion.

“The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets,” opined essayist, journalist, novelist and poet Christopher Morley (d. 1957), long before automotive paradigm and urban rap trampled such sentiments.

Escapades on the "D" train

“We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it, and Louise holds a handful of rain, temptin' you to defy it... In the empty lot where the ladies play blindman's bluff with the key chain. And the all-night girls they whisper of escapades out on the "D" train... The ghost of ’lectricity howls in the bones of her face where these visions of Johanna have now taken my place. And Madonna, she still has not showed... We see this empty cage now corrode... while my conscience explodes. The harmonicas play the skeleton keys and the rain. And these Visions of Johanna are now all that remain.“ Nobel Laureate Bob Dylan, from album Blonde on Blonde, 1966 vs. "Bicycle (oil on canvas)", Bob Dylan, 2012

Orange Bullet D Sixth Avenue Express once served stricken World Trade Centers en route between Bronx and Brooklyn's Coney Island. Escapades make one think of overreachers and terrorists. Why did Oppenheimer call A-bomb research The Manhattan Project? Because most sites involved were secretly located there, splitting atoms with millions of residents none the wiser. In classic obsessive compulsion he quoted Hindu scripture, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” Film of same name (Marshall Brickman, dir., 1989) has smart cyclist Paul Stephens (Christopher Collet) steal plutonium from industrial tycoon John Mathewson (John Lithgow) to expose his company as a covert danger to surrounding community, whereupon he makes his own thermonuclear weapon that inadvertently almost takes out much of The Big Apple. All concerned join as a team to defuse it, while innocents unknowingly dodge instant death. After Sartre, being stranded by existential threats, biological to technological, has become the new “normalcy”.

Earth Day (April 22nd) and Mother’s Day (May 9th) evoke Earth-goddess Gaia offerings, Fugian Granny Mazu pilgrimages, Greek Cybele cult sacrifices, Laetare Sunday when Roman Catholics celebrate Mother Church, mother goddess Rhea rites, ode to a barefoot and biased madonna, Roman Hilaria festival, Semite Asherah adherence, Sun Goddess Amaterasu rituals, Taino Atabey admiration, Taoist Doumu adoration, and worship of queens of heaven Anat, Astarte, Inanna, Hera, Isis, Juno, Mary and Nut. All are tied to blossoming springtime, natural rejuvenation, and respect for life. But you get the feeling that however humans, even Shinto mountain ascetics, venerate them, these goddesses and saints don’t necessarily reciprocate, in fact, would rather wipe species off planet after multiple manmade threats of atmospheric pollution, fossil fumes, industrial toxins, nuclear weapons, ocean garbage, and prophesies of a hard rain delivered by Bob’s nasal twang when poetry used to matter.

B&C is 180° opposed to any anti-intellect, cancel culture, dumb down descent into global ignorance. Labann daily observes, reads, views or writes. Recent research indicates that sitting too close to computer screens and watching too many media streams can cause seizures or worse. Yet scholarly books encourage more of same; at least B&C preaches a balance between pedaling and viewing. Holidays might even inspire a ride if weather doesn't decide otherwise.

Culture on Two Wheels: The Bicycle in Literature and Film, literary criticism compiled by Jeremy Withers and Daniel P. Shea (University of Nebraska Press, 2016, 376 pp.), includes Nanci J. Adler’s insightful essay The Existential Cyclist: Bicycles and Personal Responsibility in Simone de Beauvoir’s Blood of Others, among dozens directly related to bicycling culture. Elsewhere, Adler explains how bicycles evolved into antifascist armament:
“Existential, absurdist and postmodern philosophers and writers of the era... questioned pre-war cultural values and the meaning of existence. Bicycles continue to appear in novels as transformative vehicles, but they no longer play the straightforward role as vehicles of liberation from the constraints of cultural mores, gender restrictions or social hierarchies. Bicycles often continue to be symbols of freedom, happiness and love, but they lose their irrefutable power to transform characters in permanently positive ways... Flann O’Brien’s The Third Policeman, Simone de Beauvoir’s The Blood of Others, Luigi Bartolini’s Bicycle Thieves, Samuel Beckett’s Molloy and L. P. Hartley’s The Go-Between, reflect bicycles as beloved articles, useful vehicles, and potentially positive transformative machines, yet they are unable to overcome the disquieting times; bicyclists are no longer destined for eternal happiness... [for Beauvoir] the bicycle is used to differentiate the hardships of the French from the relative affluence of the Nazis... The bicycle machine, in previous decades a symbol of modernity and personal freedom, takes on a more solemn role as a machine of the French Resistance.” Nanci J. Adler, The Bicycle in Western Literature: Transformations on Two Wheels, 2012

“The bicycle was still there, brand new, with its pale-blue frame and its plated handlebars which sparkled against the dull stone of the wall. It was so lissome, so slender, that even when not in use it seemed to cut through the air. Hélène had never seen such an elegant bicycle. ‘’I’ll repaint it dark green, it’ll be even more beautiful,’ she thought.” Simone de Beauvoir, The Blood of Others, 1945, which explores themes of freedom and responsibility, as B&C continues to.

