Ides Marchpane?

(Kim) Chung Ha, Bicycle [Korean], Querencia, Genie Music, 2021 

Messages might not be timely, and time plays tricks on memory. Labann scratches his head on why Richard Ballantine (1940-2013), American scion of Bantam Books publishing family, author of Richard’s Bicycle Book (aka “the bike-shed bible” from a half century ago, 1972) followed by 7 other cycling-centric titles (millions sold), and founder of Bicycle Magazine, has been forgotten. From early recognition of 1970’s bike boom, exposés of automotive greed, practical advice on buying and owning not just bikes but in general human powered vehicles, and protests against Vietnam War, wouldn’t be surprised his works were actively suppressed. Could explain why he mostly resided in London, where he kick started mountain biking by importing England’s first 20 units of Ritchey Montares. Ironically, when you google his name, you find dead twenty-year-old Marine PFC Richard Ballantine on Vietnam Veterans Wall of Faces, but not so much about this eccentric but influential cycling advocate, who gradually grew to understand how bicyclists are reluctant warriors against a vicious paradigm fueled by blood and petroleum.

For the first Earth Day, April 22, 1970, ecology aware San Jose State College students bought a brand new Ford Maverick, disrespected it in a mock parade, then buried it on campus. After Ralph Nader, people began to see cars as counterproductive to human survival. Still under attack 5 decades later, environment received a chance for justice after post-election policy reversals. Had to expect that fighting for planet’s sake would be controversial. They say the first casualty of war is truth, though soldiers whose lives are on the line don’t buy it.

While Biden promises a new round of bicycling infrastructure projects, he also intends to create a million new stateside automaker jobs. Reliance on obsolete, unsustainable mono-industry makes little sense in long run, whereas grants and rewards for positive innovations and practical inventions do. Yet elite pols heavily invested in EPVs, solar and wind rile neocon wonks. Cars and computers are no longer such necessities; climate, energy, food, housing, potable water, and vaccines remain biggest challenges to survival, especially if your policies do nothing to mitigate motor vehicles, which remain world’s biggest threat to all when you take wars for oil and wastes collectively into account.

Texas shut down in February with widespread suffering after decades of oil production caused climate change that affected jet stream and drew a polar vortex to freeze them, while regulators neglected to foresee and plan a suitable contingency. Texas is the only US state that privatized its electric grid, shuffling contract to insiders, all of whom have been fired or chosen to resign. So typical: Suck millions in obligatory taxes, then stick payers with consequences, so you can abscond to relax in tropical luxury. Global warming poses yet another threat, howling, punishing winds; never before saw so many rogue gales that menace bicyclists more than most. Regular people are forced to hunker down and read by candlelight, or computer screens, if lucky enough to still have service. In aftermath of catastrophe and contagion, some bake sourdough bread, sculpt marchpane whimsies for guests who weren’t invited, or solve crossword puzzles while sensing a García’s Márquez’s moment of love, plague, solitude, and yearning.

Busy online in advance of Earth Day 2021, collected 5 dozen previously unlisted bicycling songs from all over the globe, posted below (in order by year of release), many thanks to Alex Chang, who has been continually updating a Youtube channel that has reached 200+ videos from widespread sources and years, including Finland and Russia. Also updated definitive spreadsheet linked on Wikipedia, which, while impossible to ever be comprehensive, does contain more vetted non-covers than any other list on planet, about 2,150.

Cal Stewart, Uncle Josh on a bicycle [spoken word], single, Berliner, 1899

Cal Stewart, Uncle Josh Weathersby on a bicycle [spoken word], single, Victor, 1901
Comedy from over a century ago viciously attacked cycling for its impracticality. For decades dozens of different but similar versions were recorded. Joke’s on Josh, because bicycling got better and safer, and four times as many go by bike as by car.

Orquesta Tropical, Mi Amor En Bicicleta [one-step dance instrumental,”My Love on a bicycle”], single, Victor, 1924

Earl Rouse & Brothers, Pedal Your Blues Away [c&w, 1936], John’s Old Time Radio Show, East River Records, 2015
Apparently R Crumb with Cheap Suit Serenader’s weren’t song’s originators, as this recent rerelease points out.

Six Hits and a Miss with Gordon Jenkins Orchestra, Two on a Bike, single, b-side of Bye Bye Blackbird, Capitol Records, 1943
Composed by Gene de Paul with lyrics by Don Raye, was included in soundtrack of Hi’Ya Chum (Harold Young, dir., 1943).

Silvana Pampanini, Ma dove vai bellezza in bicicletta [Italian], Beauties on a Bicycle [soundtrack], EDIC, 1951
From 70 years ago, this farce about chorus girls on a mixed modal road trip stars Pampanini, who sings title song, “But where are you going, beauty, by bicycle? Do not be in a hurry, stay a little on my heart. Leave the bike, give me your kisses...”

Freddie Sandy, The Bicycle Song, single, [unknown label and date]
Cover of Max Miller’s Let’s Have a Ride on Your Bicycle (1953) rife with sexual harassment and innuendo, probably comes from early 1960’s. “I said, my dear, if there’s nobody near, I’d like a ride on your bike... After the ride I began to perspire. It wasn’t the ride; I’d been pumping her tyre.”

Brita & Eikka, Polkupyörä [Finnish, juvenile, “Bicycle”], Brita ja Eikka laulavat lapsille, Scandia, 1960
Sung to Freddy Quinn tune Oh, My Darling Clementine, “We borrowed a bicycle... I pedal, you control, as a dance journey goes, to Grandma when we cycle the skyscraper is not visible... After a bike ride to grandma, I put the bike behind the barn next to the wall to sleep...”

The Rolling Stones, Something Happened to Me Yesterday, Between the Buttons, Decca, 1967
At end of trippy album closing tune, Mick Jagger says, ”So if you're out tonight, don't forget, if you're on your bike, wear white. Evening, all.” Album was one of their top sellers.

Jean Saint-Paul, Vas-Y Eddy [Belgian, “C’mon Eddy (Merckx)”], single 7", Phillips Records, 1967
Notable for being the first recorded song about Merckx, it’s partisan praise for nation’s biggest bicycling champion and most famous citizen.

Singing Guitars, aka Поющие гитары, Песенка велосипедистов [Russian rock, “Cyclist’s Song”], single/video, Мелодия [“Melody” label], 1969
“It was difficult for a man ten thousand years ago. He walked to the pharmacy, to work, to the zoo. He didn't know the bike, blindly believed in miracles. Because I have not tasted all the virtues of the wheel... Sit down and just press the pedal. And now in this world everyone is romping somewhere. Adults and children are riding to work, to the zoo. They go to the bathhouse and the pharmacy. They’re going to my mother-in-law for lunch.”