You know Nazis by what they do: Berate, boss, command, demand, denigrate, force, grab, hate, lie, and lots of people die or suffer. The opposite is whoever calmly encourages, leaves be, merely suggests, offers help, shares wealth, and tolerates differences. Everyone has opinions which guide personal code. Nazis will kill if you don’t meekly submit to their sick will. Nazis are divisive, greedy and stupid, because intelligent people know that they do better when everyone does well. Nazis scream continually, irrelevantly of current situation, and unintelligibly. People who tell you facts and truths never change their story and seldom repeat themselves. Let-live losers sort through details to suggest stuff worthy of your time above ground.

Father and Daughter (Michael Dudok de Wit, dir., 2000) poignantly captures a person’s grief over loss and longing to be reunited. After father abandons daughter during their bicycling outing, she spends entire life revisiting spot on a Dutch dike, where throughout each character rides on a bike. Deservedly won BAFTA award and Oscar for best animated short.

Police sergeant John McLoughlin (Nicolas Cage) races his Bronco past a Big Apple bicyclist running errands to site of World Trade Center (Oliver Stone, dir., 2006) disaster, where he'll wind up trapped under rubble with fellow officer Will Jimeno (Michael Peña) for trying to evacuate towers and save lives 20 years ago this September. Bottom line: This jihadist suicide salvo against an international commodity exchange was sheer ignorance that targeted democratic freedoms, more muslims and people of color from 87 different nations than America, and system of commerce that feeds world. It purported to use technology to strike against technology, but turned out a vicious attack upon humanity itself. And never forget, Bush and conservatives tried to exploit this holocaust by describing it as a "test of our will" to continue pursuing illegal wars for sake of greedy swells, while it's never been clear who was really responsible. With no help from GOP, decent citizens, firemen, and police answered the call to duty.

An Irish fisherman named Syracuse (Colin Farrell) trawls up a foreign woman (Alicja Bachleda-Curuś) in his net. Astonished she’s not drowned, he asks her name, Ondine (Neil Jordan, dir., 2009). Syracuse, whom townsfolk call Circus, is a divorced recovering alcoholic who has visiting privileges but not custody of his daughter Annie (Alison Barry), whose kidneys are failing. After dialysis in her wheelchair she stalks dad and stumbles onto fact he’s hiding this mysterious beauty. Annie imagines Ondine is a selkie, a mythical chimera seal turned human. Mean kids on bikes take her wheelchair and taunt her for being different, but she’s wise beyond her tender age, because love conquers all.

In post-apocalyptic Montana, bounty hunter Gage (Gina Carano) hunts criminals who refuse to give up fossil fuel vehicles, considered the worst of offenses, and infiltrates Jackson’s (Ryan Robbins) belcher crew for both offered reward and personal vengeance. Jackson captures pilgrims to mine silver, a crucial commodity for ubiquitous masks that filter otherwise unbreathable toxic smog on a Scorched Earth (Peter Howitt, dir., 2014). Bicyclists escort pilgrims, but also get scorched. Those who ride horses fare better; how ponies breath isn’t explained.

Television sitcom Mom (Season 2, Episode 22) Fun Girl Stuff and Eternal Salvation (James Widdoes, dir., 2014) has mom Bonnie Plunkett (Allison Janney) by bicycle chasing daughter Christy (Anna Faris) from flop to flop after she moves out to avoid their toxic interaction that threatens both their relapses into substance abuse.

Fathers and Daughters (Gabriele Muccino, dir., 2015) has novelist Jake Davis (Russel Crowe) tell his daughter Katie (Kylie Rogers as child, Amanda Seyfried as adult), “Daddy sold a book today... That means you can have any toy on the planet.” She replies, “I want a bike! Pink with a basket and bells and streamers dangling from the handlebars...” So he buys her one and teaches her to ride in the park. Later they ride together on her birthday. Rest of film documents Katie’s traumas over tear jerker childhood: car crash, custody battle, fatal seizure, parents’ untimely deaths, separation anxiety, shadow of fame, and trust issues.