Wachauer Buam, Ja mir san mit'm Radl da [Austrian beer hall polka], “Yeah, we are here by bike”], single, Philips, 1971
“... two cavaliers, they’re going to the country party. You expect a Porsche, chrome-painted and super fine. But suddenly the boys hear it screaming from afar: ‘Yes, I'm there with my bike; yes, I'm there with my bike!’”

Peter Hinnen, Mir sind mit em Velo [Swiss-German, “I’m on my bike”], single, self 1973

Christoph Busse, Fahrradsong, Sesam, Öffne Dich! (Mit Liedern Aus Der Sesamstraße)[‘Open Sesame! (With Songs from Sesame Street)”], Fontana, 1976
Ripoff of Neil Young’s tune After the Gold Rush (1970) with own lyrics, supposedly aimed at juvenile listeners.

Marcos Valle, Bicicleta [Brazilian funk], single, Som Livre, 1984

Sahnie (Hans Runge), Fahrrad fahr’n [German], Erste Sahne, EMI, 1989 “I have an old bike, just like I need it. It's beautiful and environmentally friendly too! I'm riding a bike, my old rattling bike. I'll get new rims made of light metal and chrome.” An aside, Runge is also a bespoke state-of-the-arts super-fast car brand, whereas Rudge was a British bikemaker, like Humber, swallowed by Raleigh.

Jason Wang, Bike, Wang Shixian Sings Old Chinese Songs 4, Sinuo Beite/Sony, 1990

Rick Reed & The Ethereal Bastards, Dr. Hoffman's Million Year Bike Ride [eam], single/video, self, 1990 

Bottlecap, The Bicycle Song, single, Tummy Button Cassingles, 1994

cLOUDDEAD, Bike 2, cLOUDDEAD, Mush/Bigda, 2001

cLOUDDEAD, Physics of a Bicycle, The Peel Session, self, 2001

cLOUDDEAD, Physics of a Unicycle, Ten, self, 2003
Used to think these four, including Bike 1 previously listed, were all the same under a different name. Once posted to Youtube, got to actually hear, and they are not, though that hardly matters given unintelligible content.

Eason Chan, 單車 [Chinese, “Bicycle’], Shall We Dance? Shall We Talk?, Emperor Entertainment Group/EEG Music, 2001

Juice Leskinen, Einarin polkupyörä [Finnish, “Einar’s Bicycle”], Juice Leskinen & Coitus Int, Love Records, 2003 rerelease bonus track
Lyrics describe finding a rusty bike under a barn, and riding it to a bar for beer and fallen angels.

Egotrippi, Polkupyörälaulu [Finnish, “Bicycle Song”], Matkustaja [“Passenger”], Zen Garden, 2003
“On your bike from the top of the hill, if you pedal really hard and don’t use the brakes, you can get into town in half an hour... Temptations in every direction. The wheels spin at a steady pace. I guess the bills go unpaid. How can it be possible... that all his money can be wasted... down to the last penny together in a record store. You can waste all your money down to the last penny with a good conscience.”

Bergelheim, Ich fahr Fahrrad [German indie, “I Ride a Bicycle”], Neuer Deutscher Pop - Aufnahmezustand 5 [compilation], XYX Music, 2006
“Only ride a bicycle and do what makes you happy.”

Holy Crow, The Bicycle Song, single/video, self, 2008

The Wonder Years, An Elegy For Baby Blue [indie punk], Won't Be Pathetic Forever EP, Hopeless Records, 2008
Anguish about bike being stolen: “It's like the world stopped revolving in the absence of you...Nothing about you but your wheel's been anything but true. Come on, man. You've been a good friend. I had that dream where we found you again... We didn't stand a chance. It broke my heart to watch them ride you down Mifflin. Sometimes, at night, I swear I hear you screaming, ‘No! No! Don't let me go...’ Dylan was right because it's all over now, Baby Blue... We're never (never) getting caught again. So, if you see them, tell them, 'Man, I just want my bike back.'"

Rock & Rollinger, Fahrrad [German, explicit], Rollst Du noch oder Rockst Du schon? ["Are you still rolling or are you already rocking?"], SM Noise Rec., 2009

Egotronic, Fahrradlied [German punk, “Bike Song”], Was Soll’s, self, 2010

Honey Trappists, Bicycle Ride Through the Nation’s Capitol (Lokin Out), Rough Jazz: Volume One, self, 2010

Vocokesh, Dr. Hofmann's Bicycle Ride [instrumental psychedelia], Dr. Hofmann's Bicycle Ride, Phonosphera Records, 2010

The Aquabats, Poppin' A Wheelie!, Hi-Five Soup!, Fearless, 2011
“I love love love love love love poppin' a wheelie! On my bike! When you see me outside with my wind-swept hair riding by with my wheel in the air, You’ll never see me happier... That’s when I pull those handlebars and get 'em in the air... And I'm the king of the world as I'm balancing.”

Dynamo Team, feat. Lulu, Roll the Dynamo [Slovak disco in English], Slavia, Lark Records, 2011
“After all day at school I am down. I need to get out, so I leave the town. I take my bike and roll the dynamo. I worked all day, now I should stop. It’s time to relax, at least I hope.”

Nico Touches the Walls, バイシクル [Japanese, “Bicycle”], Humania, Ki/oon Records/Sony, 2011

Ryan Hardy, Bicycle, Heavy Mandolin, self, 2011

Charity Kahn & the JAMband, Bike [juvenile], Family Values, self, 2012

Choi Jung In & Kang Gary aka 정인&개리, (자전거 [Korean, “Bicycle’], single, Sony-ATV, 2014
“We bike in the breeze. I keep smiling... Don’t stop, keep riding toward the sunset.”

Craig Richey, Girl on a Bicycle [instrumental], Girl on a Bicycle [soundtrack], Lakeshore Records, 2014

Charlie Burg, feat. Daniel James, Phillip's Bicycle, One, Violet, self, 2015
“On my bicycle I go too fast. The little shops that I ride past, he people's faces, they make me laugh. I approach the curve and stop to see a hill of true adversity. I think to myself, can anybody see me? I can't believe I'm better than I ever was... I am taken to a forest path where I trample autumn leaves and grass... my shoes are worn, my helmet's loose. I packed a sandwich and some juice. The wind and I have made a little truce”.

Bike, Enigma Do Dente Falso [Brazilian psychedelia, “False Teeth Puzzle”], 1943, 30th Cent. Rec., 2015
No discernible bike lyrics on this trippy album devoted to Dr. Albert Hoffman’s invention of LSD.