Microbe & Gasoline (Michel Gondry, dir., 2015) are nicknames bullies call school chums Daniel the artist (Ange Dargent) and Théo the grease monkey (Theophile Baquet), respectively. Theo rides around school on a bicycle tricked out with a sound system of his own design. Daniel’s caring but depressive mom Marie-Thérèse (Audrey Tautou, Amelie, The Da Vinci Code) and Theo’s dying and needy mom (Janna Bittnerova) give their adolescents cause to try crossing France in an inventive vehicle that can, with the flip of a lever, appear as a tiny house. Being underage, they can neither get driver licenses or register a motor vehicle, so stop when police happen by and transform to stationary. Theo regrets his mother’s death during his jaunt and returns to attend funeral.

Midsomer Murders, Breaking the Chain (Season 18, Episode 3, 2016), has DCI Barnaby (Neil Dudgeon) investigating homicide of pro cyclist Greg Eddon (Jack Staddon), who just won local leg and was leading tour. Plot thickens when it's disclosed that 5 years earlier Judith Oliver was accidentally run over by a motor vehicle while leading tourists along a side road supposedly blocked off for bike racing. Then rival Aiden McCordell is struck on the head with a chain whip, and his lungs were pumped with a high-pressure air compressor, rupturing them. Police finally act to save dad McCordell thereby ending the killing spree.

The Philadelphia Bicycle Vignette Story (Bryan Oliver Green, dir., 2017) is a socially scathing surreal series of short skits on title city around 2009. Marcus Borton plays the cyclist. Charlie Day and Rob “Mac” McElhenney of sitcom It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Season 13, Episode 5) keep up their unfunny putdowns of pedaling on a pair of stolen BMXs. Again, bullies are kids on bikes.

Adam Sandler is back to biking in latest film Hubie Halloween (Steven Brill, dir., 2020), where his character, town idiot Hubie DuBois, tries to save citizens of Salem from real skullduggery hidden behind holiday festivities.

SciFi thriller Songbird (Adam Mason, dir., 2021) set in near future speculates billions will die from highly contagious airborne variant COVID-23. Protagonist is a bicycle messenger, who is immune, so able to roam freely except through check points. Haven’t seen, but suspect poor ratings and weak returns are more due to people’s frustration with pandemic and suspicion over situational exploitation and theater attendance. Sure, it’s no Twelve Monkeys, in which Terry Gilliam totally predicted this predicament 25 years ago, but willing to give it 90 minutes after seeing hundreds of low budget turkeys that may have been worse.

Starz original series Men in Kilts: A Roadtrip with Sam and Graham (Episode 106, 2021) have title pair touring native Scotland by air, land and sea, partly by bicycles, to which one grumbles, “I cannot believe that this was your idea of a good time.” 

Suspect Tramontane

Looking for redemption from a cycling obsession and stumbling through a universe two-wheeled, you never know what will be revealed, sometimes resembling a suspicious blast of northerly wind from Alps that brings disease and excises convenience. Reserve right to refuse any mention, though exclusion has never been Labann's intention.

Called out, woke, then canceled: Practically describes how society dealt with Labann specifically. How do distaff cousins, mistreated mothers, and significant others organize during a pandemic to counter crooked officials, misogynists, nazis, patriarchs, and whoever else wants to overturn hard won civic rights? Make no mistake, what’s at stake are common sense, licensed licentiousness, power lust, privileged status, treasury rape, wealth dominance, and world influence. So no big deal, and not cancel culture, to skip extraneous references, so songs that actually capture culture can inspire independence, as do the following two baker’s dozens.

Eek a Mouse, aka Ripton Joseph Hylton, Peeni Walli [Jamaican reggae], Peeni Walli EP, Gorgon Records, 1983
“Riding on my bicycle got knocked down by a motorcycle in front of a motor vehicle. Luckily, I was Jah Jah disciple. I lay on the ground. I was so injured... did not know what to do... Yeah, man! When the bike really hit me I see stars and peeni walli [fireflies]. Beddameng [akin to Valetudinarian]! Pain all over me, me tink [sic] me get shocked by electricity... Crowd gather around like it was a funeral, ‘ey! Some say it accidental.”

Robert Palmer, Pride, Pride, Island Records, 1983
Addressing a body building obsessed girlfriend, “Roller skates and vitamins and diet plans, academic discipline will ruin your hands. We used to ride tandem and have lots of fun, but bicycles for exercise are made for one.” Perhaps the late pop artist, often surrounded by supermodels, might have lived into his sixties with own spin regimen.

Josh Rouse, Sweetie, Country Mouse City House, Bedroom Classics, 2007
“Life in circles and we dream of some place to go. [Chorus] We’ll sleep on roof tops. We’ll ride on bicycles. Baby, we'll get married. Don’t you want to, Sweetie?”

Jonathan Mann, Song #121: To: Sarah and Mike From: Meredith and Adam re: Sorry about your bikes, Song a Day: Year One, self, 2009

Jonathan Mann, Song #203: Bike Love, Song a Day: Year One, self, 2009

Jonathan Mann, Song 249: Bicycle Blvd., Song a Day: Year One, self, 2009

Jonathan Mann, Song #280: Hey Mr. Bike Thief, Song a Day: Year One, self, 2009

J Prozac, A Boy and His Bike, Here Is My Heart, self, 2013

Julian Bach, Ride [South African], Man on The Bicycle, self, 2013
“We’ll ride into the source of the night... into forever where nobody has ever gone.”

Julian Bach, Man on The Bicycle [South African], Man on The Bicycle, self, 2013
“Man on the bicycle now rides a luxury car miles away from his bicycle... Come back to your roots.... Get your bike into gear.”

Kids On Bikes, A Boy Needs A Bike, Transference EP, self, 2014

Me for Queen (Mary Erskine), Bike With No Name, Iron Horse, self, 2014

Me for Queen (Mary Erskine), Freewheel, Iron Horse, self, 2014

Me for Queen (Mary Erskine), Traffic Light Crush, Iron Horse, self, 2014

Me for Queen (Mary Erskine), Wheelie, Iron Horse, self, 2014

Me for Queen (Mary Erskine), White Bike, Iron Horse, self, 2014
The Guardian said, “Iron Horse: an album [crowdfunded] inspired by cycling in the city will give 5% of all sales to RoadPeace, a UK charity for road crash victims, and 20% of anything over its target.”

Owen Pallett, Soldier’s Rock [Seattle indie], In Conflict, Domino, 2014
Interesting dissonant use of lead violin. “Out on a bicycle a reflection left behind, behind. The desires of your daughters they will never be defined, defined. Wild pedal wild energized by the stolen vodka and triple-sec. Wheels spurting up the flecks of mud on your blue jeans and your turtleneck. I'm out on a bicycle feeling God is on my side. My mother didn't believe in discipline or the unconscious mind... Somewhere between the road and the ever-darkening sky, ooh, the greediness of our hearts will not be satisfied.”

Alexander & Joanna Forbes L’Estrange, fea. Dan Moriyama (piano), A Woman Wearing Bloomers on a Wheel, single/video, Andagio, 2015

“There’s nothing quite as splendid as a bloomer; for riding bicycles they’re perfectly ideal.” And while they’re at it, organizing with suffragist Emmeline Pankhurst to force men to let them cast ballots. After 150 years of women citizens exercising their born right to vote, begun in State of Wyoming, and 100th anniversary of the ratification of Nineteenth Amendment, none of all those specious objections against manifested. In fact, quite the opposite, enfranchised women actively and successfully fought fascism during WWII. These days, either gender is just as apt to vote foolishly or wisely. State of Georgia’s Republican Governor Brian Kemp has again disenfranchised blacks and women with vicious new Jim Crow laws based upon the Big Lie, despite Trump’s actively and illegally trying to distort results there, and due to Rudy Giuiani’s false claims of a stolen election. As the minority party, GOP knows it has to resort to electoral redistricting, exclusionary ballots, low turnout, and restrictive measures to creep into office and only represent privileged creeps including themselves. Such an outrage should never be tolerated, and those who try ought to be recalled or voted out.

Hip-Hope Buster, À bicyclette [French], single, self, 2015
Hip hop homage to old Yves Montand song.

Slabs, Brian Pulva [space jazz], Ballena Solitaria, self, 2015
“That man, the man with a beard, in a skirt, on a bicycle... Lumbering internal combustion. Wildering images distinct from, lumbering internal combustion. Slabs form in tarmac. Smog is scattered. And in the dust all our friends will rot.”

Jackal & the Wind, Finding Home, Finding Home, CD Baby, 2017
Concludes with, “A bicycle with nowhere to go. I’m on my bicycle, and I can’t find home.”

David Haerle, Glendale, Garden Of Edendale, Edendale Records, 2018
“Well, I had, had a love, and she lived there way up high above Kenneth Road, and I rode, yeah, my bicycle there, and she showed me how it felt to feel like a man, a man in love with a girl and with the whole wide world. In Glendale it all began.”