Schlappn, Altes Fahrrad [German, “Old Bike”], Back from Klappse, self, 2015

Dota Kehr, Rennrad, Keine Gefahr ["No Danger"], Believe Music, 2016

Vavan aka Владимир Селиванов (Vladimir Selivanov), Велосипед aka Velosiped [Russian, “Bicycle’], Zhenshchiny. Svoboda, Sony Music Entertainment (SME), 2016
“We'll leave here on a bicycle. We'll go wherever we want from here. Palm trees, the sea and the people.We will be welcomed and they'll notice that we're awesome.”

Celo & Abdi, Shimano XTR [German, explicit gangsta hip-hop], Diaspora, Azziackz, 2017
“G's on the street packaging tool, digital scales, cash, and my bike, get on the pedals, Bianchi Methanol [brand model]. Down the mountain, pack and seal, roll on carbon. Keep your balance with your phone to your ear. My driving style, sometimes fast, sometimes nice and slow.”

Chris Komus, Bicycle Rides with Dr Hoffman [eam], Sickly Fingers, Shanti Planti, 2017

Jason Bartsch, Son of Anarchy, 4478 Bochum, recordjet, 2017
I'll get my bike out of the garage, steering wheel up, nice retro look. My bikes are from Schwalbe. I'm a gangster in my hood... Whenever I cruise I am super ecological. I don't need an exhaust. I have legs and I am fashionable in time... I'm doing the tour through the village of Jan-Ullrich-Style... Cars stink. I'm more of the bicycle type.”

Stereophonics, fea. Kelly Jones, Boy On A Bike, Scream Above the Sounds, Parlophone Records Limited, 2017 “What am I running from? I used to be so fearless... I’d fly around the world. Suppose I’ve seen a lot of things, and maybe they left their mark. I know when you can't see what you're afraid of It's like being afraid of the dark... I used to feel so free when I was that boy on a bike riding down that silent snowy street in the valley that made me feel alive... But what's around the corner for me now? I gotta ride the whole street and take a turn.”

Auro, Schöne Mänsch Ufem Velo [German], single, self, 2018
Beautiful cyclists protesting too much war over last decade endure rubber pellets and water canons.

Rie Takahashi, Jitensha [Japanese], Hoshino Kizuna, Pony Canyon, 2018
“Go to see the sea by bicycle, aiming at the sun in the dawn sky. Chatting on undecorated days continues. Ride a bicycle and aim at the sun.”

Chevy & Park Bird, If I Could Ride a Bike, If I Could Ride a Bike, Sneaker Kids, 2019
“If I could ride a bike, I’d zoom around the world with you sitting there behind me. I’ll take you to places past several faces just livin' life so carefree... Oh, when you call me I'm drifting on clouds, like I'm dreaming. But in the morning, I’ll wake up and see that you're stuck here with me.”

D.A.B. feat. Spikey Spike, Op De Fiets [Dutch hip-hop], Het Begin Van Iets Groters [“The Beginning Of Something Bigger”], Walboomers Music, 2019

Jitterin’ Jinn, Jitensha [j-pop, “Bicycle”], single/video, Nippon-Columbia, 2019

Dominic Miller, Bicycle [jazz instrumental], Absinthe, ECM Records GmBH/Deutsche Grammaphon, 2019

Richard Eaton, The Bicycle Song [jazz instrumental], Songs of the Parkade, 1048381 Records DK, 2019

Team Dresch, Take on Me, Captain My Captain, self, 2019
“Wish I was riding bikes with you; I've sat down in the middle of this mess I've made of letters and clothes. Wish i was anywhere with you.”

Underwood, Vélocipède [eam], Vélocipède EP, Tanzgemeinschaft, 2019

Kinjal Dave, Cycle [Gujarati/Mumbai], Cycle, Zee Music, 2020

Myung-Jun Kim, Bicycle, Night walking alone, Five Senses Entertainment, 2020

Nick Goodman, I Want to Be Your Bicycle Seat, Heaven Sent Or..., self, 2020
“Honey, this Christmas I don’t want to fill with food... this year your love is all I need and to be the seat on your ten speed... I promise to be discrete.”

Spike Ectodomain

“More laundry, muddy pants: study weathercasts, maps, thumb catalogs, take naps. Window another chance.” - Labann, Winter Cadence, 2008

Sounds simple: Acquire and apply skills, collect pay, save for retirement, settle bills, and stay within means. When your life is made too complicated, depressing or difficult to bear, you look for someone to blame, though many assume it’s their own fault after years of brainwashing, browbeating and brutal upbringing. Doesn’t mean that corporate protocols, criminal schemes, and government policies don’t prevent you from thriving. Laws don’t care and life isn’t fair. The bimbo in a Mercedes who parks in a restricted zone won’t get ticketed, but you would. Conspiracy theorists spend excess energy concocting senseless arguments denying contagion threat and justifying own stupidity, never forget.

Coronavirus gets its name from its crownlike protein spikes, an ectodomain finger that helps them impale and infect host cells. Cretins ignore need to vaccinate themselves, infect others, yet somehow deflect high death rate. They’re so full of poison even a deadly disease wants out and won’t linger. Scrotus and entire staff allegedly had it, though none seemed unduly impacted, though they misrepresented threat to bolster hardline Republicans, particularly Rubio, who heads Small Business subcommittee. More Americans died from COVID, half a million, than US soldiers in all 20th Century wars. COVID singlehandedly reduced average life expectancy by a full year, the deepest plunge in a century, not to mention causing its worst economic recession. Poverty kills more people than infection, and reduces survivors to slaves.

Siddhartha Mukherjee’s New Yorker article wonders why pandemic death rates were counterintuitively and disproportionately higher among wealthy Caucasian elderly and lower among poor Asian youth. “It was an epidemiological whodunnit... After the age of thirty, your chance of dying if you get covid-19 doubles roughly every eight years.” No studies to date factored in race, but suspect it was a bio-engineered racial weapon. Even those not so convinced have begun to boycott Chinese products based on Beijing’s lying about COVID’s high communicability thereby delaying what would have saved millions of lives. No one knows how long vaccines boost immunity or whether those vaccinated can still infect others. Yet China’s Xi Jinping remains The Chump’s “very, very good friend,” whose totalitarian crackdown in Hong Kong forced self censorship and squashed democratic protests.