Geotic, Swiss Bicycle [electronica instr.], Traversa, self, 2018

Ghost Suns, Cards on a Bicycle [English synth], single, Fierce Panda Records, 2018
“Something like a new machine ready to be turned on... It’s been a long time since I’ve been down on this road... Cards on a bicycle marking time and space, keep moving forward, never looking back.”

Hawksley Workman, Italy [Canadian], Median Age Wasteland, Isadora Records, 2019
“Bicycle, bicycle, bicycle days. Riding through the hayfields, riding through the haze, just giving into summer, giving yourself away. We never came here looking to dispel any notions, looking to mop up any oceans. but just to see the sun upon your face.”

Kamuflauge, Bicycle [reggae], single/video, 2186113 Records DK, 2020

Ides Marchpane?

(Kim) Chung Ha, Bicycle [Korean], Querencia, Genie Music, 2021 

Messages might not be timely, and time plays tricks on memory. Labann scratches his head on why Richard Ballantine (1940-2013), American scion of Bantam Books publishing family, author of Richard’s Bicycle Book (aka “the bike-shed bible” from a half century ago, 1972) followed by 7 other cycling-centric titles (millions sold), and founder of Bicycle Magazine, has been forgotten. From early recognition of 1970’s bike boom, exposés of automotive greed, practical advice on buying and owning not just bikes but in general human powered vehicles, and protests against Vietnam War, wouldn’t be surprised his works were actively suppressed. Could explain why he mostly resided in London, where he kick started mountain biking by importing England’s first 20 units of Ritchey Montares. Ironically, when you google his name, you find dead twenty-year-old Marine PFC Richard Ballantine on Vietnam Veterans Wall of Faces, but not so much about this eccentric but influential cycling advocate, who gradually grew to understand how bicyclists are reluctant warriors against a vicious paradigm fueled by blood and petroleum.

For the first Earth Day, April 22, 1970, ecology aware San Jose State College students bought a brand new Ford Maverick, disrespected it in a mock parade, then buried it on campus. After Ralph Nader, people began to see cars as counterproductive to human survival. Still under attack 5 decades later, environment received a chance for justice after post-election policy reversals. Had to expect that fighting for planet’s sake would be controversial. They say the first casualty of war is truth, though soldiers whose lives are on the line don’t buy it.

While Biden promises a new round of bicycling infrastructure projects, he also intends to create a million new stateside automaker jobs. Reliance on obsolete, unsustainable mono-industry makes little sense in long run, whereas grants and rewards for positive innovations and practical inventions do. Yet elite pols heavily invested in EPVs, solar and wind rile neocon wonks. Cars and computers are no longer such necessities; climate, energy, food, housing, potable water, and vaccines remain biggest challenges to survival, especially if your policies do nothing to mitigate motor vehicles, which remain world’s biggest threat to all when you take wars for oil and wastes collectively into account.

Texas shut down in February with widespread suffering after decades of oil production caused climate change that affected jet stream and drew a polar vortex to freeze them, while regulators neglected to foresee and plan a suitable contingency. Texas is the only US state that privatized its electric grid, shuffling contract to insiders, all of whom have been fired or chosen to resign. So typical: Suck millions in obligatory taxes, then stick payers with consequences, so you can abscond to relax in tropical luxury. Global warming poses yet another threat, howling, punishing winds; never before saw so many rogue gales that menace bicyclists more than most. Regular people are forced to hunker down and read by candlelight, or computer screens, if lucky enough to still have service. In aftermath of catastrophe and contagion, some bake sourdough bread, sculpt marchpane whimsies for guests who weren’t invited, or solve crossword puzzles while sensing a García’s Márquez’s moment of love, plague, solitude, and yearning.

Busy online in advance of Earth Day 2021, collected 5 dozen previously unlisted bicycling songs from all over the globe, posted below (in order by year of release), many thanks to Alex Chang, who has been continually updating a Youtube channel that has reached 200+ videos from widespread sources and years, including Finland and Russia. Also updated definitive spreadsheet linked on Wikipedia, which, while impossible to ever be comprehensive, does contain more vetted non-covers than any other list on planet, about 2,150.

Cal Stewart, Uncle Josh on a bicycle [spoken word], single, Berliner, 1899

Cal Stewart, Uncle Josh Weathersby on a bicycle [spoken word], single, Victor, 1901
Comedy from over a century ago viciously attacked cycling for its impracticality. For decades dozens of different but similar versions were recorded. Joke’s on Josh, because bicycling got better and safer, and four times as many go by bike as by car.

Orquesta Tropical, Mi Amor En Bicicleta [one-step dance instrumental,”My Love on a bicycle”], single, Victor, 1924

Earl Rouse & Brothers, Pedal Your Blues Away [c&w, 1936], John’s Old Time Radio Show, East River Records, 2015
Apparently R Crumb with Cheap Suit Serenader’s weren’t song’s originators, as this recent rerelease points out.

Six Hits and a Miss with Gordon Jenkins Orchestra, Two on a Bike, single, b-side of Bye Bye Blackbird, Capitol Records, 1943
Composed by Gene de Paul with lyrics by Don Raye, was included in soundtrack of Hi’Ya Chum (Harold Young, dir., 1943).

Silvana Pampanini, Ma dove vai bellezza in bicicletta [Italian], Beauties on a Bicycle [soundtrack], EDIC, 1951
From 70 years ago, this farce about chorus girls on a mixed modal road trip stars Pampanini, who sings title song, “But where are you going, beauty, by bicycle? Do not be in a hurry, stay a little on my heart. Leave the bike, give me your kisses...”

Freddie Sandy, The Bicycle Song, single, [unknown label and date]
Cover of Max Miller’s Let’s Have a Ride on Your Bicycle (1953) rife with sexual harassment and innuendo, probably comes from early 1960’s. “I said, my dear, if there’s nobody near, I’d like a ride on your bike... After the ride I began to perspire. It wasn’t the ride; I’d been pumping her tyre.”

Brita & Eikka, Polkupyörä [Finnish, juvenile, “Bicycle”], Brita ja Eikka laulavat lapsille, Scandia, 1960
Sung to Freddy Quinn tune Oh, My Darling Clementine, “We borrowed a bicycle... I pedal, you control, as a dance journey goes, to Grandma when we cycle the skyscraper is not visible... After a bike ride to grandma, I put the bike behind the barn next to the wall to sleep...”

The Rolling Stones, Something Happened to Me Yesterday, Between the Buttons, Decca, 1967
At end of trippy album closing tune, Mick Jagger says, ”So if you're out tonight, don't forget, if you're on your bike, wear white. Evening, all.” Album was one of their top sellers.

Jean Saint-Paul, Vas-Y Eddy [Belgian, “C’mon Eddy (Merckx)”], single 7", Phillips Records, 1967
Notable for being the first recorded song about Merckx, it’s partisan praise for nation’s biggest bicycling champion and most famous citizen.

Singing Guitars, aka Поющие гитары, Песенка велосипедистов [Russian rock, “Cyclist’s Song”], single/video, Мелодия [“Melody” label], 1969
“It was difficult for a man ten thousand years ago. He walked to the pharmacy, to work, to the zoo. He didn't know the bike, blindly believed in miracles. Because I have not tasted all the virtues of the wheel... Sit down and just press the pedal. And now in this world everyone is romping somewhere. Adults and children are riding to work, to the zoo. They go to the bathhouse and the pharmacy. They’re going to my mother-in-law for lunch.”

Wachauer Buam, Ja mir san mit'm Radl da [Austrian beer hall polka], “Yeah, we are here by bike”], single, Philips, 1971
“... two cavaliers, they’re going to the country party. You expect a Porsche, chrome-painted and super fine. But suddenly the boys hear it screaming from afar: ‘Yes, I'm there with my bike; yes, I'm there with my bike!’”

Peter Hinnen, Mir sind mit em Velo [Swiss-German, “I’m on my bike”], single, self 1973

Christoph Busse, Fahrradsong, Sesam, Öffne Dich! (Mit Liedern Aus Der Sesamstraße)[‘Open Sesame! (With Songs from Sesame Street)”], Fontana, 1976
Ripoff of Neil Young’s tune After the Gold Rush (1970) with own lyrics, supposedly aimed at juvenile listeners.

Marcos Valle, Bicicleta [Brazilian funk], single, Som Livre, 1984

Sahnie (Hans Runge), Fahrrad fahr’n [German], Erste Sahne, EMI, 1989 “I have an old bike, just like I need it. It's beautiful and environmentally friendly too! I'm riding a bike, my old rattling bike. I'll get new rims made of light metal and chrome.” An aside, Runge is also a bespoke state-of-the-arts super-fast car brand, whereas Rudge was a British bikemaker, like Humber, swallowed by Raleigh.