Whose friends were Fala, Feller, Edgar, Charlie & Gaulie, Heidi, Edgar & Freckles, Checkers, Liberty, Rex, Millie, Socks, Spot, Bo, and Champ? They were presidential pets of FDR, Truman, JFK, Johnson, Bush I, Clinton, Bush II, Obama and Biden, respectively. Teddie Roosevelt, Cal Coolige, and JFK had entire menageries. Not surprisingly, noticeably missing from this list is Dolt 45, who said outright he had no love or time for animal companions, although he surrounded himself with ass kissers, bootlickers, bottom feeders, opportunists, sycophants, thieves, and yes men, who served his will alone and suffered consequences. He cowered Birx and Fauci into violating Hippocratic Oath to save face, while 10% of Americans contracted and 1% died. Now he’s collecting donations for his own PAC instead of relying on RNC for another run, provided DOJ investigations don't result in indictments and convictions.

Cold and COVID set cycling priorities. Biggest difference between indoor spinning and outdoor riding is commitment. Once you venture forth, you must defy odds and endure whatever yet somehow return. On an indoor sprinter or stationary rig, you meet no one, never shiver to stay warm or steer clear of potential carriers, see same old floors and walls, and step off as soon as you sweat. While better than nothing and more efficient, there’s no glory, regret, risks, scars, tears, or toxic clouds of wind whipped road salt, at least in most northern states. Filthy piles of snow glower where sun doesn’t shine.

Rather ride paved roads than sloppy single tracks: Not so likely to run into fauna and flora, plus, should one drop dead being overtaken by an impatient motorist, someone might find intact corpse sooner. Hold little interest in gravel and mountain bikes, though wildly popular among fitness freaks afraid of motorists. Justify so many pedaled miles by supplanting driven miles for free vitamin D, gym visits, health appointments, low impact exercise, shopping trips, and work commutes that meant necessary motility.

A bright light might blur blemishes or expose blight. Shouldn’t you shine yours and stand in the sun? You buy little with silence, but risk shame and worse for speaking up. Duty of any citizen is to participate in democracy, but political opinionated people are subject to cancel culture, a new term for ostracism. Prepare to be dismissed as bitter, ignorant and vile by those in denial. Labann does read news but isn’t on Clubhouse, Facebook, 4chan, forums, Gab, Instagram, LinkedIn, Listserv, Parler, Patriots.win, Reddit, Telegram or Twitter yakking with dolts and trolls by the busloads. Blind mute service stands you in good stead until world implodes. Participation in life can be active or passive, which translates into having some small say or reacting to policies against you decided by blowhards, loudmouths, and tightwads. Live by a stone cudgel, sword, gun, pen, computer, smartphone on worldwide web, each mightier by degrees, but, according to debatable old saying, you’ll die by which one you seize.

Life is not defined by scientific hypotheticals that contrast Erwin Schrödinger’s feline fodder against Max Planck’s predatory Manx: All in on sin, or believe in afterlife inevitability, higher purpose, ineffable karma, influential spirituality, probable retribution, or simply you’ll do better when everyone does well. Apathetic or oblivious enablement equal tacit approval. Office of POTUS is a wet dream for an opportunistic con man: Power to promise anything, renege anytime, screw over whomever, take without consequences or limits because world’s biggest army and treasury backs you. Someone, usually those seeking knowledge and truth, have to pay the price.

What young adults don’t need is another bad example to emulate. What they do need more than anything are bicycles, since they get zero exercise with their noses stuck in smartphones all day until onset of diabetes, heart disease and obesity. Internet is loaded with serious content if you’re willing to “sign up’ to some service for loss of anonymity or some small fee. With Alexa or Siri you don’t even have to surf browsers to find bad advice or biased suggestions. Life isn’t buried behind digital barriers but right outside your door, which you should be cautioned to keep closed with home invasions, misery-loves-company contagion spreaders, and utility scams on rise due to pandemic and recession.

Instead of diligently pedaling, doing interesting research. Movies or tunes can be just as infectious as viruses; though fewer die as a result, ear-worms or plots might exasperate enough to distract from meaningful tasks or safe practices. As promised, got back to Grace Papy’s Vélo Bicyclette Remix, reviewed more movies she cited along with others newly discovered for a dozen new, ruled out several as insufficient reference or previous mention, and wrapped up. French film titles seldom match original English titles already covered, which creates confusion. Always try to provide instances where bicycling figures into plot lines, not just naturally appears, or lists would be even longer.

Maria (Marlene Dietrich) meets Count Dino (Vittorio De Sica) while gambling in The Monte Carlo Story (Samuel A. Taylor, dir., 1957). Thus begins an affair, both penniless imposters believing other might ensure her/his future, but it’s short lived. Once Maria learns Dino is chronically broke and compulsively gambles like her, she instead hooks up with a wealthy American and plans to marry him. But Maria can’t shake her fondness for Dino. A vintage poster portrays them in Monaco bicycling together as if sophisticated fun. Period photos also show Dietrich pushing pedals, possibly contributing to America’s bike boom between 1965 and 1975.

Anime miniseries Golden Boy: Sasurai no o-benkyô yarô, aka The Wandering Student (Hiroyuki Kitakubo, dir., 1995-96) stars voice of Doug Smith as Kintaro Oe, a 25-year-old law student who dropped out of Tokyo University, because he had already mastered entire curriculum, to pursue a simpler life of traveling on his bicycle between diverse part-time jobs. Humor comes from his lust for babes who he thinks want his attention.

Mom drags Lola (Lindsay Lohan) away from her beloved Manhattan to suburban New Jersey, where she’s adapting to stifling provinciality, biking to high school, and exploring gated communities in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, aka Le Journal Intime d’une Futur Star (Sara Sugarman, dir., 2004). She runs afoul of popular bully Carla (Megan Fox) but shows her up in final reel.

Anthropology student Annie Braddock (Scarlet Johansson, Avenger Black Widow) takes a summer domestic role in The Nanny Diaries, aka Le Journal d’une Baby Sitter (Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini, dirs., 2008) to study the strange marital customs of Manhattan’s Upper East Side. Rent’s free, but she’d rather have a corporate internship. She does learn a lot about how husbands and wives shirk commitments. When family vacations on Nantucket, she gets desperate to reconnect with handsome Harvard neighbor back in city, so bikes to a pay phone, which precipitates her being fired.

L.O.L (Lisa Azuelos, dir., 2009) has hormonal school teens emoting uncontrollably. Lots of honesty about post pubescent behaviors, Lola (Christa Theret) dumps Arthur (Felix Moati) to date folk singer Maël (Jérémy Kapone) and follow him down a dark tunnel on her bike.

In 2008, family of Sami Ben Boudaoud (Samy Seghir) settled into ritzy Paris locale Neuilly-sur-Seine. For 10 years he rides his tandem bike alone and with friends and studies political science aspiring to conservative office, until his idol loses presidential election, parents forfeit fortune, and they have to leave their beloved neighborhood. Neuilly Sa Mere, aka Neuilly Yo Mama (Gabriel Julien-Laferrière, dir., 2009) sees Sami’s embarrassing downfall and moving in with country cousin Charles de Chazelle (Jérémy Denisty).

Best friends Grace (Selena Gomez) and Emma (Katie Cassidy) quit their waitress jobs in rural Texas for an adventure in Paris, accompanied by Grace's stepsister. While there, Grace is mistaken for a philanthropist socialite, which leads trio to Monte Carlo, aka Bienvenue a Monte Carlo (Thomas Bezucha, dir., 2011). Farces, fights and flirts later, heart throb Theo (Pierre Boulanger) sees Grace riding a bike and whistles to stop her so they can reunite.

Noémie Lvovsky directs and stars in charming French magic realist flick Camille Rewinds (2012) as a middle aged wife whose husband (Samir Guesmi) leaves her. This triggers her alcoholic binge that leaves her in an ethylic coma. When she awakes in a hospital bed, she’s back in 1980’s, and society sees her as a 15 year old girl pedaling jejunely to school on a pink Peugeot, though she still appears 40 to herself and moviegoers and remembers everything that occurred. Determined to relive her life without repeating choices she regrets, she tries to avoid future husband altogether and to protect mom (Judith Chemla) from a fatal stroke, but fails on both accounts. After a bike crash and a t-bone collision, she’s back to present with a renewed attitude.

Montreal short The Man Who Lived on His Bike (Guillaume Blanchet, dir., 2012), best film in its category at a slew of film festivals, shows what one can do while living for an entire year on a bicycle... everything, including eating, phoning, Rubik's cubing, shaving, showering, sleeping, and suggesting even dating.

This is 40, aka 40 ans mode d’emploi (Judd Apatow, dir., 2012), shows how unhappily married couple Debbie (Leslie Mann) and Pete (Paul Rudd) confront midlife. After overhearing that Debbie’s pregnancy is being kept from him, Pete goes for an angry fast 40th birthday spin on his Trek roadie, where he encounters just about every obnoxious Los Angeles motorist behavior and gets doored by a thoughtless SUV driver, while wearing his Giro helmet, fortunately. Driver punches him in the stomach when Debbie catches up to find him. Nominated for a dozen industry awards, it won two.

In chick flick Endless Love, aka Un Amour Sans Fin (Shana Feste, dir., 2014) sheltered debutante Jade (Gabriella Wilde) falls hard for troubled car valet David (Alex Pettyfer) enflamed by parental disapproval. He knows how to drive but rides her seductively on his handlebars.

On their farm in Aries, everyone in La Famille Bélier (Éric Lartigau, dir., 2014) is deaf except 16-year-old Paula (Anne Peichert, aka popular singer Louane Emera). Paula, who acts as interpreter for her parents, bikes everywhere, and is vitally important to farmstead operations, though they can’t appreciate her vocal talents. Movie earned 7-fold and won César Awards for Best Actor, Actress and Film despite some criticism by deaf activists, who complained affliction was insensitively played for laughs.

Silk Grosgrain

Forebears fought fiercely for freedoms few today don’t take for granted, while rights quietly erode and fall into fascist compliance and futile conformance. Meriting authority and taking license will be fraught with self delusion over worth of own contribution. Only those of privilege ever get to know a bowtie that goes with a tuxedo is made of satin silk grosgrain to match suit lapels just so. And “what’s a cummerbund” is a Jeopardy answer that stumps vast majority, who rarely attend black tie social events and ritzy fund raisers and rather pull down a wool beanie on a winter jaunt. Asphalt byways are black swaths unlike original highway, The Silk Road. Music is a grosgrain ribbon from a homespun past, not at all a tenuous thread unlikely to last. Finding and tracing origins of the following two dozen bike songs wasn’t as much a drudge as some might dread, but it does get increasing hard to find unique examples, since so many were already collected.

Mal Webb, Djembe, Trainer Wheels, Independent Records, 1999 Overlooked Australian folk from among original albums cited underscores how it’s all right in front of you as long as you don’t assume or give up too soon. “There’s too many djembes in the village. You’ve got to get a bicycle instead, ’Cos to the local ladies a bike is a Mercedes, and you cannot ride a djembe home to bed.”

Arkells, Country Boy, single, Dine Alone Records, 2008
“Replace the podium with your coffee table. Replace the microphone with a bottle of beer... And we can talk and talk and talk about your career. Just try to be a strong country boy... Now won't you ride your bicycle away from Queen Street? Now won't you take that highway road straight out of the city? Won't you meet the morning sun with an honest handshake? 'Cause work's gotta get done.”

Culcha Candela, La Bicicleta [dancehall], Next Generation, UMG/Sony, 2009

Peppertones, Bike [Korean pop], Colorful Express, M-Net Media, 2009
"A secret bicycle race on a sunny afternoon in midsummer... You and me, getting closer to sun. The scenery of the passing streets cheerfully...”

Radiopilot, Fahrrad [German], FIFA 09 [soundtrack]. SME-Sony, 2009
Defunct German indie pop band had a Kantian moment: “Get rid of your f-ing fear. No, it's not possible. And we ride our bikes around the square. I ask myself: what if this bike didn't even exist, and I'm standing at the traffic lights, looking up at the stars. I ask myself: what if we didn't even exist in reality. Oh, oh, in reality.”

Zebra Tracks, Bicycles, Collective Guilt, Limited Fanfare Records, 2012
“Bicycles go, what's with the bikes, chained to the racks, railings and signs? And I lost mine. Bicycles go, you’re on your own over the bridge... story unfolds. You had a fine day. Look at your face as it radiates.”

Donnerbalkan, Bicycle Song [German in English], Reime, Beats & Bläser, self, 2013
Beer hall self identified Balkan thunder world music. “Take a bicycle and save the world today.”

Frank Ocean, feat. Jay Z & Tyler, The Creator, Biking [explicit hip-hop], Biking, Stem Distributions LLC/Blonded/Warner Chappell, 2013
“I’m biking uphill and it’s burning my quads. I’m biking downhill and it sounds like a fishing rod.” “My tire’s smoking when I stop.”

Maid Of Ace, Bone Deth [English metal/punk], Maid Of Ace, CD Baby, 2014
Eliot sisters - Abby, Alison, Amy and Anna - embark on a must-see BMX rampage in hometown Hastings. Bone Deth PH48 frames and wheels are designed for use by riders who abuse bikes. Brand also alludes to a line of fan apparel.