Jason Wang, Bike, Wang Shixian Sings Old Chinese Songs 4, Sinuo Beite/Sony, 1990

Rick Reed & The Ethereal Bastards, Dr. Hoffman's Million Year Bike Ride [eam], single/video, self, 1990 

Bottlecap, The Bicycle Song, single, Tummy Button Cassingles, 1994

cLOUDDEAD, Bike 2, cLOUDDEAD, Mush/Bigda, 2001

cLOUDDEAD, Physics of a Bicycle, The Peel Session, self, 2001

cLOUDDEAD, Physics of a Unicycle, Ten, self, 2003
Used to think these four, including Bike 1 previously listed, were all the same under a different name. Once posted to Youtube, got to actually hear, and they are not, though that hardly matters given unintelligible content.

Eason Chan, 單車 [Chinese, “Bicycle’], Shall We Dance? Shall We Talk?, Emperor Entertainment Group/EEG Music, 2001

Juice Leskinen, Einarin polkupyörä [Finnish, “Einar’s Bicycle”], Juice Leskinen & Coitus Int, Love Records, 2003 rerelease bonus track
Lyrics describe finding a rusty bike under a barn, and riding it to a bar for beer and fallen angels.

Egotrippi, Polkupyörälaulu [Finnish, “Bicycle Song”], Matkustaja [“Passenger”], Zen Garden, 2003
“On your bike from the top of the hill, if you pedal really hard and don’t use the brakes, you can get into town in half an hour... Temptations in every direction. The wheels spin at a steady pace. I guess the bills go unpaid. How can it be possible... that all his money can be wasted... down to the last penny together in a record store. You can waste all your money down to the last penny with a good conscience.”

Bergelheim, Ich fahr Fahrrad [German indie, “I Ride a Bicycle”], Neuer Deutscher Pop - Aufnahmezustand 5 [compilation], XYX Music, 2006
“Only ride a bicycle and do what makes you happy.”

Holy Crow, The Bicycle Song, single/video, self, 2008

The Wonder Years, An Elegy For Baby Blue [indie punk], Won't Be Pathetic Forever EP, Hopeless Records, 2008
Anguish about bike being stolen: “It's like the world stopped revolving in the absence of you...Nothing about you but your wheel's been anything but true. Come on, man. You've been a good friend. I had that dream where we found you again... We didn't stand a chance. It broke my heart to watch them ride you down Mifflin. Sometimes, at night, I swear I hear you screaming, ‘No! No! Don't let me go...’ Dylan was right because it's all over now, Baby Blue... We're never (never) getting caught again. So, if you see them, tell them, 'Man, I just want my bike back.'"

Rock & Rollinger, Fahrrad [German, explicit], Rollst Du noch oder Rockst Du schon? ["Are you still rolling or are you already rocking?"], SM Noise Rec., 2009

Egotronic, Fahrradlied [German punk, “Bike Song”], Was Soll’s, self, 2010

Honey Trappists, Bicycle Ride Through the Nation’s Capitol (Lokin Out), Rough Jazz: Volume One, self, 2010

Vocokesh, Dr. Hofmann's Bicycle Ride [instrumental psychedelia], Dr. Hofmann's Bicycle Ride, Phonosphera Records, 2010

The Aquabats, Poppin' A Wheelie!, Hi-Five Soup!, Fearless, 2011
“I love love love love love love poppin' a wheelie! On my bike! When you see me outside with my wind-swept hair riding by with my wheel in the air, You’ll never see me happier... That’s when I pull those handlebars and get 'em in the air... And I'm the king of the world as I'm balancing.”

Dynamo Team, feat. Lulu, Roll the Dynamo [Slovak disco in English], Slavia, Lark Records, 2011
“After all day at school I am down. I need to get out, so I leave the town. I take my bike and roll the dynamo. I worked all day, now I should stop. It’s time to relax, at least I hope.”

Nico Touches the Walls, バイシクル [Japanese, “Bicycle”], Humania, Ki/oon Records/Sony, 2011

Ryan Hardy, Bicycle, Heavy Mandolin, self, 2011

Charity Kahn & the JAMband, Bike [juvenile], Family Values, self, 2012

Choi Jung In & Kang Gary aka 정인&개리, (자전거 [Korean, “Bicycle’], single, Sony-ATV, 2014
“We bike in the breeze. I keep smiling... Don’t stop, keep riding toward the sunset.”

Craig Richey, Girl on a Bicycle [instrumental], Girl on a Bicycle [soundtrack], Lakeshore Records, 2014

Charlie Burg, feat. Daniel James, Phillip's Bicycle, One, Violet, self, 2015
“On my bicycle I go too fast. The little shops that I ride past, he people's faces, they make me laugh. I approach the curve and stop to see a hill of true adversity. I think to myself, can anybody see me? I can't believe I'm better than I ever was... I am taken to a forest path where I trample autumn leaves and grass... my shoes are worn, my helmet's loose. I packed a sandwich and some juice. The wind and I have made a little truce”.