Petunia, Bicycle Song [Canadian neo-hillbilly], Inside of You, Trapline Productions, 2014

Love & Logic, Bicycle Seat [hip hop], Bicycle Seat, Concentrated Music, 2015

Alkilados, La Bicicleta [Columbian], La Bicicleta, Universal Music, 2016
In official video an elderly couple reconnect over a teal tandem. “Where do you get so much perfection? You have me pedaling. I don't know where I'm going anymore... And where you tell me I go... There are more stories to tell you, Mamacita, give it, let's try... We are two identical crazy people. You spin my pedals... It's easier to cross Niagara by bike. I have a bike that won't stop to roll to your house.”

Jank, This Is A Song About My Bike Ralph, Versace Summer, self, 2017
Love affair with a beater white Raleigh ten-speed, never locked because nobody would want to steal: “Your feet fell off a couple of times and almost sent me flying into a stop sign. Your hands were brittle and breakin' down, and no amount of duct tape would ever suffice, but you'll always be mine.”

Matt Hulse, Biketown YYJ [Canadian], video single, self, 2017
Celebration of bicycling culture in Victoria, British Columbia, the bicycling capital of Canada. Hulse merely modified lyrics of Macklemore & Ryan Lewis song Downtown.

Max Raabe, Fahrrad fahr´n [German], Der perfekte Moment… wird heut verpennt, We Love Music, 2017
“Sometimes life goes well, assuming you have a bike. Then the thoughts fly, and you don't need to refuel either. The police say in a friendly manner, ‘Hello!’ because I always do everything right. Should you be without a bike, I could lend you mine. Cycle: Nothing is as beautiful as riding a bike. I can't give a damn about the car.”

The Proclaimers, Angry Cyclist [Scot], The Proclaimers, Cooking Vinyl, 2018
Critics say, “If you can trust one band to put a spoke in the wheel, it would be Scottish twins Charlie and Craig Reid. Their 11th album in 31 years reads you the riot act while still chasing romantic ideals.” These erstwhile Edinburghers sing, “For me I feel this era has been kissed, kissed by the aura of an angry cyclist. List black loathing so sincere, red anger born of fear. There’s nothing half as queer as today... Old prejudice hasn't gone; new energy drives it on... Watch bigotry advance. Give ignorance a chance. With fascists we now dance. My, oh, my.” A video message adds, “You stole our future.”

Gayantha Wijerathna, Bicycle Song [Sri Lankan], single, self, 2018

Rostam, Bike Dream, Half-Light, Nonesuch Records, 2018

atitude 67, magrela [samba], Casa 67, Universal Music Group, 2019
“Ah, she takes me anywhere. Ah, it's so nice when we go out for a walk. It’s a declaration of love for my bicycle. I love everything in it so much, every skinny tire, on asphalt, sand or dirt. It’s a declaration of love. It was while cycling that I discovered the simple things in life.”

Jitensha, Under Control [Canadian folk], Periscope, self, 2019
“Don’t get emotional. You’ve got to ride it out. You got a long way to go. Relax. You got it under control... With every mile that passes, you start to understand. What once looked like a mountain can fit inside of your hand.”

Juli, Fahrrad [German], single/video, UMG-Polydor, 2019
You’d fear for these young adults riding BMXs in middle of street without helmets if roads weren’t totally deserted. At least they have headlights.

KEES, Lekker Fietsen (Nice Biking) [Dutch], single, self, 2019
Well produced send up of stationary cycling as a metaphor for life in a rut.

Bazzi, Young & Alive, Young & Alive, WMG-Atlantic Records, 2020
One of the few songs about bicycling ever to win a Grammy Award, its chorus repeats thrice: “Ridin' my bike like I'm too young to drive, careless and free like it's 2005. Had to chill the **** out, take a trip outside, to have fun with my friends like I'm young and alive.”

Laureen Bicyclette, Trocyclette [Parisian techno], Techno Connecting People EP, self, 2020
All 27m, 21s of this is click glitch and head-splitting thump celebrate title invention, aka trottinette, by Louis-Georges Bogrand in 1944, which combines a bike and foot scooter. Seems to be making a comeback as an urban knockabout, though more complicated than traditional scooter, which they’ve lately electrified for loans.

Callous Chatelain

“I see a little silhouetto of a man, [Scarmucci] can you do the fandango? ...‘I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me.’ He’s just a poor boy from a poor family. Spare him his life from this monstrosity. ‘Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?’ Bismillah! No, we will not let you go... ‘Let me go!’ No, no, no, no, no, no, no... ‘Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me. So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die?’” - Freddie Mercury, Queen, A Night at the Opera, 1975

In the beginning Labann believed internet lacked accurate or adequate content, so desperately and unnecessarily tried to improve voluminously. Bulletin boards were boring and uninspiring. Despite journalists’ best intentions, news stories were vetted whitewash. E-commerce websites worshiped below par merchandise and crass persuasion. Wasn't until software designers began to solicit real comments that producers started communicating online with users. Social media followed suit to share opinions, reviews, and specifics. How could all this love go so wrong? Familiarity breeds disgust and bursts oblivious bliss.

Emotions only matter to individuals. Society doesn't care how you feel, while criminals and politicians exploit whatever they can covertly steal from what you innocently reveal yet might not currently feel. Quality of egalitarian expressions has declined, though a handful actually outperform classic genius. Labann's posts never go viral. Only amusing images and contaminated ideas stir enough idiots to earn many hits. Given over 3 trillion words archived in The Library of Congress, how many are necessary? Consider countless pages of business filings, congressional testimony, legal transcripts, and proprietary texts not even included, subsequently redacted or shredded, or summarily dismissed. Facts outnumber stars in known universe though clouded minds don’t know they exist.

Given fewer miles driven in 2020 due to COVID, who do you think caused increase in car crash fatalities? In a word, Trump. Worst example of selfish malevolence since Stalin, his toxic hate spread contempt for fellowship beyond all violent films and games, because his attention gluttony and power lust aren’t just figurative but palpable. When ego, greed and pride drive tons of carelessly and rapidly propelled steel, what else can you expect? Before end of last century Labann had already shared a literary cartoon and scornful spiel to impugn this wiggy tycoon as democracy’s Achilles’ heel who’d lead nation into a nihilistic ordeal. What’s wrong with those who presume his threats promise some sweet deal? Worst consequence imaginable, he decreased safety of riding a bicycle. Because of Republican policies, among industrialized countries, USA has highest health cost, obesity, murder, and poverty rates and lowest infrastructure sufficiency, life expectancy, and literacy scores.

“The department’s single largest achievement during Trump’s tenure was its contested move to weaken greenhouse gas emissions standards for cars and SUVs, but it also held back from imposing rules on self-driving cars and made it easier for companies to experiment with airborne drones... [Trump’s sole Transportation Secretary until Elaine resigned days before having to vacate] Chao [Mrs. Mitch McConnell, Republican senator, holy nepotism!] and the administration were unable to secure Republican congressional support for a package of at least a trillion dollars for roads, bridges and airports. Instead, ‘infrastructure week’ became a punchline.”

Some argue car wrecks are due to a mass exodus from California to Texas, or New York to Florida, where incidence is higher. Anyone with means will gravitate to wherever they can set up shop to sponge up surplus bucks, whereas those on dole must stay put to stay on a roll. State taxes do vary but seldom by significant differences and usually rise upon urban influx. Rural towns generally have fewer services and lower taxes. But evidence shows middle class families can’t afford to live in places they’ve abandoned. Net worth in millions might be a bubble ready to burst, when artificially inflated home prices based on low interest rates make up bulk of net worth.

Childish, petty behavior, like firing White House staff members, locking out new presidential couple, mewling over a decisive loss, refusing to honor protocols of all transitions for centuries, and whining over lowest Gallup rating and widespread rebuke by historians and journalists simply underscores what an infantile lowlife and poor sport Trump really is. Cash cleaner, casino boss, coke dealer, currency off-shorer, keeper of personal secrets (business dealings, talks with enemies, tax returns): Why didn’t all of this warn supporters that Trump can never be trusted?

A series of recent polls suggest that a third of nation believe misinformation. When you point out such facts, his thralls go ballistic. They can’t see how cult worship is feckless and pathetic. They buy all his rhetoric yet neglect his track record, fly false flags that flip blame onto victims, make ridiculous claims, and reject indisputable evidence. Trump divided own party, fulfilled few campaign promises, lost all legal maneuvers, relied upon executive orders, signed few representative bills, pushed own agenda in an inpatient perversion of public service, and worked more on his golf swing than coalitions with Congress. Deplorables share his agenda for environmental rape, female subjugation, immigration denial, return to slavery, wealth inequality, and white dominance. He personifies crimes against humanity and mortal sins, yet possesses enough followers to form a new party, because minions prefer celebrity entertainment to sober statesmanship. Fortunately, Biden has already rescinded most of his dictatorial orders. If GOP had any sense, they’d divorce themselves before he steals too many of their voters.

Vassals still hold hope of long shot reversals that will restore their callous chatelain, who never wanted to keep castle but exploit position and ravage nation. After a bohemian rhapsody of capitol insurrection and impeachment proceedings vast majority agreed "good riddance" yet grow increasingly apprehensive he’ll never go away. March 4th looms as another pivotal moment in an unbearable series. Not superstitious to think that mentioning his name heightens his power, like Beetlejuice or Voldemort, yet to ignore a threat is to invite reprisal and mount evidence of “cancel culture”, as if shameless monsters with uninterrupted media access care they've been ostracized. What you resist may persist. Perfect examples are extermination camps; condemned as the epitome of heinous inhumanity, they repeatedly return as an option among vicious villains looking for vulnerable scapegoats. For mental defectives, power of suggestion influences more than logic and sense.

Orange Jumpsuit’s claim of "longest ongoing witch hunt” is pure drivel and proves he’ll say anything to stay out of jail. No, voters just didn't want any more of his unilateral decrees that directly attacked democracy, environment, longstanding partners, people of color, and women, thus alienating 65% of population and making enemies of allies. It's not only who he is - amoral crime lord on third Russian trophy bride and international plunder trafficker - it's what he actually did: failed majority, repeatedly sympathized with nazis, and sold state secrets to enemy dictators in China, North Korea, and Russia. Swiss Friars began hunting witches in 1420’s and kept at it for centuries. In USA, Salem Witch Hunt went on for 19 years. So he adds another lie to his Big Lie of a stolen election, inspired by his own theft in 2016, and second attempt in 2020 that fell far short because of changes made specifically to ensure it couldn't happen again.

Where were writers of reason and record when Trump ran in 2016 primaries? Relaxing on holidays? Running from responsibilities? Was obvious he was as unfit for office as a key chain with open scissors or tool belt dangling destructive implements. Why dig up crazy conspiracies unless you intend to debunk them? Who deserves heroic investigative efforts after nation let journalists get slammed? Beware when decent and passionate people become silent. Neocons for decades stole trillions from small time equity dabblers and unremittingly battered taxpayers. Nobody prosecuted them into oblivion, while they bribed politicians through fortunes they amassed illegally. Billionaires who actually earned fortunes tend to back legitimate causes while serving own interests. Enemies of working class - charity directors, corporate raiders, and fiscal vampires - hide behind laws to suck all life out of honest industry. Even worse, cowardly congressional enablers acquitted Teflon Don on smallest of margins, 10 votes, to unleash a gloating demon who vows to divide America.

“His loss occurred not because of the disaffection of his supporters but despite a huge increase in their numbers (11 million more voters) at a time when, unlike 2016, there was no possible illusion about what Trump represents and, therefore, hardly any ambiguity in the sense of voting for him. At the global level likewise, there are presently no signs of neofascism waning: The continuing popularity of [neo-Nazi] figures... does not portend any withering away of the far-right pandemic in the foreseeable future. Achieving a new state of herd immunity to fascism, like that of the postwar years, requires not only a political defeat of the most prominent neofascist movements and an uncompromising fight against their ideologies.” - Gilbert Achcar, noted author and professor at University of London, October, 2020

True journalists are bona fide heroes, like firemen, police, and teachers who can only perform their dangerous jobs when community accepts and trusts them. Conservative villains and neocon propagandists - Breitbart, Fox News, New American, Newsmax, Washington Examiner, and whoever issues the dozens of fake news emails that arrive hourly - urged by conspiracy theorists, traitors in Congress and executive office, and whoever figures they can take more than their share, have destroyed all semblance of honest reporting. It's now infotainment and sensationalism aimed at political dominance. Unless journalists overcome this rise of fascism, ignorance, and unwillingness to devote time to reading and thinking thing through, ever fewer opportunities to serve communities will be presented.

A patriot asks what he/she can do to benefit nation, not a class, dictator, minority or self. Constitution’s author Thomas Jefferson admitted, “That government is best which governs least,” but provided for an army and police to enforce laws, and courts to prosecute and sentence miscreants, scofflaws and scumbags who don’t care, don’t read, and often figure what’s yours is theirs as long as they get away with grabbing it or killing for it. American revolution was a result of taxation without representation, no noble grievance. Prosecuting celebrity perps has proven too difficult since O.J.’s trial; easier to convict innocent, poor or powerless, who can’t defend themselves. Money buys privileges including get out of jail free passes and junkie assassins who’ll do anything for next fix. As a democratic virtue, open-mindedness may mean slow to act but patience isn’t endless. Huckabee radicals deride kumbaya compromises, designate as snowflakes anyone who sensibly wants to get along, and disdain live-and-let-live decency. Temptation always exists to rule with iron fists, but ends badly unless one resists.