Bike, Enigma Do Dente Falso [Brazilian psychedelia, “False Teeth Puzzle”], 1943, 30th Cent. Rec., 2015
No discernible bike lyrics on this trippy album devoted to Dr. Albert Hoffman’s invention of LSD.

Schlappn, Altes Fahrrad [German, “Old Bike”], Back from Klappse, self, 2015

Dota Kehr, Rennrad, Keine Gefahr ["No Danger"], Believe Music, 2016

Vavan aka Владимир Селиванов (Vladimir Selivanov), Велосипед aka Velosiped [Russian, “Bicycle’], Zhenshchiny. Svoboda, Sony Music Entertainment (SME), 2016
“We'll leave here on a bicycle. We'll go wherever we want from here. Palm trees, the sea and the people.We will be welcomed and they'll notice that we're awesome.”

Celo & Abdi, Shimano XTR [German, explicit gangsta hip-hop], Diaspora, Azziackz, 2017
“G's on the street packaging tool, digital scales, cash, and my bike, get on the pedals, Bianchi Methanol [brand model]. Down the mountain, pack and seal, roll on carbon. Keep your balance with your phone to your ear. My driving style, sometimes fast, sometimes nice and slow.”

Chris Komus, Bicycle Rides with Dr Hoffman [eam], Sickly Fingers, Shanti Planti, 2017

Jason Bartsch, Son of Anarchy, 4478 Bochum, recordjet, 2017
I'll get my bike out of the garage, steering wheel up, nice retro look. My bikes are from Schwalbe. I'm a gangster in my hood... Whenever I cruise I am super ecological. I don't need an exhaust. I have legs and I am fashionable in time... I'm doing the tour through the village of Jan-Ullrich-Style... Cars stink. I'm more of the bicycle type.”

Stereophonics, fea. Kelly Jones, Boy On A Bike, Scream Above the Sounds, Parlophone Records Limited, 2017 “What am I running from? I used to be so fearless... I’d fly around the world. Suppose I’ve seen a lot of things, and maybe they left their mark. I know when you can't see what you're afraid of It's like being afraid of the dark... I used to feel so free when I was that boy on a bike riding down that silent snowy street in the valley that made me feel alive... But what's around the corner for me now? I gotta ride the whole street and take a turn.”

Auro, Schöne Mänsch Ufem Velo [German], single, self, 2018
Beautiful cyclists protesting too much war over last decade endure rubber pellets and water canons.

Rie Takahashi, Jitensha [Japanese], Hoshino Kizuna, Pony Canyon, 2018
“Go to see the sea by bicycle, aiming at the sun in the dawn sky. Chatting on undecorated days continues. Ride a bicycle and aim at the sun.”

Chevy & Park Bird, If I Could Ride a Bike, If I Could Ride a Bike, Sneaker Kids, 2019
“If I could ride a bike, I’d zoom around the world with you sitting there behind me. I’ll take you to places past several faces just livin' life so carefree... Oh, when you call me I'm drifting on clouds, like I'm dreaming. But in the morning, I’ll wake up and see that you're stuck here with me.”

D.A.B. feat. Spikey Spike, Op De Fiets [Dutch hip-hop], Het Begin Van Iets Groters [“The Beginning Of Something Bigger”], Walboomers Music, 2019

Jitterin’ Jinn, Jitensha [j-pop, “Bicycle”], single/video, Nippon-Columbia, 2019

Dominic Miller, Bicycle [jazz instrumental], Absinthe, ECM Records GmBH/Deutsche Grammaphon, 2019

Richard Eaton, The Bicycle Song [jazz instrumental], Songs of the Parkade, 1048381 Records DK, 2019

Team Dresch, Take on Me, Captain My Captain, self, 2019
“Wish I was riding bikes with you; I've sat down in the middle of this mess I've made of letters and clothes. Wish i was anywhere with you.”

Underwood, Vélocipède [eam], Vélocipède EP, Tanzgemeinschaft, 2019

Kinjal Dave, Cycle [Gujarati/Mumbai], Cycle, Zee Music, 2020

Myung-Jun Kim, Bicycle, Night walking alone, Five Senses Entertainment, 2020

Nick Goodman, I Want to Be Your Bicycle Seat, Heaven Sent Or..., self, 2020
“Honey, this Christmas I don’t want to fill with food... this year your love is all I need and to be the seat on your ten speed... I promise to be discrete.”