If you don't know the law, doesn't mean you're exonerated. False flaggers are even trying to say Capitol riot was a liberal plot to belittle Trump. Grasping at straws and spreading rumors have often worked and will be repeated. Impeaching former public officials for improprieties, not just crimes, is in fact constitutional and precedented. Trump’s Senate trial could have occurred anytime, since already impeached twice while still in office. Due process and senate jurisdiction were only cited to save face. Furthermore, pardon or resignation doesn't exempt said individual from criminal conviction, decree for restitution, or witness testimony. Sentencing for bribery, dereliction, extortion, massive treasury raid, state official intimidation, and selling state secrets could include forfeit of retirement compensation, further civil prosecution, ineligibility to hold elected office, liens on Mordor-a-Lago and Towers of Terror, loss of Secret Service protection, and prison time. Why should nation continue to fund his personal agendas of greed and power? Only an impotent man needs his name on a tower.

Voters elect representatives because they want them to handle issues and organize programs beyond their own abilities. When elected officials don't few recourses are presented: Impeachment, recall, trial conviction, and withering rebuke. Conservatives, whom Chomsky identified as statist reactionaries, exploit laws to attack opponents and minimize good they do. It’s been their formula for decades, win at any cost including civility, democracy, freedoms, progress and rights. If not constantly contradicted, they get their way. Price of freedom remains eternal vigilance, but who’s going to assume responsibility? Social mistrust has skyrocketed. “SUVs reflect Americans’ growing fear of others and our desire to sequester ourselves and our families from them.” A castle on wheels doesn’t intimidate attackers, it invites carjackers.

Fuel-ish Fusain

Wild cycling image from Purity Ring, Stardew, Official Video (2020) - “A storm is coming. I feel it in my scars. And in the morning we'll wonder where we are... The world turns over and I'll be lost in you. Hide in the static, go push me through and through. And I will fall from your sweet height to prove that all I am is meant to bleed and bloom. How you move. How you knew. Hold me down. Hold me true.”

Fusain is a fossilized chunk from a spindle tree with which you can magically draw a fine charcoal sketch of Punxsutawney Phil prognosticating 6 more weary weeks of winter, exactly what’s left. Never face April without flurries or worse anyway. NOAA climate specialists proved Phil has been wrong 5 out of last 10 years, which included hottest on record. Gives slight hope to Northeast cyclists stuck indoors on trainers trying to restore their “hypomanic state”, what TV psychiatrist F. Murray Abraham cited as a bicycling outcome on Law & Order: Criminal Intent (“Three-in-One”, Season 9, Episode 16, July, 2010). Snowy side streets sent Saturday’s derivé along a deserted service highway pass derrières of commercial and industrial sites. Too drab and icy to bother seeking hilly and spicy scenery. Then Sunday’s storm raged here during sultry Tampa's Superbowl for happy home team, yet deterred another day of riding and potential mood boost. Lack of aerobic reps while daylong video streaming makes for health worries.

Riders who appear in a pharma ad get honored on Ozempic mural. Cheer to hear companies responding to latest viral crisis, but only because Uncle Sam made grants too big to ignore. Medicines that actually cure serious ailments are prone to ruinous lawsuits, unlike placebos that tease remedies to minor complaints. Two-thirds of Americans take on average 4 prescriptions daily, particularly those over 50 years old, who might die if supplies suddenly ceased. FDA regulations stipulate that pharma houses agree never to discontinue an approved product without first arranging for an effective substitute. Yet bottom line profiteers want to do away with such regulations, putting patients at needless risk. Neocons never care whether people die, thus their staunch support of auto, coal and oil industries, who kill as many people as pandemics.

While millennials rethink merits of purchases, automakers scramble to increase perception of convenience and safety. Bicyclists are especially wary of computer assisted, driverless, and silent electric SUVs, which don't take anything but parked vehicles into account but do take up too much space in narrow lanes. Incompetent motorists who need all such safety gadgets should have their privilege to operate revoked. With pavement in shambles, only halftracks, hovercraft, hum-vees, or hybrid MTBs should be considered.

Our Hospitality (Buster Keaton, dir., 1920) was set in 1830 to portray Willie McKay (stuntman Buster Keaton himself) at play riding an obsolete draisienne, widely outlawed by 1820, to modest estate he inherited. Having recently arrived in area, Willie accepts a dinner invitation, but didn’t know Canfield boys are bitter enemies to McKays and want to murder him. Patriarch won’t allow as long as he’s protected by rules of hospitality. So, this dated example is a veritable two wheeler from a century ago, set a century earlier. Functional dandy horse built as a prop for film was later donated to Smithsonian Institution.

Resisting group therapy, private detective Monk (Tony Shalhoub, Season 8, Episode 8, 2009) tries to coax a insurance denied solo session from his psychologist Dr. Neven Bell (Héctor Elizondo) by having his assistant Natalie Teeger (Traylor Howard) captain a Schwinn tandem with him on back, catch up, and ride alongside. When Bell refuses and speeds up an incline, they fall behind and topple over.

Grace Papy compiled clips from 2-1/2 dozen films (many already reviewed) and several videos (not listed) into Vélo Bicyclette Remix, 2017. Will review remainder over subsequent posts. Too bad its dance songs - both album title tracks, Galantis, No Money, 2016, and Syn Cole, It’s You, 2015 - don’t directly refer to bicycling, though Cole’s does slightly suggest: “Law of attraction feels like chemistry. Yeah, it's a jungle out in the street. You gotta fight for the things you need.”

In family musical Lemonade Mouth (Patricia Riggen, dir., 2011) Disney kids bike to compete in an Albuquerque High School rock competition. Wouldn’t mention except for its inclusion in Vélo Bicyclette video.

Two films, Nerve and Paranormal Activity 4 (Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost, dirs. on both, 2016 and 2012, respectively), merely flash bicycling unrelated to plot.

Total Black Out, aka Walk of Shame (Steven Brill, dir., 2014) in which aspiring news anchor Elizabeth Banks, after bombing interview then partying hard to forget fiasco, gets offered job as long as she can be at studio before 5:00 PM. Enormous LA isn’t so easy to cross at rush hour; just ask Izzy. At one point, she’s bargaining with a school boy for his bike, which she instead steals and straddles in a tight skirt.

Psychological thriller The Shining (Stanley Kubrick, dir., 1980), previously listed, has telepathic youngster Danny Lloyd chanting REDRUM and pedaling his tricycle around snowbound Overlook Hotel. Horror revisit Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, dir., 2020) covers same motif.